lildj

I know you all are right...Im hearing it all the time from friends and family. Even his own mother! Let me tell ya...this is the hardest relationship I have ever tried to walk away from. The guy is almost stalker-like when I try and leave. He shows up at my house! As far as the wife...well, she already knows. She makes sure to tell me when he is talking to her (not ever in a nice way). She actually shut him down because of it. As mean as she is, I wish I had her strength. Thank you all. I need to find a way of just letting it all go.

Ive been dating my boyfriend for about a year now. We have had massive issues due to his infidelity, etc. He left his wife VERY shortly before getting involved with me, and the two of them have been battling since. She is highly abusive and has made our lives awful for almost the whole time. I cant blame HER though, because he perpetuates it by going back and forth with her emotions. Recently, I found out that he was telling her that he loved her and wanted to fix things. She had heard it all before and basically took a stand and shut him down. She knew how he would come running back to me within a few days and it would just be even more problematic. Mind you, he and I were together while he was doing all this. I broke things off with him, only to have him beg for my forgiveness...called me crying 40-50 times a day, constantly text messaged me, even brought me roses. He told me that he had made a mistake and I was really the one he loved and wanted. So...like usual, I took him back. Now...the problem. I feel like he only wants me back because she wont take him. And that I am some kind of 'consolation prize.' I feel second rate...and its a terrible feeling. Last night, in bed, I asked him if I was who he really wanted to be there with. His reply was, 'Well who else would I be in your bed with?' He makes jokes about it. So, I said, 'I really wanted to know if you want to be with someone else...' And he gave me a simple, 'no.' He wont talk about it, which makes me dwell on it...thus making my mind wander and makes the issue grow exponentially in my mind. I already know I shouldnt be with this guy in the first place. Ive tried letting go over and over again. I just cant seem to, so I need to figure out a way to come to terms with this issue in my own mind. Thanks guys, Andie

I must say...thank you so much. I wish I had come here a long time ago. I dont think I have ever seen two more beautifully worded pieces of wisdom. You're both right...and I started the process. I let him go. Now...lets see if I can heed the advice and stop the contact. Thank you again!

Ive been dating a man for about 11 months now. It started out intense and wonderful. We were friends before we dated...which I think led us to be so into each other. The problem is, over the 11 months, he has cheated on me at least 5 times (that I know of) and lied so many times I have lost count. Ive justified and excused his behavior every time and taken him back because of his pleas for forgiveness. Im concerned. I think our love has turned into some kind of weird game. To feel loved, its almost like I need him to cheat and lie...so I can catch him and he will beg for my forgiveness. He professes his love only when he fears losing me. Ive come to feel that I need him to cheat and lie...so he will remind himself that he loves me. This is sick. I have ZERO trust for this man. And I realize that with no trust, there really can be no true love. So...why do I keep taking him back? Why do I have such a hard time letting go? I cant even tell myself that I love him anymore...unless he is pleading with me to forgive him. Then I really think I do love him. But if everything is seemingly normal...I haunt my own thoughts with the idea that he has done nothing but destroy my emotions. I need strength. I need to go forward. I cant talk to my friends anymore because they are so tired of advising me...only to have me run right back to him. I know I need to let go. I just need to face up to the idea that I am worth more than this. How did you do it?