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My boyfriend and I have been going out a couple of months now. Everything has been great - apart from his room mate. She won't speak to me when I go to his house and I get the general vibe that she completely hates me. I can't see what I have done wrong and my boyfriend can't see it either. Initially he was dismissive of the fact that there was tension between us but now he has acknowledged it. This is really starting to bother me - because it is constantly on my mind and I can feel the tension when I go to his house. I kind of want him to put her in her place and tell her that he won't accept that she is so rude to me when I am a guest in his house. He isn't doing anything though. I understand he is in a sticky situation - given he lives with her and if he says too much it will mean a war. That said - it is starting to bother me and I am wondering if he is right for me. I don't want to be with someone who is weak. She is having a party this weekend - She hasn't said I am invited but she hasn't said I am not invited. He isn't doing anything to find out whether I am - because I suppose we both just assume that I am not. He initially said he wouldn't if I wasn't invited on principle - but now he seems to be contemplating going. What do you guys suggest?

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Thanks for your thread. Thing is he is not the type of guy who would go for her and I really don't think that she would go for him either. My friends agree with me. I know it can get weird when people are room mates - but somehow I don't think it would be the case. Do you think he should be doing something about the situation? He is a pretty passive kind of guy - I would say something but I don't think it is my place to say anything given I don't live there. What do you think?

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I think he should at least be having a quiet word with her about her attitude. As hard as it is to take, some people in life will just not like you for no apparent reason, but that is still no reason to not be civil.

 

I think you should talk to your boyfriend and let him know her attitude is bothering you. If he is a passive sort of person maybe he needs a little pushing to make him have a word with her. But, if you don't say anything, the situation is going to keep getting worse and you may start resenting him for not doing anything about it.

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I have to say that I find it hard to believe that you would consider dumping him because of this. Why don't you just ignore her - is that so hard for you to do instead of pressuring him and making his life difficult. He has to live there - you are only there sometimes.

 

Are you sure you really love this guy?

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I've been in a similar position, had the same thoughts you are having (i.e., boyfriend should stick up for me), and it basically drove me nuts. It also resulted in fights that eventually led to my boyfriend and I breaking up.

 

All I can tell you in hindsight is that I wish I'd followed the advice DN is giving you: ignore her and put it out of your mind.

 

If you do that, you'll see just how miniscule a part in your relationship she really plays. If you don't, her attitude will end up consuming your relationship. I can practically guarantee it.

 

It's not worth it. If she's so unmannerly and unfriendly and immature, well, sorry to her. Must suck walking around with negative feelings like that all the time. Don't let her make you feel the same. You're better than that.

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