Don't Marry Career Women???

[annie24]

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link removed - analysis in link removed

 

 

 

 

 

Guys … whatever you do, don't marry a woman with a career.

Why? Because if many social scientists are to be believed, you run a higher risk of having a rocky marriage. While everyone knows that marriage can be stressful, recent studies have found professional women are more likely to get divorced, more likely to cheat, less likely to have children, and, if they do have kids, they are more likely to be unhappy about it.

 

Here are 2 articles: "Don't marry career women" that was posted online at link removed but was pulled off after many readers were upset by it. link removed posted an analysis of it on their website.

 

I have heard a statistic that "95% of men would not date a woman with an advanced degree - MD, PhD, MBA, or on that level." Is this true? Men - are you intimidated by women with advanced degrees or presitgious jobs? Would her doctoral or medical degree be a turn-off for you? or a deterrent?

 

What are people's thoughts? Be honest.

[tylercdurden2004]

Please not another one of these posts. Nope nope and nope for me.

[rose2summer]

Ahhhh, I am doomed then.

 

Please tell me this isn't true.

 

I do find men will approach me and when I say my degree or what I do, they kind of get quiet when I ask what they do.

 

Sometimes I think I should just make something up.

 

Annie, that's a great question to ask.

[brando]

I think times are really changing. Women are becoming more and more successful, and marriages are falling way to the curbside left and right.

 

Who knows maybe this marriage thing is all wrong today. With both sexes being able to pull down the might dollar in larger quanities then in history, marriage is not exactly an option for a partnership any longer.

 

I am not against a woman persuing her goals, and dreams, i think it is great. I just think that marriage needs to be looked at again with such scrutiny in todays New World.

[rose2summer]

It's discouraging, very much so.

 

I was raised in believing a woman's role is in the kitchen, don't agree with it.

 

Anyhow, I am very keen on education and career, but it seems to bother some men, including my ex who said he would leave if I continued along my path.

 

I just wish there could be a balance.

[tylercdurden2004]

Actually now that I think about it its like the debate about men and housework for me I have always been conscious in trying not to step on GFs toes in regards to traditional female roles, however I am not too good at that.

 

I can do everything "female" in fact I would be willing to wager that I can do these things better than most women. I can cook, clean, do laundry etc better than most women. I am 100% self sufficient. Sometimes I think though that this can turn women off because it take over their feeling of being needed. Its a tough one.

[DN]

I have two daughters and they were brought up to do whatever made them feel fulfilled and happy.

 

Plus, if they earn lots of money - they can look after me in my rapidly approaching old age.

[rose2summer]

DN,

 

That's too funny!

 

You want them to be successful financially so they can care for you.

 

Very creative, to say the least.

[brando]

yeah DN...

 

creative and crafty...you are a natural dad.

[annie24]

oh DN, you are evading the question a bit Of course you want your daughters to be successful, but from your experience, how do your male colleagues view their SO's careers? do they want a successful woman? or do they feel intimidated if she is the breadwinner?

[rose2summer]

Yes, DN and brando answer the question.

 

The men who have posted on this thread have clearly pleaded the 5th and responded no contest to annie's request.

 

Annie, Rose, and many others want to know ~ enlighten us please.

[tylercdurden2004]

Yes, DN and brando answer the question.

 

The men who have posted on this thread have clearly pleaded the 5th and responded no contest to annie's request.

 

Annie, Rose, and many others want to know ~ enlighten us please.

 

Referring to me I suppose since I am the only other man who has posted.

[DN]

oh DN, you are evading the question a bit Of course you want your daughters to be successful, but from your experience, how do your male colleagues view their SO's careers? do they want a successful woman? or do they feel intimidated if she is the breadwinner?

Well, there are times my wife has earned more than me and it has never concerned me. That's because we feel we are partners and pool all our resources - it's 'our' money.

 

I am sure there are many men who might feel like that but as time goes by and some women do earn more than some men I think that will change.

 

Change is slow - but the older I get the more I realise how much things have changed from when I was a young man. Sometimes it takes the perspective of a few decades rather than few years to see it.

 

I also think the definition of success is changing. More and more people including men see success as being more than just career and money and as much about fulfilment as a person. That is another slow change but I do perceive it.

[brando]

Thanks Rose. (curses her under breath)

 

Any way to ANSWER the question, I would not be intimidated by a womans success. We would need to sit down and have a long serious talk about the roles that would need to be filled, shared responsibilities and all.

 

Heck, I will go a step further and add, if my soon to be wife (hypothetical)

made more money than i was at my career and it could support the two of us plus some children, i would consider being a stay at home dad.

 

I'll let DN or another brave male member add more to this.

[annie24]

well I know the males who have posted so far are very highly evolved and would be more than thrilled to be with woman who could pay for their trips to Fiji (see article).

 

however... there is a nagging part in the back of my mind that wonders if the "average joe" really wants to marry a PhD or an MD? of course, I would never stop my education on that account... just the question of "is a woman working her way up, cutting her dating pool way down?" my guess is yes.

[agent1607307371]

My main problem with these pieces is that not only do they feel like an attack on women who want to have careers and lives that are not centered around home-making and telling the men how clever they are is that ultimately they're just as offensive about men. They have a complete undercurrent (to me at least) of men not being very clever or able.

 

 

I admit, I do love this logic bomb in it. " If you do marry, you are more likely to get divorced." Cracks me up.

[brando]

is it "average Joe" Annie, or "Neanderthal Joe". !!!!

[Batya33]

What I would like to see is a study on the success of marriages where women gave up the dream of higher education and/or a career/profession in order to marry before their mid-20's. I also would want to know the background of the men in the study - level of education reached, whether they were as successful as their wives- it takes two to make a successful marriage. I also would want to know if the woman had the higher education and career at the time of marriage or whether that was achieved after the marriage. Without those facts I think the study is mostly useless/irrelevant.

 

In my current relationship and my last relationship, the men with whom I was involved would not date someone who did not have at least a college degree (and in my boyfriend's case, likely not unless she has a graduate degree). As he said, which I agree with - no one blinks an eye about preferences for height or weight but express a preference for an educated person and you are labeled a snob with no thought to what that might mean to the person as far as compatible interests and values.

[tylercdurden2004]

I used to think like that then I realized there are plenty of educated people who dont have a clue. For me having a clue is the most important in terms of "intelligence."

[rose2summer]

I wonder about this topic a great deal.

 

In my extended family, everyone remotely my age is already married, happily married, no divorces, and education wasn't the #1 priority.

 

For me education is very important, I am unmarried, been told by 2 men already (1 was an M.D., 1 was an M.D./Ph.D.) that they wanted a housewife, and that I needed to drop everything and begin popping out children.

I am unmarried, single, and I look at my family, and wonder, hmmm, was education the best route to take?

 

Am I biased? Maybe. But what is the case?

 

Do men want a housewife and someone that makes less than them?

 

It's definitely an interesting topic Annie brought up.

[DN]

however... there is a nagging part in the back of my mind that wonders if the "average joe" really wants to marry a PhD or an MD? of course, I would never stop my education on that account... just the question of "is a woman working her way up, cutting her dating pool way down?" my guess is yes.

Not necessarily the same thing. There is a difference between someone who earns more money and has a successful career and a possible intellectual difference. Not because men want to be smarter but they also don't want to be a lot less smart. And you would be surprised how many successful men want women who are more or less equal intellectually.

[tylercdurden2004]

I wonder about this topic a great deal.

 

In my extended family, everyone remotely my age is already married, happily married, no divorces, and education wasn't the #1 priority.

 

For me education is very important, I am unmarried, been told by 2 men already (1 was an M.D., 1 was an M.D./Ph.D.) that they wanted a housewife, and that I needed to drop everything and begin popping out children.

I am unmarried, single, and I look at my family, and wonder, hmmm, was education the best route to take?

 

Am I biased? Maybe. But what is the case?

 

Do men want a housewife and someone that makes less than them?

 

It's definitely an interesting topic Annie brought up.

 

 

How knows but very few people are able to juggle everything men and women. I think it has more to do with overall capabilities. Some people can just fit more into their lives. I think that these types of people prefer to be together.

[Batya33]

I used to think like that then I realized there are plenty of educated people who dont have a clue. For me having a clue is the most important in terms of "intelligence."

 

I agree that there are people who are highly educated and clueless and those who are not and are highly intelligent/have a clue. For me that is not the issue - rather it is compatible values. I highly value higher education and want my spouse to value it as well to the extent that he has pursued at least a college degree. Of course there could be someone in my age group who valued it but for some reason did not get a college education but then I would need to know what the reason was and figure out whether that reason was consistent with my values. I am happy to be friends with people who chose not to go to college - this is limited to someone I would consider marrying and having a family with.

 

I never understand why the response to a desire to be with someone with a higher education is typically either that not all college educated people are intelligent/have common sense (very true) or that there are many wealthy men who never went to college (also true but wealth has nothing to do with why I only date college educated men). I don't look down on people who chose not to go to college and have experienced negative reactions to my choice to go to college and graduate school, some of the sexist variety.

[justpaisley]

I asked my husband this question, and he said that he would still have married me had I had a career, but he would have wanted me to stay home during our child(ren)'s early development. He and I both know that a mother provides the most nurturing influence in a child's life, and that the first years are very important. I couldn't agree more. There's nothing more important to me than being there for all of my child's milestones, and everything that's important to him... seeing all of his plays and whatnot while he's in school, driving him to whatever extra-curricular activities. This IS my career.

 

I also asked if he would mind if I made more money than he did - he looked at me like I was crazy. He makes really good money, so of course he wouldn't mind if I made more than him. Bit of a capitalist, my man.

 

Batya - I agree with you. People think that it's snobby for someone to want their potential mate to have a college degree, but it's all about common goals. It's just as ridiculous to think that a man is a misogynist if he wants his wife to be a stay-at-home mom. Everyone has their own preferences in a mate, and everyone else should mind their own business.

[DN]

He and I both know that a mother provides the most nurturing influence in a child's life, and that the first years are very important

I think that is somewhat insulting to all the single fathers who do a great job raising their infant children. It is surprising how many men actually do that and do it as well as any mother.