say what you mean?

[sixpounder]

My girlfriend asked me what was on my mind when i looked a little depressed... after her just finishing telling me that she still had feelings for her ex, i didnt know to tell her the truth - that i think that we're involved in a rebound relationship, or to lie. Should this upset me? knowing she still may love her ex?

[coollady1957]

She had been telling you what was on her mind when she says she still has feelings for her ex. Then why not offer back the same and tell her exactly what you are thinking. After all she did ask you what was on your mind, right ?

 

I can understand it would be upsetting to find out that she still has feelings for her ex. I think you need to go ahead and be honest with her about your feelings with your relationship together.

 

To lie would only cover up feelings that probably need to be out in the open.

[tylercdurden2004]

What would be accomplished by telling her how you feel at this point?

 

To her its really irrelevant how you feel considering she has feelings for someone else. It wont bring her back it wont make her change her mind.

 

In this case tell her your feelings are that you would really like to help her pack her bags.

[sixpounder]

she said she'll always have feelings for him because he was her first

[kafka]

she said she'll always have feelings for him because he was her first

She should learn to keep them to herself.

[stopit]

These are definitely questions you need to ask (the ones in your first post). For your own sake, you need to know the direction this relationship is heading and what meaning it has to her. In turn, you should share you opinions and have an honest, responsive discussion.

 

It's not uncommon to have feelings for your first: as much as it may be bothersome, it's just natural to still have that friendship/connection. I think you should make her elaborate on what she means by "having feelings for her ex." At first I thought it was a "caution: danger ahead" sign, but then your second post nullified that almost completely. I mean, it's just human nature to care about your ex if you end it on good terms: it's not fair to you, however, if by feelings she means strong feelings that make her want to go back to him.

 

Clarification is definitely needed: ask her!

[sixpounder]

their relationship ended because he cheated on her, does that make a difference?

[tylercdurden2004]

I apologize I read it that she had told you this as she was breaking up with you! My bad.

 

In that case I would again tell her your feelings are that you would like to help her pack her bags. Seriously.

 

I have feelings for all my exes. Heck I loved them to some degree or another, but tell a GF I had feelings for them. NO WAY. Firstly because when I say I have feelings I mean I love them but I dont even think of them in a GF way and the love is that of someone you had something special with not someone I want to share my life with. My feelings about my exes are irrelevant because they are minor feelings if you will.

 

Second what the heck would I be trying to achieve by telling a GF I had feelings. Those feelings would have to be strong for me to say anything.

 

My guess is she is playing games or is really having feelings for him and quite frankly I would tell her that you need to go your separate ways until she figures out what she wants. It will save you time and pain and let her know you will not settle for playing second best or even equal with that of an ex.

[sixpounder]

i cant immagine myself with out her though, is there any other way of solving this without breaking up with her?

[kafka]

their relationship ended because he cheated on her, does that make a difference?

I suppose it could make a difference in that the relationship ended because of events beyond her control, ie. had he NOT cheated on her they'd still be together.

 

Like the previous poster said, it is the strength of those feelings that is important. If she is still getting over that break-up then yes, you could be the rebound guy.

 

My previous comment was more based on the fact that most of us will carry some feelings around about an ex, but that doesn't necessarily mean we have to burden our current partners with that information.

[sixpounder]

you people are such a huge help, like a bunch of guru's thanks... i think ill just tell her how i feel about it, and it'l take off from there

[tylercdurden2004]

How long have you guys been together?

[sixpounder]

3 months today; we talked last night and she said she didnt love him, and that she only cares for him as a friend, just like any of her other friends. she told me she loved me for the first time 2 days before this happened

[stopit]

Do you still feel a bit unnerved bit what she said? Did you two clear everything up?

 

She should have been a lot clearer when she told you she still had feelings... but now you know what type of feelings and don't have to worry about it!

[sixpounder]

yeah everything is fine now... it seems that everytime something like this happens; im not gonna say how many times it has, but i love her even more. Is that a bad thing?