Why do women expect special treatment from their partner?

[Hemorrhage]

I was reading a thread on the boards entitled "Wanting something special," in Relationship Conflicts.

After reading that thread I felt like projectile vomiting in a convieneance store restroom; it is apalling to see what women expect out of men. Special gifts. Free Dinners. Various love notes/E-Mails. Being surprised. Calling all the time, and so on and forth.

 

Do women actually think they deserve these things? Or is it something else I'm not quite clicking with?

[orgasmictofu]

Everyone deserves special treatment from their significant others, man or woman.

 

YMMV of course.

[Momene]

I think we all deserve to be treated as special but SOMETIMES we need to be able to take each other for granted, such as times of family bereavement.

[Dako]

A relationship is a two-way street. If you don't treat each other in a special way, you have no relationship.

If you don't want to deal with it, maybe the other team has some vacancies, but I suspect they have similar conventions.

[craign]

I totally agree.Men and women should get the same.Most guys me being one of them,when in a relationship really like all of those things.My exgirlfriend went on a ski trip one time.She brought me back a 2 inch fake snow ball.It was corny but its awesome knowing someone was still thinking about you.My girlfriend split the bill with me or sometimes argue to pay the full bill.Some think they need the world.Some will give you the world.

[CarnelianButterfly]

Its not that they expect treatment for just being a woman. Everyone wants to be made to feel special and thats what a caring relationship does. Some women like gifts as a show of affection, others are happy with just a hug, it depends on the person. Don't make generalizations about women because of one thread. Showing your partner you love them and care for them is giving them special treatment, its showing them you think they are special and deserve everything you can give them.

 

No offense, but you're young and you will find out soon enough how wonderful it feels to be treated special and how horrible it is to be neglected.

[melrich]

Yes, you should read your post again in 2015 OP.

[Jane0815]

Special gifts. Free Dinners. Various love notes/E-Mails. Being surprised. Calling all the time, and so on and forth.

 

Do women actually think they deserve these things? Or is it something else I'm not quite clicking with?

 

 

I haven't seen that thread, but I think I know what you're talking about.

 

 

Here's the thing I suspect you're not clicking with, as far as the feelings of entitlement go: Historically women haven't had much power or influence in relationships. Material indications of the man's attachment to / interest in them were pretty much all they got. This is unfortunately still true in many cases. Not just from the woman's side.

 

I've met MANY men who expected me to give up pretty much everything I've worked for on my own and they truly think that a few presents of jewelry or dinners out - neither of which I've accepted - will do it for me. They presume that being part of their life will make me happy, since the "old deal" says that women need men materially, and they're doing well materially, and thus I should be honored at their interest, which they demonstrate with expensive invitations etc. Sorry, this will NEVER do it for me. If a man is interested in me, I think he'll indicate this by SHOWING interest in spending time with me, in asking what's going on in my life, in thinking of activities that =I= enjoy. (I do all of these things for friends - I'm not expecting a romantic interest to do any more than a friend does.)

 

So when men don't realize that women have their own interests, that women are people who need the same fulfillment (through work, achievement, etc) that men do, and when men expect women to be happy with the "old deal", women who stay in the game tend to demand dinners out, jewelry, flowers, all the old-deal standards. When it goes sour, women fight back in the only way they know: they go after his money. After all, this was his main language for demonstrating his interest in her, and often really the only thing he'd offered her. Generally the woman gets less materially out of an "old deal" relationship than she'd have earned and accumulated on her own.

 

 

Not all women are like this. But frankly ... those of us who aren't interested in 'stuff' are a lot more complicated.

 

I've gotten pretty cynical about old-deal type guys, especially b/c their math is so wrong. They're the ones who'll come by for dinner and out of "duty" finish what you'd planned as leftovers to take for lunch the rest of the week. Then they complain that you cooked too much. This kind of guy will pick you up to go to his friends' birthday party, and presume he can select wine from my cupboard to bring as his gift, since he was too busy to find something. He'll think nothing of you getting up at 4 AM on a Saturday to drive him to a relative's funeral 7 hours away b/c he's exhausted and can't drive, and then driving him back, and he'll be extremely offended the next weekend when you ask for a few hours of help with something work-related.

 

You know what? When a guy shows interest in me now, I now immediately ask him about something in his field that's relevant for my work or for someone I know. If he acts helpful in any way, I feel like he's interested in =me=. If he brushes it off and asks if I'd like to go out for dinner and to the theater, you know what? I'm not interested. Friends say that this is horribly superficial and demanding of me, and the same friends would have NO problem with me accepting an evening out, that would probably cost the guy a few hundred if I let him pay the entire bill. (I don't - my parents taught me to never let a guy pay.)

 

 

You can figure out which women want old-deal relationships by not spending much money in the first stages of getting to know someone. The focus should be on the quality of time spent together.

[Dako]

Wow. As an old-fashioned feminist guy, that's quite a interesting post.

[TheRedQueen]

Yeah, though I am more or less 10 years your senior, the whole concept of love and the ooey-gooey stuff that goes along with it can sometimes make me want to projectile vomit as well.

[Dako]

Believe me, I was once extremely cynical, but when it's your own bacon in the fire, Yow!

[Aurian]

Its nice to be treated to gestures, because often in relationships people take each other for granted. I would have loved to have the occasional gesture to make me feel loved. It hurt when my ex didn't even bother to do anything for our anniversary or Valentine's Day. (I did things for him)

 

However, its not just the women who deserve gestures. I think the woman should give the guy romantic gestures too. After all, he should feel loved and not taken for granted too, no?

[Jane0815]

Wow. As an old-fashioned feminist guy, that's quite a interesting post.

 

 

"Interesting", in what way?

 

Do I come accross as a man-hater?

 

What's an "old-fashioned feminist guy"?