In Need Of Serious Advice.......please

[ashlynn00]

ok here goes..... I broke up with my boyfriend after 18months to the fact I thought I wnated time to myself. I really hurt him, by asking for space. A few weeks later I realized this was not what I wanted. I have talked to him and told him how I feel and he says he doesnt know what he wants to do. He still cares about me and everynight debates on whether we should get back together or not. I am so hurt and confused because I want more thn anything to be with him. He says he is still hurt and angry to talk to me in person, so we talk on aol and through emails. He contacts me everyday to see how things are going my way and even wants to know everything I do on weekends. I want so much to short and discret on my answers but then I feel like if I don't talk to him, he will think I am hiding things from him. I mentioned us moving on if thats what he wanted and he got really defensive, and finally said, 'do what you feel like you have to do" I am just so confused on everything he tells me, I dont know if I should be letting go instead of holding on....

give me any advice please

[Batya33]

Tell him that you want to get back together and that when he is ready to talk to you by phone he should call you so you can discuss. emailing and iming are indirect and bound to cause misinterpretation and miscommunication if inadvertently you leave out a plan you have for the weekend, etc. You hurt him by what you did - you had every right to break up but he is not a yo yo and doesn't yet trust that you really mean you made a mistake. you need time on your own with no contact with him to see if you really miss him or just being part of a couple/being needed.

[silky88]

i would say that all that you can do is keep talking to him and being honest.

 

a lot of people, when they say that they want space, or to take a break, are really looking for a way to break up with someone and let them down easy, OR they have found someone else they would like to try dating without it being considered "cheating" while still having their original partner around in case it doesn't work out. by becoming clichéd, this has sort of spoiled the situation for anyone who honestly does just want some time to have a little more personal space.

 

he is probably testing you (and has every right to) to make sure that there is not someone else in the picture, and that you aren't playing with him. so don't worry about being "short and discreet" in your answers -- that will only lead him to believe that you have something to hide (i am assuming that you don't).

 

if you really want to be with him, and since you guys have been in contact every day, don't worry about letting go just yet. be there for him, be honest with him, respect his need for a little time and space to heal, and while repsecting his boundaries, just act towards him like you would if you were together as much as he will let you.

 

only worry about letting go if it seems like he has found someone else, or if he has gone on a very long time not knowing what he wants. at that point, you'll probably want to move on anyway.

[OceanEyes]

emailing and iming are indirect and bound to cause misinterpretation and miscommunication

 

Very true. I can't tell you how many times I've misenterpreted things said to me via IM/ e-mail. It's very easy to do so, and even easier if you're both going through a sensitive time.

 

I'd probably just say something like this:

 

"I accept full responsibility for hurting you through my actions ... I can really understand how destructive it was to put you in this position. That said, I just want you to know that I made a mistake, and that I feel awful for it. I'd like nothing more than to talk to you about this when YOU'RE ready to do so ... please feel free to call me or stop by whenever you want. I'm always here."

[ashlynn00]

about my post.... so pretty much dont give up yet? He tells me he still cares about me, and everynight he debates on whether we should get back together or not. This is just so hard to sit back and watch. I know what I want, but I just want him to be happy too