Internet Relationship problem..

[Anonymous4]

Hello!

 

My mom has occasionally told me what kind of boy she wants me to have as my boyfriend:

 

-Cute/Handsome

-Fit

-Sweet, honest, etc

-Lives in the same city [Meaning, not long-distance, online, etc.]

-Skin colour: white [Can have a tan]

 

I had once asked her what she would do if I had an Internet relationship. She told me she would throw my computer down the stairs, be very angry, and ground me as long as I'm living in her house.

 

The thing is.. Right now, I have a boyfriend and nobody but my friends know.

 

He is:

 

-Not the most handsome guy in the world

-Kind of fit

-Sweet, honest, etc

-Lives on the other side of the border [internet relationship]

-He's Asian..

 

Basically, I have an Internet boyfriend and nobody but me and my friends know about this. For quite some time I've been wanting to tell my family about it, but it's so hard knowing what my mom would do about it. [Plus, to make matters worse.. He's almost the exact opposite of what my mom wants me to have as a boyfriend.] I know it's simple to just not tell them at all, but I think it'd be unfair of me to keep it a secret even though my boyfriend has already told his parents. My boyfriend doesn't even know what I haven't told my family. Heck, he doesn't even know that I'm so confused about whether I should tell them or not.. I seriously have no idea what to do.. I know it could be so simple to just tell my parents and hope for the best but.. It's not that easy, because if I'm basically grounded for life, I will lose the one person I love more than anybody else in the world that is currently in my life.

 

Does anybody know what I should do?

[DN]

I think people's advice will be more useful if they know how old you are and whether you are in a position to be able to make decisions for yourself about matters like this.

 

Also - what distance separates you from your b/f?

[Lily04]

Hi,

 

First of all, I'm not sure exactly what "internet relationship" means. Does this mean that you're only chatted on the internet but haven't met yet? If so, then I think you should totally meet in person first. I have had internet chats with a few guys because I tried online dating for a while (now stopped), but although we may have had 'online chemistry' it wasn't exactly the same in person. Often, they were very attracted to me but the guy didn't look nearly as good as in his photos and I didn't feel the same attraction. Or his personality may differ from online (not so much an issue but did happen with one guy I went out with.)

 

Once you have met and dated outside the internet for a while, then I think it's appropriate to tell your parents. But I think if you tell your parents that you've just been sending e-mails/IMs to some guy and consider that a 'relationship' they either won't care because they don't consider that a real relationship anyway, or they will just be concerned that you're meeting random guys off the internet (which they may consider unsafe) and possibly get rid of your internet connection.

 

My honest advice would be to meet the guy in person (at a safe public place), and if you date him for a while, THEN let your parents know. And don't tell them you met him off the internet... well that's what I would do anyway.

 

Good luck,

 

Lily

[Yvette84]

They have no right to tell you what race to date!!! do what your heart tells you! it's YOUR life and you can date whoever you want! they are looking for all the wrong things in a BF for you.

[Steven1607307306]

I agree. You shouldn't have to choose exactly what your parent(s) wants you to choose. My brother's girlfriend broke up with him because her mom said he "wasn't rich enough". I think that is total BS that parents controll who their kids date.

 

BUT...

 

Sometimes you really have no controll. Your parents are supporting you, and depending on your age, CAN kick you out. They do have the right to give you any "lawfully reasonable" rules. Which can include dating. I think you should continue talking with your boyfriend, and when you meet make sure you take a friend or two.

 

[Considerate Empath]

Agree with Lily about meeting him in real life before considering him a boyfriend and telling your family about it.

 

But if you have met him and he seriously is your boyfriend (or if you want to tell your parents anyway), just keep in mind that your mom loves you and only wants the best for you. I'm sure that your mom will accept your decision as long as she is 100% sure that this is what makes you happy.

 

This probably also depends on how old you are like DN said, but the above is what I think if you're 15 or older, and haven't done anything to prove your inability in making your own decisions. If you're any younger my guess in that your mom is much more overprotective than otherwise.

 

 

//C.E.

[Aurian]

I don't like the way your mom has a shopping list for your boyfriend. This is YOUR boyfriend, not hers! Some of the things she wants is pretty shallow, like cute and white.

 

I personally think you should find out if you work together in "real" first, and if you do have the chemistry in real as well as online, then you may need to stand up for what you think is good in a boyfriend.