Having everything but feeling weird.

[daredevil]

Hey guys,

 

I'm a person who supposedly has everything in his life. I got a job, girlfriend a good education, which is going okay. But my problem is that i'm feeling weird as a person, my self confidence is low and i'm trying to seek the attention from people, but at the same time avoiding friends and not spending time with them plus i'm answering my gf weird sometimes, and generally i'm not thinking so much as I want to about her... I really love her.

 

I think that my self confidence is due to the fact I don't like myself as a person, I want to workout and get fit, i'm not overweight nor totally thing, and thats probably the reason why I want to get "fit". Those thoughts are taking up a lot of my time, but besides the fact I want to workout and everything I got some more troubling needs.

 

Eversince i finished my last exams in juni i've been working 8-10 hours a day and only seeing my girlfriend like 15 days or something, and the rest of the time has been spent with friends, but not much, only going out drinking. I feel totally worn out, and haven't got confidence nor lust to change the way i'm living even though that my mind is urging me to pull myself together... i feel like nothing is important but at the same time I want to get fit to have it better with myself doing things and giving those who wants to see me often more attention, but I just don't know how to change the pattern i've been undergoing. I feel burnt out just because of the fact that i've went from 1 whole uni year studying and doing exams to a holiday where I work everyday at different times 6-12 hours a day... This of course, as my parents and others says, gives a lot of money, but what should I use those money for when I'm not feeling well and just doing things without a smile on my face.

 

Before this "low self esteem post" I usally wasvigorous and energetic. I was a fresh person who was unbelieveable playful and loves to do things, which makes people around think about their current situation or more meaningful: Life in general. An important goal for me was to make people smile. Some people might say that I tended to smile too much, but I just couldn't help the lust I had to be playful and happy about life. I'm the kind of person who uses every free moment to make people laugh or to do something romantic and/or spontaneous.

 

But now? I'm a guy who spends his sparetime in front of his computer drinking cola, going late to bed, not doing any choirs at home at my parents (I have my own apartment in a big city but live here in my hometown at my parents bc it's close to work) and furthermore I look at dating sites just to get attention, not flirting just to get attention from other people esp. Girls. My girl gives me a lot of attention and that, but I don't know why I act as I do. I don't write to any nor anything else, just have this profile and chech it each day etc, I don't know why I've become this. I want to change but can't find a way to change it.. I'm too lazy and to "gotten all into taking things for granted"...

 

I know this is affecting my whole life. My parents, my work and esp. Me as a person. I'm actually considering talking to my gf about it, I know i'm going to. Currently i'm not feeling she is deserving me because I don't feel good as a person and bc I know I can give her more love than I am and because I really say a lot of things I want to do, but never do... I don't know what to do... Some things which could happen is that I quit work, end it with my girlfriend, without any reason, go back to my apartment, close the door and becomes even more the person I dont want to be.

 

What I need from you, and one reason for this post is help. really.

[Surreal_Desire]

OK, I think you just may be bored with your life and going through a phase that may last a while. Plus, once you achieve all your goals (i.e. job, having a gf, school, etc..) you need to set new goals and ambitions for yourself, otherwise, you have nothing to look forward to.

You say you want ot be more fit and exercising is a great way to feel better, since it releases certain hormones that just make you feel better about yourself.

Also, I think you should work a little less, you seem like a workoholic and nothing is better than taking a vacation disconnected from your daily life, one that lets you unwind and clear your mind from everything, from the way you feel, so that you can get back with your life and your gf with a fresh attitude.

 

I think your only problem is that your life has become a routine and you don't like it anymore...so my suggestion is to change things a bit.

[Tigris]

If you want to go somewhere and work out why don't you ask your girlfriend if she'll go with you? That would give you more time together and you would both be getting fit at the same time.

[daredevil]

If you want to go somewhere and work out why don't you ask your girlfriend if she'll go with you? That would give you more time together and you would both be getting fit at the same time.

 

Unfortunately we are in a LDR, but sees eachother each 3 day.. like long weekends.. she lives 3 hours from me...

 

SO many thanks for your advices.. I'm still down.. but smiling a little because people are there for me..

[daredevil]

yeah ... what I really need is the kick to get out of this.. I think I need to hear people saying positive things, I feel so bad and so... indifferent. So... like any other regular lonely guy

[Tigris]

Get in touch with your friends and see if they want to go swimming or some other sport. Exercise will help you feel better when you're down.

[gersanos]

Hey buddy,

 

I think that it's a fairly common experience that you are going through. Like Surreal said, you have attained a good deal of your goals now, and don't have too much to look forward to at the moment. And that's ok. This might be a good time to do some introspection and re-evaluate who you are and where you want to go and who you want to be.

 

It hit me after I graduated from school as well. Up until that point I had the world in my hands: graduating with honors, exercising, working P/T, g/f, tons of friends, parties, etc. Then about 6-9 months after graduating things started to change in my mind. I'm now out of school, friends begin to go separate ways, boozing gets old, etc. I started thinking, "now what?" After a period of refinding myself and some solitude, I came up with some new goals for myself.

 

I actually went as far as to grab a pad of paper and a pen, and write down my strengths and weaknesses. What am I good at, and what would I like to improve about myself. I came up with a list of short term and long term goals. These varied from going back to school, picking up a new sport/hobby, regular exercise schedule, quitting smoking, and a healthy diet among other things. Some I've accomplished, and some are still a work in progress. And I have already began to think about some new short term and long term goals for myself.

 

I think staying busy and challenging yourself is important. It helps you grow, and it prevents you from negative thinking and having too much idle time. Once you've mastered something, don't just get complacent. Raise the bar for yourself. Take it to the next level, or set out for a new challenge that you're not too familiar with.

[Balbina]

Hey hun,

 

you can hear positive things all day long and at the end of the day, you'll still be sitting in front of this screen sipping your coke. You need to make them yourself. Have you ever sat back and really assessed yourself and your life and realized what you have to be grateful for? Your talents, your virtues, your gifts, your family, girlfriend, etc?

 

I think you need to just kind of get out of that negative funk. If you're always going to be sitting around being complacent about things, it won't change.

 

The fact is, you seem lazy. I mean that in the nicest way possible, lol. I was where you were a few months ago. I was sort of depressed, sort of blah, didn't really care...I wanted a change, I wanted to be happy, but I found myself only feeling good when I got positive feedback (usually attention) and only feeling good for a certain amount of time before I plumeted back down.

 

It's hard when you have a busy life to actually give yourself Me-Time and use it to it's full advantage. It's easy to get sucked further into feeling crappy.

 

Why do you think you have low-self-esteem? What triggered you feeling bad? What could help? You want to get fit - actually go out and get that membership. A healthier lifestyle and exercise actually naturally lifts your mood. You'll feel more energized and happier and using your spare time effectively will give you a sort of sense of purpose as well.

 

What else do you want to do? Saying and doing are two very different things. Make some plans for yourself, set some goals, make lists, say positivie affirmations to yourself everyday but most importantly, put them into action. Do something about it. Only you can change your situation. You have so much control but you just fail to realize now because the effort seems wasted - but it's not.

 

You just need to step up to the plate, sort of suck it up and push yourself to happiness. It works - trust me.

 

gersanos is TOTALLY on the right track. I'm currently working out and reading like crazy about things I want to learn but never had the time to. I'm starting french lessons and piano lessons in September... I have all these goals and things I want to do written down and it's so refreshing to have a plan and realize how much you actually can do when you set your mind to it.

[daredevil]

Hey dude,

 

Thanks a lot, espcially the adcvice about writing things down and do it is somethin, which I might find useful.. and yeah but I don't have the motivation to raise my bar... I have an exam from winther where I was depressive too although being in love, I failed it bc I spend too much time on my computer and such... wasting time that is... but then made a cool comeback with an A- for my project during the last 6 months in spring till summer.. but now, facing a reexam and all that only 20 days away I need to focus again. I've started out by telling one of my friends that i'm sorryi've not given him all the attention he deserved, and that I had some problems, but that I was trying to figure it all out, and i've written a 10 paged letter to my gf stating the whole problem which she hasn't known a lot about, she has been on holiday for a week in spain, so she is hopefgully reading it tonight, and i'm seeing her on friday... so yeah lets see what happens...

[daredevil]

To Balbina:

 

Thanks a lot, yeah I just need to not being soo "aww i'm feeling badish" thing... but the problem is I don't have any strength to focus on anything that work, because I got so different working times and live at my parents, but this week i'm moving back to my apartment, but still working, but with that I can go and work out, so you're all so absolutely right I need to get a better mood and day.

 

Today I invited 8 friends out for eating, bowling and cinema, we had a great time and everyone enjoyed it, and they told me how nice it was to have a person who could arrange stuff with such a short notice, and that all actually had the time to come along. That warmed me a lot and made me feel better.

 

I'm actually sitting here and finding positive things, last week on thuesday I went to a party where a girl told me that she never had heard a boy have the opinion I had, while another told me that I was a great friend...

 

I'm feeling better.. perhaps I need to take it cool and be positive even though this work is killing me, going today again yiiikees

[Tigris]

It sounds like you're starting to get everything in perspective now. Well done.

[gersanos]

I think Balbina mentioned something very important. And that's me time.

 

Have some time set aside - every single day. It might only be 5 minutes, but do it. And use this time to meditate and reflect. Now that doesn't mean get all buddha on me. It could mean that, but it could also mean: listen to the radio, read a book, exercise, pray, review your day, etc. We all have our own outlet with how we relax, and its very easy to get caught up in this hectic world without being grounded in who you are and what you believe in.

 

Volunteering is also a good outlet for many people. If you have the time and energy, go volunteer. You'll do some good, and by helping others you'll be helping yourself. Best way to get out of one's own head is to get involved with others who are worse off than you.

 

You know what to do. Slowly get off your lazy behind, and make a game plan, then put it into action.