Single by choice or a fear of commitment?

[2900]

I'm listening to the Kevin & Bean radio show on kroq in LA, and they are discuissing people who are "single by choice". they had various people come on the and voice their opinion and it seems most people think those who are single by choice actually just have a fear of commitment. i consider myself single by choice. i've gotten a few offers to date exclusively or be bf/gf and i let them know all i want rite now is to date casually. i got out of a 6 year relationship in april, so rite now i just wanna be single. so wat do we all think?

[Day_Walker]

I was listening to the same program, but I think that they are talking about something different than what you are referring to in your particular situation. After getting out of a 6 year relationship I am sure there is some desire to be single for a period of time in order to clear your head. The interview actually focuses on people who only date. If you remember the interview the female in question says that she tells guys flat out that they are getting too close. I would like to see more women be single by choice instead of believing that they have to be with someone.

I consider myself single by choice, I date when I meet someone interesting and thats it. I do enjoy the freedom, I would not consider myself commitment phobic, I am not opposed to marriage in any respect, but I do believe that most people get it wrong.

[flower99]

I fully support "single by choice"...Till my finacee that was me & I loved it....I think it's Great.

sure some will say it's a fear of commitment, but it can go both ways. Always in a relationship, could be a fear of being alone.

So "single by choice" seems healthy & wise to me. Gives yourself time to focus on you! hobbies, rediscover yourself, get to know & love yourself again...after a 6 year relationship, we can lose sight of ourselves. And there is no need to commit yourself now. Timing is everything. The right women at the right time will come & I'm sure you'll be ready to commit than. Till than..Enjoy your "single my choice" time!

 

wish you happiness(:

[Jay K]

Don't feel pressure to be in a relationship. If you meet someone you can't stop thinking about, then go with it. Otherwise I think you've got the right idea about things.

[Dako]

Radio shows do anything to light up the phones.

I don't see real pressure to be married.

[DropToZero]

I dont know sometimes, I keep going back and forth on what I want it seems...I think what my friend said may be right for me, but not for others. I am..."single by choice," I've been out with many girls lately(probably the most I'll ever go out with at once), but before the 2nd date at least or before I've told them all I'm not looking for anything serious to be upfront. I dont think I'm afraid of commitment, what I am afraid of in some way is attachment though, because I've gotten attached to someone and then had my heart ripped out, like others probably have. And...the fact that I'm going out with so many different girls does keep me from "focusing" on one and thinking of her too much-too often, thus keeping me from being attached...and I like that aspect. Then again...there is no real true passion and it's not the same...and I can tell when I compare them to a past relationship which I had my full heart into.

 

What my friend said though, which could be true for me...is not the idea that I like being single, but when I tell these girls that I'm not looking for serious relationships...what she thinks I really mean is "You don't meet my qualities for a serious relationship type person and I'm still looking for the right person." It could be true in some instances with girls I've gone out with lately...but not all, there really has been one girl I sort of regret telling her I wasn't looking for anything serious...but I don't know what will happen.

 

edit: kinda forgot to add I'm just a college student that's 20...so even more of a reason to not want to "settle" with one person when I'm at this age.

[kiwifly]

I seem to swing back and forth between the two. Most of the time I'm single by choice. But if I start to be interested in a guy it starts to wear out. When he shows interest back I have this fear of being commited just to that person so I back off. Then I'm back to the single by choice again. Hm, now you got me questioning my sanity!

[Dako]

J.M. Keynes said, "When the facts change, my opinions change. What do you do?"

 

I think that's true of most of us. When no one threatens our grip on the single life, we're single by choice. When someone does get through our elaborate defenses, we might change our minds. It makes sense to me.

[Kevin T]

I am single not by choice (at least my choice anyway), but I do have a fear of having another great relationship fall apart on me like before. So that could also be why I am single.

[langford]

I think a relationship is more of a choice than being "single" we are born and die as a "singular" entity.The idea that whenever we are not cojoined with someone else - we are choosing to be "single" is so weird,singleness is our natural state it's the co -joining part that's a choice we make.

 

I have a boyfriend but I'm still a 'single' entity and will be for the rest of my life as will he.