The end is nigh...

[lildj]

Ive been dating a man for about 11 months now. It started out intense and wonderful. We were friends before we dated...which I think led us to be so into each other.

 

The problem is, over the 11 months, he has cheated on me at least 5 times (that I know of) and lied so many times I have lost count. Ive justified and excused his behavior every time and taken him back because of his pleas for forgiveness.

 

Im concerned. I think our love has turned into some kind of weird game. To feel loved, its almost like I need him to cheat and lie...so I can catch him and he will beg for my forgiveness. He professes his love only when he fears losing me. Ive come to feel that I need him to cheat and lie...so he will remind himself that he loves me.

 

This is sick. I have ZERO trust for this man. And I realize that with no trust, there really can be no true love. So...why do I keep taking him back? Why do I have such a hard time letting go? I cant even tell myself that I love him anymore...unless he is pleading with me to forgive him. Then I really think I do love him. But if everything is seemingly normal...I haunt my own thoughts with the idea that he has done nothing but destroy my emotions.

 

I need strength. I need to go forward. I cant talk to my friends anymore because they are so tired of advising me...only to have me run right back to him.

 

I know I need to let go. I just need to face up to the idea that I am worth more than this. How did you do it?

[robowarrior]

You need to turn yourself from into a woman who loves so much that it hurts, into a woman who loves herself enough to stop the pain.

[Scotcha]

You just have to do it. You just have to leave him. You probably won't feel like it and it will probably hurt a lot. And for a little while you might even feel worse.

 

But there is a happy ending.

 

After some time, and maybe not even that long, you'll start to feel better. You'll realize that you've gained some self esteem and some self respect. You'll realize that you do deserve better than this man and you'll feel proud of yourself for leaving him. You will even begin to wonder why you put up with him for as long as you did and you will wish you had left him sooner!

 

But your first step is the hardest one. Just do it. Dump him and go straight into no contact. Don't give yourself the chance to listen to his crying and begging, not even once. Disappear.

 

Act first. Think and feel later. You'll be okay, even better than okay, I promise.

[lildj]

I must say...thank you so much. I wish I had come here a long time ago. I dont think I have ever seen two more beautifully worded pieces of wisdom.

 

You're both right...and I started the process. I let him go. Now...lets see if I can heed the advice and stop the contact.

 

Thank you again!

[Aurian]

I read some good advice the other day. Consider what will happen in 10 minutes, 10 months and 10 years.

 

10 minutes after you end it, you will be hurting a lot.

 

10 months after you end it, you will be feeling better.

 

10 years after you end it, you could be happily married to someone who does respect you and gives you affection without any demeaning games.

[poetsheart]

robowarrior - brilliant quote.