Am i Overeacting?? pleaz help.

[bebecole]

the other day at work i left my cellphone on my desk, the next morning i called in and asked if i left it their and if they can place it somewhere for when i come in that night. My manager took it apon herself to lock it in the office so noone would steal it. later that evening i came into the office. I called my manager if she still had my phone she sed she'll come in when i was about to leave to unlock her door so i can get my cell phone. She must of been a little pisted she had to drive from home to unlock her door, but i didnt tell her to lock it up knowing i would be in for it.

 

i was out of work for a month because my bestfriend passed away in a bad car accident a few months ago.

 

as she was getting my phone she asked me why ive been forgetfull lately and ect.

then she proceed to say in some what of a rude tone of voice "Nicole, its been two months You need to get over this now."

how does she expect me to get over my bestfriends death in a matter of two months!! Am i Overeacting?? i tend to be a bit sensitive.

[brando]

take your time healing. It is a tragedy and it hit close to hom efor you. You are not overreacting, she is being insensitive.

 

Sorry you had to hear this from her.

 

She was pissed about having to unlock her door after leaving the office, but it was her own fault.

[CarnelianButterfly]

She's being a jerk. She has no right to tell you how to grieve. You will heal in your own time. If she says anything like that again tell her just that. Make it clear that you can't bully a person out of the pain of losing someone.

[melrich]

It's a really difficult balance. As an employer you can't simply allow an employee to drop in productivity indefinitely. Whilst you have to be sympathetic you have to recognise that your first responsibility in this relationship is to the owners and shareholders of the company.

 

Of course you have to be allowed to grieve for as long as is needed but you also have a responsibility to continue to function in some areas of your life whilst you grieve.

 

I have no idea if you have been letting this affect your work or not. You need to ask yourself that. If you can honestly say that it is not having a significant affect then ask to meet with your manager and discuss the situation.

 

If when you assess what's going on you decide that you have let work slip then you should again meet with your manager and discuss ways in which that can be rectified. If this is the situation then after two months I think your manager has a duty to do something about it.

[nottoogreen]

Hi bebecole,

 

I concur with melrich. I also think she is very kind to drive to give you your phone. I might not have asked her to come. It's not easy for her (as a manager) to retain you if your job performance drops.

 

You loved your friend, but you can't expect your friend to come back to life. It's impossible. Keep the memory of your friend in your heart and move on with your life.

 

You have to look at yourself as a whole person and resolve all what hurts you as was mentioned in the other thread. Please try to balance yourself. It will help, make half an hours effort to reduce your pain.

[annie24]

I strongly agree with melrich. You can't really be over your best friend's death in 2 months, but you should try not to let it affect your job performance either. Like melrich said, it is a difficult balance. It sounds like she has been understanding so far, but 2 months is starting to get on the long side. She can't have an underperforming employee forever.

 

I know it's hard, but what about looking at your 8 hours a day at work (or whatever it is) as your "safe time" that you have to not think about death or life or difficult things, just focus on getting your job done. Sometimes, work is a nice escape from the troubles of day to day life. And then when you get home, you can set aside some time for thinking about your best friend and grieving.

 

what do you think?

[brando]

I can't help but think of your managers comment as being an unprofessional one. It sounded like your boss was pised off about something, coming to open her office so you can get your phone, or she feels you are not as productive at work since this trajedy.

 

If your manager is having a problem with your productivity, she hasn't done anything to let you know it, I am basing this on your reaction to her comment. This outburst of hers is a sign that something isn't right between you two, and she may be loing her patients with the your loss. I do not agree with her outburst, and I do not agree with her childish way of dealing with this one incident.

 

Perhaps if you have some free time you can ask to speak to her. You can tell her that you did not appreciate her comment, and you were sorry about the leaving your phone behind, and you did appreciate her looking after it, and coming to open her office.

 

I do believe you need to greive, and their is no amount of time you can put on grieving. And i do simply despise those people we meet in life who love to show their emotional depths with the cold harsh line of you need to be over this already. Manager or not, in my opinion this person just fell to the bottom of my A list.

 

SO maybe you need to discuss what has been going on with this warm compassionate woman. And depending how important this job is to you, you can then decide to stay or look for another job.

[nottoogreen]

I can't help but think of your managers comment as being an unprofessional one.

Fair enough, however real people do not always act the way they should and less so when being tired and after a while in traffic.

 

I do notice the (lack of) quality of my late night posts at times. Next morning: Who wrote that?

 

Anyway the issue originated from bebecole which is over-affected by real-life issues everone has to learn to deal with.

[bebecole]

my job isnt a serious one, i work their while im in college. Me and my manager get along really well. She also knew my friend who passed, her bestfriend is my friends mother.

I think ive been okay with mantaining my job performance. yes i can be a little scattered brained and forgetful but thats about it. at my job i answer phones and make appointments, ect. So there really is no right or wrong to it.

[annie24]

so overall, you feel your performance is good? If so, then I think that this woman is being overly mean.

 

It could be that since her best friend's daughter passed away, she is hearing about this sitaution all the time from her best friend, and maybe she is getting tired of it, hence the outburst at you. I'm not excusing her behavior though.

 

Maybe you should talk to her about it. Ask her if she feels your performance at work is good, and if not, what specifically isn't working (so you can figure out if you need to fix it or not). It could be that she's having a hard time getting over the death herself, and her way of dealing with it is just to shut it out, ignore it.

[Ms. Babydoll]

I think take as much time as you can healing, I know if I lost my best friend I'd not be able to get over it for a long time.

 

I think your manager is just trying to push your buttons, just do your best to ignore her harsh comments, she has no right to speak to you like that considering it what a big tragedy