He's so BORING!!!!

[maynards_razorblade69]

Hey all,

I've been with my boyfriend for 2 and half months, after a pretty nasty break up from my previous boyfriend. My current boyfriend was wonderful to me, always buying me flowers, tending on me when I was in hospital a while back, giving me anything I ever wanted, complimenting me, making me very happy. We plan to go to Rome this summer, which will be a wonderful experience as we're both nearly 18 and it will be our first time abroad without parental/teacher guidance.

However, he's boring. He has absolutely no excitement to him, he is very calm, reliable and solid. He never drinks, never goes out at night, he's very unimaginative in bed - sticking to the same position every time, he has shown no enthusiasm at all for Rome this summer (and that hurt me, considering I'm paying a hefty sum towards it, and have spend days and days researching), he never, ever shows any enthusiasm for anything, not even me in general, although he says he loves me. I believe he is besotted with me, infatuated, as he's shown that pretty clearly, however, I'm not sure I feel the same way back. It was wonderful having a boyfriend at first that I knew wouldn't cheat on me or hit me, but the fact that all he does is play sports all day long and wants to watch DVD's and have sex...gets kinda boring. I like this guy, and I believe he could make me very happy if he was less boring. It certainly doesn't help that my mother is constantly ragging on him - "he looks sickly" "he doesn't eat healthly" "he's not as intelligent as you" "he's such a wimp" "I wouldn't go out with someone like him"...blah blah. All true, but I wouldn't even have noticed if she hadn't pointed it out. Plus certain things about him turn me off him, his diet is terrible, he eats a lot of garlic, his foreskin doesn't fit his penis (is a big issue but doesn't seem it, but he rarely has an orgasm. I never do), and he has an incredibly high pitched voice.

Anyway, please give me some advice as to what to do. I'm not too sure I wanna be with the guy, certainly not forever, but we're booked to go to Rome.

Please help,

Thanks

x

[Holiday]

If neither of you are able to achieve the heights of sexual pleasure together, could it be that you aren't doing it for him either? I do believe you and your mother are behaving extremely cruelly to him and I would be furious at myself for being so kind to you if I were him. Dump him rather than put him through this guillotine of judgment. Consider the idea that you may be interested in an alpha male and beware, you may gain some appreciation for this sappy guy. Having said that, there's someone for everyone and your current flame aims to please. Give him pointers if he's clueless in bed. That's what girls do your age, teach guys to be better with their next conquest.

[Holiday]

Rome isn't going to convert your boyfriend into a Romeo. Change your attitude about him or cancel the trip.

[bigbird11]

I would give anything to have a wonderful guy (like your guy seems to be) in my life. When I was your age (i'm 41) things like you have mentioned seem to matter a lot but as ive gotten older ive learnt that these things do not matter at all. I have had a few serious relationships where the men did NOTHING for me. It was the other way around, I did everything for them. So to have a man like that at your young age I would feel very lucky at any age.

 

He may seem boring to your friends and even you but as you get older you may learn like I did that having a man that is dependable and realible is a very important quality in a man. I would give anything to have a man like that in my life now. As for your comment about his his private parts and his high pitch voice to me would not be important but if it bothers you and you are looking for all his faults then maybe he isnt the man for you. (only you can decide)

 

As your young these things may seem important at this time but believe me when you get older these things will be less important to you and if you're like me the only things that are important is having a nice dependable and realiable man and believe me from my experience, that is a rare quality.

[Holiday]

I feel a little badly for being so blunt with you. But you know, don't ever underestimate your role in this relationship. Your enthusiasm can serve as a major spark. If being with him feels like it's sucking the energy out of you after you really try being a bit sparky, then, ... make some decisions.

[maynards_razorblade69]

So you all would prefer someone who was completely boring, talked of nothing but sport, rarely laughed, had no enthusiasm for life or yourself, just simply did the traditional things a boyfriend is supposed to do? No drive for life, no excitement in anything except sport. As long as he's reliable and dependable...I may be young, but I think for the rest of my life, even if I'm 41, I would like to be with a man that could make me laugh forever, who would have optimism through everything, make me see the bright side of life completely, not just someone who thought I was amazing and expected me to change his world but not the other way round. I didn't say our sex life was bad, he's incredibly good in bed, and he does orgasm a lot, it's just always missionary, always the same. To be honest, I think any of you would prefer someone who would keep you entertained your entire life, not simply someone who was...dependable.

[brando]

well, sounds like someone plated these thoughts in your head. Do you two do separate things apart from eachother??? Do you go out with your friends, and he with his??

 

Telling us he is boring is a judgement call. What may be boring to you isn't for him. Perhaps their is something else about this relationship, or yourself that is bothering you, and has little to do with him.

 

Or perhaps the honeymoon phase is over for you two and now the relationship needs some fine tuning.

 

Have you expressed that you would like to do more things with him?? Have you suggested other sexual positions that intrest you?? Do you have a voice in this relationship??

 

Are you two spending too much time together???

[maynards_razorblade69]

I have tried things. To be honest, I was completely and utterly happy with him until my mother started saying things. I've always had a very close relationship with my mum, and her opinion has always counted. My father tells me NOT to listen to her as she's never going to want to let me go, but all the same, her discreet comments do influence every decision I ever make. I think, with my boyfriend, it's a case of not being particuarly attracted to him. It was nice at first, to be able to have a boyfriend who cared for me, as my previous long term relationships I have been badly treated after giving them everything, however, he makes me feel sleepy and depressed. And I feel incredibly hurt that after all the work I have been doing over the summer to earn enough money for us to go to Rome, he shows no enthusiasm. I think this was what trigged it all off. He simply doesn't seem to care. I tried going through some details and he didn't even look at me, simply stared out of the window. It really upset me.

[boybornbad]

You will end up resenting this guy. I don't know about your previous boyfriend or the nature of the breakup but he must of been more exciting than this boy. Women do go for exciting men and even the bad boys are a real turn on. They don't make good husbands or fathers though and this guy probably will to someone else..just not you. You're not looking for either of those 2 things at the minute and I think you should end this sooner than later because you will end up hurting this guy. He's definitely not right for you. Not physically or from what I can tell, any other way. Sure he's good to you, but so is your mum lol. 'If you worship the ground she walks on you end up getting walked over' is the old adage and its true you'll probably end up treating him bad.. He's doing everything for you but you're not getting what you need. Are you on the rebound??

I don't know what to say about Rome. I've been and I can't say not to go..its ammmaaaaing. I met a girl there and the whole thing blew my world, so don't go alone. I think you should go but maybe be a bit more honest with this guy. If you refer to your future without him in it..he may start to realise this is not a long term deal. This will end. Sooner or later. Don't dump him the day you get back lol wait a week.

You will meet the guy that rocks your world soon enough (probably in Rome !!) and then you'll know the difference.

You will love Rome by the way..its busy, frantic ancient, modern ..sexy..everything. Its bloody expensive too so be prepared. Visit the Trevi fountain its just amazing.

You're 18.....enjoy yourself!!!!

[maynards_razorblade69]

Yeah I've been to Rome for a few days before on a school trip. It was mind blowing! I'm actually terrified about going without someone older, I may be nearly a "grown up" but I still feel very much a kid. In a way I wish my boyfriend was like....50!

[bigbird11]

I understand what you are saying but to be honest you've answered the question yourself. As he is young you can not say how he will be when he is older. I know I am not the same person now as I was when I was 18. Most young men his age think about sport anyway and if you dont enjoy your sex life with him and you think he is boring then you should think of something to spice things up.

 

As we get older and we mature with age, so will your sex life. When I was your age, I was married and looking back on it, my sex life was boring. You are clearly not happy with him so you've only one choice.to end it,and as you're both young you will both be able to find new partners,.....and to be honest with you,id rather have a dependable guy any day......good luck.

[boybornbad]

Don't let your mum and dad be too much of an influence. Sure..respect them.. they're wiser than you but remember their opinions are only opinions. Listen to your heart. Maybe you're mum doesn't think he's good enough for you. But only you can decide if this is right. I think you'll learn a lot in Rome when its just you and him and you're with each other 24/7. thats pressure. you'll either love him or hate him by the end of it. I reckon it'll be make or break.. They say if you want to get to know someone..travel with them.

[tylercdurden2004]

Too be very blunt: DO NOT EXPECT YOUR ENTHUSIASM FOR ANYTHING TO MAKE HIM ENTHUSIASTIC.

 

I went through 3 years of this with my ex. Being a positive, upbeat, enthusiastic, ambitious person I always thought this would "rub off" on my ex. I tried everything being patient, being forethright and nothing seemed to get her out of her "funk". She worried about everything would stop what she was doing whenever something potentially anxieety provoking came up (such as looking for a job). It eventually wore me out. I felt it was bringing me down more than I was bringing her up.

 

Shes a great girl in many repects but as she stands she is not someone I can see myself happy with in time. If this is how you feel then its better to end it early than late. Dont do stuff because your mom says so but if you feel at all that what your mom is saying holds water than have a good think about it.

[Dako]

MayRaz,

I get the impression you're better off alone, and this guy won't have to bear your mother's scrutiny. All involved might be better off.

Find a guy with a more tailored foreskin who makes you laugh.

Just a thought.

[Momene]

This bloke sounds so much like me! I think he may well be right for you but not now. At 17 you don't want to settle down and get married, that part of your life can wait. Now some girls your age would prefer someone solid and dependable (although I could be quite jerkish when younger). It sounds like you need the rollercoaster of someone who you can't trust and don't know where he is and with who, some one who says he'll meet you at a time and place and doesn't. This isn't critical, it's what you need. Now you may find a bad boy who you can tame to become "just bad enough".

 

The chances are, though, that you'll eventually tire of these blokes and move on to someone more relaiable and "boring".

 

I'll also say that you won't find many men who will inspire you 24-7. We all get tired and depressed ourselves and I don't rely too much on my wife to entertain and amuse me, I take some responsibility for that myself.

[VIRGOLDY]

That was funny Dako.LOL

[Caldus]

Have you ever actually talked to him about any of this stuff?

[tylercdurden2004]

The chances are, though, that you'll eventually tire of these blokes and move on to someone more relaiable and "boring".

 

I personally dont see reliable and boring as being the same thing. Not at all. Realiable is doign what you say you will do, honouring your verbal "contracts" or promises, being patient. Boring is having no ambition except doing same thing day in and day out, never trying new things, etc.

 

Boring people I often find are very rigid and structured. They are impossible to open up to new ideas or things to do. They rarely offer new and exciting things for me to try. For me not what I want. However I do want someone who is reliable.

[Momene]

I personally dont see reliable and boring as being the same thing. Not at all. Realiable is doign what you say you will do, honouring your verbal "contracts" or promises, being patient. Boring is having no ambition except doing same thing day in and day out, never trying new things, etc.

 

Boring people I often find are very rigid and structured. They are impossible to open up to new ideas or things to do. They rarely offer new and exciting things for me to try. For me not what I want. However I do want someone who is reliable.

 

I agree with you, hence the "boring" in quotes. Some people see me as "boring" and, yes, there are times when I'm tired because of overwork, etc. However, many people who are thought to be "boring" often have a side to their personality that just somehow needs to be brought out.

[tylercdurden2004]

I agree with you, hence the "boring" in quotes. Some people see me as "boring" and, yes, there are times when I'm tired because of overwork, etc. However, many people who are thought to be "boring" often have a side to their personality that just somehow needs to be brought out.

 

Again thats not the responsibility of others to make you "not" boring. Sometimes you really have to know someone for a while to see how they really are. However as tiem is the great equalizer its not up to people to give "boring" people time especially in the dating scene. Heck you could wait all your life on someone to become not "boring", but why would. In regards to the OP she sounds like she needs something else in her life and I think she should look for that. Not wait until her current BF decides to be less "boring".

[Momene]

I'm not suggesting that people should give "boring" people months or even weeks but sometimes all you need is to make a bit of an effort and people who seemed boring at first can be coaxed out of their shell within days or even hours.

 

OK, there really are SOME people who just have nothing interesting about them at all but many "boring" people are just a bit shy and need a bit of effort. OK, if you make the effort and they are still boring, at least you know you've tried.

[annie24]

maybe you guys just aren't a good match for each other? why try to fit a square peg into a round hole?

[Caldus]

Interesting analogy.

[eleanorrigby1]

I have tried things. To be honest, I was completely and utterly happy with him until my mother started saying things. I've always had a very close relationship with my mum, and her opinion has always counted. My father tells me NOT to listen to her as she's never going to want to let me go, but all the same, her discreet comments do influence every decision I ever make..

 

In my vast experience with men I believe this with all my heart: If someone else's opinion can change the way you view the person you are with, then its not love, its not even anything remotely like it and you are thereforeeee wasting your time.

 

I remember going out with a lovely lad when I was 18 he was lovely and sweet and a bit old manish, and I thought I was happy, until someone said "I dont like his shoes, and those pants he wears ALL the time are horrid and grey and bobbly..." like teenagers do, shallow! we have all been there and done things we are ashamed of so I will not judge you at all my dear, anyway I was put off and dumped the guy, because of his shoes and pants!! what does that tell you?

 

However I fell for a guy called Adam and my friends were like "Ugh he is so ugly!!1 you can do so much better! urgh his he horrid!" but you know I thought he was gorgeous and I fancied him, because I genuinly loved him.

 

See the difference? my dad happened to think Adam looked like a scruff and my mum hated him, but he remained my 'love' for years.

 

Once you fall inlove nothing anyone else has to say will put you off. You are young and although you have this holiday booked, I say try and get your money back, if you cant, you need to talk to him and tell him that you prefer him as a friend, the 'spark' isnt there, would he like to still go on holiday with you as a friend?

 

I can see why others would consider your behaviour cruel, but having done so in the past myself and realising its all part of growing up and making decisions (most of them wrong in the end! ha ha) I know what its like to be where you are now and its not nice, but one day you will find someone who you wont pick to pieces.

 

I think you should tell your mother to keep her nasty opinions to herself too, if she critisizes his personality or his treatment of you, then fine, but to base her judgement on him as a boyfriend based on his appearance is rather cruel.

[vesper]

ç?Dump Him!!!

 

Sasofras