how long until you really felt better

[milly]

I'm sure it is different for everyone I was just wondering how long until you really started to feel better about the break-up and feel you were no longer in love with your ex. It has been 2 months since my break-up and although I feel a little better about things I still feel like I'm in love with him and haven't been able to move on. I was just curious how long it took for others if you wouldn't mind sharing.

[melrich]

I think you are right, it will be different for everyone. How long was your relationship for?

[milly]

My relationship lasted for 2 years.

[melrich]

2 years is a reasonably long time. I would certainly not expect you to be "over" the relationship in a couple of months.

 

No one can say for sure but if you work at healing yourself you should start to feel much better about things sooner rather than later. If you take comfort in sort of wallowing then it can take a long time to move on from things.

 

I think it's really about the attitude you take.

[TheGetUpKid]

My EX and I were together for 4 years and we broke about 2 months ago. I wouldnt say Im completely over her but I do feel a whole lot better than I felt the first couple of weeks. I still love her and would get back together with her but I just remind myself that we are no longer together and I need to focus on myself.

[friscodj]

In my experience, the difference is based on the person, the circumstances of the break-up, the truth behind the relationship (was this other person classy or classless and were you guys a good fit or really just kidding yourselves?), how much contact you still have with them (still "friends"?) and the level of emotional investment.

 

With that said, 2 years for you, I'd ballpark it between 6-12 months to grieve, really get back on your feet, and be ready for a new healthy relationship.

[kadvati79]

I was going out with my ex for about 1.5 years, and at the 2 month mark I was still a mess. It was about the 4 month mark I started functioning normally... and about the 6 month mark before I started to have my true own goals and ambitions back that I didn't see my ex in any more.

[joyce1412]

oh man, i agree...i was in a relationship for 1 1/2 years and i was definitely still torn up after 2 months. i'm at five months now, and i think i'm all done with the worst of the pain (now that my ex is seeing someone else, i don't see how it can get much worse).

 

i have reason to believe the six month mark is going to be awesome.

[GottaLetItBurn]

I would say give it atleast 6 months to 1 year. Females are a lot better in my opinion at dealing with the loss in a relationship. It takes time, a lot though.

 

You need to do the things that you want to do, but always have in the back of your head that it is important to stay away from him. If you break contact, be sure to remember having no contact with him will help you. Every time you make contact with him expect a set back.

[joyce1412]

I would say give it atleast 6 months to 1 year. Females are a lot better in my opinion at dealing with the loss in a relationship. It takes time, a lot though.

 

really? i've always thought that females experience the heartbreak much more deeply. in my experience, the guys detach faster and are much less reliant on their partners than the women. women place much more value on maintaining relationships than men do, so it's a more devastating blow.

 

however, as it's also been discussed, women receive a lot more support RE: getting over it and letting their emotions out, whereas men are usually expected to hold it in and just deal with it.

[life_of_ai]

my ex and i were together for 3.5 years, she broke up with me in april, im still having my good and bad days, been trying NC, somewhat working. I guess the reality that I'm gonna have to not be friends with her also hurts, she was my best friend. I knew her 1.5 years before we got together, so ive known her for over 5 years.

 

Honestly, sometimes when i think about it, I miss having her as a friend more then a g/f, althought they were the same thing. We were always together and hangout out, but after 2 weeks after she broke up with me, she found someone else. So shes always with him and his frat, now shes in a sorority now too. Those are all higher on her priority list. She'll call me every couple days but im not answering. I really do miss her, but on my good days i realize she left me and now has her new friends.

[milly]

Thanks for all the responses. I guess I just need to give myself more time and was curious how long it took others to deal with their loss. This makes me feel hopeful that things will continue to improve over the next few months. I haven't talked to my ex since the break-up but for some reason I felt like he was over me the next day.... maybe I'm just assuming since he never made contact but I guess that is for the best right now.

[joyce1412]

i think it's good to assume that your ex is over you, even if you have no evidence to back it up one way or the other. it motivates you to get over him faster. and when you accept that he's over you, you also don't keep yourself in "maybe he'll want me back" purgatory. i think that those with the least amount of hope get over it the fastest.

[kadvati79]

i think that those with the least amount of hope get over it the fastest.

Absolutely agree there. Thats been my experience. Even without positive signs, where there was hope, I would assume the best. So I took an axe to my hope, dealt with the sadness, but then walked out and realised there was a big wide world out there just for me!

[TheRedQueen]

For me, I tend to have a pretty fast recovery rate because I fully confront and purge my emotions. Once the bile has effectively left my system I take it in for analysis to discover all the potential toxins. Sorry if this makes no sense to anyone else but me but that's the best way I can describe how I deal with heart break. Anyway to go along with this metaphor, or analogy, once I figure out which emotional toxins were responsible for my getting involved with the wrong guy, I develop an aversion so that next time I avoid those guys who carry those types of emotional toxins. Okay, now I'm sounding crazy even to myself. Silence is golden!

[joyce1412]

not crazy. i like your metaphor. sounds...effective!

[blemished]

I also think that if you re-define your opinion of your ex and your past relationship in a negative light, it is possibly the only way to truly be happy that it is over and be ready to find something better. Doing that helped me get over the end of a 2.5+ year relationship in less than 6 months. Of course, I spent the first 3 months in pain, but as soon as I could, I bulldozed past that by redefining the situation as a positive change. Now, I don't know my ex and am happy to exist as strangers (once again).

[paulapalooza]

I'm on day 4 of NC. It's extremely hard. We only broke up a week and a half ago.

 

I was drawn to this thread because I want to know when it stops hurting, and I'm trying really hard to make it stop hurting. It's only when I'm not busy that I start to feel depressed. And, unfortunately, I can't be "doing something" all the time.

 

What do some of you do in your spare time to stop thinking about it?

[blemished]

Paula, if you can get through the first 3 months, it gets better after that. You should be in either LC or NC to heal. You'll go thru stages where you feel as if things are not over-- your mind will play tricks on you in order to partially alleviate your pain. Let it-- and just continue with the LC or NC until you hit that point when you realize to yourself that things are over, and you no longer need to play tricks on yourself by believing otherwise.

 

You don't HAVE spare time, that's the trick! Hanging out with people other than your ex might depress you (by forcing you to compare them to him) so instead you may want to work a lot. If your current job offers a set amount of hours, I suggest picking up a second job until you are better. Work yourself hard so you are busy and tired-- and the time will pass quicker. It may feel like it drags on now, and that you will be in pain forever-- but it really does pass and before you know it, it will all be over. I used to count off the days that passed-- not to maintain my NC (I did that regardless), but just to remind myself how much time had passed so I knew that time does pass, and with it, my pain.

 

Good luck!

[paulapalooza]

Thanks blemished, you seem so strong. There are times when I totally feel like I'm on top of the world and I try and think of all the benefits of being single. And then, there times when I just want to go to sleep because I'm too sad to do anything else.

 

I'm not this person. I hate being depressed. Before this break up, I thought that I was a genuinely strong willed person. I just want to be me again...now.

[Lealing]

My ex broke of our 8 year relationship almost 9 months ago. I still have good and bad days but I think that I am slowly recovering. It took me a good couple of years to get over a previous ex who I had been with for 5 years.