Girlfriend says I'm not 'man' enough?

[charley]

There is a difference between constructive criticism vs. put downs, character assassination, and outright emotional cruelty. What he described sounds to me like cruelty, put downs, and emotional abuse and is inappropriate in her approach. It also sounds unreasonable in content. That's my opinion.

 

Many other posters seem to share my opinion, though they may not have stated it as strongly as I did.

 

Life is to short to put up with being treated like that. I was abused both emotionally and physically by a women. Do you know when it stopped? The day I stood up to her is when it stopped.

 

His girlfriend is clearly emotionally mean. She isn't likely to change. To change, she'd have to become nice, kind, considerate, and learn to like entirely different qualities in a man. To change that much, he needs a new and different woman. They sound fundamentally incompatible. She might be happy with some macho jock. He could be happy with a girl who likes him as he is. They just don't sound right for each other.

 

Her clearcut meanness and cruelty make her inelligable for sympathy, IMO. His girlfriend has emotional abuser written all over her. She's already doing it. He deserves better than that (we all do).

[Dako]

I'd imagine in time you could get rid of your fears of water and insects, but I don't know how you'd get used to such a critical woman.

Most women aren't so troublesome. I vote for showing her how manly you are, with a buh-bye.

[Protex]

As teddybear said, the relationship has overall been loving, and we have gone through A LOT for each other.

 

I had the talk with her. Told her that if I was such a turn-off, I'll be leaving. I also told her that I thought this whole 'be a man' thing was just her way of trying to get another message to me, (for example, how she wants me to change my hate for clubbing so we can go together). She agreed that this is what it was and everything just worked out after that.

 

I'm working on my fear of insects now, that is the easy one, the fear of water is really daunting.

 

I'd like to thank you all for your advice and support, do not think it goes ignored or unappreciated, =).

 

As for now, I'm just taking it day by day, sometimes that's the best, right?

 

Thanks again!

[Spawn]

good to hear Protex......you did the right thing of standin up for ya.

 

God bless...and good luck.

[BellaDonna]

Told her that if I was such a turn-off, I'll be leaving.

 

Good for you. I hope you stick by that, should her unecessary critical behavior continue.

 

I'm working on my fear of insects now, that is the easy one, the fear of water is really daunting.

 

Just remember, even if you can't "fix" these things, it should have no effect on her feelings for you. She should love you regardless. Insects and water have very little to do with love.

 

 

BellaDonna

[Dako]

Good going, man!

[Alezia]

She is probably just trying to discover herself.. it happens that people in a couple do not grow together You should try to find someone who shares a similar lifestyle to you... don't need to have the EXACT interests but she obviously isn't into the sitting at home stuff

[yeawutever]

Glad you're standing up for yourself. There is nothing worng with having a fear or heights, insects or swiming. I still fear median-big dogs and if they don't like me as who I am and my weaknesses, they might as well leave.

[holyohio]

Is clubbing seen as a "manly" activity?

 

I think saying her saying "You're afraid of wrestling bears barehanded?", "You don't chop wood with a hatchet and no shirt on?" , or "You don't like to watch sports?" would be a clarifier that might clear up some confusion about your apparent "lack of manliness" moreso than justifying her hurtful and disrespectful comment by saying you need to learn to like watching your girlfriend get crotchraped in a club.

 

You should have offered NO excuses for her to take and demanded an explaination. That's what a man would have done. You should never try to interpret someone elses feelings (which you did by saying "Oh honey, i think you insulted my masculinity because..." which signals that you are going to forgive her because YOU have already justified HER actions in your head) because she obviously just took the first thing you gave her, nodded her pretty little head and she got something out of it too !

 

This is probably what she's talking about. Even when she said you werent manly and that it "was a turn off"...even when she said YOU were a TURN OFF, you were still looking for a way to spin it so that you were able to justify (to yourself) not breaking up with her. Making excuses. Forgiving her right away. Did she even apologize?

 

Out of the blue tell her that her @ss looks fat, or her boobs look really saggy and gross in that top, or that her vag smells like a dumpster and see how she puts up with it...

 

She's probably getting less and less attracted to you because you no longer have a spine.

[Iceman26]

(for example, how she wants me to change my hate for clubbing so we can go together).

 

Let me get this straight.....she insults your manhood to get you change your opinion on clubs?

 

Whats next? Calling you a card carrying member of NAMBLA to get you to go shopping with her?

[holyohio]

Let me get this straight.....she insults your manhood to get you change your opinion on clubs?

 

Whats next? Calling you a card carrying member of NAMBLA to get you to go shopping with her?

 

The only one situation this would be okay in is where she was going out, asked if he wanted to go with, he said no for some reason and she jokingly called him a wuss or said "be a man" or something like that.

 

This is clearly not what happened.

[Massari]

BUT honestly what is it about F*** clubs anyway??? me and my gf or 3 months argue so much about clubbing. I like to sit home friday night and relax with her .. she on the other hand prefers going out with her GFs to a club ( she doen't drink) and I too hate the idea of horny guys touching her and all .. we all know the clubbing scene in Toronto is very intense and not the best place to be for a "taken" Gal. I personally am against it. If I am single no I like it but once I am in a relationship I am a different person as though my priorities changes "she's gonna be my number one" I too canno swim and have a huge phobia of airplanes and flying! hence I don't travel alot or I want I rather take the car and drive. GF never comments me about the fears that i have but she does comment on the fact that I should let her go clubbing and I am against that. I dunno how thats gonna ever work between us.

[Dako]

What if we all ignored the "be a man" stuff, and became ourselves?

It would take integrity and courage, so some wouldn't make the cut.

[CarnelianButterfly]

What if we all ignored the "be a man" stuff, and became ourselves?

It would take integrity and courage, so some wouldn't make the cut.

 

Yeah! Be a Dako!

[redrose85]

I LOVE that bunny! awww

[savannahohsavannah]

Tell her to cut out her verbal abuse or you'll kick her to the curb.