Is there any hope of beating jealously

[davejohn]

I have spent several days reading the various threads written about jealousy. My heart goes out to all the people who have the same problems as I. As i have stated before, I love my current girlfriend so much but jealousy is going to kill it. I have booked myself in to see a councillor, so I am trying to turn things around. I am also very scared of the future. Is there any light in the tunnel. I have only had one positive response. has anyone managed to beat jealousy, male or female. My girlfriend can also be jealous, but I can cope with that.

My self esteem has never been lower. Although I am a caring loving man and believe me I will go out of my way to help anyone in need. I believe this side of my nature makes me much less of a man and it hurts so much.

I really want to change, I don't want to hurt anyone again.

[joeG]

It's a big step to recongnize you have a problem with it, and take the step of going to a counselor to better understand it. Jealousy, is human nature. Some people just have control over it. Iv'e never been the overly jealous type, but I have been with a couple girls who have. With no reasoning for it.

 

I believe it comes from your own insecurities with yourself, whatever they may be. Does your gf give you reasons to be jealous?

 

Feeling more confident with YOU, will definitely help with jealousy issues. I think you need to figure out where it stems from. That being, her not giving you enough attention, having a lot of male friends, etc.

 

Whatever it is, good luck!

[davejohn]

I have never been overly jealous until now. My girlfriend is a flirt, and does have male friends. This is the first time I have loved someone for 20 yrs. She is 54. 10 yrs older than me but we are hopelessly in love and are both scared of loosing each other. Some of the things she has said and done have caused alarm bells to ring as I was very hurt by that lady I split up with 20 yrs ago. So I guess this problem stems from there. But how do I go on from here.

[caro33]

Hi there, I have a few questions for you:

 

- How does your jealousy manifest itself? What do you feel, what do you do, and what triggers it?

- How did your last relationship end?

- Why do you think it's been so long between 'in love' relationships for you? Have you had other relationships though?

- What are the things that have been causing alarm bells for you in your current relationship?

 

I would assume that your fear of loss is what's setting you off here, as you have recognised. However I don't want to enter further opinion without knowing more about your situation.

 

Depends on your situation, but I think there can certainly be light at the end of the tunnel. Feeling threatened is something that can be addressed, and, hopefully, resolved over time. A counsellor should be of real help, perhaps you just need some tools to adjust your perceptions of risk and the consequences of being vulnerable to someone. Not easy but certainly manageable.