HELP PLEASE!!! Quick question...is there hope?

[FortunateOne]

Has anyone cheated without the person finding out, and actually got over the guilt? I had never had sex with anyone else (I'm 27 years old) other then my bf of 7yrs and started to get curious. It was the worse thing I've EVER done. Wondering if there is hope for me. Will time heal this wound?

 

 

JulieSB,

 

This is all part of the healing process and apologize to you for getting of track with your issue. This is something that after a lot of soul searching you may want to decide to be upfront with your boyfriend. Remember, one lie begins another and so on. Please, if you plan to form a permanent life with him, go to premaritual consuling and be honest about your insecurities. Trust me, if he truly loves you he will heal with time. It might take quite a while, but he will once again trust you. Do this with care, love and affection in order to soften the blow. Okay.

[FortunateOne]

My sensere regrats and apologies JulieSB, Closure and Avman.

[FortunateOne]

Has anyone cheated without the person finding out, and actually got over the guilt? I had never had sex with anyone else (I'm 27 years old) other then my bf of 7yrs and started to get curious. It was the worse thing I've EVER done. Wondering if there is hope for me. Will time heal this wound?

 

 

JulieSB,

 

This is all part of the healing process and apologize to you for getting of track with your issue. This is something that after a lot of soul searching you may want to decide to be upfront with your boyfriend. Remember, one lie begins another and so on. Please, if you plan to form a permanent life with him, go to premaritual consuling and be honest about your insecurities. Trust me, if he truly loves you he will heal with time. It might take quite a while, but he will once again trust you. Do this with care, love and affection in order to soften the blow. Okay.

[JulieSB]

Thanks to everyone that has replied thus far. Yes I know I was VERY wrong, and yes I love my boyfriend very much. Of course knowing that I cheated you might think differently, but I know my heart and I know it is true love. Yes at the time we were going thru a hard time in the relationship, but I know that is not an excuse from my actions. Of course if I could take it back I would, but I can't so I am taking this as a growing and learning experience. Its hard for me to explain a 7 year relationship in a short reply, but I know this is the real thing. I've thought may times about telling him, but I know that would do much more harm then good!

 

Thanks again for all of your help!

Julie

[Crazyaboutdogs]

There are a lot of people who say that if a person cheats, they must be unhappy in the relationship they are in and should look into that. While that may be true in some cases, I wouldn't say it is true in all cases. Often times cheating has more to do with the cheater's own issues. They love their partner but something inside themself is not content. In quite a few cases the person who cheats feels really horrible afterwards and wants to make amends. It is like the act of cheating finally snapped them out of their internal turmoil and they realized "what in the world was I thinking".

 

I believe that a person who cheats should tell their partner because it is unfair for them to live under false pretenses. If you read other posts in the Infidelity forum, people who have eventually found out about their partner's infidelity years after the fact, are devastated. Even more so because they start re-thinking all the years in between the cheating and the finding out and wonder if the relationship was a sham. Infidelity has a way of coming to the surface. The partner always manages to find out, if not now, later on. Better to be honest from the outset. If the relationship ends because of it, it would probably have ended no matter how far down the road the cat is let out of the bag. Better to find out now if the relationship is strong enough to withstand this then to live a lie.

[annie24]

Has anyone cheated without the person finding out, and actually got over the guilt? I had never had sex with anyone else (I'm 27 years old) other then my bf of 7yrs and started to get curious. It was the worse thing I've EVER done. Wondering if there is hope for me. Will time heal this wound?

 

welcome to enotalone.

 

sure, I think that time will heal this wound.

 

my take on cheating.... if it is a one time "oops" and you feel horrible and never plan on doing it again, then don't tell him. all it will do is make him feel terrible and hurt and angry. if it were me, and my bf cheated on me as a one time deal and he felt horrible about it afterwards, i wouldn't want to know.

 

i guess you need to do some soul searching and figure out why you did what you did. It makes sense kind of though... you have been with your bf for so long, you are wondering who else is out there.

 

ok, this will sound really strange... but have you thought about expanding your sex life with your bf? i mean, maybe participate in 3somes if you are into that, join some kink groups.... if variety is what you feel is missing from your life, you can incorporate it without cheating on your bf. just an out there thought.....