MAN doing my head in...!!!!

[sparkle1]

Are you sitting comfortably?....then i shall begin...

 

Joined Enotalone.com - coz still sleeping with my ex (needed outside help!!). Meet man who'd recently split with g/f on here!

 

Get on SOOOOO well. Spend all day on Messenger - and on this site. for 2 weeks solid - text, phone, email, messenger - posts.

 

Get really deep feelings for one another.

 

Arrange to meet. Both nervous but excited about what this could be.

 

Neither has met other people on line before.

 

He told me he loved me 110% night before we met.

 

Said he feels it was crazy becoz we'd never met. But i felt the same.

 

Meet.

 

Spend night together.

 

Spark and chemistry definitely there for me....

 

He leaves early next morning (as he has committments - already been advised he had to leave) Before leaving says "i hope you like me, coz i likes you"

 

Next day send a couple of texts. Comes on MSN later - brief convo. Bed for both of us as whacked. Sent good night text - he didn't reply. Sent "just so you know - i do love you" didn't reply.

 

Monday - i text him as pretty pee'd off he didn't reply. He replies. I ask if he'd like to meet again? he said "of course i do". Doesn't come on MSN.

 

Tuesday - he text me. I reply. He said he was busy. Doesn't come on MSN at all. I called him that night. he answered. All seemed OK.

 

Wed - nothing as he'd left his phone in the car (but doesn't explain lack of MSN convo) - text me Wed night to say why he'd not text.

 

he is online with another site he visits. He has (pretty sure of this) blocked me from MSN.

 

DOING MY HEAD IN.

 

I have a operation coming up on Saturday...and i don't need him ******* with my head or heart.

 

I really miss him. And i love him to bits. Why did i let him break me?? Why did i let him in to go and stomp all over me? i feel completely rejected and abandoned. And very very mad

 

I just think he was playing games, and didn't know how to finish with me....

 

He doesn't come on here anymore. So i am safe to post - and you are safe to tell me what you think!!

 

should i just delete him out of my life?

 

thoughts please.......](*,)

[doyathink]

This is a place for lost and broken souls, and I've seen this happen on here before. I would try very hard to just move on and let this be past. I'm sorry he took you for a ride, it sounds like he wasn't thinking clearly about the situation between the two of you when he started this whole thing.

[TheRock]

Hey sparkle,

 

You let him know you like him. Now let him respond. If he does not respond, you have an answer. And then you move on and delete him.

I will also say you guys moved really fast for not even meeting one another. It is always difficult to really know a person let alone love them until you actually spend time with them. Real relationships are usually different from online relationships. Also remember, someone cannot break you. It is only your own thoughts that lead you to believe you are broken.

For now, try to take car of yourself and good luck with your surgery.

[AwdreeHpburn]

Sparkle - if he's on here reading too, it'll be a bit harder to give the advice I want, but I'll go fer it anyway.

 

I say leave it alone. Leave him alone. See if he responds to the silent treatment. Not for the sake of playing games, but because maybe he needs space or time to figure out how he wants to tell you he's done OR for him to realise he liked you contacting him, he misses it and he'll contact you.

 

I say give it a rest for those reasons and see what happens.

[sparkle1]

Thanks for all your advise....

 

I knew you lot would help me!!

 

He won't read anything as he doesn't come on here anymore...

 

I am going to leave it. He knows how i feel about him, i've told him.

 

I don't want to make a bigger prat (if that is possible) of myself. I think i just need to let him go....which is soooooo sad.

 

It was soon, and it was quick, but it did feel right....

 

Will i ever trust my feelings again?

 

Why do men and women play games? why can't we just be honest with one another?!

[Dako]

I agree with Ta.

 

You guys were really in a hurry, and things happened fast.

[AwdreeHpburn]

no fun in straight honesty is there?? Games are more fun!

[renaissancewoman101]

Yeah, people like to play games. Maybe he like the chase and the allure of an "online" relationship and when you took it offline, the glamour wore off. I dont know. I would be afraid to get involved with people from here because if things go wrong, you have lost your "safe haven" and I consider this place a safe haven for venting and asking questions.

 

I hope you get over this and good luck with your surgery.

[rose2summer]

Wow, it's hard to meet people online let alone on a site where people have open wounds that need to be healed.

 

I wish I could take your pain away but it is best to move on.

 

It doesn't seem as though you two developed a strong match.

 

Sometimes meeting someone online, you develop a certain image of them, and then once you meet in person, that image can be construed.

 

You spent the night together early on as well so maybe he lost interest then.

 

I am not sure why but when people sleep together too early on, that spark is lost, because a man may believe the woman dispenses freely to many people, even though that's not the case.

 

Hope you feel better.

 

Hugs, Rose

[SeaBisquit]

just my 2 cents. it sounds like things were moving to quickly and he got frightened.

[sparkle1]

i agree with you all.

 

Yes we did sleep together early on....not in hind sight the best thing to have done. I don't have sex with people easilly but....with him it felt instantly right.

 

I think he may be a bit spooked by the whole thing - although by his won admission he was ready to meet someone and have a happy relationship. Maybe in real life he simply hadn't confronted issues from his previous relationship.

 

So frightened i think so (not that he'd admit it)...he is uber confident(as he would have us all think).

 

I'm leaving this one now...as like i said previously i know i need to concentrate my efforts on me. He knows this - and i don't like him for putting me throu this so close to my operation.

 

SO again - thank you for all your support! please feel free to add any opinions....all greatfully received....

 

Hugs to all of you xxxxx

[SherriLi]

Hi Sparkle.

 

I truly sorry that you had to put us with this BS. If i were you i wouldn't call, text, email. Just leave him be. You don't need someone like that in your life. I know it sounds harsh but he sounds like he was just out for alittle action. You can find someone better, someone honest and good. Someone who won't play with your heart and mind.

 

Grrr. i hate those men who like to mess with minds.......

 

Take care and hang in there sweetie.

[Honey Pumpkin]

Hi Sparkle,

 

That's really horrible and confusing for you. I don't know, I wish I had something wise to say, that would be helpful, but all I can do is sympathise. I don't think it's wrong to take a risk, and when something feels right, it's good to go with the flow. It just seems he was so gutless to have been all 'I love you' etc, and then just total silence.

 

I guess you know the way forward is to let him go - because chasing him isn't going to achieve much, apart from wreck your own self-esteem. I don't understand why people play these games, to be honest. Maybe he didn't mean to, and maybe he doesn't know how to get back in touch to explain why he let you down, so he's just hiding in silence.

 

((((hugs)))))

[sparkle1]

Never ceases to amaze me how wise and wonderful you guys on enotalone truly are.

 

This site is great....and i appreciate all of your words support and advise.

 

I'm actioning the 'not getting in touch'. i think i've been played good and proper.....but hey - at least i shall be played no more!

 

again thank you to everyone for taking the time to help me...

 

love to you all...

 

XX

[sparkle1]

Its OK.

 

i have CLOSURE (ironic)

 

I'm officially in the 'ex' brigade.

 

Well at least i know now!! no more making idiot of myself.

 

What a immature, using, manipulative, horrid, uncaring, insensitve, emotionally unavailable, cruel, evil person.

 

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

[whoops]

i am so sorry but this makes me so mad - we all come on here because we have a hole in our heart cause someone we made time for someone we loved and cherished spent our love on and gave them a piece of heart has decided for whatever reason that we cant be a part of their future or we decide it is better they cant be part of ours -

 

To meet someone in this position is abusing the emotion you have - none of us are 100% okay about what happened to us and one has to heal to get over it a little at a time - you cant fall in love in 3 dates after you are so hurt before you are vunerable and a man or woman with some element of decency who really cares for you would not breach this fact but would wait

 

Forget this person he is not a man or someone with decency and ot be honest you should have grown up enough to just keep it at a level so you dont hurt yourself again just yet - what kind of protection have you given yourself against your wounded heart - nothing

 

I am sorry to be harsh but we only have one person to look after us and that is ourselves -

[Honey Pumpkin]

Its OK.

 

i have CLOSURE (ironic)

 

I'm officially in the 'ex' brigade.

 

Well at least i know now!! no more making idiot of myself.

 

What a immature, using, manipulative, horrid, uncaring, insensitve, emotionally unavailable, cruel, evil person.

 

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

 

 

So he got in touch to at least tell you???? I know it's cold comfort, but seriously, you're better off finding this out now than wasting six months or a year on him, and then he does this.

 

I don't think you made an idiot of yourself though, Sparkle - I think it's never a mistake to care for someone; you may get hurt, but I'd rather be someone who took a risk than someone who lived 'safe'.

 

How are you feeling? Is there any sense of relief in at least knowing that he's not who you thought he was, and being able to close the book? (hell, slam the book shut and throw it on the fire!!)

 

Take care.

[sparkle1]

Whoops.

 

I agree with you. I was vunerable. HE isn't vunerable thou!! he made out he was. But he wasn't.

 

My heart was ready i believe to move on. I was over my ex. He gave me a new meaning. He crushed me - BIG time.

 

I have no protection for my heart. And yes it should be me who protects - but i can not be hard from love. I will not allow this 'man' to build up bigger barriers. I let him in. He trashed all over me, used and abused.

 

However, i will go on to love. He will get his commupence in the end - what goes around comes around.

 

People on this site shouldn't date - you are correct for saying this, as previously said, this site should be a haven. Not hell.

 

So for anyone talking to anyone on this site - be warned!! Learn my mine and CLOSUREs mistakes.

 

Online dating i personally think is a definate - NO GO. Don't believe your emotions or feelings until you met that person. Only then can you believe.

 

Whoops you are not being harsh - you are being honest. No point in posting if you don't wanna hear the truth!

[Batya33]

First of all, I am sorry things did not work out with him and I know it hurts to have someone not return your feelings -- but I know for a fact that there are men out there with whom you will click on every level. I also am sorry he didn't act like a gentleman and call you after to talk with you about whether it made sense to go forward.

 

However, I am confused. Did he promise to date only you and be exclusive before he slept with you? Did he force you to have sex? If not, then how is it that he used you? You agreed to have sex with someone you just met, you enjoyed the sex, no promises were made of a commitment and it turned out that he did not want a relationship with you. That's his choice - sure he could have acted like more of a gentleman and called you after to tell you that he didn't want to continue but would that have made you feel any better? If you decided after the sex that you weren't into him, would you have been using him?

 

I understand that you feel badly about yourself for having sex so soon - but I am not sure why he is to blame for that or why he is the "bad guy" in this. I realize he claimed to have strong feelings for you before you met but of course those feelings were based on typing, talking and an image he had of you and vice versa. There's no way to tell if there is a basis for a romantic, as opposed to a platonic, relationship until you meet in person and spend consistent in-person time together.

 

I know happy healthy marriages that resulted from sex on the first date. I also know many many more instances where sex on the first date is either a sign that one of the people involved does not want a serious relationship or where it derails the whole reasonably paced courting process leaving at least one of the people confused about what they want.

 

Instead of lashing out at him - which can cause you to generalize about all men - why not just decide that since you obviously get emotionally attached from sex, to hold off until you are exclusively dating in person of course - at least a few months.

[Batya33]

Are you saying that a man should not agree to have no strings attached sex with a woman who consents to have sex with him - no force at all - because he happens to know she is emotionally vulnerable? Really? So women can't be trusted to know their emotions sufficiently to make a choice to have sex - the man is supposed to refuse in the name of protecting us from ourselves? Makes women sound pretty weak, yes? Or of course the other way around. Unless I read it wrong, she agreed to have sex early on without a commitment. He decided he wasn't that into her and then acted in a tacky way by running away and disappearing. But how is it that he "used" her if it was consensual? Would you say the same if she had sex with him and decided she wasn't that into him?

[Honey Pumpkin]

Are you saying that a man should not agree to have no strings attached sex with a woman who consents to have sex with him - no force at all - because he happens to know she is emotionally vulnerable? Really? So women can't be trusted to know their emotions sufficiently to make a choice to have sex - the man is supposed to refuse in the name of protecting us from ourselves? Makes women sound pretty weak, yes? Or of course the other way around. Unless I read it wrong, she agreed to have sex early on without a commitment. He decided he wasn't that into her and then acted in a tacky way by running away and disappearing. But how is it that he "used" her if it was consensual? Would you say the same if she had sex with him and decided she wasn't that into him?

 

Hi Batya,

 

I can help out a bit here I think - there is a difference in the UK and the US about being 'exclusive'. We do have a different dating culture, and the first time I came accross this concept of dating a number of people at one time, and it being okay, I was surprised. I think I'm right in saying (and UK people back me up here!) but we have a different more informal dating structure. I would assume that if someone was seeing me, they would not be seeing anyone else! Not one night stands and stuff, but certainly you wouldn't be seen as wrong for being indignant if someone you were seeing was also sleeping with someone else.

 

I've kind of got used to this by being on this website, but there *is* a difference, and Sparkle was not being naive. The bloke used her by being all lovey-dovey online and in person, and then just running away after sex.

 

Cheers!

[sparkle1]

Don't quite know how to answer your posts Betya!!

 

Yes we were exclusive.

 

Yes he did say he wanted to have a relationship with me

 

No i was emotional used. Not sexually. But i am admitting we shouldn't have slept together so early on.

 

He is bad guy becoz he knew how i felt. And in a way - i believe he did play on my feelings to ensure he had his own needs met. He didn't force me - but that doesn't make the way he 'used' my feelings to do this IMO.

 

Had i of not had feelings for him - i wouldn't have slept with him.

 

I'm not generalizing. I've had a couple of bad experiences. If you read previous posts i have said i will not let him tarnish all men with the same brush.

 

I am P*ssed off with him. i am cross and angry and venting. my opinions on this are of pure emotion - not reason or logic.

 

Normal relationships follow clear paths. I was having my first cyber relationship. I do know how relationships should work. Cyber - whole different story.

 

i am saying that he used the fact i was emotionally vunerable to get to me. I am not saying that we can not make our own minds up, i am saying that when you are low and you have that 'company and affection' from someone - you can be more easily fooled then normal.

 

I'm not sure if you are arguing with me or not? like ive said earlier i am venting. If i told you the whole story you would probably see it differently.

 

I am not in a good place to be trying to explain my thread or my posts.

 

I thank you for taking the time to reply - but i think you've mis understood a lot of what i have put.

[sparkle1]

Said a lot more eliquently then me,

 

thank you xxxx

[sparkle1]

And for futher clarification on me and this guy you may wish to read the thread in cyber relationships:

 

"can you love someone before you met them"

 

then see if you too would have been sucked in!!

 

 

[Batya33]

And for futher clarification on me and this guy you may wish to read the thread in cyber relationships:

 

"can you love someone before you met them"

 

then see if you too would have been sucked in!!

 

 

 

I have met over 100 men in person who I first interacted with on line. I never ever would let the on line contact go beyond a few emails, a few phone calls before meeting because to me nothing counts as far as a romantic relationship before you meet in person, for various reasons. If he promised to exclusively date only you before you had sex then I agree that he lied to you. I never assume that a man I am dating is exclusive with me before we discuss it (and I never have sex before exclusivity - before a few months in).

 

I am still not sure why he is responsible for your choice to have sex? If you consented, wasn't he entitled to assume that you were ok with it and would be ok whether or not it lead to a relationship? Yes if he promised verbally to be with you and to be with you in a relationship after having sex then yes I agree with you. But if you are assuming that because he expressed feelings to you before you met in person, and that he was supposed to know that by consenting to sex you would get emotionally attached well, in my opinion that's quite a burden - an unfair burden - to put on him.

 

I do have cyber relationships - they are close platonic friendships - almost all with other women - a few with men I have never met - but I would never dream of crossing the line into romantic talk (and when one man hinted at that that was the last time we communicated). I do not believe two people can fall in love - romantic love - on line other than falling in romantic love with the image they have from typing and talking.

 

It has nothing whatsoever to do, in my opinion, with being romantically in love with someone you know in person and have spent time with in person. Sometimes when you meet in person the feelings you had for the cyber-image are confirmed and that's great but it's a dangerous game - and unnecesarily risky - to let yourself get so emotionally attached romantically before you meet that you would assume sex on the first date would be any different than if you just met the person that night at a party.

 

And, if you were that emotionally fragile, I am surprised you would agree to be alone with him in a private place -- I am just not seeing where he is supposed to protect you from you. I hope you get stronger so that the next time you meet someone it will not be from a position of neediness or fragility, and that if you do feel that way, you stay out of bed so that you do not get hurt like this again.