shes2smart Posted October 5, 2007 Author Share Posted October 5, 2007 What Goes Around........ Deep sigh. Yesterday, after I got done with my show, the GM asks to have a word with me. In my business...especially for the job I'm doing, the less you see your GM, the better. Turns out he wants to ask me a few questions about one of the candidates for a job that's open here. He had found out that I had crossed paths with this guy. A Dude from Dysfunction Junction (to be referred to as DDJ from this point forward). Dysfunction Junction. My last employer. The one that tried to work me to death and caused The Great Crash of 2003....the one where I ended up on my bathroom floor puking and sobbing about my incompetence for a few hours. Good times. Anyway, DDJ was the guy who took over the portions of my job that I stopped doing after the Crash....was actually my immediate supervisor for the last 4 months I worked at the place. My departure from Dysfunction Junction is still a sore subject. I wrote about it a bit on another thread and will just copy that here: I turned in my 2 weeks notice. They let me work one week. Then I got cornered in an office and "fired" on that Friday....at the same time they were throwing a "Good Luck/Good Bye" party for the sales manager who was also leaving for a new job and who'd been there about as long as I had. And there I was being hustled out the back door like someone's dirty little secret after 20 solid years. The rest of the staff was not told of my abrupt departure until after I had left the building. Several of them got in trouble for either e-mailing or publicly saying something about the crappy way I'd been treated when they did find out. DDJ was one of the people who cornered me in that office my last day there and "fired" me. Knowing the other people involved, I'm fairly sure that little move wasn't his idea. It's my thought that the other person in that room was the one directly responsible for how poorly that whole situation was handled. But that doesn't mean I'm gung-ho to cross paths with either one of them again. My GM said that DDJ himself had informed him (my GM) that he did know me and that we didn't part on very good terms. I gave my GM the nickel version of what happened...including my opinion that I don't think DDJ was to blame for what happened. Under different circumstances at a different company, DDJ probably would've been an ok guy for me to work for. I said as much to my GM. From what I can gather, the choice to fill the job here is down to DDJ and some other person who I don't know. That was enough to send me on some weird thinking-about-crap-I-really-don't-want-to-be-thinking-about bender from the time I had that conversation with my GM yesterday, into last night, and up to now. Well, except for the couple hours I played Warcrack last night...then I wasn't thinking about it at all. Warcrack's good for that. Even now, just writing "Warcrack" is a distraction....how weird is that? I can tell yesterday's conversation and resulting thoughts are bothering me a lot...because the screwy food choices began last night and continued this morning. Got up and instead of my usual cereal/fruit/tea and a matzo breakfast, voices in my head were screaming, "DOUGHNUTS! NOW!" I opted to give in while being consciously aware of what was going on. I called my husband to tell him about it just after I left work yesterday and we talked about it over dinner. ("You can eat and talk and feel at the same time," they told us in the hospital's ED treatment program) I can't tell if it helped or not. I still feel crappy, but this is the first time I've felt motivated to write since it happened. I suspect this (and repeated rounds of "this") will help ease the crappiness. Writing always has, so I don't see how this would be any different. There are a couple of things going on here: 1. Unease over thinking I'm going to have to see/interact with DDJ if they bring him into this building for an interview. 2. Unease over the thought they might actually hire him. 3. Remembering those last few months at Dysfunction Junction. So I'm getting a weird mix of "old crap" and "crap that hasn't happened yet (and may not happen at all)." The doughnuts were good. They didn't solve anything. But I was conscious and fully present when I was eating them. That's something. Maybe not much....but something. I have to believe there is some reason this particular turn of events is taking place. That is what my life philosophy/belief system tells me. There is a reason for this...and the reason is my highest good. I'm just not at the point where I can fully trust that enough to make the leap of faith. I have no doubt I will get there...even if I leap because I get tired of waiting for the doughnuts to actually DO something...I will make that leap at some point. Just not now. "Wounding & Healing" - Francis Dunnery I don't know if I'm getting old I don't know if I'm getting tired I don't know if I want to go to work today 'Cause I spent last night with my old friend He said its make or break time So I asked the burning question Why when I want to make a forward move do you knock me to the ground? and he said... He said I'm gonna break you down and then I'm gonna build you up again Stronger then ever before I don't know if I'm getting wasted I don't know if I'm disillusioned I don't know if I want to make the effort today I had another bad night with my old friend He said there's no separation, there's only integration, He really isn't anything physical Just a voice inside my head, that keeps saying, keeps saying, keeps saying. He said I'm gonna break you down boy and then I'm gonna build you up again Stronger then ever before (he says I'm gonna break you down boy) He said I'm gonna break you down then I'm gonna build you up again He said I'm gonna take your mother away So I can watch your boyhood burn E'en though your father failed to show you the way and now there's no where left to turn He said I'm gonna break you down boy I'm gonna turn your rock to sand He said I'm gonna crush your spirit boy Then you'll have to take a stand He said I'm gonna hurt you so bad you'll have no where left to turn (He said I'm gonna break you down boy) He said I'm gonna break you down boy Then you can finally be a man Link to comment
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