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I Swear, As God Is My Witness, I WILL Break-In These Shoes!


Wearing the black Birkenstock clogs again today. They still feel like two wooden blocks strapped to my feet....only slightly less so. If they weren't so damn cute (and if I didn't have an already broken-in pair that I love thus making me aware of these will be in time), I would've given up on them by now.


Weekend was a blur of playing WoW. Saturday is my big day to play since I only go to work for, like, an hour if at all, and my husband works most of the day. As of this writing I am about 1/3 through level 29. I am still marvelling at how freakin' addictive that game is....especially given my two-minute attention span.


We had some discussion of what we should do about Christmas dinner. It will be just us. The last few holidays, I have used the day to cook something different. All the recipes haven't been bad...but they haven't been things we've felt much need to make again, either. Maybe I should just stick with some tried-and-true favorite and skip the experimentation. I'm thinkin' that's probably going to win. Sometimes, it is disheartening to put a lot of time and effort into preparing a meal only to see it eaten and done with in less than a half an hour.


Tonight is the last yoga class before the holidays. Next series starts in mid-January. I'm glad I started taking yoga again. I have already noticed an increase in my flexibility because of these classes. Last week we spent most of class doing twisting poses. My back really, really liked that. My instructor said she's going to do restorative poses since it's the lass class in this series...so that's what I'll be doing tonight.


Well, that and playing WoW.....

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I Need A Haircut


Haven't had one in months. Haven't had one that took off more than a 1/2 inch in probably about a year. My hair is the longest it's been since 1994 or possibly high school. However, I hate getting my hair cut. I made this realization, oh, a couple years ago. As soon as I did, the frequency of hair cuts dropped off dramatically...which resulted in the current hair length.


I also hate that I've given this much thought/brain space to something as trivial as hair length and hair style. Good Lord, have I nothing better to do with my brain cells?


I am currently reading link removed. Yeah, I'm actually foregoing WoW (and the internet in general) to read every few hours. Anyway, it's sparking that weird combination of "aha!", "it's NOT me"/"it's not just me" and anger that most of these recovery kinds of books do.


Because of that mindset and some other things that happened yesterday, I replied to a thread that I would normally have the sense to stay away from...if only to spare myself the aggravation. Oh, well. I'm done with it now, move on. "I'm living in a world of my own reality...What's true for you ain't true for me." - Francis Dunnery.


Started and finished a 9 part quest in WoW last night (and not getting killed once), which pretty much was the reason I leveled up to 30. After that I got a bunch of new "requires level 30 or higher" equipment and skill training. Why is it this damn game makes me feel like I've accomplished something when I complete quests and so forth?


Meanwhile in the Real World, I'm working on the black Birkenstocks again today. My husband's work holiday party/dinner is tonight. He's still debating if he wants to go. I don't really care either way. If we don't go to the party, I'm thinking go to the gym...with or without him. Expecting him to go with me is a 50/50 shot at best. It's not my job to make him go. The only thing I need to be concerned about with gym trips is what I need to do for myself and my well-being.


Yesterday, I got an email from a guy who works at a station in Texas. He was in town here last week and happened to catch a couple hours of my show one day. He wrote to pay a few compliments. That was cool. It made my day. I love things like that when they come out of nowhere. Like little signs that say, "Yes...you are still supposed to be doing this." Sometimes logic & reason tell me differently, given the current state of this business in general, and the type of job I do in particular. We're talking less than zero growth rate for this job...like a game of musical chairs...only there are 100 people playing and about 60 chairs. And next year, there will only be 50 chairs...if we're lucky and they don't cut the budget for chairs. If the chair budget gets cut, there'll be something like 40 chairs for 100 players.


Far as I know, I have a chair for another year. I'll stay seated in it until told I must do otherwise.

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Keeping Christmas In My Way


NOTE: Sense Of Humor required to read further. If Sense Of Humor is turned off or Sense Of Humor module is not installed, please to not read any further. It will only distress you if you do. You've been warned.




As you may surmise, I'm not much for the mushy, sentimental, religious parts of the season. Given the choice between solemnity and laughter, I'll opt for laughter about 8 times out of 10.

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Nothing Gets Done The Last Week Of The Year


All non-essential services should just shut down for the week because most places are running at minimum-staffing anyway. It's like a ghost town here, so many people took the week off. Of course, that means it's nice and quiet for those of us who are allegedly working this week.


Browsing the last few days' worth of posts, reading the holiday drama in other people's lives makes me thankful for my holiday peace and quiet. Christmas Eve day we went to the gym, then out for a late lunch. Wound up at a nearly-empty Steak-N-Shake because it was the only thing we could find that was still open, then did groceries. Yesterday, we didn't leave the house at all. Just took turns playing WoW and gave the cats canned food for Christmas.


The cats usually only get dry food, so the canned stuff is a huge treat for them. If you say, "Canned food" to the gray and white cat, he will stop whatever he's doing and stare at you with this sort of hopeful/expectant look on his little kitty face. If there was a way to get into their little kitty brains for one day, I'd take it. I'd love to know what they're thinking and how much they really understand what goes on around them.


Went to the gym Saturday, Sunday and today. Yoga's off for a couple weeks for the holidays. Going to the gym two days in a row wasn't the greatest idea, even though I used different machines to work different muscle groups I am still a little sore. While I was doing my 30 minutes on the elliptical Saturday, I was thinking about how when we joined the gym nearly 3 years ago, I could barely stay on the elliptical for 10 minutes. Now 30 minutes is normal, even if I've been slacking off for a week or two or more.


I guess that is progress. Some indication that I'm deriving some benefit from going and doing this stuff regularly. It's not the doing stuff I dislike...it's the associated BS. The idea that everyone's motivation to be there is to lose weight and be really buffed out. The additional crap they sell - supplements, "nutritional counseling," and so forth. As long as I ignore that stuff...and other people's BS and hang-ups...I'm good.


"Don't be bringing me into your BS." It was a phrase I uttered about another player's actions in WoW. The other player was running his character willy-nilly around the graveyard, getting all the skeletons & ghouls to chase him. Of course, he couldn't fight all 8 or 10 things he had chasing him, so just before he dies, he runs over to where I'm trying to make my way (carefully) through this section of the game, killing one thing at a time. When he dies, the 8 or 10 things chasing him all come after me, causing me to say, "Why ya gotta go bringing me into your BS?"


That kinda sums my attitude toward real life, actually..."Don't be bringing me into your BS." The more we play WoW, the more parallels my husband and I discover between WoW and real life. It's kinda funny. At the bottom of it, though, who you are in real life tends to leak through into the game...especially if you interact with other players to any degree. If you're a donkey's behind in real life, you're probably gonna be that in game, too.


Also discovered an interesting feature in WoW. You can find out how much total time you've played a particular character or how much time you've played a particular character at its current level. My total time on WoW as of this morning was 7 days, 13 hours, and change. (it gives you minutes & seconds, too). That's a lot less than I'd have guessed. I mean, one solid week out of the last 6 or 8 isn't too bad.


Is it?


Edited to Add: According to previous posts, I started playing WoW on November 18...so it would've been 5 weeks this past Saturday. So, maybe that one solid week out of 5 isn't so great.....

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I'm Old And Cranky


I don't have the world's longest fuse to begin with, and the wonderful PMS-y, bloaty, crampy, achiness that kicked in last week and escalated today has shortened that fuse considerably. It's times like this I really, really like my job...because I can spend the vast majority of my work time in a room by myself and it's ok. Took some ibuprofen a little while ago...just waiting for it to kick in.


I'm half a bar from making it to level 36 in WoW. My husband is stunned that I have made this kind of progress. See, he made a little mistake back in the first few weeks I was playing. After having a couple not-so-great experiences grouping with other people in WoW to complete quests, I swore off grouping. I said that I much preferred to solo. He said, "Well, don't take this the wrong way, but I don't know that you'll be able to get to level 60 just soloing."


Oh, really?


Ever since then, I'm zipping through levels as fast as I can given a full time job and the various other obligations I have to maintain "real" life. I am fast closing the gap between my character's level and his. I doubt if I will catch him (he was playing a good 4-6 weeks before I started), but he now thinks I might.


People play this game in very different ways. I don't think my husband really understands the way I'm playing my game. It's not much like the way he's been playing his game, and sometimes, if I'm online playing and he's watching me, he "backseat plays." That drives me bananas. I can't count how many times I've had to say, "Please don't play my game for me" or "I don't play this game the way you do" or something else along those lines. Or if I'm feeling very irriatable, its something more along the lines of, "Don't you have something else to do right now?"


My ultimate solution, though, is to just let him play when we're both home. I play when he's at work and I'm not or when he's sleeping. I tend to wake up very early in the morning (like 4 or 5 am), so I can get a good couple hours in most mornings before I have to get ready for work or anything. 4 days a week, he works much later than I do, so I also have those days to play undisturbed and unwatched.


That's how I started seeing the parallels between WoW and real life. 'Cause I'm pretty much that way in real life, too. I'd rather solo and do stuff by myself than with a group.


No big New Year's plans, really. Have a party to go to tomorrow night (yeah, yeah, I know tomorrow isn't New Year's Eve yet...but it's not my party...and they wanted to have it on the 30th).


Y'know what January 1, 2007 is? It's the 30th anniversary of the start of my journal. I started my journal on January 1, 1977. I have been scrawling down bits and pieces of my life longer than some of the folks on the board have been alive. I've been scrawling down scenes from my life nearly as long as my husband has been alive (he's a year and a half "older" than the journal).


All that and you think I might've managed to figure out something by now. Yet, most days, I still stumble around trying to find my way just like everyone else. One thing the journal has taught me, though, is that I will find a way through. No matter what happens, I always find a way to get through it, to survive and to thrive in the long run.


Happy 2007.

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It Was A Two Zomig Kinda Headache


Zomig is the medication I take for my migraines. Late last week I was thinkin' to myself that I hadn't had a migraine that required me to take a Zomig for a really long time. Sure enough Saturday, I had a two Zomig migraine.


Normally, one Zomig is enough to kill the pain. It puts me to sleep within 30 minutes of taking it, I doze off for an hour or two, and when I wake up, I'm a little groggy but my head doesn't hurt anymore. Not so on Saturday. When I woke up after the first Zomig, my headache was worse. The cat walked through the room and her tags jingling on her collar were too loud. At the worst point, I was breathing too loud. So when the cat decided to sit next to my pillow and purr at my head to make me feel better, it took every ounce of self-restraint to not smack her. I woke up early (6am-ish) with the headache. Took the first Zomig at noon, the second at 3pm. Didn't start feeling like I might live until 8 or 9pm.


So, that pretty much killed Saturday. Lost a full day of playing World of Warcrack, so I know I was feeling pretty bad.


The good news is just about everything I've read would indicate that once I'm past menopause, there's a good chance the migraines will go away completely or drop off to just about nothing. I never really had a problem with them until I got into my mid- to late-30's, and they're definitely linked to my cycle. Common enough in perimenopause and menopause from what I've read. A few more years (and a few more Zomig) and it'll be behind me...I hope.


Between the headache and just not being very motivated, I spent the vast majority of the last 3 days at home. That was actually pretty cool. This time last year we had just come to an agreement to buy the house. I wish we had thought to take "before" pictures when we first took possession. The yard had been pretty much neglected for 1.5-2 years. Some work had been done on the inside (painting, new carpet in the one carpeted room, new kitchen floor) but it still needed some work inside, too. I know we did a lot of work on the place, but it would still be interesting to compare "before" and "after" pictures.


I've heard stories of house-finding/buying nightmares from other people. The process of finding this house was actually very smooth for us. We only looked at 3 houses...the one we bought was the second one we looked at. I just kinda knew when we walked in. (Just like I knew the first and third houses weren't "right" when I walked in) So, it didn't surprise me when the negotiation with the sellers, the home inspection and the loan process all went flawlessly. It all fell together like it was supposed to because it was the right time.


Looking back, I can see where all things are a matter of timing. If things are difficult and you're blocked at every turn, I believe there's a good chance that you're not where you need to be. Because when it all comes together...and where you want to be is in line with your own growth and development and where you need to be...the obstacles disappear and the path is cleared for you.


Time and again, this has proven to be the case...with buying the house, with my work life, financially, with relationships. Things falling into place, "coincidences" stacking up...they're just road signs telling me I'm going the right way and I'm where I'm supposed to be.


I wonder if other people's lives are like that or if it's just me. I mean, I hear people talking about difficult and complex situations they've gotten themselves into, and I can't help but think to myself, "Well, maybe you're not supposed to do that/get that right now." But we can get so stuck in thinking things should be a certain way that we put blinders on...and we don't see the road signs that say "wrong way" or "do not enter."


I think back to a line in the Lord's Prayer..."Thy will be done." Thy. Not my. Letting go of a situation and letting go of one's ideas of how things ought to be is hard, but it ultimately makes things easier, I think. As one individual, I do not have the capacity to see the larger picture. No one does. So, without all the information, how can I continue to insist things should be MY way, when all evidence may be pointing to the contrary?


Broken Toys - Ben Hildner


As children bring their broken toys, with tears, for me to mend,

I brought my broken dreams to God, because he was my best friend.

But then, instead of leaving him, in peace to work alone,

I hung around and tried to help . . . with ways that were my own.

At last, I snatched them back and cried, "How can You be so slow?"

"My child," He said. "What could I do? You never did let go."

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Well, That's A Surprise...


link removed


How many more women's/young women's lives are going to be damaged or completely ruined by this idiocy in the name of selling some products, programs, books and magazines?


I was reading some other disturbing study results in link removed earlier today. I imagine at some point an excerpted bit will be posted here. It'll drive the point home more than my ranting and raving.

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Daddy Dearest?


First off, for clarification, I have no relationship with my actual bio parents. This ain't about them.


It's a prominent feature of my personality that I relish the role of "student" to someone (usually male, usually a little older than me) who will take on the role of "teacher" or "mentor." If that male has a bit of a paternalistic streak to his personality, I like it even better.


This was fine in my 20's. I had one person in my life who fit this role to a T, and we got along great. I had the great good fortune to work for him for about 10 years. I also had the good fortune that he was a genuinely nice, decent, classy, honorable guy. He never would have even considered overstepping the boundaries of that role or abusing that role. I look back at that time in my life and that work relationship with fond memories. Still talk to him every now and again, and he is a sort of quasi-"dad" for me.


I've also made some not so great choices about people to put into that role. But that isn't what I've been thinking about lately, so perhaps another time for that.


I'm into a phase in my life where I've got a couple very "fatherly" men around me. One's my husband...even though he's a good 11 years younger than me, the other is my boss. For the most part, I like having this kind of relationship in my life. But the past few days/weeks, it's chafing me a little. I've had to fight the urge to tell both of them that I am, in fact, a capable, competent adult and I can actually manage to do things by myself.


I try to keep my comments to myself because I know their intentions are good. They genuinely want to help me, nothing more. I'm reasonably sure they don't think I'm incapable of doing stuff myself. So, ripping into them probably isn't an appropriate response, y'know? It's just that lately, they're both kind of going overboard and it's making me feel like they think I'm incompetent or stupid or something. (C'mon, really, I CAN install computer software myself...done it before, this isn't going to be a problem...you don't need to help me with that.)


The other issue that's come up with the "student" role as I've gotten older is that it's harder and harder to find people who can fill the "teacher" role. Not that I'm some sort of uber smart, uber enlightened being...but I seem to have picked up a few more life lessons and how to live life lessons than a lot of people. "Teachers" fall off their pedestals faster because I've just lived too much, experienced too much, and seen too much to believe anyone's perfect or infallible anymore.


So, that's what's chafing my Depends today. If you can figure out the downside of daddy existential crisis, drop me a line.

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Where The Blog Got Its Name




I cannot believe that it's been over 20 years since I first heard this song...Stuart Adamson's voice telling me he felt the winter, too....


Lived through one day at a time, it seems like a very long time. I was in college when this song was out...I had just turned 20...and I couldn't comprehend being in my 40's. What I thought "being in one's 40's" would be like and the reality of being in my 40's are very different. At 20, I was unaware of how little I knew...and I thought I knew a lot.


Looking back at it now, it seems like it went by in the blink of an eye. Living through it, at times it felt like it would never end.


I thought of my former place of employment this morning...people who worked there. This spring, it'll be 3 years since I left there. I have a really difficult time imagining myself working there anymore. It seems like a very distant memory...dream-like...almost like it was something that happened to someone else. Just as well...toward the end it was a very bad dream anyway.


In other news in the World...of Warcrack...hit level 40 yesterday. That means I can get some faster transporation than my character's jog/walk. I got a Spotted Frostsaber. Basically a big, white-wth-black-spots saber-tooth tiger lookin' thing. (allows you to travel 60% faster!)


Seems like there was something else I wanted to scrawl about...what was it? Oh, yeah....so I was talking to someone I know and he says he got quite the shock over the weekend. Someone he knew through one of his hobbies suddenly died from a massive heart attack. And he said, "(guy's name) was thin as a rail...you wouldn't expect him to have a heart attack. He smoked like a chimney, but there wasn't an ounce of fat on him." I did my best to cluck in sympathy and hold my tongue about the comment. Smoking is a bigger health risk than a few extra pounds. Sedentary lifestyle is a bigger health risk than a few extra pounds. Thin, sedentary and a smoker is just asking to have problems. Yet, here's someone expressing shock that a thin, sedentary smoker had a heart attack, just because the guy was thin.


People just don't get it.......

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Busy Week


Monday night was the first class in an 8 week session of yoga classes. It felt good to stretch out like that after 2 weeks off. Yesterday night, I took a cooking class at a gourmet shop in town. That was fun. We made Tequila-Lime Grilled Chicken, Jamaican Jerk Ribs, Peruvian Purple Smashed Potatoes, Fingerling Potatoes, and a Radicchio & Endive Salad with Sweet Vinegarette. Everything was a little more seasoned/spicy than what I normally cook, but it was good. Interesting to see how much basic seasoning (salt & pepper) a professional chef actually uses. All these years, I've apparently been under-seasoning. Perhaps my college bf was right when he said I came from the "land of the bland" when it came to my taste preferences.


The instructor was a professional chef with a long history of restaurant experience. Different types of restaurants and styles of cooking. It was interesting just to hear him tell different cooking stories, let alone be able to cook with him. It was a hands-on class, so we all got to do a little bit to prepare the dishes. The class was about 2 hours, then we got to eat what we'd prepared. Since the instructor used to work in the restaurant business, he plans on a full meal for everyone at the end of class. Apparently at some cooking classes, you just get a little sample at the end...with this guy, we got a full plate of chicken, ribs, 2 kinds of potatoes and salad.


This was one of my goals for 2007...to take about one of these classes a month. The store offers 3-4 different classes a week. However, as $65 a class, I can realistically comfortably afford about one a month. So that was my goal...to attend one a month (average) through 2007...as long as there was one that looked interesting to me.


So far, so good.

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Away For The Weekend


Went out of town for the weekend. Left Friday after work and got back yesterday afternoon. Pricelined a hotel for $30 a night and ended up in one of those extended stay places with a kitchenette. I always like those better than a regular hotel. The rooms are a little bigger and there's a fridge, range top & microwave. If you work it right, you can save money/hassle by having breakfast in your room. You can also bring leftovers from a too-big dinner back to the hotel room and stick 'em in the fridge for later.


We went to the link removed Saturday. My fourth time there in the last 9 years. I've never lived more than a 2-3 hour drive from the place, so it's not an epic journey to get there or anything. They do change out a number of displays over time, so it's always been a little different on each visit. I think it's past time they updated the video presentations they have on the 1st and 4th floors, as they're all copyrighted 1995-96. Not that I didn't enjoy them this 4th time around...but at the very least, I think enough time has passed that some updating is warranted.


There weren't that many people there. We actually went backwards...started up on the 6th floor and worked our way down. Didn't run into any other visitors til we were most of the way done with the 3rd floor. Then it occurred to me...the other times I've been there it's been summer or early fall. This is the first time I've been there in mid-winter...and who goes to Cleveland in the middle of winter? It was nice not dealing with a huge crowd.


Afterwards, we had lunch at link removed. Last year, we tried to go to the one in Phoenix, but because of a Suns game that was going on at the same time, we were unable to find a place to park, so we didn't get to Alice's Restaurant til Saturday. We were pleasantly surprised by the food. Mostly, we were going to look at the memoribilia on the walls and so forth...but what we ordered was quite good, indeed.


Had about 2 days off the computer and away from the Internet, email and WoW. Still managed to level up to 42 last night after we got home, though. So, I got to do something other than WoW and still do WoW stuff, too.

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How Things Change


This week, I learned about a few shake-ups with people I used to work with. Years ago, when we all worked under the same roof and our various stations were successful, these folks had big egos and took credit (and perhaps rightly so) for the success of their stations. However, they were very difficult to work with. The very definition of a "high-maintenance" employee.


Even though I did the same kind of job they did, I've always been a more "low-maintenance" employee without a whole lot of ego about being on the radio. As such, I got run over by the egomaniacs and looked over by the higher ups. Squeaky wheel gets the grease and all.


Fast forward 8 or 10 years. I've been continuously employed and am currently in a bigger market than where our paths all converged for a time. I hear that the last of the big egos is now "on the beach," as we say in the biz. (It's a euphemism for unemployed, in case you hadn't heard the term before) I also hear tell that, with each one of them, their reputations preceed them in their job search...the over-inflated egos, the bad behavior, the treating co-workers like crap...and that's causing all of them a few problems lining up the next gig in this era of reduced budgets and reduced staffs.


Is it bad that I'm just a wee bit smug about that? That I'm thinkin', "that's what you get for treating everyone around you like crap and thinking only of yourself for so many years."? In some senses, I realize that it could just as easily have been me who ended up jobless and perhaps leaving the business before I was ready to on my own terms. But I still can't help but think that we really do reap what we sow over the long haul.


I will try to keep the smugness and gloating and "HAH! I told you so"s in check and at the bare minimum. But, when I am alone in the privacy of my own thoughts, I'll likely have a few full-bore, full-tilt Smugfests. After all, I never claimed to be a saint.


Big drama in our WoW world as Blizzard (the company responsible for foisting Warcrack on unsuspecting humans) gave players on our too-full server the opportunity to transfer to a new server free. Normally, transferring a character to a different server carries a price tag of $25.


This was a cause for much discussion/concern in the guild me & my husband are part of. In the end, the group decided to split the guild, with a portion of the members staying on the old server and a portion (including us) moving to the new server. We didn't have any game-relationships with other, non-guild folks on the old server, so it was an easy decision for us. It was worth it to switch just to avoid a wait logging in during peak usage times. We like to think we followed all the cool people over to the new server.


So those are pretty much the high points of the week past. Tomorrow, I'm figurin' on a pretty full day of Warcrack. Between work schedules and the road trip last weekend, it's been a while since I've been able to get my all-day Saturday Warcrack fix.

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Odd Story On CNN...


Found this on link removed. Two of the three people involved were lying about their ages and who they were. While the third person ended up dead by getting dragged into the other two people's BS.




Just a little something to keep in mind as we stumble our way around the web.


I ended up taking a last-minute class on pastries at the gourmet shop yesterday. It was very interesting. Out of one basic sweet dough, I learned how to make cinnamon rolls, pecan sticky buns, a braided danish, and individual filled danish pastries. We also made a sour cream blueberry lemon streusel cake. Can't wait to try making some of this stuff at home. It'll have to wait until the weekend, though.


I want one of link removed. I keep talking myself out of buying the $300 mixer, but every one of these classes I take, I keep hearing about all the stuff they can do. I have to come to terms with the idea that there's a $300 mixer in my future if I'm going to take the cooking thing seriously. Maybe if we have a tax refund.


I installed the tax software over the weekend and started filling out what I have. So far, so good. Just waiting for the rest of the documents to get here. I'm thinking many of them should be showing up this week. I got one 1099 and a 1098 in Saturday's mail. Still waiting on a couple other 1099s and our W2's.


Yes, there was lots of Warcrack on Saturday. My wrists hurt by the end of the day. I'm 2 bars from level 45. Figured out I'm the oldest person in our guild. Since we are on the same account (and we have only one computer) my husband and I cannot be on the Warcrack at the same time. So, when I'm on and working on a quest I can't solo, one of my frequent questing partners is a guy in our guild who is, like, 19 years old.


Before the server move, he had a character who was at about the same level as mine so we were working on the same things a lot. He started a new character and brought that one over to the new server. He's on a lot, so he'll probably catch up with me in a matter of weeks. It just strikes me as a little odd that I'm sort of cyber hanging out with a 19 year old kid. I'm old enough to be his mother for cryin out loud.


But, hey, that's me....42 going on 16.....

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Instead of going to my regular yoga class last night, I went to the later one. I had to work late, so I wouldn't be able to get to my regular class on time.


My regular class is for beginners and people with "physical challenges." The late class is for intermediate students. I didn't have any trouble keeping up. In fact, the instructor and the 3 other people in the class were suggesting I might want to switch classes. I said maybe next session I would. Thing is, I'm feeling the soreness starting to creep in. It's kinda weird...I come home from yoga all loose and relaxed, I feel fine when I get up the next day. Then, about 4 or 5 hours after I get up, I can feel the soreness/stiffness starting.


It's not entirely unpleasant -- that sort of "Yes, you did something physical and stretched your limits a bit" kind of sore. And maybe the fact that I'm NOT sore after the regular class is an indication that it's not quite enough of a challenge anymore. I mean, I was taking a beginner class, but I am not completely new to these things. I'm just out of practice for the last couple (ok...more like 3 or 4) years.


Having some weird thoughts about work the last few days....like it's a really small part of my life anymore. I started wondering when my employer might catch on that I'm maybe not putting in 100% effort, 100% concentration, 100% feeling 100% of the time. I don't know how other people approach their jobs, so maybe this is just normal. I mean, I like what I do, but that line between "this is my job" and "this is my life" keeps getting more and more solid and defined. They don't intermingle and mix together quite like they used to. And the stuff in the "this is my life" area keeps having less and less to do with my job.


I do what they ask me to do. I put in my time at work. Heck, I will even bring stuff home to work on if I have to. But much of the time anymore, I find that my mind isn't quite 100% on work at work.


There was a point in my life where, if I had won something like a big lottery jackpot, I probably would've continued working anyway. Now, I think I might continue working for a little while...but I suspect that in less than a year, I'd be done.


I've been continuously gainfully employed since I was 17. That means I've always had one job, sometimes two. Since the age of 18, one of those jobs has always been in radio. Never been completely out of work or completely unemployed and having to look for a job. So, that's something like 25 years of continuous employment. It has crossed my mind that it could come down to this: maybe I am just tired.


Why is it that my tax documents are always the last to arrive? Hubby's W-2 arrived yesterday. Still waiting on mine...and on a couple 1099s that are for accounts that are mine. All his stuff already got here. I'm chomping at the bit to get this done, but I have to wait for the info. Meanwhile, I'm sure there are people who will wait until March to even look at their stuff who already have everything now. It's a variant of Murphy's Law in action, isn't it?


So, for what its worth, that's pretty much what's happening in my deranged little part of the world.

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Stabbing Pain In The Eye


I think there's something wrong with one of my contacts. My first clue was the stabbing pain and constant watering. So, I am wearing my glasses today and hoping I don't develop a headache. I'm off to the eye doc later this afternoon to get it looked at.


Since I changed my avatar to my WoW character, I have heard from a number of people on this site that play WoW. I had no idea. Of course, there are 8 million WoW subscribers worldwide, so it shouldn't be any huge surprise that a few of them (other than me) are here, too.

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Mmmmmmmmmmmmmm....Cinnamon Rolls........


This weekend I made the Cinnamon Rolls and Cherry Cheese Danish I learned how to make in that breakfast pastry class I took a little over a week ago. The Cinnamon Rolls were stupid easy and came out perfect...light and sweet and gooey with Cream Cheese Icing.


The Cherry Cheese Danish was a little more difficult and time consuming. When I went to do the final roll out and cut, the dough kept springing back on me. Tried letting it rest a while, but it still kept fighting with me. Arrrrggghh. I couldn't get it rolled out thin enough, so I just went with what I could get. The Cherry Cheese filling was good...the pastry's too thick and a little tough from the overworking I gave it trying to roll it out, though.


I like the Cinnamon Rolls better...the dough's texture is lighter (less butter than the Danish dough), they're sweeter than the Danish, and they take about half the time to make. The Cinnamon Rolls (and Pecan Sticky Bun variation) will be making another appearance. The Danish, however.....not worth the time and aggravation.


Everything but my W-2 is in for taxes. It's looking like we really didn't have to make those estimated tax payments last year after all. At this point it looks like we'll be getting back all the estimated tax we paid PLUS some extra. Yeesh. Spent all last year scraping to make those stupid payments and pay for all the house crap at the same time...and it turns out we didn't need to. I don't get it. Oh, well...I'm sure we'll find something to do with that money. (Like, oh, say, get the $300 Kitchen Aid Mixer.....)


In any event, that last W-2 should be showing up in the next few days, here. Then I'll be able to get that done and overwith. I don't like to wait around on filing taxes. I just want to get it done and gone. It's rare that I haven't completed it by mid-February. I'm one of those so-called "early filers." The only reason I've filed later than mid-February is the years I have owed money. Usually have to wait until I have the money to send.


"Owing money" certainly doesn't seem like it's going to be the case this year, so let's file that puppy ASAP.

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Miss Grumpy Pants Is In The House


Yeah. My psycho reproductive system seems to be functioning as it should for the....??th month in a row, and I am crampy and irritable. I suppose that's a good part of the reason I gobbled down most of the Cherry Cheese Danish I made like there was no tomorrow. Sugar. Must. Have. Sugar. NOW.


Consolation thought: It will be over in another week or so.


Did a full show remote yesterday. The promotion person stayed on site the entire time. Started a conversation with her and found out she's a major foodie, too. Normally, our jobs don't coincide with that much downtime, but the place we were at for the remote was kinda slow after lunch. She eventually wants to make a career change and work in the food prep/catering industry, which means going to culinary school. So, we talked about different culinary schools, the classes I've been taking at the gourmet shop, different things we like to make and so forth. And the time just flew by, which was very cool.


For some reason, I found myself thinking of my life as it was about 10 years ago. 1997...living in the little apartment in the woods, recovering from the first foot surgery, filling the downtime while the harness track was closed for the season, just learning the ins and outs of the new computer automation system at work.


That thing completely changed this business...and not always for the better. It brought the concept of "voicetracking" (which is the euphemistic way to say "pre-recorded" i.e. "not live" shows) into our daily reality. That opened the door to voicetracking in cities you'd never even heard of before. Which in turn meant fewer jobs for people in those cities. (start sarcasm) I mean, really, why should a company pay 2 disk jockeys full time salaries with benefits when they can pay one DJ to do both jobs for one salrary? For that matter, why not have that same disk jockey on in, say, 3 or 5 or more different cities and eliminate ALL those jobs? The listeners will NEVER figure out that DJ isn't REALLY there....(end sarcasm)


If I knew then what I know now, I don't know that I would've so willing looked for, asked for, pestered people for, and happily accepted the voicetracking gigs I got in other cities. I see now that the extra few thousand dollars a year they gave me for doing those other stations was, in some ways, blood money. It also paved the way for the conditions that would eventually lead to the little (HA!) nervous breakdown I had several years back. You know, that one that was brought on by a solid year of doing what used to be 4 or 5 full time jobs for the salary of maybe 1.5 of those jobs.....


Some of this comes to mind because this morning at breakfast, I was reading a section of "The Body Myth" that was discussing recovery from eating and body image disorders. It was saying that an essential part of recovery is structuring one's life so there is a healthy amount of time for rest, relaxation and rejuvenation. Because the sacrificing that in order to be more productive or simply take care of others' demands can lead to fertile ground for problems like EDs and body image disorders to grow and flourish.


Looking back, I suspect that had I been well-rested and not stretched to the breaking point, I wouldn't have broken.


Then again, if I hadn't broken, I might've never looked for another job and left there. Which means I wouldn't be here now....doing ONE full-time job for ONE full-time salary/benefits, with plenty of time to have a life beyond that job. I am being paid for a portion of my time, not for my whole life. It's up to me to make that distinction and set those boundaries. If I hadn't broken, I might not have figured that out let alone done it in any meaningful way.


So, once again, it all happens for a reason...and ultimately, it all happens for my highest good....

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Uh, By The Way....You're Supposed To Wet That Sponge Before Nuking It


Alright, I understand people had their microwaves ruined and smoke stinking up their homes, but I still think this is funny. link removed


Aaron Hoover, a press officer at the University of Florida, said several other news organizations received similar complaints, although no one had complained directly to the university.


"We figured, 'Wow, we better let people know right away that the sponge should be wet,"' Hoover said in a telephone interview.


Ya think?

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Super What? There Was A Football Game Yesterday?


So last night, we went to the grocery store to do our regular every-other-week food-buying thing. As we left the store, this guy bursts through the doors -- running into the store. Now, it's cold here. And windy. And snowing a little. This guy is wearing nothing but jeans, an Indianapolis Colts T-Shirt and tennis shoes. No coat, no hat, no boots, no scarf, no gloves.


Anyway, he runs past us into the store. My husband watches him and says, "Huh. Must be half-time and they ran outta beer."


We load our groceries into the car, and start to drive away, and the guy in the Colts T-Shirt comes bursting out of the store, running toward a car that's parked by the door. There's another guy sitting in the driver's seat on his cell phone. T-Shirt guy barely gets in the car and gets the door shut before the car starts tearing out of the parking lot.


The guy in the Colts T-Shirt was running out of the store carrying a case of beer.


We laughed all the way home.


Once we had all our groceries inside, my husband says, "I must know..." He turns on the TV, finds the channel with the game just as they go back from the break, the game announcer says they're just about to start the 3rd quarter. "Dude musta made it back with the beer in time," my husband remarked.


We laughed some more.


Another funny snippet of life in the World.....of Warcraft:


So, I'm watching the guild chat scroll by and a few guild members are trying to organize an instance run. (Translation for non-WoW'ers - an instance is a section of the game that basically requires you to form a group in order to play through that section because of the number/level of the bad guys there) Anyway, they're comparing notes on which quests they have and what they need to accomplish in this instance, when one of them pops up with this: "If we're doing this we need to go soon because I have to go to bed at 9."


I sometimes forget the age ranges I'm playing this game with. So the guild chat turns to ages. Turns out that level 50 something bad-a** warrior is a 10 year old in 6th grade. I said I had pieces of clothing older than he was. I'm also no longer the oldest in the guild. There's a 51 year old member, but I don't know if they're male or female. Most of our guild are 20-something or 30-something guys, with a few teenagers and the 10 year old. Very few females.


And, as of yesterday, level 49.

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The Things We Do For Love


....like stalking and (allegedly) attempting to kidnap and physically harm a romantic rival....details here: link removed


The story caught my eye because the woman who was arrested is around my age. It's one of those situations where you wanna ask, "What the heck were you thinking?" We'll probably never get to know the truth...we'll only find out about what is reported...so I'll be left to speculate.


What is it that goes on in the mind of someone that taking these kinds of actions makes sense to them? Can any of us snap like that under the right conditions? Did the people closest to her see this coming? If so, did they try to intervene? Suggest she needed some help? Or did they just ignore it?


When you cross the line between reasonably normal, healthy thoughts to whacked-out thoughts....do you realize it? Is there ever a moment of clarity where you think, "Whoa. That's a little psycho. Maybe I better check myself."?


And the guy who was the 3rd point in this little love triangle...what's the deal with him? Was he actually involved with either of these women in a personal relationship?


And what on earth were any of these folks thinking....getting involved with people they worked with? Let this be a lesson to us all. There's a damn good reason they say "Don't Get Your Honey Where You Get Your Money." At least a few of your co-workers are likely to have a few screws loose.

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More Food Talk


Made the Pecan Sticky Bun variation of the Cinnamon Roll recipe. Oh. My. God. These are good. But where you can eat 2 cinnamon rolls in one sitting, one of these bad boys is enough. The super-sweet and rich pecan topping makes having more than one at a time out of the question. I am so glad I took that class and learned the basic sweet dough recipe and learned some different ways to use it. It was well worth the $65 and getting there in the raging snowstorm that was going on that morning.


Over this weekend, I think I am going to try making the Jamaican Jerk Ribs we made in the first class I took at the store. We bought a really nice-looking rack of baby back ribs from the butcher shop last weekend. Seein' as how we're in this bit of weather here where getting into double digit temperatures is a HUGE accomplishment, I don't see us cooking these ribs on the grill. They are mighty tasty that way, but neither of us are die-hard enough to freeze our (body part of your choice) off to have ribs cooked on a grill.


Woke up a little headachy this morning, but otherwise feeling ok. Have been doing battle with a cold since last Friday and then got hit with another one of the perimenopausal periods from hell a few days ago. I'm hoping to be back to feeling 100% normal/healthy by Sunday. Hopefully. As long as nothing else happens. GAWD.


It's weeks like this that make the appreciate the fact that, most of the time, my body actually functions like it should with no hitch. The more I talk to people around my age, the more I realize that's not as common as one might think. So many of them have chronic problems with panic attacks or digestive/intestinal issues or some other thing that causes them some sort of constant discomfort and that needs constant management/treatment. Did I really manage to take THAT much better care of myself over the long haul? Did I just get dealt a really good hand genetically? Even though I've gone through periods where my eating has been screwy and I've gone through periods where I thought I was a little too sedentary, did I really manage to get enough of it right enough of the time that it's ok?


Right now, I think that might be the case.

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I Finally Got A Haircut!


It got to the point where I really could not put up with it anymore. So Saturday, I just went and got it cut. Only had about 2" taken off, so it's still a little past my shoulders. Was entering the transaction into Quicken, and out of curiosity, decided to look up the date of my last haircut.


It was 7 months ago.


I realize it had been a while, but I didn't think it was quite that long. Huh. I'm almost sorry I didn't just bite the bullet and go a full year at that rate. Anyway, after that I came home and colored the grays, so that's crap I won't have to bother with for a while.


So, there's this big project at work. And my boss is really geeked about it. And he's kind of expecting me to be geeked about it, too. But I'm not. I don't care. One way or the other, it's all the same to me really. All I know is I'm having to adjust my work schedule and being asked to work on what are normally my days off to get this project done. And since I don't care about it (or think it's going to make things markedly different), all it's doing is breeding resentment and frustration on my part. All I say is, "You're cutting into my WoW time." And my cooking time, come to think of it.


Didn't get a chance to make the ribs over the weekend because of the work project. (Grrrrrrrrrrr)


I dunno exactly when I lost the passion/enthusiam I had for this business, all I know is it's gone and it's not coming back. I don't dislike my job. That's not the case at all. But I am much more adamant about it being my job...not my life. Part of that is holding the line on limiting how much of my time I allow my employer to have. When I was younger, that wasn't the case. Hell, one year I worked from January through July and only took 2 days off that entire time. You won't see me doing that anymore, though. It's not worth it.


I know a lot of my shift in attitude came in the aftermath of the work-induced breakdown I had a few years ago. But there's a new layer of apathy on top of it anymore. Not sure where that's coming from. Maybe just from the fact that I've been continously employed at at least one job and often times two jobs at a time since I was 17. I've been working on a regular basis for a long time and I'm just tired of it.


Never been a stay-at-home housewife or stay-at-home mom like a lot of women. That's never been an option for me. I'm kinda wonderin' if that stay-at-home housewife thing wouldn't be something to look into in the future, though. (forget the whole stay-at-home mom thing...that'd require me to have kid(s) and that just ain't gonna happen)


For now, though, that is not an option.....so it's back to the grind.

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Oh My God, We Are SO Getting A Snowblower!


It snowed several inches here yesterday...then it switched over to sleet and freezing rain, putting a shell of ice over the snow accumulation.


This is what we were shoveling off our driveway and sidewalk this morning and it s-u-c-k-e-d! We are SO getting a snowblower, because I am not going to move that much snow with a shovel again. My arm muscles still feel all rubbery from that.


Leveled my Warcraft gal this morning. So I'm at level 52. I haven't checked the amount of time I've played the character lately. I somehow "forget" to do that when I'm online. I want to know...yet I don't want to know.


Bought a lottery ticket for last night's drawing. Matched one number. That doesn't get me anything. Poop.

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Six Years Later...


Six years ago I had my neck surgery. I didn't even remember the anniversary of it until a day later. I remember I was freaking out the night before the surgery. Having a neurosurgeon ready to cut you open and mess with your spine tends to bring on some heavy duty fears. The surgery went well, though. The easiest of the 4 surgeries I have had...and the one that freaked me out the most. Oddly enough, it was also the easiest recovery, too.


The days after the surgery, though... My ex insisted I stay at his house post-surgery. It was an hour-long drive from the hospital to his home. My apartment was 20 minutes from the hospital. He said I shouldn't be alone after the surgery...that someone should be around to take care of me. So he dragged me to his house. The next day he left on a business trip and left me there to look after his daughter.


So much for "someone around to take care of me."


But my life isn't like that anymore...and it hasn't been for a good long while. I'm in a relationship with someone who understands that you don't leave on a business trip the day after your partner has major surgery and expect them to watch your kid while you're gone. I wonder if my ex ever figured out that was a major mess up on his part. I would've been better off staying in my apartment by myself.


Yeah, life's a lot better now. Dealing with someone who's not all slimy about stuff like that. Someone I can actually count on to be there when I need him. I don't have to hear a lot of flimsy excuses and justifications for why he should do what he wants to do and I should be ok with it.


It was never ok. I dared to call him on his BS and he didn't like it. His previous partners were easily bought off with cash and prizes. Let him do whatever he wanted as long as they got all the material goodies and the credit card got paid. But me? I could buy my own damn dinner, I didn't need him to. I had a different standard. It didn't include a lot of trinkets and shiny baubles.


I don't know that he ever really understood that.


I needed to be there then in order to be here now. It was worth it. But it can still trigger some sadness or anger when I think about how much I settled to be there then.


The surgical scar on the back of my neck reminds me.

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When I Was Your Age...........


Sometimes I think I should wear mittens when I read some of the posts on this site. It would physically prevent me from going off. Without mittens, I have to rely on my own better judgement. So far, that's been enough. Dancing on thin ice at times, to be sure...but enough.


Life is about as complicated as we want to make it. No more and no less. We are not going to be friends with everybody forever. There is a natural ebb and flow as people come into our lives and leave our lives. It's just part of the cylce. It's sane, rational and healthy to not have contact with people who hurt you and make you feel bad -- even if you loved them and they loved you at some point. The stuff you think is so earth-shatteringly important in your 20's isn't that important by the time you reach 40. In the long run, one's physical appearance is a very, very small part of getting and staying in a healthy relationship. You'd be better served to spend more time on learning how to be a Decent Human Being than bemoaning your self-percieved physical flaws.


Simple stuff. But I see people go out of their way to make it complicated and in turn make themselves miserable. Pain is necessary for growth. Suffering is optional.


Wrap your mind around that: Suffering is OPTIONAL.


It's a curse of age. The older you get, the more clearly you can see some things...but, of course, many of the younger ones still have too much cotton stuck in their ears and can't hear you. If they can, they're certain you really don't have a clue. You've never been 40...but I've been 20-something and I remember that I thought I knew so much when I now realize that I knew hardly anything.


The generation before mine said "Don't trust anyone over 30."


Then, all of a sudden, they were over 30.


What were they supposed to do with that philosophy then?

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