so emotional since divorce

[markfromark]

since the separation and divorce of my wife (15 year marriage) I have started to cry more often. After my wife dumped me I experienced emotions that I have never felt before. Now when I read a sad story and think about love or family, tears are coming very easily.

I am 40 and a man.

[Beec]

Nothing wrong with tears. I might try to not show them at times, but I would not and do not feel bad when the begin.

[agent1607307371]

"I am 40 and a man."

 

That doesn't mean you can't experience these things.

 

You have and are still going through a trauma and it is entirely understandable that you feel emotional. There is no reason to feel bad about it, it's natural.

 

Let yourself experience these emotions, but try not to let them bog you down. Take good care of, and do nice things for yourself. Make yourself happy to balance out the sadder feelings.

[NJRon]

Dude. I'm 35 and a man... or so I've been told.

 

Anyway, when I got divorced, I thought my world was crumbling. I couldn't believe that the grand institution of marriage could be a lie. I didn't promise to love, honor and cherish until we got a divorce... I promised that for as long as I lived.

 

Yeah, I was a wreck. It took me a long time to put all of that to rest and to come to terms with breaking a vow, even if not by my own choice.

 

Talk about crying. Every morning for months I would cry in the shower. Sometimes, I would just curl up in a little ball and let the water run over me. When I saw kids playing I would cry. Jeez... I even cried once because I saw someone driving a red neon...

 

let it flow... don't hold back. If you're holding back and not letting your emotions flow (which can be hard sometimes) it'll just drag the healing process out. As the rain can be purifying for the air... tears can be for the soul.

 

(And, just so you know, it does get better... I don't cry over red neons anymore )

[Dako]

Welcome to the wet mop club

I tried to limit the loudest sobbing to the car during my commute, so my roomies got a break.

Since I quit Prozac, I'm like the Tivoli fountains.

I'm 53.

[Beec]

markfromark, you're in good hands with Dako and Ron. They've been there. Talk with them. I will now step out of the picture.

[Dako]

I tried to get it over with. In the car, I put a particular song on repeat until it no longer destroyed me, then switched to another*. Eventually my head dried out, and my eyes quit blurring. A big box of Kleenex and some Visine helped.

 

*R. Stones - Wild Horses

Keb Mo - One Friend

[melrich]

I have constantly preached on these forums that divorce must be one of the most painful life experiences anyone can go through. It is never the easy option.

 

It humbles you, it shatters your confidence and it brings home in a harsh light what is really important in life.

 

I became a far more sensitive and empathetic soul after my divorce. You will find parts of you that you didn't know existed. Keep crying and hang around here for a while.

[Dako]

melrich,

So true.

 

I couldn't do this again.

[brando]

Well heres another member coming forward.

 

My divorce was the worse thin imaginable. I still recall the shock and panic i expereinced thinking how over things were. ANd the emotions, huh, it was like i never felt anything before. I thought my fathers death was painful, not compared to this.

 

You need to cry, let it out, e=it extracts so much of the hurt. And then you will cry again...

 

hang in there, it will get better..

 

be well,

brando

[VictoriaInTexas]

"Cry until you find you are crying out of habit, then stop" Not such sound advise I know, but it's what I was told this week. LOL But seriously, I'm moving into the whole 2 week of the anniversary of the day he never came home......I'm going through bouts of crying, being angry and just plain don't give a damns. There are some moments when I can say with a straight face "Fine, he don't want me anymore, then I will not want him right back" and other moments the first and/or second part of that sentence just opens the dam and here we go; in the car, at the office, at home, on the phone, walking the dog, looking in a mirror, you name it.

 

We were married 19 years this past July; both the children of parents who are still together after 40+ years- this was not 'built' into our marriage genes (so I thought).

 

Let it out. Male/Female is doesn't matter. Your tears are touching God when you cry them from your heart and that's exactly where this pain originates. Imagine if you will the pain if you loved her only with your body (or as a lot of people say) "men think with their southern brain".

 

But the unfortunate truth; we love from the heart, and not just the surface of it either. It's so deep that you are almost certain at times you will witness your own chest crack open and your bleeding, bruised, jiblet of a heart will fall right out of your chest; you'll only be able to watch as it crawls achingly away to some recess of darkness where it can die a silent unobscured death.

 

But, I am assured that this will end. That one day we will all surely awake from this hellish experience and we will all be whole with only invisible scars of what we've just come through.

 

I choose to believe that. Which is exactly why I am visiting this board A LOT these days instead of sitting alone in my bathroom practicing the right way of ending it. I've resigned that this is a process; first I must take step one, then eventually step two and so on. I don't hide this (except from the fragile eyes of my son). I am choosing to let this happen, and to let the tears spill their salt on the wounds because as we all know, although salt hurts like hell it's a wonderful healing agent that clots the blood and keeps us from bleeding out unto death.

 

I say "Let the tears flow Darlin, whenever, where ever, how ever they choose, let them flow over the wound and perform their healing on your heart" Otherwise, you (AND I, because we're riding the same damn bucking horse here) will become to experienced in shutting it in, and what's shut in will eventually turn on its host.

[need2bme]

The post above reminded me of something my ex wife's husband said; "This ain't my first rodeo."

 

...but it sure feels like it is. Every time you feel like crying; do! I have had to excuse myself at work to go cry outside or in the bathroom. I had to pull over while driving to my friend's house, because I was listening to Diamond Rio's song, "One More Day". I bought a CD with a sad song I knew I wanted to listen to. It is cleansing sometimes.

 

ICEMOTOBOY states "One cannot be deeply responsive to the world without being saddened very often." Too true!

[Shadows Light]

Yep... Divorce is painful. Cry away, its cleansing, you're human.

 

Look for a "divorce recovery" group in your area. Try local churches. It does help.

 

Hopefully.. once the rainy day are done, you'll be able to learn from this. Grow from it as a person.

[DBL]

You guys are pretty emotional...crying in the shower, in the car, curling up into a ball. Too much drama for my taste, I thought that only happened on TV. I didn't shed no tears over my divorce, it was over and I understood it. I did have some sharp chest pains for 2 days the week of my divorce finalizing while at work. Most likely just stress related.

 

Your all men..your suppose to symbolize strength and courage. Next time you feel like crying...have a protein shake.

 

DBL

[Dako]

I'm not supposed to symbolize strength and courage. I'm supposed to be myself. Man.

[Texas1]

Markfromark,

My hubby and I are separated and he feels a divorce is unavoidable. I've been trying and doing a decent job holding it together. But today, I could NOT stop crying. I wailed like a Banshee for hours. The tears just kept coming and coming. That stuff MUST come out!! Release it--it is good for your soul. Tears also activate your immune system, so next time you feel a cold coming on, have a good cry!

Many Blessings and May Your Heart Feel Peace Quickly!

[DBL]

You can be yourself and still symbolize strength and courage. We were brought up men don't cry. I had one of those parents that if you didn't cry when getting hit, you were hit more...if you did cry then they would say "you want to cry, I'll give you something to cry about", eventually I would laugh...and of course I would get "you think it's funny?". Then the whole circle will just start all over again.

 

I seen my father cry a couple of times, I don't look at him the same anymore. I seen a few of my friends cry and that just shows me weakness. So I guess if you are all going to cry at least your doing in in private.

 

I honestly think my divorce was easier to deal with then some of the breakups I have had. At least when you get them papers you know it's all final.

 

DBL

[Dako]

My father carried a BAR on his back through the South Pacific during WWII as a med corpsman with the Marines. He saved countless lives and assembled the pieces of his friends to ship home. Lots of medals he hid in his sock drawer. He was a wrestler and could carry a fridge on his back.

He cried, and I learned about being a man from him.

So far, no one has shown me a better example of strength and courage.

 

He'd never look down on a man for having feelings.

[brando]

You guys are pretty emotional...crying in the shower, in the car, curling up into a ball. Too much drama for my taste, I thought that only happened on TV. I didn't shed no tears over my divorce, it was over and I understood it. I did have some sharp chest pains for 2 days the week of my divorce finalizing while at work. Most likely just stress related.

 

Your all men..your suppose to symbolize strength and courage. Next time you feel like crying...have a protein shake.

 

DBL

 

 

Thank you Mr. Stength and Courage...next time i will have a protien shake ready... who knew that was the answer. ???

[NJRon]

Hey, you know what they say... Don't cry over spilled Protein...

[joyce1412]

You guys are pretty emotional...crying in the shower, in the car, curling up into a ball. Too much drama for my taste, I thought that only happened on TV. I didn't shed no tears over my divorce, it was over and I understood it. I did have some sharp chest pains for 2 days the week of my divorce finalizing while at work. Most likely just stress related.

 

Your all men..your suppose to symbolize strength and courage. Next time you feel like crying...have a protein shake.

 

i don't know anything about divorce, but if it's worse than a breakup (and i know it is), then i applaud all of you for soldiering on. and i know i'm a woman and SOMETIMES we feel things a little more deeply than you men...but to expect that men can't or shouldn't cry over their divorces because they are men is ludicrous.

[DBL]

Thank you Mr. Stength and Courage...next time i will have a protien shake ready... who knew that was the answer. ???

 

People with low protein intake have been shown to be depressed.

 

If you all want to cry...go right ahead. No sense in crying over something you can't fix.

 

DBL

[Shadows Light]

People with low protein intake have been shown to be depressed.

 

If you all want to cry...go right ahead. No sense in crying over something you can't fix.

 

DBL

 

 

And depression can come from many sources. The term MELONCHOLIA was coined by Hypocrates... father of medicine. The term today is synonomous with depression. However, it orginated from Hypocrates who noted people with a diseased Gall Bladder who had passed away.. had black bile in gall bladder. He went on further to note that these peoples disposition prior to death was... Depressed.

 

Yeah .. I'd be pretty darn depressed if I was in pain most of the day.. bloated and gassy and couldn't move. Don't think a protein shake would have helped me much.

 

When you get cut.. burned.. maimed.. you feel pain. Crying is natures way for the human being to deal with pain. Animals will moan and grunt.. howl when in pain. I suppose thats their coping mechanism. They do not have the ability to shed a tear. How very poignant that man does. He's human.

 

If you feel that it makes you more manly to "stuff" and not cry. Great for you. Thats the way to you deal. However... I don't think it makes you a better man... or a better human being because you don't. You get it out YOUR WAY... possibly through diet and exercise.. and others get it out their way.

 

Even though I was the one who pulled the trigger... I cried my eyeballs out. I cleansed. When I was ready to quit wallowing in my pain... I redirected my energies elsewhere. Hobbies.. and exercise. Those things would take my mind "OFF" of the pain. For a while. Its not until you are sitting there in the wee hours of the morning, when the rest of the world has gone to sleep, the moon is high... that you have to face your demons. At some point.. we all have to sit with ourselves and come to terms with where our life is... where our life is going... and where we would like to be.

 

Its a very personal journey.

[brando]

Thats the way to you deal. However... I don't think it makes you a better man... or a better human being because you don't. You get it out YOUR WAY... possibly through diet and exercise.. and others get it out their way.

 

 

Well this is the point about this post, good job shadow.

 

DBL, people are just looking for support here, that's all. If the guy cried, so what, it doesn't make him less of a man, it has so much more than crying over the loss of this relationship, i think it runs much deeper than that.

[DBL]

Shadows Light if crying makes you feel better and more like a man, then I guess that is what you need to do. I spend a lot of my time at work by myself...gives me plenty of time to think of all the crap I have to think about, but I don't sit there and cry about it feeling sorry for myself. I try to figure out how to make things better and I try to do it.

 

brando in my eyes crying does make you less of a man. I seen friends cry and lost respect for them. You think I am tough on men crying here you should be one of the friends I have that cried. I had one friend cry after a fight that nobody one. Two weeks later me and two others were getting into a fight and that friend said he was going to fight with us, my answer to him was "yeah we need someone to cry for us". Maybe some of us were raised different and in different atmosphers were crying was a sign of weakness. One of my best friends lost his girlfriend in 2005 and his mother in 2006, if anyone deserved to cry it would be him, but he didn't. He knows crying won't resolve nothing. We talked about it and we put it to rest.

 

I know a lot of you feel it is ok, but maybe that is why most of you don't get past any of this. My divorce was finalized beginning of July...I'm over it...why think about it or dwell on it? No crying and crawling in a ball is going to fix what happened.

 

I blame a lot this dramatic crying on TV. You always see people breaking up and they curl up on the floor of the tub crying like a baby.

 

DBL