Clubbing

[Deesa]

Ok, when a guy goes to a club.......how does he go about approaching a girl? I know there's lots of rejection, but I want to avoid being labelled as a creep and randomly walking up behind a girl and just grabbing her. I'd like to at least introduce myself and stuff like that.

 

I know this seems like a retarted question, but I've never really understood how it worked. LIke if you just saw someone dancing, would it be weird if you just walked up and said "Hey I'm so and so". Of course it's not a talking atmosphere exactly, but at least you get to introduce yourself. Thoughts on this?

[amtjrtcet]

Try making eye contact with her a few times first. This should give you an idea of whether she's interested or not. Then approach her. That way she's already seen you & it may not be quite as awkward.........I was out one night at club where I met my now ex. We made eye contact on and off half the night, & then he walked up to me on the dance floor and I wasn't so surprised when he introduced himself.

[chai714]

They key to talking to people at clubs is to position yourself in a high traffic area. This is usually at the bar. I've witnessed this strategy and recommend it as they come to you and you happen to be there so it's really coincidence.

 

As far as approaching them - make eye contact beforehand and look for positive indicators. If you're getting some positive indicators, you can then approach her. But if she's with her friends then you will likely need to bring your entourage to mingle. You then should use "divide and conquer" strategy, as you will get to know a little more about her when you've got a one-on-one conversation and your chances significantly increase in terms of getting her contact info. Good luck and have fun.

[BillyJean714]

I used to like going out to dance, but now that I'm close to 25, my club days are over..

 

Personally, I don't meet guys at clubs, no matter how nice they appear to be. I just don't pick guys up a clubs, because #1, it's hard for me to trust them.

 

But, if you want to approach a girl, just be polite, friendly, and don't offer her drinks. I dislike it when guys offer me drinks. It makes them look like they're out to get laid, not unless if I personally know them, then I take it as a friendly gesture.

 

Be casual, and most of all, just be yourself. Let your personality shine through, cuz girls can sense it when a guy's a fake/phony. We usually associate a guy who isn't being himself with a creep. I wish you the best!

[sparkle1]

The grab thing is a definate NO NO....there is simply nothing worse then having a great night with your girlies...dancing away and some letch comes up from no where, jiggles there bits about and grabs your * * * *....YUK!!!!!

 

Eye contact, very important and so too is body language. Women can be quite 'out there' when they see someone they like....confidence is the next thing i look for. A guy who approaches me with confidence will have me intrigued (normally) and if i am intrigued i shall speak....

[robowarrior]

if i am intrigued i shall speak

 

That sentence is pure gold.

[BillyJean714]

Lol, I agree, no personal assaults. Do NOT grab the girl.

 

Forgot to add: don't grind up on her either. Unless if she really wants it. I get extremely disappointed when I think a guy who approaches me is sweet..a perfect gentleman, we end up dancing, and he ends up trying to look cool and grind up on me. I'm thinking, "Can I pull up a stool so you can grind on one of its legs, instead?" Complete MAJOR turn-off. Shortly after, I excuse myself.

 

So, like I said, be yourself, don't try to be "hip or cool". Guys like that don't stand a chance. They're usually the laughing stalks of our conversations. I think you're smarter than that, right? Most of all, try not to think about it too much. Just go with the flow. Best of luck!

[Deesa]

Yeah, I wouldn't go by myself to a club. But the thing is.....my "enoutrage" is all girls haha. I'm one of those guys that doesn't have any guy friends, but plenty of girl friends.

 

One other thing.....this is probably a dumb question too. But how exactly can you tell if she's with friends or not?

 

EDIT: Also, what would some "positive signs" be?

[chai714]

It's usually a pretty clear indication when she's standing/sitting with them conversing - that's how you know whether or not she's with her friends. But if you see her sitting alone then it's even easier to approach her.

 

If you're hanging out with all women, then I'm sure there's someone in your group who you can "have fun" with.

[galaxy71]

Ok, when a guy goes to a club.......how does he go about approaching a girl? I know there's lots of rejection, but I want to avoid being labelled as a creep and randomly walking up behind a girl and just grabbing her. I'd like to at least introduce myself and stuff like that.

 

I know this seems like a retarted question, but I've never really understood how it worked. LIke if you just saw someone dancing, would it be weird if you just walked up and said "Hey I'm so and so". Of course it's not a talking atmosphere exactly, but at least you get to introduce yourself. Thoughts on this?

 

 

First, you have to learn how to approach a girl who is part of a group. Instead of relying on your friends to approach a girl, you have to learn how to approach a group of girls by yourself A lot of girls feel safe going to a nightclub with their friends at their side. They don't want to be hit on by some drunk guy. There is no point wasting time waiting for a girl to be separated from her friends. Furthermore, some girls get intimidated when a group of guys approaches them.

 

Guys approach groups of girls by themselves all the time. Approaching a group of girls by yourself is a skill you will need in all types of places like parties, schools, nightclub and bars. When you approach a group of girls, you have to not only win over the girl you like, but you have to win over her friends who might cockblock you if they don't like you. Once the group likes you, then you can isolate the girl you like(i.e. "Hey girls, I've been ignoring your friend there, can I talk to her?").

 

Since nightclubs are extremely loud, you need to rely heavily on confident body language. Here's one thing I learned that I used on a girl. "Hey, I challenge you to a thumb wrestling match".

[timlondon]

OK - primarily don't use the rubbish pick-up lines from the other thread! And don't start by offering her a drink, it just looks lame and indicates that you're trying to buy her. Not cool. Oh, and don't you drink too much either, the wasted look may be funny but won't get the girls.

 

Also, it doesn't matter whether she's with a group of friends or whatever; what does seem to make a difference is approaching girls on your own without some kind of sidekick hanging around, I think it comes accross as a bit predatory. You need to go up to her as soon as you see her - because if you don't you'll over-analyse what you're about to do, and might blow it. Be super-confident without being arrogant, and the impression that you're trying to give off is that you're totally unfazed by her looks. If it's a group you're approaching, meet all of them rather than just the girl you're interested in, and maybe give the one you've got your eye on less attention than the others to start with.

 

You need to break the ice. I normally gently take the piss out of the waiters if we're standing at the bar, but basically anything that's not completely lame will do. There are no "signs" that she's interested - if she responds, it's on. It's up to you.

 

Then chat, be yourself, be funny and interesting - but don't compliment her, it just comes accross like you're trying to pull her. If you really do feel the need to, it shoudld be some kind of oblique compliment about her skill or ability at something rather than about her looks. Non-invasive body contact works wonders here, girls love it if you gently and occasionally touch either their elbow or shoulder while you're chatting. Don't be awkward when you're doing this! Verrrrry relaxed. If it's going well, she'll reciprocate.

 

Your goal at this stage isn't to get her completely by the way, you're after either a kiss or her number - or both. After max half an hour, its time to go, so say something like "I have to go back to my friends, but I've enjoyed this. How do you suggest we continue this conversation?" and get her number. To get a kiss, if it's going well, stop talking and maintain eye contact - if she holds your gaze for three seconds, you're pretty much good to go. "Would you like to kiss me?" sounds terrible but is the line that works in this situation. And there - you've done it. Repeat as necessary.

[timlondon]

Depends on the bar or club, though I suspect you're right about long-term prospects. There's a fantastic Brazilian club here in London that seems to have waaaay more girls than guys.

 

And the reason she's bored of speaking to guys is that a succession of cretins has come up to her trying to impress her with ridiculous dancing and rubbish "was your father a thief..." chat-up lines. But you're right not to restrict yourself to bars and clubs