help me put this in perspective

[deblez]

My husband is a cheater. He states that i don't give him enough sex. I don't take care of myself etc.etc. I feel like I'm in this ridiculous cycle. I have said to him "why would i want to have sex with you when i don't trust you?" We have two children and one has special needs. My special needs child takes a lot out of me. I just don't understand why he doesn't see that. Why he has all these ridiculous expectations of me. The other woman knows he's married and she doesn't care. She basically told me that I'm in this position because i don't take care of my husband. I have read her e-mails to him. She call herself his wife. So today I have decided to leave him. I feel less than. I feel that she's won and they can move on and start a new family and I am alone for the rest of my life with my kids . I feel like i am a joke. i know that this is self pity but I'm a little down.

deb

[DN]

I'm sorry you are going through this and he is absolutely wrong to cheat - no question.

 

How often were you having sex before he started cheating?

[Closure]

If the relationship was healthy you would be happier, take more pride in your appearance and in turn you would have had more sex......

 

The fact he has cheated compounds an unhealthy relationship.

 

You have done the best thing by leaving him. You are an extremely brave woman and I applaud you!

[Relationship Coach]

I feel that she's won

....uh no, she's lost, she has to keep him! Listen there is never a good reason to stay in a relationship like this and having a special needs child and a selfish needs husband is a horrible combination. By getting out you are sending a message to him and his wannabe wife, good riddance! Let's see how long they live in happiness now that you have removed yourself from the picture and cleared the pathway for her to swoop in! What will be his excuse to her now that he is going to be divorced and available? This will all blow up in his face and hers. Seldom do good things come from a relationship spawned from infidelity. Take him to the cleaners, you're a good mom and that is what is important here! Once the home wrecker puts on a few pounds and stops shaving her legs, she will get kicked to the curb for a newer model too. Karma is a real sweet thing and he's got a cavity.

 

RC

[agent1607307371]

I feel that she's won and they can move on and start a new family

 

That he will in time cheat on.

 

 

You're the winner here. You've got rid of an obviously malign influence from your life. Congratulations.

 

Stay strong, be happy.

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

I was full of nothing but despair when reading your post - until the end.

 

That you have left is an absolutely fan-feckin-tastic thing to do, stick to your guns, you are very strong and I'm sure will continue to do so.

 

To be childish, those jerks deserve each other. May they...yeah.

[Jayar]

Good for you for leaving. There's nothing that could be done in this situation. He doesn't even seem to LIKE you very much... There was nothing left for you to fix. Take care of your kids, and you'll be fine!

[Hope75]

Hi There,

 

I am so sorry to hear that this is happening. Your husband sounds as though he is making excuses to cheat. There are other ways to deal with sexual incompatibility, and he knows that cheating is not going to solve what is at the root of the problem.

 

Having a disabled child can put tremendous pressure on even the strongest of marriages. It can be very stressful on both parents. I can see why as your role changed to being a parent to your child and your demands increased, you felt less available to your husband. I can also see why he may have withdrawn and felt distant from you, often times a spouse is out on the back burner inadvertantly while both parents are focused on the needs of the child. However, this is something that should have been discussed between the two of you and either worked on together, or at that point agreed upon seperation. It's a shame that this is the way he chose to handle the stress and lack of intimacy he may have felt.

 

You sound like a very strong woman, I think you will do well as a single parent and I hope you have alot of support around you during this difficult time.

[now_better]

I feel like i am a joke.

 

first off, promise yourself that you will never let someone degrade you the way your husband has. cheating is wrong in so many different ways. my ex cheated on me and i was willing to take her back. wrong, wrong wrong... it took a lot of courage for you to do the right thing and walk away from this person and the situation.

 

second, you have a lot to look forward to. 3 kids... you're going to have a lot of fun memories as you raise them up. it's going to be tough as a single parent, but you probably know this as well... there are few things more rewarding in life than raising kids (even when it doesn't feel like it sometimes!).

 

congrats on making a decision to move forward in life into the unknown instead of being stuck in some place where you were miserable. it's hard to remain optimistic in times like this so like people said, tap in your support network (including us!).

[deblez]

Thanks. I have cried so much. Today he called with detachment in his voiced he asked about the kids. I responded negatively to him and he told me that obviously something was missing between us. Noboby leaves a great situation. and once i again he did it. He made me feel like . I just want to avoid all contact with him. thanks for listening

[n83]

Hey Deb..

Unfortunately you can't cut off all contact with him.. the best thing you can do is just keep the phone calls short, sweet, and to the point (well, not so sweet, but you get the idea).

 

Out of curiosity, have you considered a support group for parents with special needs children?? I think that especially at this time, you are going to need all the emotional support you can find.

 

I applaud you, nay.. WORSHIP you, for leaving this man. Seriously, you don't need more toxins in your life. This guy is poison. It is one thing to separate and divorce, another to blatantly cheat (and with a moron, at that!) I am truly sorry you're going through this, but stay strong.... and get a damn good attorney!!

[doyathink]

he told me that obviously something was missing between us.

 

Uh huh...love respect and honor....he is missing all of those! You have done the right thing here. It wont take long before they get sick of each other and their relationship will lose it's fire. Good luck to you.

[law4life]

Don't worry deblez, he will do the same thing to her. Men like that will hurt any woman they are with. I was left with special needs twins, I understand. Now the first guy I opened up to has broken my heart, and lied to me, he is married and I did not know, now I am finished with him because I am against adultery. Just know, one, you are not alone, second, he does not love himself or he would not treat you that way. Third, keep loving those children no matter what he does. You will be alright. I cant imagine your position, however, follow your heart and love yourself. Don't let him blame you for his not being faithful he made a promise to you, to love you for better or for worse. He is breaking that promise, not you. Pray and know no matter what he does, God will hear you, you are his angel. Be encouraged.