Need Help

[bballplaya4814]

To make a long story short-my life sucks, no one likes me, my parents hate me (at least my mom does), i can't seem to do anything right, and i'm having some problems with other things to

 

To make a long story, well long-May 15th-My mom informs me that if i say one more thing she will choke me. She uses this phrase quite often, but says that i'm "Pathetic" to think that she's trying to abuse me

 

July 10th, we go on a camping trip, i get so mad i'm forced to run away, i don't really know where to go so i go to a little forest in the campground, well they found me so that's the end of that.

 

September 15th, I get so outraged at my mom that I ride my bike into town to get away. I later come back and noone really knew i had left.

 

September 26th, I get to the point of taking knives to my room, and printing out ways to kill myself, they get the point, only to ground me for like a week.

 

October 1st, My mom again gets P.O.ed at me for no reason and yells at me to the point of tears just because i had some croutons (yea she needs anger mgmt.) and then i'm here tihnking about suicide again. What can i do that won't get my mom mad, but so that i can actually go a full day being happy? I need some help, i can't take my mom doing this anymore. It's not fair to me that she can just be a witch and get away with it, and all this crap. I'm really tired of it. If i could i would take her life as well as mine, but that'd be like murder, so i don't wanna do that, but if no one replies soon, i won't be here to read it, i need help pronto. Any advice would be great.

 

Jordan

[southerngirl]

How old are you?

 

Nothing is worth taking your life.

 

She sounds abusive. My mom was abusive too. YOu do not deserve this.

 

Do you have any teachers at school that you could talk to about the way that she treats you? Do you live only with her? Do you have any brothers or sisters or other family there?

[Yvette84]

don't do it PLEASE! your situation could be ALOT worse!!! I know it seems bad now, but it won't be in the future, just get though this part of it and you'll look back and see it was all just a bunch of crap. trust me, I've been there!! be strong! don't let ANYONE make you feel like your life isn't worth living, because it is! just try to stay away for a while, like with a relative or friend, or just don't be home, go out alot so that you won't have to deal with that crap. Seriously though, try your hardest to be strong and remember it will pass and you have us here to talk to and back you up! your life is a gift. please don't throw it away. email me if you need anything.

[newmomq]

It sounds like your mom has emotional problems.

I have a little experience with this. A friend of mine has a 13 year old daughter - she yell sometimes and gets really easily annoyed and sometimes says things like' if you do that again I will kill you',. Now I know she loves her daughter, but she has depression problems.

It took a call from neighbours to the children's aid to get her to realize that she needed to get some help.

Her daughter has had problems too - with school, friends and has shown signs of depression and acting out.

Things have worked out for this family - my friend got some counselling and started taking medication which helped her moods. Her daughter talked to a counsellor and is getting much better. And together they are able to talk and get along.

So that does this mean for you? That your mom's anger is not your fault, but that hurting yourself or running away will not get you the attention or the solution that you need.

Find someone to talk to. When your mom 'is being a witch' remember that if she threatens you or acts irrational, it is her problem, not yours. Try to get your head out of the crazy moment and think about the things in life that you love, your dreams for the future etc.

Good luck and hang in there.

[Shadows Light]

What a tangled web!!

 

Calm down... and lets do some problem solving. Can you talk with your father? Is he in the picture? If so... what is her relationsip like with him?

 

The previous post suggested family counseling. Mom is NOT taking you seriously and you can't seem to get her attention. Thats what you were doing with the knives wasn't it?? trying to get her attention to listen to you????

 

There were two points in our relationship where my mother and I were at odds. The first was when she was having major marital problems with my dad. A blow up resolved it. I think I screamed back at her in the midst of an argument.. " I AM NOT at FAULT for your marital problems. If you and dad have a problem.. take care of it.".. it got her attention. It was true. And things changed.

 

The second time she was majorly stresssed and going through menopause... again I screamed.."You need to go see a doctor and get on meds for MENOPAUSE... that is what the real problem is".... well, she did... but it took her a while.

 

What is it that she wants from you exactly that you arn't doing?

What could you do different so that the both of you could come to a compromise? Can you sit down and really talk to her and ask her what she wants or needs from you.

 

Go see your school counselor. And see if you can't talk to them about your issues with mom... and maybe he/she will intervene for you, so that your mother will take you to family counseling. So that the both of you find a happy medium.

 

You are a teenager.... and its your job to push the envelope. Within reason. She may be having a difficult time not knowing how to treat you... her baby of yesteryear... or the young adult you have become. And she may not know how much to let go... or how to communicate properly with you.

 

Give it a whirl.

 

NOPE... you don't want to off yourself bud... LIFE is absolutely amazing and you've a lot to experience yet. And you certainly don't want to off her.... she may be abusive but she's your mother. And she does LOVE YOU very much. Might not feel like it.. or she may not be showing it the way YOU'D like. but she does LOVE you very much. She's a mom. I know.... we all love our kids from here to the moon.

[MacGyverRI]

 

May 15th-My mom informs me that if i say one more thing she will choke me.

 

July 10th, we go on a camping trip, i get so mad i'm forced to run away

 

 

I need some help, i can't take my mom doing this anymore. It's not fair to me that she can just be a witch and get away with it

 

Jordan

 

 

How old are you?

 

Whats the rest of the story/stories, what triggered her anger?

[Spugly Fuglet]

the last two posts have said what I would have said so I'm with them, I will add this.

 

Anger, bad

carm, good

 

when talking to your mum, also try and see what trigers you anger, do you go into the talk angry if so wait till your carm, if she pushis you buttens monitor what they are note them and don't react to type and lose it when there pushed.

 

tricks to keep carm,

when you feel your self going say to other, "I'm going to have to think about what you have said" then offer no other responce , if pushed to ancer say "I will need time to think please could I have that time" and stop talking on the subject. walk away if need be to get away but not run away.

 

other ways to talk, the you then me way, give each other 5 mins each to say the peace with out interruption that mines now intaruption, you then me, then talk. I find doing this alowing others to vent then carm down give me time to see what's really eating them and say my peace knowing all the facts they won't to offer.

 

last of all read up on conflict manigment, there are loads of books out there on this mlstly bussness books, read some and go better eqwilpet for you next hart to hart.

 

ok last off all, killing your self that's a no no. you have loads of things to try yet to work this out, try them I bet you $10 one of them will sort thing out for you.

 

remember in aruments the one who controlls the emotionl sate best wins. lose that and you lose the argument becose behind the words the argumentiys aim "is" to make you lose it, that's really the power over you they seek.

keep cool no matter what and you win.

 

spugly

[bballplaya4814]

Didn't really understand what you were trying to say there spugly (sp?) but anyway, its really hard cuz like she's so hard on me, yet my sister Sarah, is like perfect, like a 3.9 GPA student, really responsible, doesn't have many problems, and everyone is friends with her, and with me its totally different it's like they favor her more or something, and plus she was born first so that tips the scales in her direction automatically. But anyway it's really hard because she's so mean to me, but whenever i (now i know sometimes when i'm mad i may not put it the best way but) when i try to tell her you know to stop yelling at me or i say something back, she just grounds me and i'm stuck to square one, and i have to pretend to love her and be nice to her so that i can get ungrounded!!!! It's crazy and my sister when she does something wrong or is mean or impolite, she doesn't get grounded, i have to BEG to get priveledges my sis has. I understand she might be more responisble, has a job, and is 2 years older than me, but its like not even reasonably close to being fair. My family just hates me, and its like a thing with God and whether or not to believe in Him and stuff, like i do kinda, i mean i'm technically a "christian" we go to church (when we can lol) and we're methodist, but like it seems like you know how the bible verse reads "...And God so loved the world..." well it's like if he does than why does he hate me??!!! I mean what do i have to do, and i mean it's not just all this i'm talking about, he doesn't even help me on the little things. Like just something as easy as a CD. Ok i ordered this CD like 3 weeks ago, and it's been all over the US over the past 3 weeks except for my house. And i know He might not be able to control that but it's just like, for other people that would never happen, it seems like it's just me. sorry this is long but you guys are so nice on here, and i don't wanna see like a psychologist (sp?) so i just am going to rant on here. Anyway, and i mean i guess i wouldn't consider her "abusive" but she's really mean to me and i'm not exaggerating, i mean she hasn't actually tried to kill me or anything, she has choked me before like put her hands on me and like idk tried to cut off my circulation or something and she says she never cusses but then all the time she's going to me "I don't give a * * * * about you Jordan" and all this stuff, and it just it's getting really old. I'd like to stay somewhere else for a while but my dog (SHES SO CUTE LOL) and my sister and my dad, are like the best, my did is HILARIOUS!!! And as i said my dog is really cute (seriously i should post a pic of her lol-ok off the subj. now) So it's not like I have a terrible homelife, but my mom is just...uggh i don't even know anymore. Anyway the other reason this is so long is because no one is home right now. That's the other thing, like last night, when i was typing the first one, my sis came in and was printing out pics and then i came up here later, and asked my Mom if i could get on and shes like "Well, not now I'm typing up all the days your mean to me so i can keep score" so my sis must have told on me, which no offense is really gay if your 17 and your still "tattle-taling" so this is probably my last post, because my mom is gonna prolly ground me again, and i mean how do i talk to her, she's just mad at me all the time, how the HECK am i supposed to go about this????? I NEED ANSWERS GUYS!! Thanks so much for your help

 

SO SORRY FOR THE LONG POST!!!

 

Jordan

[rocio]

Your sister is no better than you are. You have to believe that. So what if she has a 3.9 GPA? Some of the most retarded people I’ve ever met have been graduate students in university with perfect GPA’s. My brother was close to the bottom of his class in high school (while my sister was at the top of her class), but he now has his own business (at 22 years old) and makes a ton of money doing something he loves. So what if she has lots of friends? All you really need is a couple of really cool and trustworthy friends to be happy.

 

Please, do something for me. Sit down and make a list of things that you can do better than her, qualities that you have and she doesn’t, etc. And then realise that you are different, but neither one of you is better!!! And let go of the comparisons.

 

What are your talents? What are the things that you love to do? If you could do anything with your life, what would it be? Focus on that. It will be the best revenge you could ever have on your mother.

 

My family cut me out of their life for 5 years because I left their religion, so I know the pain that comes from family rejection.

 

You may not be able to physically move away if you are young (remember, screwing up your life will only allow your mother’s negativity to win over your inner strength). But have goals and dreams that you can call your own. You will be surprised at the way they will help you rise above the stress at home.

 

Here’s an idea: Why not start being really sweet to your mom? Make supper for her or buy her a present? Give her a compliment out of the blue? Maybe it will make her feel guilty and soften her toward you.

[Shadows Light]

Here's an idea: Why not start being really sweet to your mom? Make supper for her or buy her a present? Give her a compliment out of the blue? Maybe it will make her feel guilty and soften her toward you.

 

A good idea. BUT.. you have to keep doing it. YOU DON"T stop being nice. If she continues to be mean... you just continue to be nice. Why not do the dishes when she didn't ask. or .. running the vaccum when you are not told. Cleaning the bathroom.. when its not your turn.

 

The first thing that will happen ... is that she will take your temperature to make sure you don't have a fever.

 

The second thing she will do is become suspicious.... wondering what you did...that you feel guilty about.

 

Then... she will watch you.. and watch you... and watch you.

 

Your sister however may also go through all these questions and start scratching her head.

 

And.. ALL you do.. is continue.. to do nice things.. and say nice things... to your mom....

 

You make "MOM" your pet project... make her a cup of coffee.. anticipate her needs.. find ways to go out of your way for her.

 

She can hardly find fault with that.

 

YOU need to bridge the gap with her in some way shape or form is THIS will conitnue ad nauseum.

 

BE the bigger person and BRIDGE the gap.

 

Find ways to get on moms good side... SHMOOZE HER.....

 

Believe me.. the art of SHMOOZING and SHMOOZING well will be a great benefit to you for the rest of your working career. lol.

 

HEY... did you ever watch the movie.. FERRIS BUELLERS DAY OFF ????

 

Now there is a great movie to watch about how a young man.. Charms the pants off of everyone around him.

 

Instead of crying about someone pee'ing in your wheaties ...... do sometihng positive about it.

[Shadows Light]

Psssss.... and HAVE FUN DOING IT.

 

There's nothing funner and better to do than to turn the tables on someone. If they are mean to you. You be nice to them. Again.. and again..and again..

 

UNTIL they get it. And they do get it eventually. Just stick with it.

 

And your sister... its not just because she's older. She's just figured your mother out and how to charm her. Really!!!!

 

When I was a teen... I figured out how to "WORK" my parents. And I worked it.

 

I figured out if I do what I need to do.. go to school, get good grades, and help around ALOT ALOT around the house.... then I get freedom. By the time I was 18... I "WAS" the housekeeper, cooked, cleaned and ran errands. GUESS WHAT??? I also got the car when ever I wanted, I also wasn't restricted on curfew, and I also got money (within reason) when ever I needed it. It was a case of "You scratch my back... and I'll scratch yours."

[Spugly Fuglet]

Now what Can I say to that Shdows Light rocks, my points where all overe the place but SL right as far as I can see, Charisma is a grate thing to get, when I was younger I sucked as talking to others, then one day I made it my pet project to see how others did it, any age and class (sorry old term)

and after seeing what they did I tryed stuff out until I found what worked for me but still let me be me.

 

thats all, your sis could be a a list actaras so what, it our own happyness that counts 1st only when we have that can we look at others.

 

Also your 15 and girls well kind of fall out with there mums around that age, its to do with the brain rewireing its self (this is true) for Adolt life and the big move later from the nest to make your own.

 

some times it haurts to fall out the tree.

[Shadows Light]

thats all, your sis could be a a list actaras so what, it our own happyness that counts 1st only when we have that can we look at others.

 

 

HEY.. thanx for the compliment!! and I was speaking entirely from experience.

 

His sister is most probably doing the same thing. Teens are notoriously... self-centered. So its every man for himself. NO OFFENCE.. poster.. but its fact. And yes.. there is tonz of rewiring going on up in your head.. and the hormones are pinging like CRAZY.

 

There are many parents who will swear that their teen changed over night like someone flicking a light switch. They will swear that ALIENS abducted their beautiful complacent child and switched it with this... TEEN.

 

A teens job.. is too push the envelope.... it happens because they are starting to move away from the nest. If you are smart about how you push the envelope... and take the path of least resistance... you will get your way. YOU GIVE...and YOU WILL GET... simple math sweets.

 

There are a few things in play here. YOU and your growth. And your mothers changes. I will bet MONEY that she is going through her own developmental changes. And.. guess what... it will cause you both to think each is speaking a foreign language.

 

I thought about you on my drive home tonight. Seriously. I wish I could reach out and give you a (((HUG)))).. because reading between the lines here... you need moms love, you need moms reassurance, and you need moms hugs... don'tcha??? You are at that stage of development where... you are NOT a child anymore...but you are NOT an adult either. But ... you are getting there. And mom.. may be missing a beat because.. some of those same hormones are pinging through her head.. she's lost and doesn't have patience at the moment.

 

So.... lets call the play here darlin... you run the show. All parents want from there kids are a few simple things. They want you to get good grades.. the best you can muster. Try.. show her you are trying your damnedest.... and they want you to show them you are being responsible. Follow the rules... and.. help around the house. A parents job in raising a child.. is to make sure they are ready and equiped to LIVE on their own when the time comes. You show them your are responsible... and you've written your own ticket my friend.

 

No more whining... I hate when my kid whines. No more complaining... I'd rather you came to me with solutions rather than complaints, shows me you thought it through.

 

And yeah.. turn on that CHARM.. and Shmooze me to death... and I'm putty in your hands.

 

Your mother loves you sweets.... the way you descrived the rest of your family and how cool your dad is... I'm sure.. MOM loves you. ohhh yeah.. I lose my cool with my kids.. and I'll wish them to SIBERIA... lol. But I love my children. My turbulant years with my mom started at age... 12-13... and they ended at age... 15. HOW? I figured out what she wanted. or else my hormones got back under control.. dunno which. But what she wanted and needed to see was that I could THINK. That I could make the right decisions. That I KNEW.. drugs were wrong.. and having sex at that age was wrong.. etc etc. And the rest... I just shmoozed her.. and did what made her happy.

 

And guess what.. in retro-spect.. which one of us shmoozed who??? we both got what we wanted. It was a WIN-WIN situation.

 

You go into battle with your mother.. and you will get a battle.

 

So... please please have fun. Enjoy that fun family of yours. And.. cut mom some slack. Cut your sister some slack. I think SIS loves the attention on you... that way MOM doesn't pay attention to what she does.. lol. A 3.9 she may be darlin... but she's still a TEEN.

[rocio]

I agree with you, Shadows Light, I'm sure his mother loves him very much. However, parents have a tendency to let their guard down and show their worst side to their children. And that is not the proper way to show love.

 

Jordan, you do not have to accept your mother's behavior and you have the responsibility to stand up for yourself and tell her when she is out of line. That doesn't mean screaming and swearing and slamming doors. You can just say, "I feel like you have crossed a line, and I would appreciate it if you would show me more respect, even you are upset with me". Just because our parents love us does not give them a license to disrespect us.

 

I hope that you will keep us posted, Jordan, and let us know how things are going.

[bballplaya4814]

Whoa dude that's totally wicked. lol whatever anyway, yea so weird how things have happened, didn't read the post by SL until just tonight, and amazingly that's kinda what i've been doing, i've been trying to be nice, i wonder how that happened Anyway things are getting a lil better i guess, Monday was the first day i was HAPPY ALL DAY! It was amazing, nothing ticked me off for the entire day. I can't even remember how old i was when that last happened! Anyway i'll post more tomorrow i'm tired, see ya's

[Shadows Light]

See what I mean Ballplaya...you "can" write your own script and run the your show. You give.. and you get. Cultivate that sense of humor and charm... a smile is irresistible to resist.. lol. Its contagious.

 

I agree with Hazy Amber.. respect should be reciprical. People have a tendency to drop their masks when they get home behind closed doors. Husbands will disrespect wives and visa versa... Parents disrespect kids because they forget they are Young versions of themselves. People have bad days all the time.. and we usually take it out on those nearest and dearest.

 

With my kids.. I tell them.. "Mama had a really bad day at work today." and yes.. I have appologized to my kids when I was overly harsh. Why??? it shows them I am human and I have faults. And even "I" the goddess in the home need to keep it in check. lol. When you correct your mom... do it in a loving way.... you may want to acknowledge that you heard her... "I hear what your saying mom. Can you just not yell it at me but tell me." and you might acknowledge how her day was...ask her.. "How was your day today mom?" "How was work today" if she tells you she had a bad day... you may want to acknowledge it... "I'm sorry you had a bad day mom... can I get you a cup of tea." It shows that you care and you are trying to be understanding.

 

I ask my kids everyday how their day was.. and what they did that day. I tell them that I missed them. Sometimes I pick up the phone at work and call them to tell them I miss them. And guess what...?? they are learning to ask me about my day. They are learning to take care of me too. It works both ways.

 

BTW.... lol. You may watch your sisters back too. You guys are in this together.

 

Not everyday will be sunshine sweets.... but it can be.

[Shadows Light]

Whoa dude that's totally wicked. ..... i wonder how that happened

 

I just sent a bit of good magic your way. Cause YOu are so worth it.

[Spugly Fuglet]

O your grils

 

now why can not guys work out there problems this way

 

That thing about telling your kids you have had a bad day, Im going toi remember that thanks

 

So always larning thats the trick

[bballplaya4814]

Alright well things are good now blah blah blah my mom lashed out at me last night, but it was quick and painless, but anyway, i gotta thank all you guys, every single person on this board, because you all have been great to me. This is like an awesome board. You guys are awesome, thanks so much for being interested in what i have to say, and having my back. Not only are you all my chat buddies, but your all now my friends Thanks

[Shadows Light]

Glad to hear you are feeling better. Try take a few of the idea's we've offered and put them into practice. You may not get results or changes right off the bat... change takes time.

 

And you are very welcome anytime. If you need to vent, talk, ask questions come here.

 

You posted on the Suicide board dear... and I just wanted to tell you and make sure you understood... "NOTHING" is that bad that it can't be resolved somehow. "Nothing".

 

Keep cutting mom some slack... and I'm sure eventually... shortly... you'll get it back in return. Remember... "GIVE... and then you GET" Thats the way it works. Show her love and understanding...and she will return it.

[bballplaya4814]

again thank you

[jilligirl]

my advice is to smile to your mother and shut your mouth when you're in front of her. stay out of her way and focus on yourself.

 

i'm not sure how old you are, but don't worry, you'll be old enough one day to get out of your house and support yourself. you won't need her.

[-jenn-]

call social services and get there help to find you some housing.