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It's None Of My Business, But.......


Someone I know has been on a commercial weight-loss plan for over a year. In the course of that time, they have lost over 50 pounds. They have also become forgetful and are developing a hair-trigger temper. The commercial plan they are on has several diet options. When the "real-food" diet (which was less than 1500 cals/day) stopped resulting in weight loss for this person, it appears they switched over to the company's "meal-replacement plan."


That means one small meal of "real food" per day with liquid supplements the rest of the day. Since the switch over to the liquid supplements, this person's personality is undergoing some not-so-pleasant changes. This week, I discovered that I'm not the only one who has noticed those changes. However, I'm the only one who put together the lack of real food and the personality changes.


Do we say anything? Is that really my place? I know it's a topic that I am not and cannot be objective about. On some level, I also feel that it's none of my damn business. If this person wants to make themselves miserable for the sake of a number on a scale, they are free to make that choice. This person isn't, say, a family member or close personal friend. More of an acquiantance, really. So, it does seem to me that saying something about it does cross some sort of "too personal" line. At the same time, though, it's difficult to watch someone start treading into territory that you know from first hand experience is dark, difficult and dangerous.


So what, if anything, do I do?

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It's Cold & Flu Season


And we have been intimately familiar with both in our house for the last 2-3 weeks or so. I spent most of last week with a lovely little fever, chills, aches, coughing, congestion and more coughing. There were 2 good things about this illness -- 1. No sore throat. A horribly dry throat...but no sore throat and 2. No intestinal issues.


Of course, right about the time I start feeling like I might live, my husband starts coming down with it. We've decided it's payback for the last 3 times he's brought home a little surprise illness and I caught it.


There. There's another bonus to being single and living alone. You don't have other household members wanting to share their little viral/bacterial friends with you.


Took out the garbage yesterday. If I'd known we were going to get this sick, I woulda bought stock in Kleenex. Damn. The big, economy size box was just "a start."

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Give Me Drugs, Dammit!


When I got home from work Monday afternoon, I discovered that my husband had left work early because of this illness we have. Decided to go to the Urgent Care and get both of us checked out. Doc says we both have bronchitis. He said mine was a little worse, due no doubt to the fact that I've been sick about 4-5 days longer than my husband. He gave us some antibiotics and sent us on our way. After 4 doses of the antibiotics, we are both finally starting to feel better. I lost about half of February because of this illness.


Only got to take one day off work, but that's another long and very annoying story that will only irritate me in the re-telling. Suffice it to say that I was not real happy with my employer for a few days.


Some random observations from the last week or so:


In general, people have some really screwy ideas about food, eating and nutrition. I have overheard people having conversations about their eating habits and I wanna ask them where, exactly, are they getting these ideas from. Who told you that a "one meal a day" plan is a good thing? Gosh, do you think the fact you only have one meal a day has any connection to the fact that you pounded down an entire bag of chips later in the day...which you admitted in the same conversation and used as an example of how "bad" you were? Seriously. This guy was all holier-than-thou about the fact he only ate one meal a day, then about 2 minutes later berating himself for eating a whole bag of chips later in the day. Do people ever listen to themselves talk? Do you suppose it ever crosses this guy's mind that if he'd eat a couple more regularly spaced, balanced meals, he wouldn't have the urge to consume a whole bag of chips in a frenzy?


In the meantime, I keep telling myself what other people choose to put in their mouths (or not) is none of my concern, none of my business. Just keep plugging away and doing what I know is right and what I know keeps me feeling good. Lately, that has been spinach salads with a sprinkle of bacon bits, a few croutons and red french dressing. Real curly-leaf dark green spinach...not the flat leaf baby spinach. Green beans and broccoli have also been on my crave list lately. And oranges.....

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Weekend Update


Today is the first day in about 2 weeks that I'm feeling fairly normal/healthy. It's something you don't miss until it goes away for a while.


Over the weekend, I cleaned the bathrooms (....finally), and (also, finally....) got around to cooking this really nice rack of baby back ribs with the rib rub I learned to make at one of my cooking classes. They came out pretty good. A little too hot-spicy for me, but the general idea and cooking method are keepers. Next time, less cayenne pepper and more brown sugar.


Also (....finally) this weekend, I got some long periods of uninterrupted WoW time. What with the illness, my husband's been taking several days off work, which means he's around when I normally play WoW...which means there's a 50% chance I won't be playing. Either because we'll be doing something else or he'll be on there.


There'll be another big shift in WoW time because he is starting a new job next Monday. Not sure what his work schedule will be, but I suspect I won't have 4 nights a week where he doesn't get home til late anymore. This whole "he's got a new job" thing isn't freaking me out in the least. Initially, it's something of a pay cut until he can start getting commissions. At some point in my past, that would've really made me anxious...or at the very least somewhat concerned. But it's not. I haven't really thought about it much, honestly. Is that bad?


One of my goals for this week is to get back into my workout routine. It slipped by the wayside because of the on-going illness. My yoga classes got all screwed up because of work...and I'm really annoyed by it, but what can I do? I've explained that I paid for these classes, and they are at a time when I shouldn't be working, but they keep asking/insisting that I work at that time. So, for now, I'm not taking yoga classes because of my stupid job. Why can't I just win the lottery so my attempting to have a life of my own that has nothing to do with work won't be blocked every time I freakin' turn around?


Bad as it sounds, I'm not miserable enough to seriously look for another job. I don't know that I'm ready to leave the business...but I also know I don't want to get another radio job, either. The next gig will not be a radio job. I still mostly enjoy what I'm doing, but I'm a wee bit bored. I keep wondering when the wrong people are going to catch on that I'm sorta coasting....doing the minimum I need to do to stay employed. I mean, why should I bust my butt and let the job take over my life if they're content to pay me the same amount for doing, say, 75% instead of 100%?


I wasn't always of that mindset. Now, I can't see going back to the way I was before. That resulted in some really bad stuff. I imagine I'm much more "balanced" and "healthy" in my approach to work now. But it still feels kinda weird....and I keep wondering when someone's going to get upset about my diminished effort and demand I give a little more. What if I don't want to? What if I refuse? What if I think I'm putting in enough effort for what I'm being paid? They only buy a portion of my time...not ALL my time. But they'll gladly take ALL my time if I let them.

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The Why Behind the What


So, I'm driving home from work last night, and I've got the radio on scan, and it pauses on some Christian station. And there's this guy on there talking about behavior and how a person he knew was behaving in a way that was out of character and not in line with what he knew of this person.


I stopped the scan and listened to the next few minutes of the guy's sermon. He talked about how we need to remember that people ALWAYS behave in a way that makes sense TO THEM. It may not make sense to us or any other outside observer...but in every case, people behave in ways that make sense to them.


He went on to talk about discovering the "why" behind the "what." To not focus so much on the behavior as why someone would act in that way -- what sort of logical thought processes would result in that kind of behavior -- and then approach the person addressing the "why" of the behavior....not the "what" of the behavior.


He also suggested that to be true to Christian beliefs, that seeking out the most generous reason for the behavior is the way to go. Not to assume that there is evil, mean, or other negative intent behind others' behavior. But rather, they are doing what they honestly believe to be their best, most logical option in the situation.


I'd agree...in theory. I do believe in some situations and with some people, you cannot overlook the fact that there are evil/bad/negative intentions behind some actions. But I also believe that most of the time it's not so much actively evil intentions as stupidity or thoughtlessness. I refuse to give evil that much credit...because stupidity is far more common.

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I'm Developing A Headache


How is it someone can put their own interpretation on something you did or said, get all upset and pissed off at you about it and then hold it against you when what they THOUGHT you meant wasn't what you meant at all? Then you have to pry out of them what they're upset about. Then you apologise and explain what your REAL intentions were....and they're still pissed off?


Y'know what? Maybe I'll just keep my mouth shut and not say anything anymore. I'll tiptoe on eggshells and monitor and edit every word that comes out of my mouth. Everything's great one minute...and the next I'm the most horrible evil person on earth. That's too much drama for me...and that's why I feel a headache coming on now.


How strange that I should hear that sermon I blogged about in the last entry....about the importance of seeking out the most generous reason for a person's behavior and not automatically assuming the intent is hostile, negative or bad. Someone wasn't gracious enough to seek out the most generous reason for my behavior and it has been harmful to both of us. If you know me so well, how can you assume I'd be out to get you or tear you down?


That foul mood you're in...you put yourself there...and then you decided you needed to drag me down into it, too. There are more constructive ways for both of us to deal with it.


I refuse to continue the negative spiral.

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What Would You Buy?


So, earlier this week, when the Mega Millions jackpot was at $370, my husband asked me a question. We were talking about the jackpot and what we'd do if we ever won a big sum of money like that. And he asked me what would be one frivolous thing I would buy....something I didn't need and just wanted.


And I couldn't think of a single thing.


Past logical/practical stuff like "pay off our debts" and "hire people to take care of the lawn" and "invest", there really wasn't a single thing I could think of that I just wanted to buy. On the other hand, he's standing there listing all manner of stuff he'd want. For me, the best thing about coming into some big money like that would be having the option to NOT work.


What can I say....I have simple tastes.

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Eat Hot Death


Level 60. With few exceptions, completely soloed. Boo-yah! So much for "I don't think you'll make it to level 60 without going on instances." Leveled yesterday morning after completing 3 quests in Silithus. Already 3 bars into the level by the end of the day.


Wanna tell me about anything else I "can't" do?


There was a fire at a house down the street from us on Saturday. We came home when things were pretty much over. Couldn't get to our driveway from one end of the street because of the fire trucks and whatnot. Drove by the house on our way out Sunday. Damn. It looks bad. I kinda thought so the night before because they had called Red Cross Disaster Services to help the people who were living there.


It's scary to even think about something like that happening.

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I'm Mad As Hell.....


Started reading "Big Fat Lies: The Truth About Your Weight and Your Health" by Glenn Gaesser link removed. Can we make this required reading for everybody? Please?


If people knew that constant dieting actually ends up making people fatter, would they still keep dieting? If they understood what a waste of money it was to diet and eat fake food, would they still throw that money away? If they understood that a few extra pounds aren't going to kill you, but sitting on your butt and never excercising, never eating a vegetable, and smoking will...would they change their habits? If they understood that the BMI chart and height weight tables are arbitrary and say nothing about a person's HEALTH, would they stop treating them like the be-all end-all authority on what people should weigh? If they understood the numbers that really tell you about your health are your blood pressure, cholesterol and blood sugar, and NOT your weight or BMI, would they shift their focus to the the things that matter?


I would hope they would. Realistically, though, this goes against everything they've been told and taught...mostly by an industry that has a huge stake in them believing the BS. If they continue to believe the lies, they keep spending money to solve a "problem" that isn't really the problem at all. And where there is money to be made by keeping people in the dark and feeding them lies, it's hard for the light and truth to get in and be believed. Until we reach critical mass on misery and lives destroyed because of the lies.


It's distressing to me that we're not there yet. How many more? How many more people?

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Bob & Dianne


Bob was 50. Dianne was 41. They were both married, long term. Both of them died unexpectedly, about a year apart. They didn't know each other.


Bob died in a horse racing accident in late October. I wasn't there when it happened. It was during the time I was with the Old Man and had drifted away from my racing friends. I heard about it a few days later, just in time to attend the memorial service and funeral. What with Bob being several years younger than the Old Man, I got a very clear picture about the fragility and temporary nature of our lives.


Bob's funeral took place on a cold, gray November day with a cold, biting wind. As the procession made its way to the cemetery, it started to snow. Not the big, fluffy, white, picture-perfect snowflakes that make you think of Christmas...but small, hard, grainy bits that pelted our faces with sharp coldness. If there was ever such a thing as a "perfect day for a funeral," that November day was it.


About a year later, when the relationship with the Old Man was going into a several-month process of going belly-up, I heard about Dianne. I had worked with Dianne in my 20's. When she left that company, I had infrequent contact with her...and it was usually through mutual friends. I'd run into a mutual work acquaintence or meet them for lunch and it would be, "Tell Dianne I said hi" or "Dianne couldn't join us for lunch, but she said to tell you hi."


One of those mutual friends called to tell me about the funeral arrangements for Dianne. I had no idea anything was amiss with her....I was too wrapped up in the drama of my life with the Old Man. Dianne had started having some weird symptoms several months previous, and had gotten several diagnoses. None of them were right. It wasn't until much later that they finally figured out what was wrong with her (link removed). By the time they did, she was in no condition to undergo the treatment.


Almost exactly one year to the day I was at Bob's funeral, I found myself at Dianne's funeral. It was another cold, gray November day. Those things I realized at Bob's funeral about the fragility and temporary nature of this life were reinforced at Dianne's funeral....several times over. It lead to some very intense evaluation of where I was in life and where I wanted to be.


It dawned on me that I was with someone who should've known these things. The Old Man was 18 years older than me. He should've had these realizations aleady. But if he had, he had also forgotten them. All of a sudden his "I'll get to that....someday" attitude was intolerable to me. Bob didn't get a "someday"....neither did Dianne. The truth of the matter is none of us know if we get a "someday."


In the months after Dianne's funeral, I figured out what I wanted. I realized the Old Man did not want the same thing. So I left. A little over 2 months later, I found someone who did. I married him about a year to the day after I left the Old Man.


I haven't forgotten what Bob & Dianne taught me with their untimely deaths....and I haven't forgotten them.

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There are people in this life whose only talent is knowing what butt to kiss and how and when to kiss it, and that's how they get by. They can be pretty much incompetent at their job, but through a combination of kissing the right butt at the right time and throwing other people under the bus now and again, they manage not only to stay employed but to get raises and promotions.


I am dealing with such a creature now...and it's very, very aggravating.

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A Brief Commentary On Work


It's not my job to run the train,

The whistle I can't blow.

It's not my job to say how far

The train's supposed to go.

I'm not allowed to pull the brake,

Nor even clang the bell.

But let the damn thing jump the track

And see who catches hell!


Anyone up for a little impromtu trip under the bus? Because if I'm going, I'm taking as many other people with me as I can.


In more pleasant news, I have a cooking class tonight. A ravioli workshop. It's giving me something to look forward to right now. T-minus-7 hours til class time.


Woke up with all sorts of congestion in my sinuses. Kinda headachy now and that's making it hard to think and focus.

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....Another Weekend


One of the people I used to work with at dysfunction junction was in town over the weekend. It was good to see her. Got some updates on the goings-on back there, and oddly enough, I feel much better about my current job because of it. Go figure.


When things are good, sometimes people can start taking it for granted and start complaining and whining about some very minor things. I was doing it last week in regard to work, and it did nothing but make me unhappy. It's my own fault I was in a bad mindset, y'know?


It's so easy to spot when other people are doing this, not so easy to spot when I'm the one who is doing this. In both cases the person doing it doesn't like to be called on it, either.


Humans are funny that way.

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Yeah, I Got Stuff Rollin' Round My Head


A 20-something gal I know just broke up with her boyfriend. Due to some circumstances, we were at a place together for several hours without a whole lot to do, and she told me all about the situation. Her reasons for breaking up are nothing new, really. Stuff most people go through at one time or another in their 20's.


But I am so far removed from it anymore that it seems small and simple. To her, it is painful and challenging and important (!) because she hasn't gone through it a time or two or 10 yet. She doesn't have the benefit of a couple of decades of hindsight to know that the stuff we think is big and important all too often isn't really the important stuff in the bigger picture. It's the things that creep up upon us slowly and gradually and unnoticed that can have the biggest impact over the long haul.


On this board and in my life, I keep seeing people putting up with some really twisted situations in the name of "love." They're miserable, but they "love" the other person. Sometimes I don't think it's so much about love as it is about fear. Fear of change, fear of getting hurt, fear of being alone...you name it. "Love" doesn't keep you stuck. Fear does. On a biochemical level "fear" and "excitement" are similar, though. It's a matter of how our oh-so-complex brains interpret those sensations that make them something to embrace or something to dread.


10 years ago now: recovering from the first foot surgery, living in the little apartment in the woods, going to the re-release of the first set of Star Wars movies, waiting for racing season to start. Just a couple months before I bought my first horse. Before the old man. Before I had a computer at home. Was I in a phase when I was seeing the alcoholic or not? I don't remember anymore.


Here's some of the weird stuff I wonder: If I could go back to the me of 10 years ago and show her what life's gonna be like now, what would that younger me think? I mean, no explanation, no information on how I ended up here...just the facts and images of what a day in my life now is like. Presented as "Here's where you are in 10 years. Now figure out how to get there."


But having that kinda knowledge would probably change where you'd end up, anyway.....

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My Attorney Bernie.....




Too much dealing with and paying lawyers lately. Still slogging through the "his ex stopped paying on their house and up and disappeared" mess. How is it his ex has ZERO sense of responsibility in this whole mess? I don't get that at all. Did some more investigating online today. Apparently she's popped out another puppy since they split. Wonder when that happened?


Y'know....just because you ignore stuff and hide from it doesn't mean it goes away. I just wonder what the hell she's thinking. She's free to screw up her own life six ways to Sunday, but for God's sake leave me out of it and take care of the damn house issue!


I hate being put in a position where I'm being expected to pay (monetarily and with my time and effort) for someone else's poor choices and stupidity.


I would like to think we are moving closer to a resolution (and an end to the freakin' legal bills) and will be able to put this behind us sooner rather than later. How long is this process going to take? It's already been over 5 months.

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A Life Less Ordinary


I saw a commercial on TV yesterday for diet pet food. Diet pet food. It put all the human food phobias right on Fido and Fluffy. Insanity...I'm surrounded by unmitigated insanity, I tell you! I found some irony in the fact this ad was on Food Network.


Yeah, that's another thing...the rise in popularity of the Food Network. The more we as a society and culture become afraid of the food, the more fascinated we are with it. We won't allow ourselves to eat and enjoy, so we watch the Food Network shows in secret, savoring with our eyes. Food Porn is the new porn. Where we used to be ashamed about our sexual appetites, having an appetite for food is the replacement taboo.


"In the world to come each of us will be called to account for all the good things God put on this earth which we refused to enjoy." - The Talmud


I don't want to have to account for that...for refusing to enjoy that which is provided to me. So, while I may practice moderation, what I do choose to enjoy will be indulged in fully, consciously, and savoring every moment with no regrets. And that seems to be an uncommon view anymore.


We threw a party this weekend. I made a discovery: I enjoy the planning and food prep aspects (and keeping the food refreshed/replenished throughout the event) than I do the actual "interacting with the guests" portion of the party. Maybe I would do alright in the party planning/catering industry, after all. Something to keep in mind for whenever the radio career hits the skids, huh?


It was a good party on a lot of different levels. Spent most of the day Sunday drowsy and half asleep. Partially from being up way too late the night before and partially from all the prep work from getting ready for the party. I put together a fruit and cheese plate that looked really nice....like artwork.


Not much else going on right now. Quiet is good.

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Four Months, Four Cooking Classes


I am taking my fourth cooking class next week. It is teaching 5 chicken recipes. My goal for this year was to take one class per month. So far, so good...even though money has been a little tight because of the lawyer bills. I still manage to honor this commitment I made to myself.


I'm in a weird sort of headspace today. Like I'm just sort of going through the motions. I dunno. I get this way on probably a too-frequent basis, but I feel like if I turn around fast enough, the camera crew won't be able to get out of the way fast enough and it'll be confirmed that I'm just acting out some fictional life in a movie or something. (All I ask is that it's a theatrical release movie and not some cheesy made-for-TV mini-series with Valerie Bertinelli or Shannen Doherty....please, God....)


I wonder if anyone else has these kind of moments...where life really does feel like it's some sort of weird stage play. I swear, sometimes I can hear the narrator voice over, too. "And, so, the intrepid adventures left their home and set off to the local Kroger to buy groceries....."


As a matter of fact, yes...it IS hell living in my brain.

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TV Goes Belly Up


I was working on something on the computer last night, when my husband walks in and says, "The TV just died." It was a cheap TV we bought years ago, so it's probably going to cost more to repair it (or even find out if it's repairable) than it's worth. So we're off to find a replacement tonight, I guess. Between this and the computer monitor going belly up a few months back, it has not been a good year for picture boxes in our house.


I'm feeling bloaty, crampy and irritable...which can only mean one thing. In some ways, I liked it a lot better when I wouldn't have a period for months on end because of my PCOS. This every 5 or 6 weeks stuff is...tedious and annoying. Because of the high level of irritability, I have had to exercise a good bit of restraint while posting the last day or so. Sometimes, people can have some mighty screwy ideas about relationships, money, and just life in general. My fuse is so short the last few days that I'm inclined to wanna smack 'em upside the head with a verbal 2 x 4 in the hope of knocking some sense into 'em.


In some recent discussions about outward appearance of external stuff (like clothing, shoes, cars, jewelry) and presumed wealth, one thing hasn't been mentioned much...if it all. And it's an extremely important point about all those "things." You cannot tell just by looking at a person's stuff what kind of financial shape they are in. Yeah, they may have bought all those things with cash...but chances are better they are actually in some level of debt, and may in fact be in debt way over their head.


My husband recently got a new job selling cars. Prior to that he worked for a bank in their credit card division. In his old job he had access to people's financail track record with just one particular credit card. In his new job, he has access to people's entire credit history. He sees all kinds of crap. One thing he's seen a lot is the number of folks who put up a front of being well off with a lot of expensive stuff, when in reality they're teetering on the edge of financial disaster.


I don't care how much you make...when you've got a credit card with a balance of near $100,000, you have been making only minimum payments (and often late at that), and the bank considers you a high enough risk that they are charging you upwards of 25% interest...you are in over your head. True example. This person had called the credit card company to ask for an increase in their credit line, which is how my husband happened to pull up their account. He happened to page through some old statements in the course of assisting the customer and saw charges for various high-end department and specialty stores. And to top it off the customer was shocked/angered when the bank declined the request for an increased credit line.


Now what he runs into with the car selling business is folks who want a new car, but haven't paid off their current car and owe more than trade in value. So they just roll over the remaining loan on the current car into the new car loan...thus digging themselves into a deeper hole. And it's not like these people NEED to have a new car to replace a current one that's been totalled or something like that. In many cases, they just want the latest model or feel they "deserve" something new.


The next time you see some hottie or some honey wearing designer clothes and shoes, or driving an expensive or tricked-out car, or sporting a lot of pricey accessories, don't get blinded by the bling and assume they're rolling in it. They may very well be in financial trouble way over their head and it's just a matter of time before that house of cards comes crashing down around them. In a way, that sort of overspending is akin to lying to people. You are pretending to be something you're not and misleading others into thinking you have more (and by association somehow are more) than you really are.


I suspect that "lying" generally isn't something most people really want in a partner. Yet, I still see a lot of people fall into that trap of assuming that just because there is an appearance of affluence that there is true affluence to back it up.

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A weekend where there weren't a bunch of other things going on. The last two weekends we've had out of town guests visiting and thrown a party. This past weekend there was just wonderful nothingness. We were going to do yardwork...but it was cold and snowing (!!!), so that wasn't really an option.


I baked. Made meringue cookies and baklava. Wasn't planning on the baklava, but my husband came home from work Saturday and said he wanted to take baklava to work on Monday so.... Thus started the 3-grocery store quest to find Phyllo dough. First two places we went didn't have it (?!?!). That'll teach me to shop at any grocery store other than the one we normally go to. Yeesh.


Got a new TV Saturday night. I'm astounded by the options in TVs. All we wanted was a basic 27" TV. No flat screen, no plasma screen, no HDTV, no 3 inch thick 50" screen monstrosity. We simply don't watch enough TV to justify spending that kinda money...nor would we want to watch that much TV where spending upwards of $500 would feel necessary or justifiable. So, while we weren't looking to spend thousands of dollars, to our credit we weren't high-maintenance customers, either. Went in, looked at the options (alone), when we made up our minds, got a sales guy and said, "We want one of these. No delivery, we'll take it with us...here's our Visa card." To his credit, he didn't try to talk us into anything more than what we said we wanted. It was a win-win situation all the way around.


Went and worked out Sunday after a break that was way too long. It actually felt pretty good (much as I don't want to admit that), so I imagine I'll (finally!) be getting back to my 3 times a week routine after being derailed for the last little while.


I have a cooking class on Wednesday night. Five chicken recipes and a chance to be around my fellow foodies. Looking forward to it.

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Song Stuck In My Head


Dreams - The Cranberries


Oh my life is changing everyday

in every possible way

And though my dreams

it's never quite as it seems

Never quite as it seems


Spring 1994. I was 29. There was a 19 year old receptionist at the front desk at work. She was new. She thought I was cool or something and started a campaign to make me her friend.


It worked.


I know I felt like this before

But now I'm feeling it even more

Because it came from you

Then I open up and see

The person fumbling here is me

A different way to be


I started hanging out with her, her roommates and various friends. I felt like I was getting a shot a re-living my late teens and early twenties as a single gal. When I was in my late teens and early twenties, I was either dating or living with my college boyfriend.


For a while, it was like being a high school or college student again...only with more money, my own car and my own apartment....and no one to answer to but my employer.


I want more, impossible to ignore

Impossible to ignore

And they'll come true

impossible not to do

Impossible not to do


I turned 30 that spring. At that time, that felt old. I started taking horseback riding lessons because it occurred to me that I could. I had wanted to take riding lessons when I was younger, but my parents didn't like the idea. One day that spring, it occurred to me that I was 30, financially independent, and I could do whatever I pleased.


So, I started taking riding lessons.


And now I tell you openly

You have my heart so don't hurt me

For what I couldn't find

Talk to me amazing mind

So understanding and so kind

You're everything to me

The 19 year old receptionist was sorta-seeing a guy who was 34. He didn't act it. He still lived with his parents, held part time jobs only occasionally, and partied like a college student. She met him when he was working as a waiter at a diner.


One night, I went along with her to hang out at his parents' house. That's when I met his younger brother. And hit it off with him big time. Little did I know then the reason I was so drawn to him was he was an alcoholic. Back then, me and men with addiction issues were like a moth to a flame.


Thus began several years of turbulent, abusive and drama-filled relationship with a very pretty boy with A LOT of problems. I was lucky to get out with my physical being and emotional being intact.


Oh my life is changing everyday


In every possible way

And though my dreams

it's never quite as it seems

'cause you're a dream to me Dream to me


So, when I heard this song on the way to work this spring morning, I was reminded of the spring of 1994........

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That Was Yummy!


Took the chicken class last night. All of the dishes we made were absolutely amazing-tasting, and all fairly easy to do. I got to try a ceramic knife to cut up some turnips. Didn't care for it. It's too light and feels too fragile. We made chicken piccata, chicken with a mushroom rosemary cream sauce, chicken frickasee with herbs and a variation with vegetables, an herb-roast chicken with potatoes & carrots, and a mediterranean-style roast chicken with herbs, lemons, potatoes and olives.


I've shown up at enough of these things now that the instructor recognizes me, which is kinda cool. They only had 2 volunteers assisting last night (they usually have 3 or more), so I started doing some stuff in terms of passing out plates and collecting dirty dishes and so forth. 'Cause, you know, that's the next step...volunteering to be a class assistant. I kinda feel it coming.


I am still surprised how stupidly happy I feel taking those classes and how fast the time goes when I am there. This weekend, I might try making one of those chicken recipes for dinner....and I also think I might try making eclairs. I saw a show on Food Network about making Pate A Choux, and it looked fairly easy (....famous last words, I know.).

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It's Warcrack Or Cooking


I spent more time cooking this weekend than on the Warcrack. Part of it is that we joined a new guild that's a bunch of very chatty and somewhat needy players. I suspect that we're not just the highest level characters in the guild, but we are also the oldest people in the guild. Most of the rest of them are acting like teenagers....probably because they ARE teenagers.


It's going to be uncomfortable until they learn some basic things about me:

1. I don't view the game as a social experience, so random chatter directed my way isn't particularly welcome.

2. I don't mind if they ask for help with a specific quest (as long as its NOT an instance) or if they ask about getting healing potions (my character is an alchemist). The vast majority of the time, I am likely to assist those who ask me directly and politely.

3. I don't have any interest in doing instances and raids. They take too long and take too many people to complete. I got to level 67 without doing instances/raids (with one exception), because I don't like them.


The current set of kids hasn't figured this out yet. Once they figure it out (and realize they shouldn't be taking it personally...it's just how I am), we'll be fine. If they don't figure it out soon, I'm leaving the guild.


Anyway, since the annoyance factor was high, I wasn't on the Warcrack much. It was crappy outside again, so yard work wasn't an option. So, I cooked. I made: cream puffs (first time making a pate a choux...and it came out well), deviled eggs, chicken salad (to use for sandwhiches to bring for lunch this week), and the Chicken with Shiitake Mushrooms in a Rosemary Cream sauce I learned in the cooking class last week. That came out really good.


My husband started a new job a little over a month ago. He is selling cars. He likes it better than his old job and is actually the top seller in the dealership this month so far. Anyway, as part of his training, he had to learn about XM radios. As some sort of incentive, after the XM training, they let you take some test and if you do well, XM sends you a radio and gives you a free subscription for the rest of the year. You just have to pay postage to have the XM radio sent to you. So, he completed the training, took the test and qualified for the radio. It arrived last week and he set it up in our bedroom yesterday.


I told him it was ok to have one as long as the people in my industry didn't know I had it. We got a radio that's usable in the house with an AC adaptor plug and it's also portable with a cord that plugs into the car's cigarette lighter. We are planning on a road trip next month, so I suspect we'll be taking the XM instead of the ipods. Sampling some of the channels on XM was interesting, (A channel with nothing but show tunes?) but we pretty much settled on XM44 "Fred" as acceptable background for both of us.


That's what's going on in my world.

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It occurs to me that I have had no appreciable time off work since last July. Perhaps that is part of my problem. The problem? Stuff that normally doesn't bother me is driving me insane. I'm talking small stuff that generally just rolls off my back is annoying me and then sticking with me much longer than it really should.


Just a couple more weeks and I will have usable vacation time again, so perhaps some planning is in order.


I finally got some decent weather, got off my butt and cleared out the raised bed that's in the back corner of our back yard. The people who used to own the house apparently had it set up as a little flower garden. There were some perennials and bulbs that came up. But it had been neglected for a couple of years, so there were plenty of weeds, too. Last year, by the time we moved in and took care of the stuff that needed to be done right away, it was too late to do anything with the raised bed in back, so I let it go.


Not this year. My goal is to get a small vegetable and herb garden in that space. I have no idea what I'm doing really. I have been looking at stuff online and trying to figure it out from there. Right now, all I know is I want to grow some catnip, some tomatoes, and some thyme. I don't know that I use basil often enough to make growing it worth my while. Rosemary is another likely candidate for the garden, as I use that with some frequency. Maybe some green bell peppers, too.


The person I know who has been on the commercial diet for over a year continues to get even wackier. I just shake my head and try to stay out of it. I have a foggy notion what's going on. I don't envy them at all. Yeah, they lost weight...but at what cost? Eating one meal a day? Being a little slow on the uptake and a little cranky? And all those other wonderful things....like being driven crazy watching other people eat normally....and feeling a little superior because you aren't eating. Ugh. BTDT...and went to rehab because of it.


Last week, I had Dreams About Exes Week. In the fleeting "wonder what he's doing now...nevermind, I don't really want to know" way that I have.


The violets are coming up and trying to bloom. I saw some in the yard the other day when I was messing around with the raised bed. It sparked a dream about this guy. But it's springtime and the violets are in bloom...and I wouldn't be me if that didn't happen, y'know? It was another "I don't really interact with him, he's just sort of there" kind of dreams...which is what they usually are with him anymore. He might as well be a cardboard cut-out.


Last night, I went questing with my usual non-soloable quest partner...the 20 year old guy. Knocked out a string of group quests. I don't particularly care for his playing style (it's pretty much the opposite of my very cautious/careful/slow style)...but I know what his playing style IS, so it's ok. We both got killed twice, but we accomplished what we wanted to accomplish.


Getting stuff accomplished in WoW is a hell of a lot easier than getting things accomplished in real life. Perhaps that's part of the highly addictive appeal of it. In the World of Warcraft, I have more control than I do in the World.

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