Is This Mostly True?

[rachel1256]

I just have a general question, and I hope I don't offend anyone.

I was listening to a very popular radio station this morning here in LA, and they had a man on who was married, yet had a girlfriend on the side. He was caught when the girlfriend found out about his wife, and so the girlfriend on the side called the man live on the radio.

 

The man's excuse was every man that's married or in a long term relationship has a girl on the side. He said any man that doesn't is a liar.

 

I recently got out of a relationship where my ex was very kind one minute, then able to lie very well, while all over internet dating sights, etc, even when we were together. So, I experienced that first hand. I wouldn't know when he was lying, and when he was truly being faithful to me. It was miserable.

 

My question now, at 23, do I have hope of finding a man who will NOT desire to be with another woman, even say after 15 years of marriage? I guess my first relationship with a man really hurt me, then hearing this, it makes me lose hope.

[dreynolds]

Not everyone is the same - of course not.

I have never and could never cheat on a girlfriend/wife - it's not in my nature. I know there are a lot of guys on here that would agree with me....but that' sjust the way we are. I'm also surrounded with friends and colleagues who are married, or in long term relationships - and they can and do cheat. Again - everyone is different.

 

The only advice I guess I can give you is to listen to your heart - you're still very young, it's early in the dating world....you'll learn to read people so well, and will become a stronger person with the experiences you have been through and will go through in the years ahead.

 

As for being scared that the next guy you fall for might cheat on you - you can't do that - that's like being scared do drive in your car because you might get into an accident. It's just one of those things that could happen - might happen - but you have to decide whether or not it's worth it to you to experience all the GOOD things that it can give back.

 

Myself - I've been burned, hurt, used...but it has made me who I am today - and I know what I will stand for and won't stand for. I still hurt, i'm only human - and I also know that love is one of the most important things to me - that a relationship with someone, someone to build a life with and a family with is very important....so, I take the chances....and will continue to take the chances...put my heart out there, hope for the best....

[Ipso Fracto Man]

He may or may not have believed his pathetic assertion that every guy has a girl on the side but it is ABSOLUTELY not true. Furthermore, my overall observation has been that as men mature they become less likely to engage in foolish and risky behavior. I see no reason for you to be discouraged about the future.

 

Myself - I've been burned, hurt, used...but it has made me who I am today - and I know what I will stand for and won't stand for. I still hurt, i'm only human - and I also know that love is one of the most important things to me - that a relationship with someone, someone to build a life with and a family with is very important....so, I take the chances....and will continue to take the chances...put my heart out there, hope for the best....

 

Seconded, and very well said.

[rose2summer]

Oh, was this kiss fm 102.7 you were listening to?

 

Rachel, I am not sure if we are talking about the same show, but there are some people on there, who I know are the minority in real life,

 

No, all men don't have a gf in every state, or a all have a woman on the side,

 

They always play those on the air out of all the callers they receive,

 

Because people love drama, just like soap operas,

 

I was recently burned,

 

But I still am very hopeful and I believe not all men are like that,

 

For example, in my really large family/relatives,

 

There has never been a case of infidelity, divorce, etc,

 

And trust me, we would know, there are so many of us in 1 city,

 

A person would bound to get caught by other family members,

 

My point is that there are many good people out in the world,

 

You just might not find them on dating sites, or when you are actively searching,

 

Stop searching, and someone will pop up out of nowhere,

 

And make sure you are places where a man can meet you,

 

Like a bookstore, church, store,

 

If you never go out, there's really a dim hope,

 

You get the idea,

 

Hugs, I know how you feel,

 

My ex had a dating profile up when he was with me,

 

And it really stung,

 

But I know he was just plain insecure,

 

And I will find someone better who can love me in every way,

 

Hugs,

 

Rose

[chai714]

My question now, at 23, do I have hope of finding a man who will NOT desire to be with another woman, even say after 15 years of marriage?

 

Of course there's hope in finding a man who will be loyal to you for 15 years.

 

The man you were listening to on that radio show is a bad character. He has persuaded himself that the immoral life he lives is somehow what every man does, which is by far not true.

 

I can understand you possibly thinking that all men are this, or all men are that. And of course, it makes no sense because each person is unique. Some men are loyal, some men are not. Some men make the right choices, some men do not.

[shes2smart]

Of all the guys I dated/had relationships with only ONE cheated on me to my knowledge.

 

My alcoholic ex never understood why men would cheat. He always maintained that there wasn't enough time to maintain more than one relationship.

 

My husband left his first wife because SHE cheated on HIM. Having been on the receiving end of that kind of behavior and knowing what kind of person he is, the chances of him cheating are less than zero.

 

There are men who cheat. There are women who cheat. However, I believe they are in the minority.

 

A side note...as someone who's worked on air in the radio biz for 20+ years, there's little entertainment value in putting "normal" people on the air. The wackier they are, the better. That guy made a good bit that got your attention because his attitude was over the top. But much like what you see on TV, I'd take it with a HUGE grain of salt....it might be that guy's real life...but it doesn't have to be YOURS.

[Momene]

I've been faithful to my wife for 17 years but have cheated on girlfriends in the past.

[Dako]

Lots of guys can tell you they haven't cheated, but your concern is about the guy you're with. All you can do is study his character. If he's dishonest or selfish in other ways, he might be tempted to stray.

If he's very clever with putting one over on someone, he may treat you the same.

[rachel1256]

Thank you everyone. The responses have really helped. I guess I'm basing this on my one and only serious relationship, and what I mostly see around me.

Yes, it was 102.7, and you are right, that's good entertainment, and he is the minority- I hope.

 

I just got discouraged, as I've been single for months now, and I've been hearing a lot about this kind of stuff in the media.

Like you've all said, the media is mostly a bias source, given that cheating, lying, etc.... sells.

 

Thank you everyone. It gets discouraging, but like you've said, the right man will come along when I'm not looking.

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

I'd wager it is probably true.

 

Women as well as men . . but I assume I'm enough for no one, and I'm paranoid.

 

Hopefully it was merely radio dramatization.

[BellaDonna]

The man's excuse was every man that's married or in a long term relationship has a girl on the side. He said any man that doesn't is a liar.

 

 

I think he's full of it. He just wants to make it seem as if "everyone else does it" so that he does not appear to be a loser/jerk. (People use that form of reasoning in Kindergarten) He wants the spotlight off of him.

 

Of course there are good men out there that do not cheat on their wives! Don't believe his BS.

 

 

BellaDonna

[Momene]

There's also bad men who don't cheat on their wives.

[BellaDonna]

There's also bad men who don't cheat on their wives.

 

LOL

 

Yes, the world is quite a diverse place... And I'd still take the "bad men who don't cheat" over the clown that was on that radio program...

 

 

BellaDonna

[now_better]

My question now, at 23, do I have hope of finding a man who will NOT desire to be with another woman, even say after 15 years of marriage? I guess my first relationship with a man really hurt me, then hearing this, it makes me lose hope.

 

just like everybody said, you're going to find all different types of people in life. and when you find balanced, healthy people, you're going to find that they're going to stick around for the long haul. of course, one of the keys to keeping relationships alive is treating it as such. keep it fresh, keep it fun, and exciting.

 

i was w/ my ex for almost 5 yrs and she was all i needed in life. and my close friends all feel likewise... you'll find someone out there.

[rachel1256]

thanks for the insight and great advice everyone.

[tinysquid66]

I was with a man for 20 years and although he was liar and a drug-addicted that destroyed our marriage. the only thing he DID do right was NOT CHEAT SEXUALLY on me.

[ImThatGirl]

This post makes me think of the popular songs "Unfaithful" and "Lips of an Angel." These songs are played often and I believe at the top of the charts. It makes me wonder why.....

[shes2smart]

This post makes me think of the popular songs "Unfaithful" and "Lips of an Angel." These songs are played often and I believe at the top of the charts. It makes me wonder why.....

 

 

Calling on 20+ years of radio experience, I'll be cynical and say: catchy hook and lots of promotion by the record companies.

[ImThatGirl]

Calling on 20+ years of radio experience, I'll be cynical and say: catchy hook and lots of promotion by the record companies.

 

Thanks! Makes me feel much better!

[Beyondthesea]

Rach, you bet there is someone wonderful waiting for you out there! Enjoy your time to yourself, enjoy who you are and where you're going, then he will come into view

 

Much love, hugs & blessings