I Dont Know What To Do!

[Andrew11]

the story is...i met a girl on the internet while i was with my gf. i didnt have any real interests in this girl other than as a friend. so one night i decided to ask her out not on a date but as friends with a big group of my friends. nothing happened but when my gf found out she thought the opposite so she called a break between us that was supposed to only last a week. during this 'break' i was very very angry at my gf because i knew deep in my heart that i didnt have feelings for this girl. i was soo mad that for some stupid reason i asked her to do something with me again...and agina nothing happened between us. this girl apparently likes me now and is spreading rumors to try and break me and my girlfriend up. my gf is actually believing the things this girl says and called the relationship off for good. she wont talk to me, i try to call and she hangs up on me. when i do get a chance to talk to her she yells at me and is very mad at me still after two weeks that it happened.she says she just wants her space but to me it seems like things arent going to get better. she wont listen to my side of the story wont believe a word that i say and she says she doesnt know if she still loves me. i love her with every bit of my heart and i hate the other girl with a passion now....

will someone please help me...should i leave her alone and see what plays out like she wants me to do...or should i follow my heart when it tells me to try with everything i have to make things rite between us even if it means me calling when she doesnt want to...i am soo heartbroken rite now and confused...i dont kno what to do but i want things to get better between us...i love her with more than anything but she doesnt give me a chance to prove it...WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?....ive tried everything but still no response from her

[Tigris]

First of all welcome to enotalone.

 

I can't believe you went and asked the girl again. To be honest it was the worst thing you could've done.

 

My advise is you give your girlfriend time to calm down before you try and talk to her again. Then you tell her how stupid and niaive you've been and that you've learned a valuable lesson.

 

KEEP WELL AWAY FROM THE OTHER GIRL SHE'S TROUBLE!!!!

 

Good luck.

[BONO]

Hiya mate and welcome to ENA

 

1) Why did you arrange to meet someone on the internet when you had a GF. More importantly, why were you on the net talking to other girls ??

 

2) Just for a minute, if the boot was on the other foot - how would you feel?

 

3) What do you want to do to get her back ?

 

 

Scruff

[Andrew11]

how much time should i give before i can be 100% sure that she doesnt have anymore feelings for me...i cant go on forever wondering and the more i wait themore i dotn want to be living without her

[Andrew11]

Hiya mate and welcome to ENA

 

1) Why did you arrange to meet someone on the internet when you had a GF. More importantly, why were you on the net talking to other girls ??

 

2) Just for a minute, if the boot was on the other foot - how would you feel?

 

3) What do you want to do to get her back ?

 

 

Scruff

 

honestly i would do anything that is humanly possible to get my ex gf back...i love her with all of my heart. ive never felt this way about anyone before in my life and when all of this happened ive never felt worse in my life....i feel like there is nothing worth living for anymore if i cant be with her...i love her soo much and just want her to understand that

[river dog]

My two cents, you were a tosser. Maybe you'll value a "girlfriend" more next time. Why should I feel any more sorry for you than you ex? Bird in the hand, my son. Get a grip on your ego.

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

I say you're now lying in the bed you made for yourself.

[tylercdurden2004]

Perfect case of "friends" gone wrong here mate. Why is it that you needed this girl to be your friend? Do you need attention from women?

 

I am curious because this type of thing seems to happen all to often. If she was your friend why didnt yoru GF meet her first?

[jojean]

all true. If this was just a friendship thing. You should have let your ex know about her. Now, you're saying it's a misunderstanding from her side. Well, but you've to understand HER. You hided this from her... SO what could she possibly think about this??

I know the hurt, because it's actually happened to me. (although he didn't love me anymore.. I accepted it..) And I know how it's if somebody's making stories up. Somebody did this to me too and let my ex thinks very badly about me.. Actually not stories, but actions.. And blaming it all on me. If he thinks this way.. than he's just blind. Then he really didn't make any effort to know me at all in those 5 years. It's frustating I know.. (sorry going off-topic i guess )

Well anyway. She is mad. Ofcourse! But instead of saying things you already know now.. You've to give it some time really. If she really does love you or were in love with you than her feelings for you wouldn't passed that fast.

Maybe wait for a week and try to write all things down.. nothing and nothing but the truth and send it to her. In this way you can write all the things down without being ignored.. This is all you can do for now. Then it's all up to her.

[majord23]

My impression of your situation is this:

 

You were not entirely happy with your relationship with your girlfriend, and that is why the girl from the internet is 'on the scene'. I'm not accusing you of infidelity (although there *may* be some truth to the 'rumours' that net girl is spreading), but you were certainly *at least* looking elsewhere.

 

Either the 'net girl' was not all that you imagined, OR the very fact that your girlfriend would not tolerate your 'friendship' with this girl made your girlfriend more attractive to you.

 

I think that you are scared of losing your girlfriend ...it's not necessarily that your relationship was that great.

 

The fact that she had the strength to end it before you (you probably didn't expect that!) has you freaking out about losing her.

 

You have to sit down and look at how happy you *really* were in the relationship. Be completely honest with yourself and THEN decide whether it is your girlfriend you want back, or just the security of the relationship.

 

Good lck - if you do decide you want her back, you've learnt a lesson for life here pal.

[vesper]

I think there is a difference between being friends with someone that you were already friends with to begin with before you met your girlfriend and if she had asked you to cut contact with your existing friends, that's slightly different because that would be something that you would have to decide if its worth losing existing people in your life to keep your relationship with your girlfriend going, that would be your call.

 

However, when you introduce someone new into your life of the opposite sex there has to be a pre-existing desire to cheat or feel attractive to the opposite sex and in the end when you are in a relationship to begin with, you are ultimately only relying on the friend of the opposite sex to help make you feel more attractive.

 

If you want to improve yourself and make life better for you and your relationship, work on actually bettering yourself without doing something that you know will hurt the people that you love.

 

Ultimately though I must say that when you are in love, you would not even be having this conversation with us!

[vesper]

ok, I think I have to take back some of the things I said here Sort of. On my husbands myspace page his ex posts comments sometimes along with some other girls in our group and honesltly every single time that it happens I get really annoyed by it. But then I just let it go because I cant do anything about it. That's his business. and that is ultimately my attitude about it.

 

Good luck to you.

[vesper]

ok, I think I have to take back some of the things I said here Sort of. On my husbands myspace page his ex posts comments sometimes along with some other girls in our group and honesltly every single time that it happens I get really annoyed by it. But then I just let it go because I cant do anything about it. That's his business. and that is ultimately my attitude about it.

 

Good luck to you.

 

 

 

ok, I had to think about this for a while. So. Ok. My problems in my relationship with my husband started when I got a sneaking suspicion that he was doing something behind my back.

 

We would go out to clubs and bars and he would go to the mens restroom for extended periods of time with our guy friends. Ok come on, girls are supposed to stay in bathrooms longer than guys. Then I would see him coming out of the mens restroom with his buddy and for one instant I saw our friend touch him like he kind of has a big belly and he touched my husband with his belly from the front, just for a second, it was just very very sexual. They were laughing their heads off coming out of the bathroom.

 

You could argue and say that I was jealous of his relationship with his friend, so I made up a story in my head that my husband was having an affair with this guy, or that he was giving me husband some extra treats.

 

You could argue that everything between me and my husband was perfectly peachy and that this changed everything, when I say him receive and give affection to another man. It could have meant nothing, but to me I saw it as dangerous and intrusive to my relationship with my husband.

 

Then this started to happen with several of our friends who are gay. So maybe it is just what guys do when they hang out, but it made me feel sick to my stomach like I had been violated.

 

What did I do? I left him. Just like your girlfriend. So, my friend. YOu have a long road ahead of you. If there is a good foundation between you two and you are both willing to work on getting back together, you will find away.

 

You cant do anything except enjoy the roller coaster ride now. That is just what you got yourself into now. If you dont want to ride, get off the train. It sounds like she does not want to ride it either, so she is getting off the train.

 

I dumped my husband, he left and then by him acting like he had no qualms about leaving or that he would be just fine if we were split, I slowly decided on working on getting back together with him.

 

We are back together and guess what? All our friends are still there. They still behave strangely and I dont get it. But last night I had reinforcements!! My sister and her friend we all went out to a club where the first incident happened. We all talked about how strange our friend was acting ....at least my husband heard an additional perspective on this.

 

Like ahhhhh my husbands friends call him constantly. Talk to him for 2 seconds and then hang up. It makes me crazy. He is some sort of security blanket for all of our single guy gay male friends. I dont get it.

 

Is this how friends act to each other? Just call and talk for 2 seconds and hang up? Hi what's up? Nothing at the UT football Game drinking a beer? Ok cool. Bye? Bye.

 

What the HECK is that about?!

 

Then our other friend just bums rides off of us ALL of the time and its annoying. He is all over jim. He and my husband go and dissappear for hours and I dont know what they are doing. Its alwful it makes me feel sick to my stomach.

 

Its a mystery and I dont know what is going on behind my back. Sometimes I just think everyone else knows something that I dont and that I am just blabla

 

but I dont want my husband to be anyone else's security blanket. so yeah, I called him on it and he basically said that that is how friends treat each other. Call and say hi and hang up. Whatever, not me and my friends.

 

 

I wish that I would not feel this way about him. I go and hug and kiss him and love him so much everyday and I hold him tight at night but there is a distance between us. I want him to just love me and I dont want there to be anyone else that is worthy of that affection. I am the one that gives it all to him and I want that all back.

 

Where do you draw the line? At what point is you being you and having a life of your own with your own friends, and hobbies start becoming intrusive to your relationship and starts causing damage?

 

Like once you get married are you supposed to stop having fun ? It becomes a red flag when the external forces start changing your SO mabye, I dont know?

 

Sorry I am trying to psychoanalyze myself on your thread, andrew but maybe getting into my head will help you understand what is going through your GF's brain.

 

Hoped it helped.

 

best pour

[vesper]

ok, now I am really paranoid because I am really just talking to myself

 

ha ha

 

v

 

 

[Tigris]

The only way you're going to find out what's going on in the toilets is to get another male friend to go and look OR hire a private detective.

 

I'm sorry but I can't think of anything else to do?

 

Good luck and take care.

[Gator]

Is snorting coke a possibility?

[tylercdurden2004]

Is snorting coke a possibility?

 

I was actually going to suggest that. Seen it a few times and its the same behaviour.

[Tigris]

I would never have thought about that.

[finewhine]

Coke seems pretty likely, actually. I never knew people to jump in the bathroom together unless they were doing coke or IT.

 

Which begs the question - would you rather your husband be a secret drug user or a secret homosexual? Tough call!

[sillygurl]

Oooh...yeah, I immediately thought coke too, or both coke and 'it'. Aminae, you must be in Dallas, where my ex husband lives. Yeah, been down that road...GET OUT of that relationship, or get clarity through counselling, church, a PI, call Cheaters, whatever you need to do, because if he's fooling around he's risking your life. If YOU think he might be fooling around, and you ignore it, YOU are risking your life. You mentioned your intuition is giving you red flags, don't ignore them! There is not one time in my life when I regretted paying attention to a red flag.

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

I've never had a boyfriend who goes to the bathroom with his guy-buddies. Instead they make fun of me for going with my friends. That doesn't seem like normal guy behavior.