Very upset and confused....someone help

[IrishBroad]

Hey everyone!

 

Well it is official it has been a month since my ex and i broke up....

 

I was living with him and we were planning on marriage someday or that is what he told me. He is 20 and i am 21. Anyways we got into a fight and he left, i didn't think it was permanent but it is. This is the last month of having the appartment i am moving back home with my parents.

 

Well this has been very hard on me because in my heart he is the one... We had some issues early on (he cheated on me no sex) and well i obviously didn't let things go. So i tried to not let him go out with his friends and stuff. He didn't have his liscence either. Well since we havebroken up i have usually contacted him every 7 days or so and the last call was the hardest... He seems so different and so rude to me. I can't understand why though i wanted to work on things with us but he just gave up and moved back home. I am so upset i realized how happy i was with him when he left. I just don't get how someone you see everyday doesn't call you ? doesn't want to see if you are ok .... He always said to me it feels like we are married and i love it. Our last call was like 8 days ago and he got his liscence and is getting a car.... but also he has been out with his friends every weekend drinking and doing drugs...

 

The thing is his friends are toxic for him his mom and dad are alchoholics when i first met him all he did was drink and do drugs and i got him to stop and see his real potential. all i wanted was good things for him and i know i was controlling after he cheated i had a hard time at that time i also wa so upset about him cheating i was pregnant and had a miscarriage.... we have been through sooo much he has always been there....

 

our last convo he said he was happier and stress free and he is talking to all kinds of girls and drinking and doing other things then he was rude to me rubbing it my face.... i asked how he could just shut off all his feelings he said he just could?? how can he be over me that soon????

 

 

he put a ring on my finger told my parents that he was going to marry me got an appartment.... once the bills came in he got stressed... when we broke up he said he was sick of the B/S didn't want a gf wanted to do what he wanted when he wanted.....

 

I cry everyday and i miss him so much I love him and i am trying not to talk to him but i feel the more i keep NC the more he is with other girls or just harming himself with substances....

 

His mom always told him he is a kid he is a kid and she is divorced and she always called him like 5 times a day saying how much she missed him and how she needs help has no money how his dad is a loser who doesn't pay child support.... she would always make him feel like he needed to give her money and help her..... she is a grown woman with an excellent job and maxed out credit cards....

 

I am so sad all i want is him to call and come back to me i just don't understand how someone who loved you so much could just not care enough to call or just up and leave like that??? I would never do that ..... I feel like i want to just call him and beg him back... i haven't dated anyone i don't want to i am crushed and in love why would i go off with random ppl when i am in love???

 

i need some support some addvice i feel like i am going to breakdown, i feel like i don't want to work, eat, sleep, go back to school, i am pushing myself to do daily things and i just want to give up it gets to the point where i feel like i don't want to be alive because i am hurting inside so much i cry all the time and i am so confused someone please help....

 

 

xoxo Bridget

[nicorette]

I am so sad all i want is him to call and come back to me i just don't understand how someone who loved you so much could just not care enough to call or just up and leave like that???

 

some people are weird like that, youd think theyd care, maybe they do, maybe they dont but evidently they dont show it. im sorry this is sucha hard time for you and i can only wish for you to get better, eat, and sleep and try as best as you can to get on with your life. you say he drinks, does drugs, and talks to all these girls and hes so arrogant that he rubs it in your face. you are so much better than that. just try to focus on all the reasons why hes SO not good for you, as hard as it may be. i promise things will get better, you just gotta stop talking to him. quit calling him. think about it though, even further down the road, wouldnt his drinking and drugs destroy a marriage if one day you two wed. i really think that its good youve gotten out of it now, and one day, i promise, that you will also be able to see that as well. take care.

[satori_0]

i asked how he could just shut off all his feelings he said he just could?? how can he be over me that soon????

 

Human beings are the strangest saddest creatures on the face of the Earth, having the potential to hurt people and easily forget the pain left behind. It is indeed a question that lingers unanswer after a bitter breakup. You and this guy have shared a lot together and for him to take off and forget about you just shows he is inhuman and incapable of true love. A person that loves you will never leave you hanging and not care about you or worry about you. If you try to contact him it would only elevate his ego. You need to place yourself in a pedestal and make him come to you. I know the NC must hurt since you want to stop him from getting with other girls, but you can't stop what he feels in his heart. No other girl out there can be like you and he knows it and once he doesn't find what he wants he is going to crawl back to you. When he does crawl back I hope you have the will to say "I dont love you anymore" because then you realize that someone who truly is worthy of your love would never cause so much pain and destruction to your life.

 

 

It wasn't YOU I wanted it was US~ anonymous

[Phoenix69]

Im sorry to be harsh Bridget but if he loved u as much as u obviously love him, he wouldn't have been so horrible and wouldn't be rubbing the fact he is going out, drinking, doing drugs and girls, in your face. U need to initiate NC RIGHT THIS SECOND!

I know how it feels when ur plans are screwed up. My BF and I were living together for a year and a hlaf when he (out of the blue) broke up with me. I had to find somewhere new to live, cope with the breakup and deal with depression all at the same time. The thing that helped me the most was that the day he broke up with me, I initited NC. It was a god send I swear. Not only did it give me MY power back, but it also made him think I was moving on. Two weeks later, he came back to me and said he had made a terrible mistake and could we try again. Im telling you, even if NC doesn't bring him back to you. You will be far stronger than u are right now. How can he miss you if u haven't gone away? Put yourslef in his shoes, what would u rather A) a girl who is constanly telling u how much she misses u and wants u back

or

B) a girl who takes it all in her stride and gets on with life "Plenty more fish in the Sea" (I know its hard, but you don't actually have to feel like that, you just have to pretend. Sooner or Later it will be true!)

 

PM me if you need some more advice...

[DN]

I think he is just not ready for a relationship that involves any responsibility. I realise that is very hard for you but I think you would be more hurt by being with him than being without him.

 

I know it is hard to believe but the pain does lessen and you do get better. You will get past this and life will seem happy again.

 

Remember: if you are going through hell - keep going.

[BellaDonna]

Hi Bridget.

 

You say you got into a fight before he left. What was the fight about?

 

Regardless, I agree with the others: It does not seem like he is any good for you. He seems to be very immature and self-destructive.

 

The prior cheating, the drinking, and only wanting to do "what he wants when he wants" tells me that he's not someone you should marry. If leaving is the only way for him to deal with problems, then he will not be able to commit himself to a marriage. Be thankful that this happened now instead of after a marriage occurred. At least now you can go back home and nto have to have any major ties to him any longer.

 

I think once you get back home and have some more time apart you'll realize that you're better off without someone that acts like that. The right guy for you is out there, but it's not him.

 

BellaDonna

[Blue Skittles]

You really do not want this guy for a boyfriend, let alone a husband. I know the break up is really hard but teh thing I have learned about alcoholics and drug addicts is that all they care about is their addiction. Their addiction comes first before anyone that theywould care about. You don't want to be the one to deal with this. I'm glad you got out and I hope you never turn back to this man because there is someone so much better out there for you.

[Hope75]

he put a ring on my finger told my parents that he was going to marry me got an appartment.... once the bills came in he got stressed... when we broke up he said he was sick of the B/S didn't want a gf wanted to do what he wanted when he wanted.....

 

Hi Honey,

 

I have to agree with the others.... sometimes when we are young we have this ideal image of what life living together is like, and then when we actually do that, we realize that we are not quite ready to grow up and accept all the responsibilities of living together and being a commited couple. It's alot of work and compromise too... and not all fun and happiness. It really sounds like he realized that was not what he wanted.

 

After having read that he has been struggling with a drinking and drug problem, and has cheated on you, honey I have to agree with DN in that he was not a good guy for you to be with and that you were likely hurt more (even if it was harder to see) by being with him than you are now.

 

He doesn't sound like he's ready for the type of commitment that you want and deserve... and he's not ready to grow up and accept what it takes to be a responsible adult (i.e. not drinking excessively, not using drugs, not cheating, paying bills, etc). This type of person is not a good partner to get mixed up with.

 

I'm sorry that you lost the baby and that you went through his infidelity and everything else. You sound like a very kind and loving person and with time you will move past this and find someone who is on the same page as you ini terms of a relationship.

 

((HUGS))

[IrishBroad]

Hi Everyone,

 

Thank you so much for all you have said to me... I feel a lot better now and you are all right about him. today i got a letter in the mail it was his liscence so i had my dad call to tell him to get it no one answered so my dad left a message.

 

An hour later he calls back and i talked to him for idk how long and he was saying he was over me and that we never got along and all this BS ya know? He assumed i was perfect as can be? honestly i just told him that i really wanted to be with him and that i loved him and he just seemed so different... the convo was a blur of crap spewing out of his mouth and me telling him how i felt.... but one thing i think i at least realized that it was definitely over whether or not thats what i want.... he never wants to be with me again...

 

I guess i could go on and tell you what other jerk things he said but its not worth my fingers to type all i did was cry and say why and i love you... i didn't say anything mean although i want to so bad...but i just can't come out and say things like that because i will feel bad. But i can say it here....His loss i think he will regret his decision because i am a god girl who is smart knows what she wants and i will be sucessful and i will have no regrets. I tried all i could he just didn't care....

 

well i am sad but i hope it will get better... he is coming over my parents house to get his mail and the rest of his things and his furniture and then i will never need to contact him again.

 

Should i look good for him tomorrow or just say w/e...

 

well thank you so much for all the support and i will keep you all updated on what happens....

 

X's & O's ~Bridget

[IrishBroad]

Hey BTW the fight was about me not wanting him to use a bowl that was my nana's (she passed away i took care of her she had cancer) i was being kinda weird about it but i appologized then he said something like you B^&*) and then i threw his ciggaretts like 5 of them in the tiolet and he got real mad.... (idk i know i was immature but he was saying things and i just acted and threw away the ciggaretts because i hated that he smoked and i was afraid that if he never quit he would get cancer like his grandpa so i took the anger out on the cancer sticks idk weird fight ) and he said thats it i can't take this anymore called his mom and she came to pick him up.... it was a weird fight.... a silly fight that i said sorry for but he didn't care and it was just an excuse to leave...

[BellaDonna]

I think you're right- he wanted to leave already and used that argument as an excuse to leave. (He's doing you a favor- you just can't see it yet).

 

With time, you will feel better and stronger without him. It would probably be better for you if you are not there when he comes to pick up his stuff.

 

BellaDonna