Do most Girls want dating Fantasy over Honesty?

[Derek]

When dating,

 

Girls want to think they are the only one,

they want to think they are the center of your attention,

they want to think they turn you on and no other,

they want to think they are the only thing on your mind,

they want to think they are special above all others,

they want to be swept off their feet in a whirlwind of

romance and pure love.

 

If a guy is honest about what he is really thinking or feeling, (i.e. he's not sure about it) the ladies get mad because he broke the romantic fantasy. He "talked about it" and thus "ruined it".

 

The guy ruined the girl's fantasy land with honesty.

 

Do most women really want a man to feed their own romantic fantasy instead of the realism of honesty?

 

If so, where is the line between little white lies to give her what she wants and very black lies which could use her?

[RayKay]

 

Girls want to think they are the only one

 

Um, no, I want to BE the only one. Not think it. But that is for exclusive relationships.

 

If we are just dating, well, I am probably dating others too.

 

they want to think they are the center of your attention

 

If you are talking about other women, then yes. If you are talking about having them stop living life and give up their other interests, friends, etc...then no, not personally.

 

You can be dating other women and not rub it in their face. As they should not in yours.

 

 

they want to think they turn you on and no other

 

I think most of us are rather realistic to realize that even our partners can be attracted to others. It all depends what he chooses to DO about that.

 

But we DO want to feel sexually attractive and like we are what they want.

 

We are not that naive...women don't lose their interest in attractive people as soon as they are in a relationship either.

 

they want to think they are the only thing on your mind

 

See my other point. I do not expect, or WANT a partner to stop their entire life for me. I fell for them because of whom they are, why would I want that to change? I would not want them expecting me to give up the rest of my life either.

 

And if we are just dating and have not made a commitment to be exclusive, I don't have any such expectations either.

 

they want to think they are special above all others

 

Well, yes. If we are not special above all the others, what's the point in being together exclusively then? And if we aren't exclusive, then I will believe that well, we aren't and we are both free to date others.

 

they want to be swept off their feet in a whirlwind of

romance and pure love

 

Not really. Personally, I want respect, love, commitment, to be accepted for who I am, shared values, morals, compatible lifestyles, friendship, honesty & trust...but maybe I just have high standards..

 

If a guy is honest about what he is really thinking or feeling, (i.e. he's not sure about it) the ladies get mad because he broke the romantic fantasy. He "talked about it" and thus "ruined it".

 

No, we don't get "mad". We get insecure about the future of the relationship. No one whom is interested in someone wants to know that their partner is considering taking an "out". It's not about the romantic FANTASY, it's about the feelings that are developing.

 

The guy ruined the girl's fantasy land with honesty.

 

Do most women really want a man to feed their own romantic fantasy instead of the realism of honesty?

 

No, we want honesty. I would rather hear that a guy was wanting to get out, then have him drag it out. For me a relationshipis about BOTH of us wanting to be there.

 

If so, where is the line between little white lies to give her what she wants and very black lies which could use her?

 

White lie - "Your rutabaga surprise is tasty, though I much prefer that moussaka you made last week".

 

Black lie - "I love you and really want to be with you" while he is thinking I really can't stand being with you anymore.

 

There is also a difference between saying "I really want to start things slow as I am not sure if I am ready yet for a serious commitment" and saying "Sure, I want to get married and have babies with you and meet your mother, in fact she can live with us" while saying that to three other women and knowing you never want to get married.

 

If you are dating others, I want to know that you are, I just don't need the details of it. And I want to know when you choose to be exclusive - be it with me or someone else.

 

I value honesty.

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

Yep that pretty much sums it up.

 

But seriously, you're right, it is a fine line, because I'm sure for myself, if I was dating a guy and he didn't like me very much yes, I probably would want to know about it, because I don't think I'd want to date him anymore.

 

But at the same time I realize that not everything is perfect. I just don't want to know about every little thing.

[Derek]

Is Raykay an exception to "most girls" ? =)

 

Maybe I should have worded it more like, they want to "feel" like they are the one and only most special girl of all time, ever, etc.

 

If a girl wants the fantasy over reality, perhaps she's not strong enough to handle the truth? (denial?)

[RayKay]

Is Raykay an exception to "most girls" ? =)

 

Maybe I should have worded it more like, they want to "feel" like they are the one and only most special girl of all time, ever, etc.

 

If a girl wants the fantasy over reality, perhaps she's not strong enough to handle the truth? (denial?)

 

I would say there are many exceptions

 

Yes, I think "feel" is a better word in there. I think even 'most men' want to be made to feel special..you know? It feels good to be made to feel that way! We fall for someone because of how they make us FEEL, but that is not exclusive to women!

 

Perhaps, or...perhaps she is caught more in the idea of romantic love, than aware of the reality of true love. In other words, still wrapped up in the fairytale romances.

[RayKay]

I am curious as to what brought this up Derek, a recent experience?

[Derek]

Clever girl...

 

I recently had to give someone the honest truth, i.e. the "let's just be friends" bit...

 

she was none too pleased...

 

She thought I analyzed the relationship far too much.

I thought I was being honest and direct.

 

Perhaps I could have "played along" with everything being Care Bears and Lollipops but that wouldn't have been honest.

 

Hrm.

 

 

[RayKay]

Clever girl...

 

I recently had to give someone the honest truth, i.e. the "let's just be friends" bit...

 

she was none too pleased...

 

She thought I analyzed the relationship far too much.

I thought I was being honest and direct.

 

Perhaps I could have "played along" with everything being Care Bears and Lollipops but that wouldn't have been honest.

 

Hrm.

 

 

 

Ah, that is rather what I expected.

 

Well Derek, I think you did right thing. I never think it's a good idea to continue something in that case because of how THEY feel- because you both need it to be there. Holding on to it would of not been wise in the long run, for either of you.

 

Really, playing along would of been a disservice to you (in finding someone you WERE into) and to her (because she deserves someone whom is on same wavelength!).

[Day_Walker]

I think that some girls want that romantic illusion. I cannot give you an exact percentage but its just something that you have to experience and over time you will be able to tell the girls that feel that they need romance. If you arent that romantic guy then you wont get far with them.

[itsallgrand]

RayKay has got all the bases covered. woo hoo, go RK!

 

Just wanted to add: seems to me to be a fair amount of men out there looking for a fantasy too. Only, the versions of 'romance' can be a little different if ya know what I mean.

 

cheerio.

 

p.s. Honesty tempered with kindness is a beautiful quality. Though it can smart at times, a woman (well, a good amount anyways) can't help but respect that.

 

Feels good to get what you need sometimes, rather than what you want.

[Meow18]

I'm with Raykay here. In fact, I couldn't have said it better.

 

I think that if you weren't sure about your girlfriend, then it's better to be honest. So you did the right thing by telling her what you were really feeling.

 

I would prefer my boyfriend to be honest about all that. I would also like to think that we have a relationship where I can trust him and know that I'm the only one he wants to be with, and that I'm special to him. But if he does have a wandering eye, then I would like to know about that..

 

But can't we want what we want, and want honesty? It does happen..

[Karibo]

no I agree with Raykay completely. I'd much rather honesty over a "romantic fantasy". Honesty ensures that both partners are on that same level. I want to know the relationship is REAL, not just an act.

[Derek]

Well, the women in this thread may have given me back a little hope in the opposite sex again.

 

I'd rather a relationship be REAL in every way. Even if it doesn't look like a hollywood romance. At least it's real...

 

 

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

Well, the women in this thread may have given me back a little hope in the opposite sex again.

 

I'd rather a relationship be REAL in every way. Even if it doesn't look like a hollywood romance. At least it's real...

 

 

 

I guess I just don't understand your point. If you didn't want a relationship with the girl, then why would you want that nonexistent relationship to be real? You weren't into her, man, it's that simple. You dumped her:

 

I recently had to give someone the honest truth, i.e. the "let's just be friends" bit...

 

So what's the big deal? I don't think what you're asking about and what actually happened are the same thing.

[onewithbooks]

Personally, I would rather have honesty. I think if a woman says "Does this make my butt look big" then she should be prepared to hear something she doesnt want to hear. Conversely I think that a man shouldnt say "Hell ya, get your fat pants out for tonight" I think he should say "I dont care for those on you, what about (fill in the blank)?

 

I think as long as there is mutal consideration and respect, then honesty is best.

 

This is of course just what I would want, I cant speak for all.