Weed is more important than me.

[signofthegoat]

Here's the thing. My boyfriend doesn't treat me bad; it's more of him treating himself bad. He has very low self-esteem and it tends to rub off on me and turn the majority of our conversations with each other into a therapy session. This happens because I can't help but care about him and I want him to appreciate himself like I, and his friends and family, appreciate him.

 

However, one of the things I found completely disrespectful was when he had invited me over and I discovered him high on pot. Now, it's not the problem that he has marijuana in his life; it's that I had told him over and over again how uncomfortable I'd be around him while he was high. I deliberately pleaded him to do it out of my presense and when he outright did it and then had me come catch him, I felt disrespected and bolted out of there while he was using the restroom.

 

We both really want to be together, so that makes it hard for me to just dump him over that mistake. I'm sure he'll do it again because it seems to be more important to him than those who care for him, so would I be compromising myself if I stayed with him and let myself get let down once again by this?

 

I don't want to compromise how I feel about certain things just to stay in a relationship, but I also want to attempt to "accept" this fact and try to look past it. It's already tiring enough to handle him while he's sober, but I know he's got his heart in the right place and I couldn't stand breaking it.

[stkekeke]

Ah yeah. Do what you can to help him, but remember, put yourself first, because he's in no shape to do so. He has to look after himself, before he can look after you.

 

I'm suggesting pulling back to some degree. It's really emotionally wearing to be around somebody like that - despite the good times. Don't wear yourself out.

[princess81]

I understand why you wouldnt want to be around him when he is high I mean you arnt dealing with the same person. I wouldnt compromise and chances are he is not going to stop doing this.

[Ms. Babydoll]

I think you should maybe try and build your partners confidence up more. Maybe make him join a club with you, where you can interact with other people in a happy environment. It's not healthy for your boyfriend to start doing weed, drugs only do bad things, the situation could get worse if you're not careful.

[Blue Dreamer]

I don't want to be mean, just real. In his mind, marijuana likely makes him a better person in his mind, temporarily. You likely have to realize that he is probly mentally addicted to marijuana and will never admit any addiction until he's ready. Based on what you are saying, getting high is more important to him than you are. Am I wrong? Drugs are what they are, drugs. Ive been there, done that, with marijuana.

If he means that much to you, you need to get damn serious with him.

[Luck of the Irish]

Don't give this junkie the time of day. Dump this loser and find a real man. One who is not addicted to drugs.

[Boughtandpaidfor]

Someone once told me relationships get disfunctional when you stop being adults/equals and someone starts to play the role of parent and someone the child- for example-

 

one person complains about the other one's spending habits whilst the other one is free to keep spending (and borrowing money)

 

one person is the boring responsible one, who tells off the cool funny irresponsible one, but feels insecure because they aren't "cool"

 

one person always gets upset and needs lots of reassurance and space to talk (therapy sessions) while the other one listens. When the listener gets upset, the child partner isnt very supportive but it's allowed to pass by unchallenged.

 

one person leaves all their stuff lying around the apartment and passive aggressively refuses to tidy and if the responsible complains they are accused of (and feel) uptight and anally rententive.

 

This is true for friendships as well as partner relationships. I don't think it can change or improve I think you have to walk away- though I'd love to hear about someone who changed it. Sorry that's not much help but that's my take on it. Sounds like your a bit of parent/therapist figure.

[Momene]

I'm afraid if my wife started doing drugs or I did, the "clean" one would point to the door and say "don't come back until you're clean".

 

I accept it's a way of life for some people but not for us.