Took some time away - Update

[Gator]

I took some time from reading these boards for a while, I had a lot going on. New job, new move, etc.

 

I am now about 10 miles from my ex. To remind you, one of the main reasons we broke up, was because we went into a long distance relationship , 100 miles.

 

It has been about 2 months of rigid no contact.

 

Last Sunday, I hung out with a friend who we used to double date with him and his fiance. Anyway, the conversation, after a few beers, got around to my ex. He caught me up. Told me she came by with her new BF. She was even thinking of moving in with him, becuase her brother in law keeps raising her rent. I couldn't believe it. Moving in with him, after dating for only two months. She knew him before, but he was married with kids and they were just business associates.

 

So I go home that day and go lay out by the pool and decied to call her. SHe used to groom my dog (she really is the best groomer) and my dog's hair was getting very long. I left a voice mail stating that I needed to ask her something.

 

About two hours later she calls back and left a message that she was excited that I called and wondered what I wanted. I was unavailable at the time. She then called the next morning again when I was at work and then again that afternoon. She made a joke that she was stalking me and she thought she scared me off.

 

I called her back after work and we talked and laughed. I kept it light and didnt bring up anything about the relationship or her new bf. I told her I wanted her to groom my dog and the only time that we could work out was the following night. She then called me back and asked me if I had an ulterior motive and I laughed at her and told her no, I just wnated her to groom my dog.

 

She looked great. She seemed happy and light and not at all * * * * *y. We talked while she groomed. Caught up a bit. A few things came out. She was now on the pill - that stung a little. I figured she was having sex with him, but that made it more real.

 

She told me she received my good bye email and that it was beautiful. She wnated to respond, but she respected my admonition not to contact me. SHe then said something weird," Not that it would have made any difference, but why didnt you write me that letter sooner." I told her I was an emotional autistic and she laughed.

 

I then told her I had dated a few other girls and to my dismay (I know, I know) she seemed unaffected. She even made a joke about how "getting some booty" was all it took to get over her. I will not lie, I was upset that she seemed so happy that I had met other women. I wanted to see some jealousy.

 

She is truly over me, there is no hope for reconciliation. I have been friendzoned and its over. While seeing her that night affirmed to me there is no hope, it was a double edged sword. Seeing her again, awakened some feelings in me that were dissipating. I still have feelings for her and as much as I hate to admit it, I would take her back. It is very hard for me to accept that she has moved on and is with someone else.

 

I just need some words of encouragement or a nice kick in the * * *.

[tylercdurden2004]

Its always good to walk the other way. Too many people stick the th friends after breakup thing and hope that somehow it will be ok. Sometimes it is but very rarely I mean very rarely. It usually works until one or the other gets invovled with someone else then the true feelings start to show. Its very difficult to take steps backwards from lovers to friends, that is if the person really loved the other person.

 

Besides there is a planet full of great people if it friends you really want its best to go meet them. Why hold onto something that is in the past?

 

I think its a gerat idea you did NC and seeing your ex was good as well as it reaffirmed your position with her.

[Hope75]

Hey There,

 

I am sure you probably suspected that after several months of no talking and hearing from mutual friends that she is serious with someone else, you probably had a good idea it was over. Maybe you just needed to see it for yourself, and now that you have, you can move on with your own life. Don't beat yourself up too much about it. Use it constructively and try your best to let it go and move forward.

 

I think it's time to find a new groomer, don't you?

[annie24]

Awwwww......

 

((((HUGS))))

 

it's ok. hey - like hope said, at least you can use this info constructively to move on.

 

you deserve better. it sounds odd she wants to move in with this new guy so quickly, but whatever.

 

it will be ok, the sting will pass.

 

hang in there!

[Gator]

Thank you guys for your words.

 

I appreciate the kind thoughts.

 

I am just shocked at myself. I thought I would be over this woman by now.

 

I don't know why I beat myself up with the regretful thoughts of "If only I would have" and "I wish I would have" etc. Also, for some stupid reason I think about her with this new guy in the situations that we shared together. Just substitute one man for another.

 

Any advice on shaking these thoughts?

[river dog]

Also, for some stupid reason I think about her with this new guy in the situations that we shared together. Just substitute one man for another.

 

Any advice on shaking these thoughts?

 

Yeah, you want her and she's worth it? Face down your competition, have faith and court her regardless; find ways to be in her life. Show her. She's not psychic. Take rejection on the chin, every time and smile. Make it your friend. Expect nothing and give your love without limit or expectation. It's not over 'til she marries him or some fat lady starts to clear her throat. All's fair in love and war.

 

Mind you, that's a hard, rough old road with no end in sight. I am on it right now but would be nowhere else because I love her and it is working out very, very slowly.

 

But hey, I'm just an old romantic with unbelievably deep reserves of "low self-esteem" and suicidal optimism

[Hope75]

Thank you guys for your words.

 

I appreciate the kind thoughts.

 

I am just shocked at myself. I thought I would be over this woman by now.

 

I don't know why I beat myself up with the regretful thoughts of "If only I would have" and "I wish I would have" etc. Also, for some stupid reason I think about her with this new guy in the situations that we shared together. Just substitute one man for another.

 

Any advice on shaking these thoughts?

 

The best way I have dealt with these feelings and thoughts in the past is to know that I cannot change the past, but what I can do is think, how might I handle this differently in the future so that the outcome is not the same? Sometimes that's a hard one. Sometimes it's nothing that you did- and doing anything differently would not have made any difference. But if you feel there was something you could have done differently, you can remember that for next time. Don't be too hard on yourself, we all go through this, and we all make mistakes, but that is how we learn, and what shapes up for who we become.

[iceman85]

Man I know where you are, its a gutcheck, it hurts bad, your feelings come up to the surface. It feels like you are being replaced, like you are just an interchangable part. But in reality we're not, we're an indivdual that has things nobody can match and we're not replaceable. Nothing can ever match how experiences were with us, nothing can replace the moments and the feelings that we were a part of, they are always there and no matter who else our ex is with they can never take away the past.