message of hope for some of you

[sillygurl]

Hello fellow enotaloners!

 

Just wanted to check in and share my story. I have been a lot more active as a reader on this forum than a poster; I've gotten so much good advice! If my internet access were more reliable, I'd be writing more too.

 

So my ex and I are somewhat back together, and it's working out OK for now. We are proceeding cautiously, making minimal demands of each other and one anothers' time. Fortunately I was lucky enough to figure out that I needed to do NC for ME, rather than as a method of getting him back, early on. The great thing about NC/LC is that it helped me realize I really wasn't too happy with the way some things about our relationship were working, and it gave me a chance to get clear about what I want and need for ME. I also got to figure out what parts of my life are working, which need work, and what I need to do about it.

 

I'm probably not going to live happily ever after with my SO, I but the important thing is that I am living a lot happier with me! I know this isn't what a lot of you want to hear, but hopefully it'll help... good luck out there, I'm rooting for you all!

 

xo

[pooh-bare]

Keep the focus on Yourself and all should be fine.

[NJRon]

As you move forward, make sure that you are addressing the issues that lead to your breakup. Otherwise you will end up in the same relationship. Keeping a bit distant right now is good, as it provide you the space necessary to process your feelings and be a little more objective.

 

Best wishes.

[coollady1957]

Great post sillygurl ! You had the right idea about the reasons to chose NC/LC in your case. That is what is is all about, figuring out what we need for ourselves. When are content and happy and come to the realiization of what we expect out of life and relationships then we can move on in whatever way life takes us.

 

Good luck and best wishes on the continuance of your relationship if this is what you feel is right for you. After going back and reading your previous threads I think you are on the right track with taking it very slow and with much caution.

[toonicegirl]

i like your post... you came back to a guy even though he cheated on you... im ina similiar situation...my ex is initiating contact almost every day and he is very nice to me...although after brak up he had a girl right away...i kinda feel like he cheated cause he was talking to her when me and him were still together... now, he says he doesnt want to get back together, but i know that he's def interested in me...so im doing my tactics...i know waht mistakes i made and i wont do this second time around him for sure...

 

when i was posting threads here people were like: why you want to get back with him, he had ne gf, he didnt respect you etc...

 

so, how is it with you? was it hard to forgive and forget?

[sillygurl]

Wow, thanks you all! I wasn't expecting responses at all, let alone such positive ones. Glad I posted.

 

Toonicegirl: Actually, my ex didn't cheat on me, but he did lie to me. I haven't forgotten, and I haven't forgiven either. Instead I let it be, and chose to be OK with it/move on. I can't change his betrayal, but I can't spend the rest of our friendship, or whatever it is that we have together, angry with him, either! The thing is, my SO knew what he did was wrong, and he knew it hurt me. He made a genuine effort to make it up to me, so rather than dwell on his betrayal, I decided to look towards our future rather than our past. I'm not sure what your "tactics" are, but be careful! Remember to always act with integrity and protect yourself...

 

And thanks to the rest of you! I will definitely keep the focus on myself, proceed with caution, etc...really trying to be ok with me first and put the relationship second! Its hard, but it feels good.

 

So Ellie, good to see you again! How goes it with you?

 

xo SG

[toonicegirl]

So my ex and I are somewhat back together, and it's working out OK for now. We are proceeding cautiously, making minimal demands of each other and one anothers' time

 

my tactics are just actions that are helping me protect myself and make him chase me in a same time...

 

so how your relations with ex look right now?...what do you mean by friendship?...me and my ex are talking a lot lately, but only online... in 90% he initiates contact... we never talk about us... i helped him make a decision about school... i just said what i think and he decided to do this my way ... he calls me his good friend, saying he's lucky to have me... but we dont go out...he invited me to see something like a month ago, but this is in his apartment so i didnt go...

 

did you ask you ex out, or all the hard work was made by him?

[bungalo]

Hey Silly,

 

How did you two reconnect? How long was the NC, and did you break up with him or vice versa?

[Sinead]

Hey Sil

 

Congrats on that. You so deserve it. I hope you have a great relationship and remember to keep communicating with him if a problem arises.

 

Good on ya girl!

[sillygurl]

Hi again,

sorry for the dely in replying, I'm a busy busy sillygurl these days.

 

Hmm, so maybe I wasn't too clear, the good news is that I was beginning to heal and figure my life out with the LC/NC, not that I was still seeing the ex. I've been through a really tough year, and part of the reason that the relationship fell apart is that my life fell apart. Having the confusion he created taking up less time in my life forced me to start healing me.

 

So to answer your questions:

 

toonicegirl: I showed my ex that I could be fun again. Yes, I contacted him, but to do things we had been planning to do, and gave him lots of space to miss me inbetween. We were kind of FWB for about a month, but I told him I wasn't comfortable with that and we moved a little forward each day. He didn't initiate much, I initiated most of it. But...I hate to say it, be careful with your heart, because it is possible your ex is stringing you along...though I hope not!!

 

bungalo: we've been together about a year, off and on for about two months. Stress was the killer, he pulled away from me when he was under stress and I took it personally. We never really broke up by stating as such, just had bad arguments and needed space.

 

Sinead: Thank you so much!!! I feel like crap, because I told him yesterday I didn't think I could do this anymore. I miss him already, but I know the relationship isn't going into any direction that I want it to...a sad ending that I know will work out for the better eventually. Like superdave says, someone better will be out there for me....but it SO SUCKS right now!

 

love to all- SG