it's about to be the end of my life

[adidas7fire]

I am going thru the biggest problem i have ever had to face in a relationship. in february 2002, i proposed to my boyfriend, even though i was the girl. he said yes and to this day we have been engaged. only a few friends know about this and they are cool with it. we are both 21 and don't even plan to marry until after we graduate from college in a couple years.

 

recently i moved back home with my parents and it's been really hard to change my lifestyle from being with him 24/7 to only seeing him a few hours each day. i go crazy when i'm not by his side. then i was talking to his mom (she and i are really close) and she told me that her other son (my fiance's brother) told her a few weeks back that my fiance was afraid... afraid of being married really soon. what hurts me inside is how i try to communicate with him but he doesn't tell me what he tells his brother. i love him so much that i have spent the last 5 weeks crying myself to sleep every night... and now it's to the point where i'm about to use this knife sitting on my nightstand and jab it straight thru my heart... the part that is hurting the most. i am ready to end everything in my life because i've been so stressed that i can't do anything anymore -- i can't eat, can't sleep, can't function on normal tasks... i'm totally useless.

 

all i ever wanted was for someone that i love to love me back the same way, the same amount. i've done everything to communicate to him about what i'm feeling but i'm always the one afraid that he's going to break up with me because of something stupid like that.

 

if there is anyone who can give me the slightest amount of hope that he (my fiance) will come around or tell me something good, please, i beg you, please. i'm hanging on by a thread and there may not be another post from me on this site if something doesn't happen quick. thanks for listening.

[EmptySoul]

hey. i hope im not too late posting this reply. ok...please listen to me: just because your fiance may be afraid to get married, that doesn't mean he doesn't love you! there are many people that love each other but still get afraid of a certain level of commitment. maybe tell your fiance that you would be ok not being engaged and just being together or even giving him some time to figure out what he's feeling and where he stands with you. if he won't open up to you if you try to tell him this, i would advise having his brother tell him. i know this has to be hard for you, but no matter what happens, if you end your life, i know it would hurt him. is that what you want to do? private message me if you want someone to talk to.

[in recognition of...]

I've been so close to what your about to do so I feel I should reply and tell you that from the sounds of it, your fiancee really loves you. Being afraid of marriage is a healthy and natural thing that will pass with time. The fact that he is afraid does not mean he doesn't love you...in fact, I bet he loves you more than you'll ever know. Don't make the mistake that I almost did because your fiancee loves you and I truly think that everything will end up ok in the end.

[wheresmrright]

Hi there. I'm sure that your fiance loves you as much as you love him. When it comes to men, believe me there are very few that want to get married before they hit 30. It's just them, and especially being so young. Being with someone and not being engaged feels just as good as being with someone and being engaged. The only difference is a ring on your finger. I think it's more important for you both to be happy. I think you'll find if you postpone the engagement and tell him its okay, he will open up to you and tell you all his feelings. I lived with a guy for 6 years. We met when he turned 19. I'm 4 yrs older than him and I desperately wanted to be engaged especially as we had children together, but he never asked me. When I confronted him about why, he just said he wasn't ready. If you don't put any pressure on him, you will find he'll ask you when he feels 'mature' enough to settle down, and for most guys that's not until their late 20's or early 30's. I was ready to get married to my 1st boyfriend when I was 18. I just thank God I didn't now...lol. PLEASE PLEASE don't take your life. You only get ONE chance and taking your life is a cowards way out. Do you really want to put your family and friends through that. You sound like a very nice person. There are heaps of counselling services available to you. Don't hesitate to use them. Talk to him and your parents about this. Don't break their hearts and ruin their lives over this. It's not worth it. Believe me, when you are in your 30's and you have your kids running around and you are married to this guy and living in a great house, you'll look back and remember this and thank God you didn't do anything horrible to yourself. Your future children will thank you. I tried to take my life when I was 10 years old. My mother found me and talked me out of it. If she hadn't I would never have lived all these wonderful yrs, I would never have become a teacher and made a difference to all the children I've taught, and I wouldn't have had my 2 gorgeous kids that love me unconditionally. Do everyone a favour and hang in there. Put this message away and drag it out when you are 30. Good luck with your man. You'll work it out.

Rachelle.

[BazookaMike]

Woah now, you're only 21 same as me. I'm not going to say that you're overacting to him, you obviously feel that it is a BIG DEAL to you. There is nothing wrong with that. I would be honored if a lady did that for me. Last year I probably would have considered getting married, but know i realized that is just not something to jump into. People don't all want to get married at 20-21 anymore and for good reason. There is nothing wrong with waiting. Marring him now isn't going to force him to be with you forever anyway. Please talk to people about this, tell them it "is" a big deal. You can always send me a PM anytime. Hope that helped.