Irishman

Hi, so sorry to hear about your dilema, believe me I'm still in one and only after three weeks....I initiated NC after getting onto this forum...it's really helping me alot...me ex has called me twice with no message recently as yesterday...it's so hard not to call back...but I have to do this for me and of course to let her know what she's missing...write him a letter, read it, then destroy it...I've done this lots of times..about the sleeping, I know it's hard, thinking all the time..I couldn't even eat anything...I know what it's like...go out with friends...staying at home by yourself is miserable..

Since my last post, she called me Sat 12th Aug...no message...then again yesterday afternoon...no message....then this morning I heard through the grapevine that she got her new job she wanted...had interview just when she broke up with me...anyway..knowing that she wasn't home I left a message on her machine telling her that I wished her well in her new position and that I know that she will do well, ending off with Take care...that's all..nothing else.....but would like to know any ideas about the phone calls? I would like to thank all of you kind people for taking the time to help me along, I don't think that I could have done this NC without you...

I think it's bothering her that I haven't contacted her as like I said in my last post 'she ask me ''did I not want to talk to her anymore"...I'm really confused, but keeping up the NC...really trying to not get myself hurt..

Yes, she lives in the same apartment complex as I do...she saw me driving in and parking my car....when I met her a year ago yesterday, she was new to Canada..well three years...I know that she does'nt have anyone else here, just her 15 year old daughter and one couple (russian) that used to live in her last apartment building...nobody else....I really don't know why she still wants to be friends...maybe she misses the times we had or if nothing works out with the other guy...i'll be there....it boggles my mind...this forum has helped me tremendously... it's hard every day though as sometimes I see her going or coming from her apartment....

Thanks for the answers..very much appreciated....I thing that you are right that the balls in her court now....

Tonight, I came home from work and my ex was sitting outside her apartment with her new guy and she saw me driving in. After I parked my car I saw her come over. I got out and asked her what did she wanted..she said to me "you don't want to talk to me, I thought that you were my friend"...I just looked at her and said. " friends don't hurt people", and then walked away to my apartment. It's the first contact I've had with her for two weeks..I initated NC to try and get over the hurt..I dont know if she's aware or not, but I think that I made the right decision and the right answer, just trying to be strong....It was very painful to see her and there was so much that I wanted to say, but with her new guy there I decided to take this action....please tell me that I did the right thing....it seems to me that she is still thinking about me, I don't know!! previous post 1168344#post1168344[/url]

Sorry, I meant gators post

Survival, I thought that your post was excellent advise....I'm going through the same thing....after just a year she met someone in the pub where she works...I found out by accident and confronted her...she said that he was just a good friend and that I was still her best friend and soulmate... I'm hurting so badly, it's hell, but I've decided not to have anycontact with her..worse thing is that I got her an apartment here in my complex and it's hard to avoid her sometimes...Now, she brings him home....I just call her all the worse things that I can think of and try to imagine her missing all the good things that we did....She called me yesterday, but did not leave a message.....I'm not going to call back......

Russo, I know what your going through...I't hurts real bad.....,but I've decided to have no contact with her at all......She really does'nt have anyone else here in Canada only here 15 year old daughter who on lots of occasions hates her then she comes crying to me....anyway I degress...I think about the things that I know she liked me doing with her and knowing that the other guy would not stand up to me......It's very hard, but you have to be really tough...I'm eating up inside, but I have to learn that I am not the one with the issues, I did nothing wrong and I'm a better person that the other guy shes with......

Thanks for the reply......it was hard for her even to fool around as she was always with me weekends and nights....we did lots of stuff together, no sign of another guy until she started working at the pub...that's when this all started........

Thanks Murzilka for your reply....It's very much appreciated....I'm really trying to be very strong about all of this....and about avoiding her, I'm trying to convince myself (to keep sane) that she was nothing but a selfish user, but shy did she tell me, on lots of occasions, calling me from her job, leaving messages for me that she misses me and loves me and will always be in my life?...unless I was totally blinded by my own stupidy and my total affection and caring for her........

My girlfriend (Russian, well from Minsk, Belarus) met on Yahoo Personals just under a year ago..I helped her out while she was unemployed, by the way she's a civil engineer, .Anyway to cut a long story short...we were so close together, so comfortable..both agreeing that we could be soulmates. I got her an apartment in my complex with her daughter, to save her rent from her previous dwelling...everything was so good between us. She's working now as a security guard and recently got a bartending job up the road from where we live. She works five nights a week...Not a high class place to mention...anyway she met someone there and I only found out about it by accident..this was last Sunday one week ago...well she came into my apartment after she finished her shift and said that she wanted to talk..this was 4:00am..Bascilally I told her to leave and never to call me agian..She still wants to be my best friend and soulmate. I'm totally heart broken and want closure. Any suggestions.. Additional Details 2 days ago Just tonight, I met her at the bar where she was working, and told her thatI had left a message on ther answering machine at home and to at least have the decency to reply. My message was that I wanted at least to meet her (to get closure). When I got home a couple of minutes later, she called me to say that she had listened. She said that she wanted to spend time with me...??? and that she would call me when she had time on the weekend.After her work she came home and I could see her with the other guy outside accross the parking lot. She blatenly started kissing him so that I could see, she ten got into his car and drove off, I suppose to his place. She really rubbed it in and I knew that she must have know that I was watching, I'm not sure though.......By the way, Im 49, she's 43....

I really relate to your situation...i'ts only been week and half, but I can't eat, sleep, function, nothing, but I have only contacted her once to ask her to meet, face to face, for 30 minutes on the weekend.... to get closure... I don't think that she want's to hear from me that I have to move on...that way, although she lives right accross the parking lot from me (that makes it worse when I see her with him) I would still be in her life... she tells me that she wants to spend time with me???? Totally BrokenHearted

My girlfriend (Russian, well from Minsk, Belarus) met on Yahoo Personals just under a year ago..I helped her out while she was unemployed, by the way she's a civil engineer, She does't really have any family here in Canada.. She came here three years ago .Anyway to cut a long story short...we were so close together, so comfortable..both agreeing that we could be soulmates. I got her an apartment in my complex with her 14 year old daughter, to save her rent from her previous dwelling...everything was so good between us. Our Saturday's were great together. I'd make us steak dinners, with some wine, watch movies, allthe romantic stuff...She kept telling me how she never felt so close or so comfortabe with someone before, I was the same...We loved waking the boardwalk, kissing, cuddling and sleeping together...Then this all happened two weeks ago... She's working now as a security guard and recently got a bartending job up the road from where we live. ..she needed the money to pay for her car, insurance etc..She works five nights a week...Not a high class place to mention...she used to come over to me after work telling me about customers tat she met..anyway she met someone there and I only found out about it by accident..this was last Sunday one week ago...I met her at a car wash, then this guy arrives and talks to her, she told me that it was a customer from the bar...I went home...that night she had called me three times...I didn't answer... after she finished her bar job she came to my apartment..she had keys.this was 4:00am..she woke me up and wanted to talk...she said that she just liked him...that they wer'nt having sex. She told me that I was her bestfriend Bascilally I told her to leave and never to call me agian..She came back after getting to the door...saying still wants to be my best friend and soulmate, but we can't be intimate. I'm totally heart broken and want closure. Any suggestions.. Additional Details 2 days ago Just tonight, I went to the bar where she was working. She was me and said 'oh hi' do you want a drink...as if nothing ever happened..I told her that I had left a message on her answering machine at home and to at least have the decency to reply. My message was that I wanted at least to meet her. (to get closure). When I got home a couple of minutes later, she called me to say that she had listened. She asked me 'how I was'..didn't answer..I said that I wanted her to set some time aside, 30 minutes so that we could meet.I said not a month from now!!...then she told me that she wanted to spend time with me...??? (what's that all about) She said and that she would call me when she had time on the weekend...this weekend....After her work she came home and I could see her with the other guy outside accross the parking lot. She blatenly started kissing him so that I could see, she then got into his car and drove off, I suppose to his place. Funny, she did'nt take him to her place..?? She really rubbed it in and I knew that she must have know that I was watching, I'm not sure though.......By the way, Im 49, she's 43....Totally broken hearted and need some major advice...if she doe'snt call...I need to know WHY?....... just came accross this forum...it's great help........thanks to all if you read this.