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where do i go from here?


survival21
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My girlfriend and i recentely had been a small break for 10 days. The last time we talked was on thursday and she told me then that she is losing her spark for me and that everything I do aggravates me. She told me she didnt want to break up nor did she want a break but she felt like she had to be cleansed. Well a week passed by which was this past thursday and i called her she didnt answer because she was at work. She texted me saying "she was at work and she thought we were waiting until sunday to talk" I said "well yea but i also said i wouldnt call u for a week but can we talk sometime later tonight?" she replied "i want until Sunday" I said "ok but can i see you sunday to talk to u in person" she said "i dunno" So after that happened i figured we werent gonna talk until sunday night. Well last night which was friday she called me. At first i missed her call but as soon as i called her back she answered on the first ring. I asked her what is going on and she said that she has not missed me all week and yea she thought about us and what was going on but it didnt consumer her time like it consumed my time. She said she loved me but wasnt in love with me and she didnt see me in her future plans. I told her that i am probably one of the best things that happened to her and she shouldnt throw this away so soon. I said i never held her back and i would never keep her from her dreams i know she is independpent and i know she doesnt need me everyday at every mninute. Which is fine with me because i dont need her everyday either. I dont ask a lot from her all i want is her love. As she poured her tears out on the phone the entire night she said she didnt know what to do. I told her i loved her and she said i love you to. When she said that i told her i dont want you to tell me you love me because u feel sorry and she said she wasnt she said she means it. I move into a new apartment sunday and she asked if she could come see it monday. Until then i told her look take sometime on saturday and i would not call her until sunday night after she was off of work. We left it still open but i am hoping she will relalize that we cant get through this. I am stuck in a bind because i want to hold onto her I still feel like there is hope and i want her to see that for herself. We already talked about if there was another guy and she said no she isnt even intrested in see other guys. She just feels that she doesnt see me in her future. So what do i do now should i call her tonight (Saturday) or just wait until sunday. I really want to miss her and just want to see her. I even told all i want to do is just hug you i dont want anything lse from you right now except a hug. So now what my feelings are all confused. I jsut dont want to quit.

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I understand how you're feeling. I know all you want is a hug but wait till sun night to call like you said. She's gotta to know you're firm even if its about waiting to call. Give her some space, she's not going anywhere and let her think about things without crowding her. One day is a lot I know but wait till sun night believe me you will regret it if you call tonight. And if you feel liek she needs to hear your voice to keep thinking of you one day is not going to hurt. Go out tonight even if it's just for a couple of hours, distract yourself and be with friends and talk to someone about it. DON"T call her tonight wait till tomorrow.

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should i invite her over sunday night or should i just wait until monday to see if she still wants to come over? Also when i do talk to her on sunday should i bring up what has been going on or just talk to her and see what she has been up and leave out our problems for the night?

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First of all, how often do you guys have conversations about your realtionship? And how does she handle it? Is she uncomfortable talking about it or is she ok and does'nt mind it? Also you have to first figure out if you'll be ok just being with her not knowing whats going on. Would you rather get the issue cleared up so that you can move in the right direction or would you be willing to wait till she brings it up.

 

If you do want to bring up issues regarding the realtionship do it face to face, I personally hate having conversations like that over the phone as it's hard to judge the true emotions of the other person. Be non chalant and don't let her know it's bothering you so much. Keep the mood happy and don't tell her you miss her although almost 2 weeks without seeing her is a lot. Remember to remain strong. I know this girl feels like one in a million and that it's going to be tough to move on but preapare yourself and starting your healing now by making yourself happy first.

 

If you don't make yourself happy the only atlernative left is feeling miserable, you'll miss her less and geninuely seem less needy and cligny if you truly can make yourself happy without her being around all the time.

 

Hope this helps, keep posting here and we'll be here to answer anytime.

 

Did she invite herself to see the apartment or did you make the initial invite? If she invited herself chances are she'll bring it up on sun when you call her. If you did invite her than put the invite out there agian but prepare yourself if she says no, don't put too much thought in to it, the apartment is really not going anywhere so she'll see it some other time if not on mon.

 

Would you be ok being just friends with her? If you don't think you can make that clear to her and let her know it would be hard for you and have to start thinking about healing.

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Survival,

 

I am sorry for your pain, but I had a similar thing happen to me last year, very similar indeed. We took our break for two weeks and we kind of broke up. We hung out as friends and got back together very soon thereafter.

 

Anyway,we split again a few months ago and then two weeks ago, she started dating. I am trying NC now, because the pain is too great.

 

My advice would be to play it cool. She knows how much you love her, dont think that you need to keep telling her. Play a little hard to get, let her see how life is without you and without knowing you are right there waiting for you. Let her miss you. Of course there is a chance you will lose her, but if you play the sad puppy dog, you will lose her eventually anyway.

 

People fall in love with the mysterious and the unknown and the chemicals in your body those things cause. Be unpredictable and dont let her see how sad you are. If she knows she can have you so easily, she will want you less. It is paradoxical, but it is the way we are wired.

 

She will want what she cant have. If there is no feeling from her to begin with, then she will not want what she cant have. For example, she cant have a hippopatamus, that doesnt mean she will want one. But if she has a little desire for something, ie you, then not being so available will magnify that a hundredfold.

 

Dont make the same mistakes I did.

 

S

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You can call her whenever, it won't really matter, but first we need to figure out what's going on inside your head. I know it seems like the right thing to do would be to be there for her in her time of "need", but if she knows you're there waiting for her in the background while she makes up her mind, she'll never decide until she finds some other guy she likes and then you get pushed aside for good.

 

So the solution becomes sticking up for yourself. When you got dumped, which is basically what happened, she lost the privileges of having you as her support system. Best thing for you to do would be to air it all out and let her know how you feel and what you're looking for. You want a relationship where she's 100% committed to you with no doubt. You don't want 80% of her because the 20% doubt will eventually take over and break you two up anyways. So tell her it's only a relationship you're looking for, and if she's not on board with that, then it's time to cut contact. The steps are pretty simple, it's the damn emotions that get in the way and complicate things.

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Survival, I thought that your post was excellent advise....I'm going through the same thing....after just a year she met someone in the pub where she works...I found out by accident and confronted her...she said that he was just a good friend and that I was still her best friend and soulmate... I'm hurting so badly, it's hell, but I've decided not to have anycontact with her..worse thing is that I got her an apartment here in my complex and it's hard to avoid her sometimes...Now, she brings him home....I just call her all the worse things that I can think of and try to imagine her missing all the good things that we did....She called me yesterday, but did not leave a message.....I'm not going to call back......

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