I am finding it so hard to heal :(

[wishfulthinking]

well to make a VERY long story short, I broke up with my ex bf a little over a year ago, and I feel like it was the biggest mistake of my life giving him up. I wanted to be single during college (we had stayed together our first year doing long distance) my second year of college. I felt like I was to young to be committed and that BOTH of us had a lot more to experience in life. As much as a I loved him, I felt deep down that somthing wasn't right, that we met each other at the wrong time. He was an amazing boyfriend, truly treated me like a princess. We also very much were in love, but somtimes love just isnt enough

 

Wen we broke up for the last time (i had broken it off more then a few times which is another mistake that i made) he finally cut off no contact with me. I tried contacting him a few times before I felt like I was stalking him, then just gave up. I found out that not even a month after our break up he met someone new, and fell in love with. They have been together evver since. I found it very hard at first to get over it but I was slowly making progress. Then out of nowhere after a year, i ran into my ex boyfriend after a year or no contact. I had never been more happy yet scared at the same time. I had so much to say to him....

 

We got to talking, and both of us were just so nervous. He knew how heartbroken he had made me, as much as a i tried too hide it. he decided to take me too the beach that we used to take walks on all the time as a couple. We talked and laughed and just caught up wiht everything that was going on in our lives (except for his gf). It was amazing to be around him again, because i missed him so much being away from him, thinking about him every day. WE finally apologized to eachother about our wrongdoings in the relationship, and both admitted to eachother that we will always be in eachothers hearts.

 

after that meeting i thought he would never want to be friends again, so in a way it was closure. But then unexpectedly he calls and asks to hang out. I was so hesitant at first but deep down I really couldn't not see him. we took a walk on the beach again and we were acting alot more closer then the previous visit. After the beach we went back to his dad's house, where i also reunited with him after a year. He looked so happy to seee me and said i looked really happy andd well. I even looked over at my ex and saw how much happier he was. We hung out and it was almost like we were pretending to be together. By that i dont mean sex or making out just holding eachother and just taking eachother in emotionally. I even caught him looking at me like he was still in love with me, u know the look where u can just tell lol. we are both still in love, but we cant be together because of his gf. He is still in love with her too and he has chosen to be with her.

 

I am finding it so hard to get over him because i know that there could still be a chance to get back with the best man i had ever been with. And if we did, its not like we wouldn't be in love. in fact i think we could be more in love then we have ever been. HOWEVER even though i know this, i really don't want to settle for being second best. Even tho i was his first love, he still found someone new to love more rapidly then anyone else who just got over a long term relationship. I hav so many regrets, because if i had known that single life wouldn't be all its cracked up to be, I would have married him wen i was 18. My advice to everyone is too never take for granted someone who loves you. Losing them will be the hardest lesson in life

[tylercdurden2004]

Well you found out the grass isnt greener.

 

I think if he met someone after only one month of a break up it may not be a long lasting relationship. But then again who knows. And that really is the point you dont know whats going to happen with them or him and really you need to focus on yourself.

[kuwakodono]

I wish you could meet my ex and give her that advice...

[GuitarmanIII]

I am currently dealing with almost the exact same thing. It is sooo tough isn't it? She found someone right away, after breakup, and I'm lurching because she was in the palm of my hand..she wanted me and I balked.

We must look forward, as tough as it is...

G

[Donster]

This is what being human is all about. But being human is also about learning from our mistakes so that we can improve our lives, ourselves, our relationships in the future.

 

I saw a great quote in someone's sig: if you think your man was one in a million, then given the current population of the earth, there should be 6,500 guys just like him out there!

[wishfulthinking]

i realise that in life we have to learn from our mistakes, but its been over a year and im not over it! i still think about him every day! i feel like im going crazy. and after seeing him after all this time, im more in love with him then ive ever been. i have this image in my head that if we ever get back together that its going to be a million times stronger then it was before. i wish i didnt meet him so soon. he wld have been the perfect husband and father. i wish i wasnt soo young and immature wen i was with him, otherwise i wld have neever let him go.

 

But i realise that he chose to be with the gf that he was with after me. why wouldnt he ....she treats him way better then i ever did and shes way more mature (shes 2 years older) i just miss him so much and i dont know how to forget him. he was my first love and they say first loves are always in eachothers heart. but this has gone on long enouugh and i feel like no matter wut i do i will always think about him. ive tried forcing myself to think about other things, but wenever something doesnt go right in my life it results into my thinking about my relationship wiht my ex and how good he was. gosh help me! im going crazy how to i get over this guy! it has gone on long enough

[amb1873]

It's so amazing to hear how many people are going through the same things at the same times. I'm not sure I should be the one to give you advice right now as I was in my ex's bed less than 24 hours ago but I just wanted to let you know that I feel your pain and if you want a sympathetic ear I am here. My situation reminds me of yours except my ex is not dating anyone. When we talk or are around each other it's painfully obvious so many feelings are there. I guess you just have to give it time. A friend told me that you don't know how things are going to end but given that the passion and emotion are still there- then there is at least that potential. I guess it's better in a way then seeing your ex out and only receiving cold treatment and realizing you have no place left in his heart right?

[iceman85]

Hey there wishfulthinking, im sending you a hug because you sound like you need one. If its truly meant to be it will. I know how hard it is to lose that person you love. I still miss my ex and its approaching 4 months since we broke up. I'm just now starting NC after being on a roller coaster all summer. I love her and want her back, but right now shes all over the place and a different person.

 

I think some of her reasoning was the same as yours, we were together for over a year, we were young, she felt like she was missing out on things. Of course there was more but she always said she feared she would miss out and that she wouldnt have the chance to experience everything and she would get old and all.

 

I understand it partially, but if we're in love with each other then why does it matter? Maybe you can describe your initial reasoning for breaking it off to me because its something I dont understand and something I think my ex is doing somewhat as well.

[wishfulthinking]

hi iceman!

 

thank u for that. but yeah i broke up wiht him because of partially long distance, but for the most part it was because I felt like i was missing out. Not just that, i felt like he waas missing out on so much, he was just too in love with me too admit it. i realise that our love, passion, and intimacy was and still seems strong, but i dont think love is enough. i was 18 turning 19 when we broke up, and i had so much more to experience. but now that i have, i want him back so bad because i realise just how good i had it with him. he wldnt talk to me for a year and it killed me. he had a new gf and forgot all about me, completely erased me from his life. but for some odd reason i felt there was a reason for me to hold on, and when i saw him again, i realised that i waasnt crazy. he was still in love with me and always will, which makes it even harder to move on. he knew that he cldnt talk to me or he would just want to be with me and he knew thats not what i wanted. i was so torn between losing the love of my life or losing the single life that i believe everyone should go through before one gets married. it almost wasnt worth it because im afraid hes gone forever, and i love him so much

[iceman85]

Yeah my ex is the same age and it reminds me of me and her some thats why I posted. Im trying to figure out just what to do. She really flipped when I started seeing someone else. Thats when the talk about trying to work out started from her. Then that never seemed to progress. Now I am gonna do NC and stick with it. The longest i've gone before is a week.

 

She said that we were too attached, we were missing out, we needed to experience things. And yeah I got that but I thought we could do that together. I love her still and i dont know, she confuses me. I've tried my best to just let her lead her life this summer and do whatever. Who knows, I hope maybe she feels like you do sometime soon.

[Donster]

Iceman, your situation sounds so much like mine! I would say three things led to my breakup: we were too attached, which led to us A) stifling each other and B) to the point that we were losing our own individual identities in the relationship. and C) we got together too young, and there was a strong desire to experience new things, new people, new relationships.

 

Interesting to contrast this with a lond-distance relationship, where A and B could never occur, and perhaps the temptation of C is that much stronger because there are fewer checks in balances in place when the couple doesnt live together.

[wishfulthinking]

we started a long distance relationshop prior to being together 24/7 for the first year we were together. so i know for a fact that A and B occurred, which made it really hard for us to be apart. we went to the same highschool, i pretty much lived with him our senior year. and our last summer together we were never ever apart. we took vacations together and had the most amazing summer of our lives.

[iceman85]

Thanks guys, I mean right now I gotta do NC, since May we've been in pretty regular contact except when I pulled back and started dating someone new she said she wanted to try again. Its gonna be a tough road, but I know I cant talk to her, I dont think shes gotten that chance to really feel me gone, plus the drinking, drugs, whatever else, indicates to me that theres something wrong going on with her and shes internalizing it. I just wish there was some way I could snap her out of things but I know I can only control myself.

 

Wishful you went through a similar situation, what would the best thing a guy in my situation could do?

[wishfulthinking]

hi iceman

 

wow u are so in the same position that my ex was in. he wanted be wiht me so bad, fought for us so many times, but finally gave up and started dating someone new. Honestly, I think ur ex needs to know what life is like without you. my ex cut me off for good for a year until i finally made contact wiht him. unfortunately for both of us, we are still crazy in love with eachother. ur gf needs to get her single life view out of her system before she can commit to ANYONE. otherwise its just going to be the same cycle, breaking up and getting back together.

what i suggest u did since this is what my ex did, is just start no contact by not giving her an explanation, since she doesnt deserve one because she was the initiator. move on with ur life as much as u can, not by rebounding like my ex because then ull be just like him and u wont be over her at all. take this time to meet new people, u never know who else will come along. she WILL realise in time that u were the best thing for her, but u got to let her go and figure that out for herself. it happened for me that way. u never no wut will happen, cause even tho i kno my ex is hapy wit his new gf.....i no he will always be in love with me . that means in time if its meant to happen, it most likely will because u both still carry those emotions of love for eachother. i suggest no contact wutsover. if she calls u, ignore her, emails, ignore her. she willl realise wut life is like wihtout u, and single life willl no longer matter to her

 

from my experience, thats the advice i can give.

 

iceman since ur on the other end of this, maybe u can help me. im struggling so much with the fact that he moved on so fast and just cut me off, which im now realising because of wut i wrote above. do u think u will always love ur first love more then anyone? even if u have a new gf who u also love. bcause wen we saw eachother after a year he still feeels the same way as he did wen we were staaarted going out... completely crazy about me. im so confused