danman4968 Posted September 5, 2006 Share Posted September 5, 2006 Well, first happy birthday to me And now im worried about the ex contacting me and setting me back again, even a simple "happy birthday, have a good day" is going to set me back... So i suppose ill just ignore it if she does... Next, i was looking for some help, my therapist and a few threads have talked about the 5 stages of grieving 1. Denial 2. Anger 3. Bargaining 4. Depression 5. Acceptance So i would like to know where i am at...i am not so depressed and starting tonight i have been starting to feel better and care less whats going on, not to say its going to last but thats what im feeling now. Im ok w/ what shes doing, but if i hear anything it will definetely devistate me, as i have heard a couple things that have really hurt recently. So im trying to accept the situation, but i still definetely have hope, and feel like i am waiting for her and like its just a matter of time until she decides she made the wrong decision and wants me back, like she just needed to breathe since our relationship and the problems were a bit much for her at the time (what ive drawn from what she has told me). I would post some excerpts from our conversations, but for some reason it wont let me : /...so in short its basically her: move on me: i dont want to her: i dont want you to either, but i dont want to keep you here waiting incase i wind up not wanting a relationship later me: but its hard to move on knowing you may still want me her: i dont know what i want, i dont want to think about any of this me: well you will have to some day, and when you do i dont want it to be too late for us her: yea but if i decide i dont want you later then you will just have to move on later, and hurt more me: yea, its a risk i am willing to take FAST FORWARD A BIT through alot of back and forth arguments about ^^ me: well im going to go, please dont contact me, as it will only make moving on that much harder her: but i want to talk to you, i love you. me: ok, well i gotta go her: dont go (she just drags out the ending with i love yous and B.S. like that until we finally end the conversation) ok so thats it, i know this is just like most other peoples situation, but its worth asking Is it worth holding out hope? She always tells me she knows she will want me later, but to move on now just incase. Everyone my friends and hers say she will miss a relationship once she is done with her crap (partying, drinking, blah blah blah) and then want me back. So im on the road to moving on, just still really holding onto hope. I know i shouldnt, but in this situation is holding onto conversations like that, that give me hope ok to do? Is it right, or is she just stringing me along, please help, im tired of having this on my mind. Thanks!!!!! Sorry for the mixing of problems, alot of things on my mind, hard to put it all into one thread. Link to comment
joyce1412 Posted September 5, 2006 Share Posted September 5, 2006 dan, i'm so sorry. what she is putting you through is the definition of mixed messages. like it is for many others here, i think this breakup is about your ex, not you. she's obviously very confused about what she wants but still has feelings for you that are causing her to try to hold onto you. as i'm sure you noticed, she completely contradicted herself in that conversation. it looks like she's TRYING to be a good person and a good friend to you by telling you to move on, but she's clearly not willing to completely let go. she DOES want you there waiting in case she wants you back. that much is clear. reading your post reminded me of something. there was a boy i knew in high school, one of my best friends actually. i was basically in love with him for most of our friendship. he knew this, and dragged me this way and that with his moodiness and his alternating between wanting me and not wanting me. i believe that the times i spent being sad over him were some of the most miserable times of my teenage life. but i let him make me sad. i let him ruin my time in high school. i let him ruin it by not moving on and dumping this jerk as a friend. so you know what i remember when i look back at high school? a whole lot of misery. that's your motivation for moving on. you're 17 right now, in high school i assume, and some people will argue with me, but i think high school can be a pretty cool time in your life...some enjoy it more than others, but it's definitely a defining time for many people. holding onto this girl is only going to leave you with an unhappy life in the present and many sad and regretful memories of wasting your teenage life pining after a girl who doesn't REALLY care about you. most people in high school are damn fickle. it's the nature of the 17 year-old beast to be fickle, immature, and selfish. your ex is probably a normal 17 year-old girl who just isn't as mature as some. it's her problem, not yours. but you need to MOVE ON because you just can't rely on someone like this. putting your happiness in her hands is a risky venture, and i want to see you have a high school career that will make you smile when you look back on it. don't waste your youth if at all possible. as someone just four years older, that's my two cents. i was where you are not too long ago, and i really wish i hadn't spent so much time there, in that painful place. i hope that helps. and also, just so you know...once i got over that dude who was holding me back, i had the best year of my life. that was SO worth letting go of him. Link to comment
SkylinesTurnstiles Posted September 5, 2006 Share Posted September 5, 2006 happy birthday!! Link to comment
LONESOUL Posted September 5, 2006 Share Posted September 5, 2006 Danman~ Happy Birthday. I hope you take very good care of yourself today. Lone Link to comment
chattymcchatterson Posted September 5, 2006 Share Posted September 5, 2006 Happy Birthday Dan. You have many great birthdays ahead of you....many where some total hottie will be clinging to you on the back of that hot new bike you are getting! Link to comment
danman4968 Posted September 5, 2006 Author Share Posted September 5, 2006 haha, looking forward to them thanks everyone! Link to comment
danman4968 Posted September 5, 2006 Author Share Posted September 5, 2006 So, any hints or clues on what the outcome maybe, or someone feel like sharing how it came out for them? Link to comment
danman4968 Posted September 6, 2006 Author Share Posted September 6, 2006 Ok, so i got no phone call, no email, no IM, no nothing from her...im actually kind of disapointed. But am still glad she didnt because i would of probably broke NC with her. So, it was a decent day, i am in another one of those "not caring about her" moods...seems like they are coming more often, but they slip away quickly, i hope one day it will just stay I have been thinking more and more about the day she calls me and if she wants to take me back...im not sure im going to anymore...i would have to have a really long talk first and be assured she will do whatever it takes, nothing less, no comprimises...i hope to (one day) be able to tell her with a smile on my face "you missed your chance, good luck in life goodbye" but until then ill keep on posting Link to comment
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