MAN doing my head in...!!!!

[Batya33]

Said a lot more eliquently then me,

 

thank you xxxx

 

I don't think it's possible to use someone by typing love notes or saying things on the phone before meeting in person. She chose to be "sucked in" which is fine as long as she knows the risks. I am unfamiliar with this "assumption" of exclusivity and particularly if you're going to have sex with someone wouldn't one want to make sure that the two of you will be exclusive and make sure that that is how he operates for purposes of STDs and the like? Not criticizing her just confused as to why someone would risk their health (and emotional well being) by operating on assumptions on a first meeting that involves such intimate contact?

[sparkle1]

Betya...

 

I agree with almost everything you have said - NOW!! lol

 

Just wished you'd been around before i met him!!

 

OK....

 

Exclusive - we definitely were. He could have gone out and met someone and god know's he told me he could daily....but he didn't. he waited for me.

 

he promised me verbally - that we were in a relationship. that i was his girlfriend. That he loved me.

 

I got sucked in coz i is a sucker for affection and love....clearly.

 

As for the practicalities of STD's we discussed and we were both fine with one anothers health checks to take the step we did.

 

he didn't force me into sex. he just lied and used the way i felt to take me into a false sense of security.

 

He is not a sex pest. He isn't a horrid man. Not really - he is just him.

 

I had CLOSURE and now i've got CLOSURE!

 

Betya - you are extremly wise. forgive me for making it sound like a personal attack - i'm venting xx

[Batya33]

You, too are very wise. If he promised to be exclusive and that you were his girlfriend I understand why you are angry with him. If it were me I would never enter into that kind of arrangement with someone until we'd been dating at least a month or more (and wouldn't have s_x during that time) so that the promise of exclusivity would be based on consistent in person time together but I can understand better now that you feel he betrayed you. And if it were me - just my humble opinion - I would not have s_x with someone I didn't know well particularly if I felt fragile/vulnerable - that's just unnecesarily risking being hurt (all of it is risk of course I just mean unnecessary risks).

 

I am sorry this happened to you and I hope there is a silver lining - perhaps you will decide next time to meet in person as soon as possible and not try to have "insta-relationship." Feel better!!

[whoops]

Hey listen dont beat youself up think of it as a learning curve and try to vent the anger if you want on this site - you have now realised the mistakes and i am sure you have learnt that you werent ready and need some time - in time you will heal and be stronger like the song hero says " there is a hero in all of us" you i know will be fine.

 

I am not blaming the man in this as one thread suggested i dont blame anyone as emotions are not always logical that is why we are all posting on here as we change from the adult we rule to make our lives what they are to a child when love and relationships come about we are all vunerable.

 

You will be fine and stronger and know what you want next time - but remember look our for you as whoever you are with the main important person is you and it is you they are with and want to be with and thereforeeee it is important to make you the most interesting and amazing person ever for yourself your future and just for you.

 

Good luck and hope you feeling better!