iamteddybearfeelmecuddle Posted September 11, 2006 Share Posted September 11, 2006 Yeah, that sounds like a really healthy relationship to me... Well exactly, you have to wonder how great those guys are that have to be rescuing someone. Guys like that must have issues of their own I guess?! I heard that some guys don't like a girl who has her life together, because they feel intimidated, because they have a need to be the superior one. So...those must be the guys that are always rescuing the needy girls. Maybe that's not a good type of guy to have anyway.. Link to comment
friscodj Posted September 11, 2006 Share Posted September 11, 2006 Trust me, be alone for a while, do some reflection and introspection, don't worry about this situation, and things will get a lot better for you... Link to comment
natalie121687 Posted September 11, 2006 Author Share Posted September 11, 2006 I understand how you feel. I like being alone but I also feel the need to have someone in my life to share my life with. It is not a great feeling but I feel that I want a bf right now. When I was with my ex, I lost my feelings for him and dragged him with me in my life, while I was confused about what to do. He sensed my confusion and try to fix things for me. The feelings were gone and I didnt want to let him go because I liked having a bf in my life. He ended up doing the task for me and breaking up with me. I was left alone with no life raft. That was hard, even though I had lost my feelings for the ex some time before. I'm glad I'm not the only one with this problem, but I'm sorry you had to go through this too with your ex. I hope you find a great guy soon too Link to comment
renaissancewoman101 Posted September 11, 2006 Share Posted September 11, 2006 I would think having a guy who is a rescuer would not be a BAD thing. That is so chivalrous. Link to comment
melrich Posted September 11, 2006 Share Posted September 11, 2006 all i know is im sick of my bf's way of life and its not working for me and i need something/someone NEW. You have to divorce the 2 events. Ending a relationship you are not happy in and finding a new relationship are mutually exclusive events. One does not have to be linked to the other. Deal with what you have control over first. Don't not do it because you feel you may have to spend a bit of time as a single. Link to comment
friscodj Posted September 11, 2006 Share Posted September 11, 2006 Well exactly, you have to wonder how great those guys are that have to be rescuing someone. Guys like that must have issues of their own I guess?! I heard that some guys don't like a girl who has her life together, because they feel intimidated, because they have a need to be the superior one. So...those must be the guys that are always rescuing the needy girls. Maybe that's not a good type of guy to have anyway.. It takes two healthy people to make a healthy relationship. She's trying to find the other half of this equation but I think she needs to work on some issues of her own before she'll get the right answer... regardless of the other variable... Link to comment
iamteddybearfeelmecuddle Posted September 11, 2006 Share Posted September 11, 2006 I would think having a guy who is a rescuer would not be a BAD thing. That is so chivalrous. I guess it all depends on the whole situation. Link to comment
natalie121687 Posted September 11, 2006 Author Share Posted September 11, 2006 teddy- yeah i am SO sick of guys having to be the superior one, but its so true they do..... friscodj- thanks for the advice, i will admit im not ready to break up with my bf but I will work on detaching from him and learning to be more on my own, and independent. Link to comment
iamteddybearfeelmecuddle Posted September 11, 2006 Share Posted September 11, 2006 teddy- yeah i am SO sick of guys having to be the superior one, but its so true they do..... I know..Just one quick example, I was really scared to go to college, because I didn't think I could do it. I got a 3.9 in my first college class (a long time ago), and my then bf kept putting me down and saying it was just because my teacher was easy and stuff like that. Uncool! Link to comment
friscodj Posted September 11, 2006 Share Posted September 11, 2006 friscodj- thanks for the advice, i will admit im not ready to break up with my bf but I will work on detaching from him and learning to be more on my own, and independent. That's cool, I sincerely hope you follow through with this... Link to comment
natalie121687 Posted September 11, 2006 Author Share Posted September 11, 2006 teddy-ugh that guy sounds like a real jerk and um sorta like MY bf haha. i swear whenever i do something outstanding i expect to receive only putdowns from him which is very annoying and does not help with my self-esteem very much... Link to comment
iamteddybearfeelmecuddle Posted September 11, 2006 Share Posted September 11, 2006 teddy-ugh that guy sounds like a real jerk and um sorta like MY bf haha. i swear whenever i do something outstanding i expect to receive only putdowns from him which is very annoying and does not help with my self-esteem very much... Yeah, That particular guy his biggest problem was he totally took me for granted, and I eventually dumped him..but long story, and I don't want to hijack your thread. Anyway I've had very similar bf's to your bf, and I have felt pretty much exactly the same way as you at times, so I know where you're coming from. Link to comment
friscodj Posted September 11, 2006 Share Posted September 11, 2006 Keep your eyes on the prize here Natalie...this situation is about you and not about another guy at this point... Link to comment
Dako Posted September 11, 2006 Share Posted September 11, 2006 Frisco's so right about this. My sister is 64 years old. She's found men disappointing her whole life, and lives alone in the desert. No one was ever good enough for her. Link to comment
TheRedQueen Posted September 11, 2006 Share Posted September 11, 2006 Great question I have no idea, but I hear there are a lot of them in Canada. Link to comment
Ipso Fracto Man Posted September 11, 2006 Share Posted September 11, 2006 Good people are like diamonds, found generally not in piles but scattered here and there at odd intervals. You have two great things in your favor: the luxury of time and the wisdom to know a gemstone from an ordinary rock. Consider yourself lucky; many find the luxury gone before the wisdom coalesces. Link to comment
CarnelianButterfly Posted September 11, 2006 Share Posted September 11, 2006 Great question I have no idea, but I hear there are a lot of them in Canada. LOL! Who told you that! The Canadian guys I know are just as bad as the American. Link to comment
iamteddybearfeelmecuddle Posted September 11, 2006 Share Posted September 11, 2006 Frisco's so right about this. My sister is 64 years old. She's found men disappointing her whole life, and lives alone in the desert. No one was ever good enough for her. Good for her. She's got to be better off alone in the desert than stuck in the desert with some guy who treats her badly, no? Link to comment
TheRedQueen Posted September 11, 2006 Share Posted September 11, 2006 I know several good men out there, 4 in fact. I have hope still!!! Link to comment
FortunateOne Posted September 11, 2006 Share Posted September 11, 2006 Natalie, firscodj is on the money here. You need to reassess your relationship fundamentals and become the "nice lady" a nice gent wants. Do not repeat the errors of the past, but break the cycle now, while your young. You have so much life to go and be happy. Invest a year or two developing your self identity to become an awesome woman. As for a guy to save you, that's just not right b/c nice gent aren't looking for projects, they want an equally healthy lady. Link to comment
Dako Posted September 11, 2006 Share Posted September 11, 2006 Good for her. She's got to be better off alone in the desert than stuck in the desert with some guy who treats her badly, no? My sister is so sure that ALL men suck, that any good guys run from her hard-shelled cynicism and mistrust. She's so sure ALL men are weasels she sends out a cold and bitter vibe. Even my mother sees it. If I kept meeting women that were creepy, I sure wouldn't blame half of humanity. In my case, I've found women to be pretty amazing. Link to comment
FortunateOne Posted September 11, 2006 Share Posted September 11, 2006 If I kept meeting women that were creepy, I sure wouldn't blame half of humanity. In my case, I've found women to be pretty amazing. Right on Dako Link to comment
jurupa Posted September 11, 2006 Share Posted September 11, 2006 Jarupa, I don't know, it seems like some of the most needy and 'helpless' women I know have great men throwing themselves at their feet, trying to take care of their every latest crisis and whim.Yes guys do this, but tell me how long before the guy leaves or there are major problems in the relationship. The later one makings things unhealthy for both people and does more harm than good. Well I actually do go to art shows quite often (I'm an art student) and I HATE starbucks (i have a cafe i love going to called CK cafe) and the dog park is one of my fav hangouts, so I feel like Im doing all the right things and going to the right places to meet new ppl but nothing is working. I honestly dont have many friends i hang out with which is another thing that bothers me and makes me NOT want to leave eddie. Maybe I give off bad vibes and Im just unapproachable which hurts my feelings i feel like something is wrong with me (maybe ppl really are sensing i have a lot of baggage) but jeez how do i get over all of this and move on if its so hard to meet ppl to help me move on and im not sure what else i can fit into my schedule as of more hobbies........ its just confusing and stresses me out........all i know is im sick of my bf's way of life and its not working for me and i need something/someone NEW.It sounds like your doing the right things. It also takes time and effort (as in talking to people). As far as the friend thing I can see more of why you don't want to let go of your boyfriend. But you gotta becuase its unhealthy. I am better at making conections than friends (don't ask me why), but maybe if you had a good conversation with someone maybe you should ask if they would like to see an art show sometime or something like that. If you have the time you should vounlenteer for a local non-profit group. Don't vounlenteer for the big ones like the Red Cross (Note I have nothing against them and have worked with them once so far), becuase with the bigger groups there are lot of people and a more people moving about to different areas so it can get hard to know people. I do wonlenteer work and have met people thru it. None of them have been girls my age, but hey thats not really my aim with the group. The thing I find funny is when I tell people about the non-profit group they are surprise that I am in such a group. And it does score points for me. Link to comment
natalie121687 Posted September 11, 2006 Author Share Posted September 11, 2006 Well if I ever have extra time to involve myself in a volunteer group, it sounds like a good idea. I know I do have a lot of issues I need to work on before I get involved with another guy, but some of the things I deal with mentally, I feel are never going to go away unless I get some sort of help (like being confused about my depression, if it is bi-polar or what) and I feel helpless about my mental issues, like I would rather forget about them and hope they disappear and just worry about meeting new guys -not to save me- but to help me change for the better. Link to comment
natalie121687 Posted September 11, 2006 Author Share Posted September 11, 2006 Great question I have no idea, but I hear there are a lot of them in Canada. Haha, I actually met some Canadian metalheads while on a roadtrip up north....they were pretty cool and I'd like to meet some more of them some time .........................infact, id like to just go on another roadtrip sometime...that's always a good way to meet new people (just who ever has the time/money to randomly go on roadtrips whenever they want?!?!) Link to comment
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