Why don't guys call?

[SummerLove]

Simple question. My bf doesn't call me when he says he will. I don't get why. He says he cares about me and blah blah blah, but I just don't understand why he can't take 5 minutes to call me when he says he will! Why do guys have to be so complicated like that? One of my friends is going through the same thing. What is their deal?

[Cold]

Girls do the same thing.

 

I can say ive done it myself, to a girl or two, but not in a relationship..

[southerngirl]

Both guys and girls can do this.

 

Its rather rude and inconsiderate. how often does he do that to you? Say he will call when he chooses not to follow through?

[Batya33]

I don't think it's a guy thing. I would want to know - is he calling to make or confirm a plan or to answer a question you had or just to say hello? In general, I value reliability but it depends on why he is supposed to call you.

[GottaLetItBurn]

There is this girl that I believe broke my heart. I stopped talking to her because it hurt, and she was the one who stopped calling me. Then she has the nerve to text me months later "why don't you call me". Like I am just fine and nothing happened.

 

It's like, can you take a hint. The thing is, I personally like being called. I like to stop and talk. Everytime I callled her, or anyone, I feel like they are too busy to talk. I hate that, so I like to be the one to stop and talk.

 

I understand girls probably like being called, but I to me, all I ever needed her to do was show respect. Telling me she will call me back and then not doing it, made me say screw her, and not call her.

 

If she really called me back, and then told me to call her. For sure I would do that. You have to give the green light, or just come out and say you like it better when he calls.

 

If someone says they will call me back and doesn't, I take that as a slap in the face. Which means they get no attention from me. Just tell him what you like. Don't play dumb games, be straight up.

[rightfromthestart]

isn't that a normal thing?

[annie24]

Simple question. My bf doesn't call me when he says he will. I don't get why. He says he cares about me and blah blah blah, but I just don't understand why he can't take 5 minutes to call me when he says he will! Why do guys have to be so complicated like that? One of my friends is going through the same thing. What is their deal?

 

I think it's a case of "he's just not that into you." sorry. If you haven't read the book, go out and get it.

 

I think it's one thing if he doesn't call once in a while when he says he will. life happens, it's ok. people forget to call, fall asleep, misplace their phone, etc... once in a while is ok and forgiveable.

 

but if this is a HABIT, then it is a bad sign. the fact that you posted says that his behavior is making you feel bad enough to have to ask strangers what to do. how hard is it, like you said, to pick up the phone and CALL when you say you will? it's not rocket science. if someone is consistently doing that, it shows they do not value you or your time.

 

i would put a stop to that. don't put up with it. people will try to take advantage of you at times, and you need to train him that it's NOT ok to do that to you.

 

would he do that to a co-worker or his boss (not call when he says he will?) No. so why should he treat you worse than he would a coworker?

 

don't put up with crap.

[rmpavlock]

Yeah...I read that book too! It's annoying when people are unreliable like that. I once went out with a guy I worked with. He would always tell me he would call me later and maybe we could do something. Then I wouldn't hear from him, I would end up calling him, leaving a message and not hear from him for a few days! I ended up meeting some new people and forgetting about him when I went back to college that fall.

[annie24]

I once went out with a guy I worked with. He would always tell me he would call me later and maybe we could do something. Then I wouldn't hear from him, I would end up calling him, leaving a message and not hear from him for a few days! I ended up meeting some new people and forgetting about him when I went back to college that fall.

 

wow.... a true love story! NOT!

 

yeah, it is annoying isn't it? sometimes you just move even beyond anger and annoyance to boredom and just move on. I know i've been there.... where I really liked the guy I was dating, but he was so unreliable and kind of a jerk.... at first I was angry and annoyed at him.... and then I finally got bored of his stupid behavior, so I moved on..... and DIDN'T take him back when he came begging 3 years later! blah.... who needs to go down that road again?

[rmpavlock]

Exactly....people like that aren't worth your time and energy

[charliepapa]

If he did you would not love him, but since he does not you do.

 

NICE GUYS COME LAST

[annie24]

If he did you would not love him, but since he does not you do.

 

NICE GUYS COME LAST

 

awww.... that's not true.... at least not all of the time....

 

i think some people are messed up, they are most attracted to those people who treat them badly (men and women are guilty of this). but.... after a while, girls like me start getting sick of the jerks out there and turn our sights on the nice guys.

 

if a girl doesn't appreciate it that you call her when you say you will, forget her. you need someone with better self-esteem.

[rightfromthestart]

just so things are clear...you have clearence to call at anytime...u can only go round and round for so long....

[krnswte143]

my bf is the same.he never calls me.. cus we usually chat online but yes u are right it doent hurt to call for few mins... i gues some guys dont take it seriously when us girls want to talk to our bfs for whatever reasons..

 

 

but why dont u change the tables n u call him? hehe.

 

mayb he didn call u cus he was busy? it could b many reasons. for me i gave up on him callin me.. it would b nice if he did jus for few mins..but thats how my bf is.. so i could suggest u is jus don worry about it.. if he says he wil call n dont...u should call him.. maybe somethin happen.. maybe he forgot... or busy.

 

 

[Batya33]

my bf is the same.he never calls me.. cus we usually chat online but yes u are right it doent hurt to call for few mins... i gues some guys dont take it seriously when us girls want to talk to our bfs for whatever reasons..

 

 

but why dont u change the tables n u call him? hehe.

 

mayb he didn call u cus he was busy? it could b many reasons. for me i gave up on him callin me.. it would b nice if he did jus for few mins..but thats how my bf is.. so i could suggest u is jus don worry about it.. if he says he wil call n dont...u should call him.. maybe somethin happen.. maybe he forgot... or busy.

 

 

 

 

I for one don't have time to call anyone - friend or boyfriend who has promised to call me and who hasn't. It is a good way to see who your true friends are because reliability is an essential part of any relationship. For the record, my boyfriend and I speak every day, he calls when he says he will and if he can't call for some reason he lets me know or calls me soon after. I never have to wonder where he is and we never run out of things to talk about.

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

No way. My BF always calls when he says he will, when he says he will, and often calls spontaeneously as well.

 

You havn't met the one worthy of you yet!

[sidehop]

My g/f will say "in a bit" which usually means an hour or so...and "call you right back" which means 5 min or less. She's been honest LOL.

 

And yes I love to call her and she loves to call me...sometimes we both get busy but...guess we take the time?

[Beyondthesea]

My fiance always calls when he says he will.

he always calls when he's going to be even 1/2 hour late.

 

There's no reason they can't pick up the phone. It's a choice not to.

[caro33]

Husband always calls when he said he would. Truly attentive. From the start he has been super reliable.

 

In the past I have been with men who purported to love me but were always late and generally unreliable with phone calls. It doesn't necessarily mean the person doesn't love you - people can 'love' you but still not prioritise you. (I question the 'love' but let's not get into a definitional debate.)

 

Not good enough in my books. AntiLove_SuperStar is right, if you're with someone fundamentally unreliable you haven't met the one worthy of you yet.

 

And charliepapa, nice guys do NOT come last. I think we all use our rationalisations for why we get treated badly by others, and nice guys use this one. Maybe bad boys just don't care

[Massari]

Girls do the same thing.

 

I can say ive done it myself, to a girl or two, but not in a relationship..

 

couldn't agree more.. gf does that all the time.. and its annoying disrespectful and pisses me off.

[holyohio]

I can't speak for the entire male population, and no...a 5 min phone call is not difficult to do, however, there still seems to be a dispairity between how men and women use cell phones.

 

Men use cell phones generally as a way of conveying pertinent information to people. Meet me here, at this time. How many people are coming? Do you know so and so's phone number? ect.

 

Women use the cell phone to socialize. They see something funny, silly, or gossipy happen, they call their friends to tell them about it or tell them that it reminded them of whatever happened...etc..

 

look around you. Women are on cell phones in the grocery store, in the car, when they are pumping their gas, when they are standing in line at the movie theatre, when they are in their houses, when they are on the bus....

 

Listen to the types of coversations they are having. It's mostly just harmless chit-chat.

 

If you see one of the few men talking on the phone, he is usually either just repeating affirmative responses, probably talking to one of the aforementioned women , or trying to figure out some kind of plan or information.

 

Guys use phones for info. Girls use it for socializiation.

 

If you want to talk to him. Call him. Tell him that you saw someone trip in the cafeteria and throw his lunch tray in the air and everyone laughed and it reminded you of him.

 

If you do it enough, and he really is into you, he will return the favor in kind if he knows it's ok with you.

 

It just takes guys a little time to figure out that it's okay to use the phone for chit chat...we mainly use it as a tool to convey information, not as a social voicebox.

[Magic_star829]

All I have to offer is this. I have been in many bad relationships...the guys did not call...coincidence?? I am now in a good relationship....and I can assure you if the guy is into you....he WILL call. Besides...do you really want to stick around with someone who doesn't call? This is only the tip of the iceberg. My two cents.

[atraceofblood]

All I have to offer is this. I have been in many bad relationships...the guys did not call...coincidence?? I am now in a good relationship....and I can assure you if the guy is into you....he WILL call. Besides...do you really want to stick around with someone who doesn't call? This is only the tip of the iceberg. My two cents.

 

what if some guys are shy and afraid to call for certain reasons although they still like the girl?

[annie24]

what if some guys are shy and afraid to call for certain reasons although they still like the girl?

 

well, if a guy is too afraid to call me, how can we ever have a relationship? i mean, I am not telepathic. i figure if a guy is not calling me, he is not interested.

[Batya33]

With my friends and who ever I am dating or involved with I expect reasonable reliability. If I am just starting to date someone I would hope he would want to make a good impression by being reliable in calling and otherwise. I do not agree with the OP that men do not call when they say they will or are "complicated." When I have met men who are unreliable I give a few chances, express my feelings about reliability and then I move on if he is unreliable - my life is too busy to put up with that. So, I think the answer is not to wonder why "men" are so complicated but to focus on those men who are reliable in calling and otherwise. so that that part of the relationship is simple not complicated.