missintellectual84

Thanks for your thread. Thing is he is not the type of guy who would go for her and I really don't think that she would go for him either. My friends agree with me. I know it can get weird when people are room mates - but somehow I don't think it would be the case. Do you think he should be doing something about the situation? He is a pretty passive kind of guy - I would say something but I don't think it is my place to say anything given I don't live there. What do you think?

My boyfriend and I have been going out a couple of months now. Everything has been great - apart from his room mate. She won't speak to me when I go to his house and I get the general vibe that she completely hates me. I can't see what I have done wrong and my boyfriend can't see it either. Initially he was dismissive of the fact that there was tension between us but now he has acknowledged it. This is really starting to bother me - because it is constantly on my mind and I can feel the tension when I go to his house. I kind of want him to put her in her place and tell her that he won't accept that she is so rude to me when I am a guest in his house. He isn't doing anything though. I understand he is in a sticky situation - given he lives with her and if he says too much it will mean a war. That said - it is starting to bother me and I am wondering if he is right for me. I don't want to be with someone who is weak. She is having a party this weekend - She hasn't said I am invited but she hasn't said I am not invited. He isn't doing anything to find out whether I am - because I suppose we both just assume that I am not. He initially said he wouldn't if I wasn't invited on principle - but now he seems to be contemplating going. What do you guys suggest?

I think Pontius has completely missed the point. I havent spoken to him for 5 weeks and the pain is still very strong. He has said that he doesn't want me in his life and to stay away, but I still miss him very much. I still find myself crying about this every single day. I wonder what he is doing. I wonder if he does miss me and only made that comment in a moment of rage because we were having an argument. He hasn't contacted me at all but I think he also realises that that is probably the best way for him to help me get over this. He told me that I was the first girl he had ever loved. I am just really struggling at the moment. I feel really low and I want to call him, but I have told myself I can't. It has been three months and perhaps he is completely over it and if I do call, he may not want to speak with me or at the bare minimum, is going to think I am nuts - especially if he has forgotten me. I know it isn't logical to be like this. He has said some hurtful things and really upset me. I have said some equally awful things and no doubt hurt him too. I wonder if this was all my fault - because it is pretty strong stuff to say that you don't want to have anything to do with anyone. But maybe that is because he feels guilty when I speak to him and he feels terrible about making me this upset or maybe it is just because he is over me and in the past, he has never maintained any contact with exes. We were only together for a short period of time. But it felt so much longer and I honestly thought we would be together much longer. I have never felt so many emotions over any one person in my entire life - a mix of anger, pain, sorrow. I miss him so much. I have had other guys show interest in me but I know in my heart that I can't go out with them. I know it may be good for me - but I am afraid I am just going to keep comparing them against my ex - and punish them because of what he did. The thing is that they are really lovely guys but I am scared of hurting them or being hurt by them and all of this happening all over again. I know I am not over my ex so I know it isn't wise to start anything new. But I am so afraid because I am worried that everything that has happened from this experience will shape how I view relationships in the future.

I think Pontius has completely missed the point. I havent spoken to him for 5 weeks and the pain is still very strong. He has said that he doesn't want me in his life and to stay away, but I still miss him very much. I still find myself crying about this every single day. I wonder what he is doing. I wonder if he does miss me and only made that comment in a moment of rage because we were having an argument. He hasn't contacted me at all but I think he also realises that that is probably the best way for him to help me get over this. He told me that I was the first girl he had ever loved. I wonder if he did mean that and if he did, why is he behaving like this now? To have completely forgotten the first girl he ever loved? I am just really struggling at the moment. I feel really low and I want to call him, but I have told myself I can't. It has been three months and perhaps he is completely over it and if I do call, he may not want to speak with me or at the bare minimum, is going to think I am nuts - especially if he has forgotten me. I know it isn't logical to be like this. He has said some hurtful things and really upset me. I have said some equally awful things and no doubt hurt him too. I wonder if this was all my fault - because it is pretty strong stuff to say that you don't want to have anything to do with anyone. But maybe that is because he feels guilty when I speak to him and he feels terrible about making me this upset or maybe it is just because he is over me and in the past, he has never maintained any contact with exes. We were only together for a short period of time. But it felt so much longer and I honestly thought we would be together much longer. I have never felt so many emotions over any one person in my entire life - a mix of anger, pain, sorrow. I miss him so much. I have had other guys show interest in me but I know in my heart that I can't go out with them. I know it may be good for me - but I am afraid I am just going to keep comparing them against my ex - and punish them because of what he did. The thing is that they are really lovely guys but I am scared of hurting them or being hurt by them and all of this happening all over again. I know I am not over my ex so I know it isn't wise to start anything new. But I am so afraid because I am worried that everything that has happened from this experience will shape how I view relationships in the future.

I think Pontius has completely missed the point. I havent spoken to him for 5 weeks and the pain is still very strong. He has said that he doesn't want me in his life and to stay away, but I still miss him very much. I still find myself crying about this every single day. I wonder what he is doing. I wonder if he does miss me and only made that comment in a moment of rage because we were having an argument. He hasn't contacted me at all but I think he also realises that that is probably the best way for him to help me get over this. He told me that I was the first girl he had ever loved. I wonder if he did mean that and if he did, why is he behaving like this now? To have completely forgotten the first girl he ever loved? I am just really struggling at the moment. I feel really low and I want to call him, but I have told myself I can't. It has been three months and perhaps he is completely over it and if I do call, he may not want to speak with me or at the bare minimum, is going to think I am nuts - especially if he has forgotten me. I know it isn't logical to be like this. He has said some hurtful things and really upset me. I have said some equally awful things and no doubt hurt him too. I wonder if this was all my fault - because it is pretty strong stuff to say that you don't want to have anything to do with anyone. But maybe that is because he feels guilty when I speak to him and he feels terrible about making me this upset or maybe it is just because he is over me and in the past, he has never maintained any contact with exes. We were only together for a short period of time. But it felt so much longer and I honestly thought we would be together much longer. I have never felt so many emotions over any one person in my entire life - a mix of anger, pain, sorrow. I miss him so much. I have had other guys show interest in me but I know in my heart that I can't go out with them. I know it may be good for me - but I am afraid I am just going to keep comparing them against my ex - and punish them because of what he did. The thing is that they are really lovely guys but I am scared of hurting them or being hurt by them and all of this happening all over again. I know I am not over my ex so I know it isn't wise to start anything new. But I am so afraid because I am worried that everything that has happened from this experience will shape how I view relationships in the future.

I still love him though. Is there anything I can do to get him back?

It has been 3 months since I broke up with my boyfriend. I am still not over him. I think about him almost every day. I have tried so many things to take my mind off him. I have started exercising more, made myself go out with my friends more, tried to keep busy, but I still think about him. I still love him so much and I miss him so much. We haven't spoken in a few weeks. He told me that he was sleeping with someone else and I became very upset. He was the first guy I had ever slept with and it hurt so much to think that he was doing something that I regarded as such a big deal with someone else. I said some nasty things and told him I didn't believe he was sleeping with someone else. He said that he wasn't going to send me any more messages. I sent him one or two and he hasn't responded. I don't know whether he is with someone just to get over me and still cares for me deep down or whether he is completely and absolutely over me and hates me. We went out for 8 months and I was his longest relationship. I don't see how he could be just over it and be sleeping with someone within 2 months of us breaking up. He had always insisted that I was the only girl he has ever loved. He admitted when we last talked that he did miss me.

I went out with a guy for about 8 months. I haven't had many boyfriends before. We met and I was completely swept off my feet. We began having sex after a couple of months. This was my first time - so it was a pretty big deal. I am not the type of girl who just sleeps with anyone and I wanted to wait till I met someone really special. I thought he was that special person. Not so long after we started having sex, one of my friends found a picture of him on an online dating website. She showed me the site and it showed that he had been active on the website recently. She even created a fake account and contacted him to see what sort of response she would get. He answered in the affirmative and sent the type of message that indicated he was interested in meeting her. My friend told me about this. I was understandably pretty upset - given this was the type of guy I really thought cared about me. I thought he cared about me and I trusted him. That is why I wanted to sleep with him. I confronted him. He became extremely defensive and upset. He told me that he received the message and didn't think a lot about it. He said he was sorry and couldn't understand why it was such a big deal for me. I told him it was over. He was pretty distraught. Either he was genuinely upset or he is a pretty good actor, because he cried and cried. He made me a special dinner to make up for things. When I left his house that night after I said it was over, he wouldn't let me go. He just wanted to hold me and not let me leave. After that - I became really paranoid. It was like I started questioning everything he said and did. He sensed this and became really defensive. He was upset that I couldn't trust him. Moreover, he couldn't understand why I didn't trust him and he thought I was being irrational and unreasonable. I tried to explain why I was feeling this way, but he saw it as an attack on his own character and became quite upset. He is not the type of person who shares too much about what he is feeling and I suppose that is partially to do with why I couldn't trust him that much. It was like he is an emotional island and doesn't want to share much. It became really difficult - because even though he had hurt me and made me question his trust, I really deeply did love him. I wanted to believe everything he said - but he just couldn't share things. I felt really isolated in the relationship. A couple of things happened. We had a few fights. I started to become really tense about things - because I just felt that there were things going on that he wasn't sharing with me. It became too much for him and we broke up a couple of times and then got back together. The final time we broke up - I was really upset. I loved him so much - I had slept with him. I wanted to trust him. I felt I had given so much to the relationship and I really wanted it to work. But it was just too much for him. I was pretty shaken for a long time. I kept thinking about him and wanting him back. But he seemed so strong in his resolve that this wasn't a good thing. I know that when we broke up he started dating other girls. He would have dated the first girl around 2 or 3 weeks after we broke up. He had never mentioned this girl, until one night he went out with some mates and this particular girl stayed over where he stayed after they had been drinking. I was really upset when I found out it was the same girl and wondered if he had cheated on me just before we broke up or was planning to sometime pretty soon. Apparently he told her that he was lonely and stressed and that it wasn't a good time to start a relationship. He maintained that he never slept with her and only kissed her once on the only date they went on. After her, he apparently dated another girl. He maintained once again that it was only kissing - he never slept with her and he indicated the same thing to her - that he was stressed and lonely and it wasn't a good time to start a relationship. The thing is we had remained in contact after we broke up. I was pretty upset and we talked on the phone. We ended up getting back together after 6 weeks of being apart. I told him that I wouldn't hold the girls he had dated against him. I told him I was going to do my best to trust him and communicate what I was feeling constructively, without being too emotional. I told him I really deeply loved him and wanted this to work. He said he was prepared to work with me on this. We got back together for about 6 weeks. We had a good time together. I loved him some more. We had sex again. I told him that I loved him and how I cared for him. But there were still some trust issues. When we got back together I found out the girls he had dated. One of the girls actually came to his birthday. He had never told me who the girls he had dated ever were. But i just sensed something from her body language. She was strange with me - She would have known that I was the girl he had dated for about 5 months before we broke up. She was the girl that he dated immediately after our breakup. And now I was back with him. I sense that she really does like him and was a bit awkward around me because of it. I approached him calmly and asked why this girl was strange. He denied that she was strange. I told him that I sensed something and then he admitted that she was the girl he had dated when we broke up. He couldn't understand why I was upset about her being there. I knew she was entitled to be there and that they are friends. But what hurt me is that he kept it from me, then I worked it out and I was being 'unreasonable' and 'irrational' to be hurt by the fact. We had a fight over this one and he indicated that it was getting too much for him to be having fights like this. We had a big chat about things. We cleared the air and things were fine. He went away on holidays and we were apart for only 4 days. But we both missed each other a lot over that time. He came back from holidays and we spent a lot of time together and things were great. Then just before New Years, he told me that a friend was having a birthday and he wanted me to come. I felt uncomfortable because the girl he had dated before was going to be there. I told him I didn't think I should come and he became really upset. I then said that I would be there because he wanted me to come. Something else happened - can't remember what and we had a fight. He was crazy to see me and we had sex. Then after we had sex he told me something about a former girlfriend or a girl I always thought was a girlfriend. He told me that she really wasn't a girlfriend, because he had only had sex with her for a few weeks with no intention of it being anymore. I became upset when I heard this. Sure I knew he was pretty immature still and perhaps had been pretty immature when he had been with her, but I was still bothered by it a little. If that was how he saw relationships - how did he see me? Was I more than just sex to him? I certainly hoped that I was. But at this point I just wasn't so sure anymore. I love him so much and maybe I fantasised that we would be together for a long time. To hear him speak in such terms made me really wonder about the person I was sleeping with and his character. Again he became really defensive when I asked him about this. He thought it was a joke initially but then became upset. The next morning I was still upset about hearing about this. I didn't want to talk to him and I told him to leave me alone. He asked what was wrong - I told him nothing and it would be better for us to discuss it later. THen i decided that I wanted to talk about it and he replied in a pretty cold way. He didn't take any of my calls for the rest of the day. He sent me an email later that night saying that it was over and that the relationship was too much for him. He was pretty cold in the email - he said to not contact me. I was pretty devastated at this point. I had never felt so much pain. Here was a person I cared for so much and loved so much and had given so much to - and all he could do was send me an email? I felt it had been such a waste of my energy. I went and saw him and he was quite taken aback by how upset I was. He said he would stay with me but didn't want a relationship. This was pretty devastating too. I know it had gotten to a point where it was becoming too much for him and he couldn't appreciate the level of emotion I was expending. But still. It hurt so bad. I thought we got back together - but then it became apparent that he didn't want a relationship. I was really upset. I was a bit crazy that night. He didn't take my call the next day. He turned off his phone and just didn't want to talk at all. We didn't talk for a few weeks. I was surrounded by some of my closest friends and they supported me and I felt a lot stronger. I was starting to get over things and then he sent me a message. He apologised for not taking my calls and said that he was prepared to talk, but to tread lightly. When I read that message I laughed - because I felt so much stronger. It highlighted to me that he was missing me and it made me feel better. But I thought it revealed he had a giant ego and it was like talking to him was a privilege. I was strong enough to not respond, until one night I felt really vulnerable again. I was stressed and I called him. he comforted me with what I was stessed about. I felt much better. I thought that contacting him that night would bring up all sorts of really old feelings and bring back all the pain again. But it didn't. I suppose I was more curious about what he was thinking and what his motives were. He then messaged me at the end of the week to see how things were going. It was funny because it was a Friday evening when we would ordinarily see one another. He then called me and left a random message about returning his call when I got a chance. Again, when I saw that message and the missed call, I felt stronger. It said to me that he was missing me. The sad thing though is that I think now in hindsight that perhaps the main reason he called me is because he wanted sex and that was what he was missing. I didn't reply until eventually I asked him what was up. He took ages to respond and indicated he had only messaged me to see how I was and if I was over my stress. I didn't buy it. I happened to go past his work later that day and I didn't stop. He messaged me to tell me that he had seen me go by and couldn't understand why I didn't stop and say hi. I responded with a pretty cold message - saying that I was gone now. I also indicated that perhaps the main reasoning he was calling was that he was missing sex. He then sent me an email to apologise. He reiterated that he was concerned about my stress and wanted to see how I was going. He said he couldn't understand why I didn't stop and that obviously we weren't on good terms. He suggested that we not talk. I called him after that and we arranged to meet. It was the first time we had actually talked about what happened. I started to become upset. I suppose I wanted to make him understand how I was feeling and how crushed I was about the fact that someone I really deeply cared for and loved didn't want to be in a relationship with me anymore. I tried to explain to him. He hugged me and kissed me on the forehead. He told me that he did love me and that he had loved me with all he had. He told me that he still cared for me and that he missed me. He told me that he was concerned for me. I am finding this still really tough. I feel stronger, then I feel weak again. I tried hating him and believing that he is a terrible person. But there are certain things that make it difficult for me to hate him. I wonder if he does genuinely care or he just has ulterior motives and wants sex and just wants to make sure that we are on good terms so he can get this if he needs it in the future. He says he is over the relationship and doesn't want to be with me. Yet, he is the one that contacted me the other day saying he was ready to talk. He was the one that contacted me that night to see how I was. I wasn't the one initiating contact. I think I have resolved that we are two different people. I know he isn't right for me. But I have felt really sad leaving the relationship thinking that he didn't really love me and didnt care for me on the level I hoped. I felt it was such a waste of my time and energy. The worst thing is that I still have deep feelings for him and love him very much. To add to all of this, I know that now he is probably intending to date other girls. He did 2 or 3 weeks after we broke up last time - so he is probably ready to do the same again. It has only been about 2 weeks since we broke up. I find it really offensive that he would even contemplate this at an early stage. It makes me upset to think that he will be sleeping with other girls. I know that people move through things faster than others and he is ready to move on with his life, but I see it was a lack of respect for the time that we were together and a lack of respect for me. It seems to be about sex for him. This really hurts. I miss him and still want him in my life in someway. I believe that there are some really bad things about him and I have tried focusing on those to get over it. But then the good memories flood back, as do the good things about him as a person. I wonder if I was too hard on him. I wonder if it was all my fault and that there is something really wrong with me - because I am the one who is really upset and he is the one who seems to be ok. What do you think about this person? Did he care for me? Does he care for me? Did he love me? Does he love me now? Is he really missing me? Is it all about sex for him? I can't quite work him out in terms of his behaviour. More importantly - where to from here? It is so exhausting writing all of this!