kickedin Posted September 22, 2006 Share Posted September 22, 2006 xxxxx, I am sorry...but I cannot marry you nor go forward w/ you. I'm sure it hurts to find out like this...join the club : ( being in THE DARK, and finding something out...and AND feeling like a fool is a vicious thing! I will say that I am doing this as a RESULT of how you have manipulated me and almost got me to agree to living AS YOU DO! WE ARE EXTREMELY DIFFERENT in our character. What we had (although it felt GREAT) was not enough to hold a marriage. I have no security w/ you. I have lost faith and trust in you. I cannot look up to you w/ pride for your accomplishments. I cannot sleep sound w/ you as head of a marriage. You tried to keep me in the dark and whether you did it b/c you were afraid to loose me or out of FEAR..... IT WAS W-R-O-N-G!!! You and I both know how little it took to make me happy All i wanted was CHARACTER! A God-fearing, hard-working HONEST man : ( What did I do to deserve (now 2) men that I gave my everything to... to try to scam me : ( why did you think i deserved less than that * * * * * you bought a new home for : ' ( at the very least out of money, security, the average things...you could have given me...THE TRUTH! Oh, xxxxxxx... i guess we're even b/c you hurt me soooo bad and let me down soooo HARD THAT i don't feel sorry for your past or future heart ache YOU HAD MONTHS....YEARS....TO DO WHAT WAS RIGHT AND GET THE JOB DONE and you failed me....miserably Link to comment
Closure Posted September 22, 2006 Share Posted September 22, 2006 I'd think i'd had a lucky escape from a lune! Also i'd ask her why she want's a man who fears God instead of loving him. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted September 22, 2006 Share Posted September 22, 2006 I am assuming you got this email. I don't really know what she is referring to since I don't know your story. Obviously she is very hurt over something you have or have not done. It sounds like you kept something from her and she is totally devastated. Have you talked to her about it? She clearly feels very betrayed. The email shows that her heart is really ripped into shreds. If she is right about what you have done and you feel very remorseful, the only thing you can do is leave her a message about your feelings and then back off. If you feel you have done nothing wrong, then contacting her at this point won't help and it is best to leave it alone. Link to comment
arwen Posted September 22, 2006 Share Posted September 22, 2006 I agree with closure. She is full of self-pity and takes no responsibility whatsoever for what happened. Which makes me wonder, what DID happen? Things ended pretty bad, reading this email of hers. Ilse Link to comment
HealingHandsWarmHeart Posted September 22, 2006 Share Posted September 22, 2006 In my opinion..that email is a bit....umm over the top...but it just screams how much pain she is in... so she wants to make you a horrible horrible person that she wouldn't want to marry... because if she thought for a second you were a good man...then it would hurt that much more. I don't know the circumstances...but thats just my take on things. Link to comment
kickedin Posted September 22, 2006 Author Share Posted September 22, 2006 i didnt keep anuthing from her...she thinks i am about my family business she sys i am the perfect boyfriend but doesnt think she can trust as a husband cause i make bad money decision and she doesnt have that security.....this morning she asked for space to figure this out in her heart and pray for an answer...i said fine she wanted this weekend i said ummm ok? i walked out she kissed me goodbye and said ill call you sunday night...she is 34 got divorced in feb of 06 we were together since 11/04 during her seperation...we took a break in jan to may then SHE came backk....i sold my house last week becaus ewe were looking for a new one....and not 5 days later she wants to break up what the f!>? Link to comment
kickedin Posted September 22, 2006 Author Share Posted September 22, 2006 by the way as i walked ut on wednesday night she said here babe...she gave me a drawing of a ring that she likes because i sked her ......i was going to propose soon Link to comment
annie24 Posted September 22, 2006 Share Posted September 22, 2006 I think you shouldn't buy her that ring until you guys work things out. if they can be worked out. Link to comment
snowgirl Posted September 22, 2006 Share Posted September 22, 2006 Sorry, kickedin. As an outsider, I'd say you dodged a bullet here. Possibly she panicked because things were happening with your relationship (since you were about to propose and have sold your house to be with her) and her "fight or flight" reflex kicked in. Some people are just like that, you can get only so close, then they bite you viciously like that. Maybe that's not what is happening with her, but it's a plausible explanation. And as Ilse points out, she is blaming YOU for all of her woes and taking no responsibility herself. You may be able to talk to her, but these things are huge red flags, and are not conducive to a happy, healthy relationship. Again, I am sorry you are hurting. Link to comment
Siriana Posted September 22, 2006 Share Posted September 22, 2006 Well probably you've done something awfull, or she heard something about you - what you have done. She is pretty much p..... off But how can we tzell anything since we don't know why she send it?! Link to comment
kickedin Posted September 22, 2006 Author Share Posted September 22, 2006 i didnt do anything she just feels i am unsettled in my life and i cant afford some things like a "new" house for her like i did with my ex....and if we were to have a baby right now......we would be strapped and she wants to have a baby asap....so i feel like i am inadeqaute and i feel like she is using this as a ecscuse...i guarantee if i said heres a house and lets get pregnant and $$$ wasnt an issue i would NOT be in this position......so now i wait here until she calls"sunday night as she says" which i think is bs because i would never shut her out and say i need my space.....what the heck is she thinking about....i am a little srapped right now have some debts that need to be taken care of....so what....true love = make do with what you got right? Link to comment
sparkle1 Posted September 22, 2006 Share Posted September 22, 2006 True love asked for no money. The email was a little harsh...if all you have 'done wrong' in her eyes, is not to earn enough, buy her a new house, or give her a baby. How could you possibly want to make a baby with someone who reacts like this over money? One thing is certain - if you have a baby, this problem will repeat.. She sounds incredibly materialistic...i would ask yourself...is she what you want?????????? Link to comment
kickedin Posted September 22, 2006 Author Share Posted September 22, 2006 she says its not about money but ....doesnt she deserve at least what i bought my last whxore of a girlfriend.....kinda like she feels less....what she doesnt understand is my business was thriving then and struggling now....if it was i would do it in a heartbeat i love this girl but i think coming from a recent divorce she is very fearful of being in another marriage and it not being 10000% perfect.....i love her but i am hurting and i dont want to rip her and tell her off but i feel like she blames me constanty but yet say i am the perfect boyfriend .....but last night she says "i just dont see you as my husband...i dont have that security especially when it comes to financial decisions" Link to comment
Chibby33 Posted September 22, 2006 Share Posted September 22, 2006 DO NOT BUT THAT RING! I was married and let me tell you, what you're going through is a recipe for disaster. When you get the slightest doubt, RUN! Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted September 22, 2006 Share Posted September 22, 2006 She sounds really messed up and evaluating your relationship based on your last one. She should love you for who you are, not for the house you can provide. Link to comment
kickedin Posted September 22, 2006 Author Share Posted September 22, 2006 when i walked out i felt like is hould have said...you had enough time to think over the past arguments and weekends alone....if you dont know by know then screw iam done.......i cant and didnt say that because she would just say i am playing victim or i am being a * * * *....so no matter what she always blames me.....now i wait until sunday for the 50/50 call and dont know what to say o her if she calls and say i am sorry its over.......or can we talk i feel like she so easily pushes me away whenever she feels like it and i cant say anything about it or else i get accused of controlling or playing victim.. ...i want to send her a text saying "screw it dont wait till sunday i am done take all the time you need but instead realize what you just lost instead thinking about staying with me because that option is no longer on the table"...but something is holding me back from saying that... Link to comment
Mr Mister1 Posted September 22, 2006 Share Posted September 22, 2006 Why is it all down to you money wise? Does she have a job or anything? It's a bit unfair if she's blaming everything on you if she's not earning money herself, and if she is earning then what's the problem? Anyhow I agree with everyone else, I'm seeing "danger" lights flashing! Link to comment
kickedin Posted September 22, 2006 Author Share Posted September 22, 2006 shes makes good money but she wants to stop working keep hous eand be a mom..... Link to comment
Siriana Posted September 22, 2006 Share Posted September 22, 2006 Hey, you can't get married with such big issues, it is like having a huge big elephant in your room. I mean even if she wanted to, I really don't know how could you decide to do so while you are fighting over money? And you still have no children, no huge problems.And I see you are on different pages, she's resenting you a lot and iMHO you need to think about how would this marriage look like? Link to comment
kickedin Posted September 22, 2006 Author Share Posted September 22, 2006 Hey, you can't get married with such big issues, it is like having a huge big elephant in your room. I mean even if she wanted to, I really don't know how could you decide to do so while you are fighting over money? And you still have no children, no huge problems.And I see you are on different pages, she's resenting you a lot and iMHO you need to think about how would this marriage look like? i think she is really scared coming out of a failed marriage....i dont like how she shelfed me for the weekend needing some space and i just walked and said ok......i felt like i should hve said more like...." screw you and the time you have had enough i just sold my housebecause we were supposedly buying one together and now you need time yet again......take all the ime you need because i am done"..........i wanted to but i didnt because i love her sooo much but at what point do you do it because when i have in the past she would focus on that and blame me for playing victim or controlling or playing games when i wouldnt answer or say finale statements....i want to text her so bad right now...........yes or no........she asked for space and said she will call me on sunday night how does someone do that.......just shelf you and what i wait until sunday night until SHE DECIDES what she wants what about what i want? i am hurting so bad i want to text but am afraid i will push her over the edge and regret it Link to comment
whoops Posted September 23, 2006 Share Posted September 23, 2006 i have given my bf till before he goes away to make a decision if he wants to marry me or not after 5 yrs - i dumped him last sat after giving him ultimatium but then chatting to my friends they said this was unfair he stressed about leaving etc didnt give it enough time had been in our 5 yrs happy to marry so i should not push him - i am carrying on like we are finsihed and waiting for him to get back to me for an answer - he has called already although i said no nc unless decision made - i ignored call- i agree dont push them but your issues are worse if they are about money or families you have a prob in the future - think carefully she is hurt but cant communicate this to you is this good for the future? Link to comment
kickedin Posted September 23, 2006 Author Share Posted September 23, 2006 i have given my bf till before he goes away to make a decision if he wants to marry me or not after 5 yrs - i dumped him last sat after giving him ultimatium but then chatting to my friends they said this was unfair he stressed about leaving etc didnt give it enough time had been in our 5 yrs happy to marry so i should not push him - i am carrying on like we are finsihed and waiting for him to get back to me for an answer - he has called already although i said no nc unless decision made - i ignored call- i agree dont push them but your issues are worse if they are about money or families you have a prob in the future - think carefully she is hurt but cant communicate this to you is this good for the future? her bro told me to write down where i am at financially and everything else she may not be clear on and what my plans are as far as a wedding a house and if she got prego and i did that against my better judgement......i called her around 730 and she didnt answer as i was driving over.....she texted me "whats the matter" i said "i have something important for you" i got to her house and she wasnt there so i left it in her foyer( ihave a key) i said in a text dont know where you are at or why you didnt answer your phone but i left it at your house.......she texted me back saying at my sisters with my mom i dont need anything from you i need to decide this on my own i dont feel secure with you and been fighting this feeling too long please dont go to my house uninvited again i told you and told you.........i texted her back "enough said your are 100 percent right on your own be safe" ......i heard nothing all night and i knew she was going to send me an email(gut feeling) well it came at 1250 pm i wont read it!!!!!!! i was going to text her and say "i deserve better then an email i aint readin it ...but i decided not to do anything and just let it sit because it must be bad....if it wasnt she would have called or texted me a positive thing ...like you got mail or please read it....i really dont check my mail so i guess she got all pumped up at hersisters saw my letter and then wrote an email all morning letting me down easy.......she is supposed to call me on sunday night that was her last words to me on friday am...but i think she basically ended it in the email as she has done in the past......so why read it and have more torture is letting her wonder why i am not calling or responding ....gonna do anything she knows me like a book and if i dont read it i think she checks the status she will know........i cant take anymore heartache.... is sold my house because of her we were looking for a house to buy and she does this just 7 days after i sold it...... * * * she is older then me knows what she wants..but it seems like if she cant have the 110% perfect scenario she will break up.......is she just getting cold feet again please help me i love her soooooo much and just last saturday we promised eachother we would never leave eachother!!!! what should i do? Link to comment
Mr Mister1 Posted September 23, 2006 Share Posted September 23, 2006 Why don't you just read her email to find out what she said? At any rate I think you should make her decision for her! Link to comment
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