End of the first date

[guyoutofwater]

I went out on a first date with a young lady last night, and it all went very well I thought. Got to the end of the evening, and I had already asked if she would like to see me again and she said yes, so we sort of stood opposite each other for what seemed like an age, then I moved forward and we gave each other a peck on the cheek, so I thought "Ok, looks promising". If she didn't want to do that, she would have backed away...yes ?

 

Anyway today, I'm so nervous about calling her tonight and sorting out a diner date for the weekend (which I said I would do). Obviously she could have changed her mind, but what I'd like to know is, would a girl normally say yes to a 2nd date, even if she wasn't really interested ?

 

One thing to add, is she's been dissappointed recently by a guy who said he would call and arrange a 2nd date, and never did, so could she be just as nervous at the moment, or thinking I'll do the same (which I'm not, cause I do like the woman).

 

Does this dating lark get any easier ? lol - jez I'm supposed to be 38

[Closure]

Hey,

 

Drop her a text saying you thought last night was great and you'll call her later! She wouldn't have agreed if she didn't want to, she would have been washing her hair or something equally daft. Reassure her that you're interested and always call when you say you will and it'll go well i'm sure.

 

Dating is easy........ I promise.

[babypink61]

Nope, if I'm not interested in the person I wouldn't agree to a 2nd date . . . so I think you're doing great! Call her back to let her know that you're still interested and make arrangments for the 2nd date, good luck!

[arwen]

I think she will be happy to hear from you tonight and look forward to a great dinner that you planned. No, I am SURE you would have noticed if she was not happy about being kissed on the cheek (really, I think you did great). Next time if the date goes really well, take her out for a nice walk if the weather allows for it. Then you can maybe see if she is open for her hair being touched a bit, or... etc.

 

I think if the last guy was so awful, you have a great opportunity of showing her that you are a good guy

 

Ilse

[sparkle1]

Call her!! I'm sure she'll be very relieved to hear your voice, and truly delighted you called....

 

let us know how you get on!!

[guyoutofwater]

Thanks for the replies.

 

Yes I did calll her, and yes she still wants to meet on Saturday for a meal, so she's going to get back to me before the weekend with the details - before you ask - I'm new to the area I live in, so I've no idea where to go, plus I wanted her to feel comfortable with the venue.

 

So hopefully everything will go ok and we will go out on Saturday, hope so anyway, I've been let down at this stage before, so I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

[Mun]

I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you too. Try asking her to pick a place to go to since she knows the area better than you.

 

Have fun!

[zer0effect]

Buck up, get some confidence -best way to do this is to fake it! Did you know forcing yourself to smile will generally increase your mood to a happier one? Same thing with confidence, think to yourself that you are doing her a favor, offering your time to her to hang out with such a great guy. I know it might sound trite or lame, but start believing in yourself more and it will shine through, and from my experience all women love men who show some confidence in themselves.

 

So you asked her out, always call with some ideas ahead of time, don't have to stick to them but show you put some thought into it. New to the area? Get online and start browsing, you are bound to find something interesting that might be fun for the both of you, a nice restaurant, live music, nice place to walk and talk.

 

Don't build it up to more than what it is, try your best to just appreciate the moment for it is giving you. Don't even think for one second such thoughts as "I've been let down at this stage before, so I'm keeping my fingers crossed"

 

The past has nothing to do with this experience, nor does the future, contemplating either while you are with her will just interfere. Try to keep it happy and avoid too much talk about past problems, keep it light as it is only the second date, smile, show your interest in her and be a gentlemen who has confidence in himself.

[guyoutofwater]

Lots have gone on here.

 

Got an email from her on Saturday lunch time, saying she thought that we lived too far apart, but also saying she wasn't sure what she wanted but wanted to stay in touch.

 

Anyway, I spoke to her, and asked if she'd still like to go out for a drink anyway, and after some pondering she said yes.

 

A little later, she asked if rather than going to the pub, whether I'd like to join her at her daughters house for a takeaway and drink for the evening. So I said yes.

 

Initially I met her and her daughter at the pub, and she said she wanted to talk to me alone first in the pub. We had a drink and she said she liked my persistance and would I like to keep seeing her, which I said yes. She also said the idea for meeting at her daughters place, was her daughters.

 

Evening went well, I got on with her daughter and her fiance and I let her get close on the sofa when she wanted to (at one point she nearly had her head on my shoulder), when she backed off, I did too, so I made sure she made the moves and reciprocated as I thought appropriate.

 

Evening ended with a nice cuddle and kiss which wasn't passionate as such, but more intense than friends would do (if you follow).

 

This morning I got a text from her saying she had had a lovely evening, and it was great to be just friends.

 

I've already had a chat to a friend about this, and she's said what I suspected, that she's confused about her own feelings (hence the blowing hot and cold), and yesterday evening at her daughters was to get her daughter and fiance to check me out too.

 

Not sure where this will go, but my best bet is just to take it slowly with her, and let her come round in her own good time (anything I say and do is bound to be checked with her daughter - I'd be naive to think anything else).

 

What do people think ? Does anyone think any differently about the situation ?

[NJRon]

I think taking the slow route is good. However, keep in mind the clue she gave you... she likes your persistence. So, let her set the pace like you are doing... she is definitely confused right now. However, if you are interested, keep up the pursuit on your end a bit. Don't let her set the whole pace... seems like she wants to be assured of your interest before she jumps in...

 

Wonder how recently she has been single and whether he last relationship was a painful one. Keep building an envirnment of safety and support and see if she open up a bit more... If you are comfortable with the pace, then keep at it.

[guyoutofwater]

Well I know she's been divorced for about 14 years, and she's been engaged twice in the mean time (that came out last night). She's a very private person, and I do get the feeling she's been hurt in the past.

 

Without knowing her past, all I can do, is just show her I geniuinely like her company and let her trust me in her own good time. I think patience is the key with this one.

 

Someone said to me, that if her daughter and fiance trust me and like me, then it would let her trust her judgement more.

[Batya33]

Thanks for the replies.

 

Yes I did calll her, and yes she still wants to meet on Saturday for a meal, so she's going to get back to me before the weekend with the details - before you ask - I'm new to the area I live in, so I've no idea where to go, plus I wanted her to feel comfortable with the venue.

 

So hopefully everything will go ok and we will go out on Saturday, hope so anyway, I've been let down at this stage before, so I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

 

Good luck to you! Just wanted to add that I disagree with texting someone you have just met - in this stage, to make the best impression I would do just what you did and call her to arrange the second date.

 

Yes, I have agreed to a second date where I wasn't sure or wasn't interested, where I felt put on the spot. I tried to show lack of enthusiasm - or I would say something about being very busy. I would never agree to a specific time and place for a second date unless I was interested in going. I have had men call me for a second date, arrange a specific time and place, then call the next day to cancel. Doesn't make it right but all sorts of things happen. You just have to balance the pleasure of her company against the risk of rejection/putting yourself out there.

 

Good luck!!

[guyoutofwater]

Well I asked this evening if it would be ok to call (just to have a chat nothing more), and she said she's busy an will catch me in the week.

 

Maybe thats true, but given whats happened so far, I reckon she just wants space, which is fine by me, she can have all the space she needs.

 

Maybe its the guy I am, but I feel for her, and I really don't want to be a complication in her life, and I feel guilty now for calling her today. I know being on a dating site is all about finding someone special, but sometimes, people are thrown together for different reasons, maybe to be friends.

[guyoutofwater]

Here's a thought, which kinda goes with the theme of this thread.

 

How do you know when to persist with a woman ? Gotta be the six million dollar question that.

 

I'm sure thats the mistake I make the most (ie I get blown out, and think thats it, and not try again, when in actual fact, I should have). I bet thats a mistake a lot of guys make.

 

In this case, I did try again, and got the 2nd date, (albeit a rather strange one), and then she's blown cold again.

 

So a connected question would be, how to know when not to persist ? In this case I think I still should, but give the lady a bit of space for a while first.

[Mun]

I've told my male friends this : you matter too.

 

That being said, don't be the only one calling, let her contact you now.That's what you've agreed to anywya. A woman that likes a man will call him to check up on him. That's what I believe. Especially when she fells he is pulling away a bit. So give her the time she needs.... you need it too.

 

In the meantime I hope you are still dating other people. Remember, she is NOT your girlfriend so she doesn't owe you anything really. You may just turn out to be friends, so keep looking around. Sometimes it's hard to accept this but unless there is some exclusivity here then don't kid yourself. She may be dating other people.

Just something I would like for you to keep in mind.

[guyoutofwater]

Thank you Mun. There are a few other women on the dating site that I've held off contacting up until now, so I suppose there is no harm in getting in contact. What the heck - whats the worst that could happen ?

[Mun]

No problem

 

Happy dating !!