This guy wants to go out with me...

[FoxLocke]

Today I went to the movies and I came out and found this piece of paper stuck in windshield.

It had a name and phone number on it. Anyway, when I called it the guy answered the phone. I asked him who he was, because he left his phone number on my car. Then he gets all excited, and asks me if I'm gay or not.

I said it was none of his business...

Anyway, he went on to tell me that he had seen me around before and thinks I'm very good looking.

So he asked me if I would like to meet him somewhere sometime.

At first I was tempted to say yes, but I said no because I don't know him. And for all I know he might be stalking me.

Anyway, he uploaded his picture and sent it to me via e-mail. And he is cute....However, over the phone he sounds flamboyant(read: effiminate), and that does not attract me at ALL. Also, he has seen me where I work at(I work close to where I live).

I don't feel like I am ready for a relationship right now(my counselor agrees), but I would like to date just for the fun of it...

But I am a bit put off by someone I don't know leaving his number on my car.

 

So, is he stalking me?

 

I told him I would call him back; however, I don't plan on doing so unless I feel confident about it.

[DN]

I can see why you may feel a bit put-off by that but I don't think it would be stalking unless he continued after you said you were not interested.

 

If you do meet him take all the usual precautions about where, when and how.

[FoxLocke]

I agree. Which I planned to do.

 

But I am very ambivalent about it being that he has been up to my job as well. And I am scared that if things don't work out he will be vindictive and try and OUT me where I work. I've already been through the premature outing ordeal and I can't go through another one right now.

[DN]

That may happen at any time anyway. Have you thought of casually outing yourself at work? Not a big announcement but a casual comment when you get a chance.

[annie24]

i don't know.... I would be way creeped out. it sounds pretty stalkerish. how do you know this is not a setup? hm. I would be extremely wary.....

[PRSOV]

I'm going to go with annie on this one... it's like he's been watching you for a while before making a move, and to me that is stalkerish in it's own sense. I would be using extreme caution when dealing with this guy.

[Rizby]

Dear Foxlocke,

 

his whole methodology of going up to your car (ie something personal of yours) and leaving a note with his number of it is very bold and reflects the personality of a stalker. I know, you never know when Mr. Right would come riding in but I'm sure you'd want it to be more romantic and a more 'chance' experience rather than an emboldened admirer that has been secretly coveting you from afar.

 

Also, are you completely sure that picture is actually his? Or maybe it is him but from several years ago when he looked much more appealing? Just a precaution.

[AwdreeHpburn]

Well, I sort of see the creepiness, but at the same time, come on, this is like like the romance movies are made of right??

 

See what I mean about romanticising obsession??

 

But seriously, give him the benefit of the doubt. Meet up with him for coffee or a nice lunch. Feel flattered.

 

See what happens with it. You don't have to go from some one wanting to meet you, into a relationship, but have fun with it.

 

And yes, like DN said, if it doesn't feel safe and he continues to put things on your car, involve authorities immediately. But in the meantime......he's into you.

[Cadence308]

I agree that it sounds like he's been watching you for a while and that's a bit creepy. I would have asked him where he had seen you before. It almost sounds too coincidental that he's seeing you all over the place.

 

If you feel like he could be a friend or possibly something more I don't think that you have anything to lose by meeting him for coffee. You don't know unless you try. Also, by dating you learn what you are really looking for. Maybe you aren't ready for a relationship, but he probably has friends...

[kadvati79]

If you feel like he could be a friend or possibly something more I don't think that you have anything to lose by meeting him for coffee. You don't know unless you try. Also, by dating you learn what you are really looking for. Maybe you aren't ready for a relationship, but he probably has friends...

I agree, actually.

 

Over the past few years I have become increasingly distant from people, to the point that whenever anyone wanted to get to know me I figured it was to: a) have sex with me, b) date me, or c) get access to my money; or even all of the above

 

Recently a guy has been really trying to get in touch with me, and I finally succumbed and went out on the town with him. He insisted that he pay for thd drinks all night which i found hilarious. He was lovely and it turns out he just really wanted a new friend. He went to some lengths to get my contact details, but if he hadn't I wouldn't have this new friend. It really restored my faith that not everyone is out for selfish reasons. He'd read and seen all the drama about me and my ex, and how upset I was, and had recently gone through a similar thing with his boyfriend. I ended up going to his house for a Roast Dinner on sunday with him and his friends, and played cards till 1am! I can't remember the last time I did something so "normal" with a bunch of people I barely knew. It really felt like I was part of the "real" world again.

 

I say it time and again, but I believe theres something immoral about abandoning your own judgement. I think ultimately you, and not us or your counsellor particulary, should have the say in what you do regarding your love and social life. I read all your posts, you're such a smart guy, you are going to make someone very happy.

 

If you ever make it too New Zealand, I know plenty of guys who'd love to meet you!

[seksiidan]

I think you should give it a shot. He could just be really interested in you and that's why he went through all that trouble just to find out things about you. I did that before. I thought someone was pretty cute and so i found things out about them, though i never did try anything lol. i admire his courage to actually give you his number i probably would never do such a thing. Due to self-esteem issues lol. Just remember go to public places where you can be seen, and don't get hurt? lol

[Boughtandpaidfor]

I was talking to my student last week- and she's been talking about getting married for ages. And I asked her out of the blue how they met- and she said "on a train -he just started talking to me!!" I was shocked- having lived in London I automatically label anyone that talks to me on a train as impossibly lonely/ drunk or insane. But I guess it does happen. Why not? As long as you keep it public and safe what's the worst that can happen?

[mdog]

^^i agree you should give it a shot. I mean just meet him and if he's not what you expect then i guess you guys can just be friends or make up some excuse sayin u have to go lol. just go out and have a good time either on a date or just a guy night out thing lol.

[bradbear27]

How did he know what kind of car you drove anyway? Maybe he's just really shy though and didnt know how to ask. Who knows be careful.