Moving out

[Neeks]

Hi everyone,

I stumbled on to this community through googling the subject I am so anxious about. So I guess I'll just let you know whats up.

 

As a 19-year-old from a strict Russian background, raised for the most part in the US, I am having a hard time communicating with my parents.

Me and a boyfriend of 4 years have started talking about moving in together.

My problem is, how to discuss this with my parents. I respect them, I love them, and I would hate to disapoint them. As it stands, I am an only child, female, and by their standard shouldnt be thinking about leaving home until I am in my late twenties. Aything different is completely "unacceptable". It isnt even that I would be moving in with a boyfriend, but moving in general.

 

I had studied as a professional pianist since the age of 4. The last several years, since the age of 14, I started thinking about my future in this. I love music, but am by no means a fanatic. To appease my parent's desire for their child to be a classical pianist, as was my grandmother and grandfather were, I auditioned for several Conservatories and did not get into any. This was about 6 months ago. At that point (relieved I didnt get it) I broke the news to my parents that I did not want to pursue this as a career. They didnt talk to me for a week. This has never happened before in my life. Since then, I have been successfully working as a full time graphic artist with no background except for what my curiosity and passion for design has given me. I decided that this is what I would like to pursue. My parents have always been interested in every little thing I do, and since I started doing graphic design, they havent shown any interest in it. No questions, not looking at my work if I were to try and show it to them. Im not doing work unless Im playing piano or am going to medical school or am doing something "useful" as my parents have so delicately put it... what I am doing is "garbage." I realize they are upset.. but I cannot grow and continue on with my work with constant negative attention every second I am at home.

 

 

I do not want to move in with my boyfriend just because of this but because I think the both of is are ready for it. Hope that a little of what I told you about my folks gave you a little insight about my situation and how I feel about them and how they feel about the course I am taking in life. The center of my anxiety is coming from the fact that i have NO IDEA how to talk to them. I have no idea how to even aproach the subject. I do not want to scream out "im moving out" when we are having an argument... I just dont know how to go about it.

Anyone been in a similar circumstance? From a parents or a child's perspective?

[DN]

The best way to handle it is adult to adult. Tell them lovingly but not as a little girl asking permission. And don't mention anything about your career.

 

If they become in any way nasty, then don't reply in kind. Just restate your intention, say that you hope they will come to support you, and leave.

 

Don't tell them until you have made all the arrangements and are able to move out on short notice.

 

It may be a whole before they accept your decision but hopefully they will sooner of later.

[Neeks]

Some who are close to me are saying to give them time, other to get out quick. Pros/cons to each?

[robowarrior]

Your parents are in the wrong. You see love should be UNCONDITIONALLY. I don't love my child ONLY if she gets A's on her card. Only if she knows how to play the piano flawlesslyl, i don't support my child ONLY if she lives up to my expectations. I know we all have free will, which is holy and to be respected. I could prevent people from choosing certain paths that bring pain and misery by asking them to choose different.

 

You know your parents bring you something good, they want you to be firmly educated. Something like that takes a harsh approuch towards achieving that, and if energy is invested for your future and you throw it away, then disappointment follows.

 

You know basically your parents message is 'don't throw your future away, grab a chance with both hands' , and again that is a great thing for a parent to do. But their expectations have been too high, because they overrided your free will in order to achieve their own expectations of their daughter.

 

You know i just want to warn you. Don't bring any people in your life who do nothing but destroy your life.

[Neeks]

How would you approach even talking about this?

[Neeks]

I hate not knowing how to approach this

[Beyondthesea]

Just tell them you want to talk to them and sit down and spill. It's difficult, but definitely the right thing to do.

 

Honey, follow your bliss. Read my signature I did something that everyone shunned me for and you know what? They got over it. It's my life, I am the one who controls my life, and here I am, happiest I have ever been.

 

Never let someone else dictate your life, who you are, or what you will become.