3.5 years and she calls....?

[hoppy27]

the last girl i was with called me out of the blue after 3.5 years.

talk about weird!!!! i was shocked to hear her voice. i got butterflies, was at a lack for words, etc, etc.

i havent had a serious girlfriend since her. call me what you will. i just havent been gifted with being able to pickup woman and the few that have fallen in my lap have ended all the same way.

i havent felt for a girl since her. we were together for approx 3 years.

i still believe she "was the one that got away". i still have a special place for her in my heart. although im long passed the point of beleieving she wil ever come back. she took apart of me with her. it is replaceable but it will take a very special woman. ive only been with 5 woman. been in relationships since i was 15 until i was 26. so i havent had tons of experience.

since the "ex" kinda just disappeared from my life and town altogether ive had so much stuff built up from that whole deal. i feel like i have things i want to say to her. i know its been along time. i guess im a loser for only having her as my last memory of what a having a "girlfriend" is like.

3.5 years...........yikes!!!!!

 

anyway..............why would she call? she's still with the same guy she ended up with when she left. im still in shock. the conversation lasted 10-15 minutes or so and it basically was both of us apologizing for the way things ended. then she wanted to know if we could be friends? lol

weird. weird. weird.

[annie24]

hm. strange. maybe she came accross an old photo of you two and became nostalgic. or maybe she wanted to make things right so karma doesn't bit her on the butt. or maybe she and her dude are having troubles...

 

so... now what?

[yeawutever]

Yea, that does seem suppppeeeerrrrr weird. I think she just called just to say hey and how things are doing. Or maybe like Annie suggested, she could have accidentally come accross a fallen picture of when you guys were together and just dedided to call you after all these years. Then again there's a whole lot fo reasons, which by now doesn't really matter anymore.

[lonestar_80]

Maybe she and her new guy are having problems, that's usually when your ex pops up.

Maybe she regrets leaving you for this guy b/c she left a good thing and got a monster in return. Just speculating. But maybe she just wanted to see how you are doing.

[tylercdurden2004]

Who knows mate. All I know is the same thing happened to me at the 1.5 year mark and the 3 year mark. She made soem stupid excuses to contact me. I have/had no interest in this girl after we broke up. Not sure why she called you could be for any reason. DO NOT READ TO MUCH INTO THIS.

 

If she called you to get back together becasue you are the one, I will bet all the gold in fort knox she will make it happen. If you dont get a clear positive answer saying that she wants to get back together then forget it.

[metacognition]

probably a combination of all the above and one we rarely find the answer to. i think a lot of times, depending on who ended the relationship, the ex wants contact again just for lack of better words "to make sure we're ok". They're an ex- and usually so for a reason- but i think just as she has a piece of you, you also have a piece of her, even after all this time. Unfortunately, that's rarely enough to try and rekindle the relationship. i hear it does happen though...

[anonymo]

Do yourself a favor and do not talk to her anymore. Don't do it to yourself. Most likely you will find someone that you like better, and if you don't at least you can die knowing that you didn't waste your life pining over the wrong person.

 

She's not the one that "got away", she's the one that left, so let her go. If she still is interested in you than let her fight to get you back. Otherwise she doesn't want you back.

 

I don't care if you hate me for saying this. At least just think about it though.

-Good luck

[Pippa]

Very unusual. She must have been thinking of you over this time of 3.5 years. No one would contact you without any reason to do so. I know my ex is the sort of woman to see if I was ok, but after 3.5 years, this is different.

 

I know my ex spoke to someone,when we split last year, and said `we usually check with each other to see if we are ok`. Unless you had a very bad break up she may be calling to see if you are okay.

 

It depends who split up with who. Some people do genuinely care for your health, and mental well being, and of cousre this may mean nothing except for that. However if it was a bad break up, then sometimes they do check up on you to see if what they done (by leaving) was okay. I ve read on a different forum that if you get dumped and the other person is checking how you are to go into NC. The dumoer wants to get affirmation that leaving was okay.

 

You never mentioned what your conversation consisted of. What did she say? Did she ask for anything?

[hoppy27]

she asked if we could be friends. i didnt know how to respond.

she apologized..............i apologized. it was weird. i got a stomach ache when i heard her voice. i was suddenly taken over by emotion. i didnt let her know that. i kept it together and played it cool.

loosing her changed me as a person. during the time i lost her i also lost my business. it wasnt a good time in my life at all. alot of seems very fresh. i havent been with anyone else so alot of my memories about being "with someone" involve her. it sucks. sometimes i wish we had never crossed paths. ive been a changed man ever since i met her. for the worse since she left unfortunately.

[Pippa]

she asked if we could be friends

I ve heard this line before, but this is very strange how a woman would use this after 3.5 years. You usually hear this phrase when the dumper wants to make it seem that dumping you doesn`t mean they can`t still see you, or to make it feel like to them it`s almost like it`s okay to dump you.

 

I think you have to be careful what she means by this, and it could mean nothing, but ONLY friends. I m not sure what your circumstances are. More information about the break up would be appreciated. What happened to you both? Do you know if she has dated other people during this time?

 

As we grow older we naturally shed some friends. Maybe she is lacking in friends, and feels the need to catch up. It could be possible she must have thought you where the only one that gave her security, and good advice when she needed it when you where with her.

 

I ve already asked what was said in the phone call, but no other infomation has been given accept an apology. For what?

 

I would take this really slow if I where you. Ask yourself what are her motives? As I said it could mean nothing so don`t get yourself all hyped up, and then to be disappointed, and hurt again.

[hoppy27]

at the begginning of our breakup i wasnt sure what was wrong.

i got the "i need a break" line. a few months later i found out she was with another guy. after finding that out.........we never talked again.

she actually found a hole new group of friends with this guy and she even

distanced herself from her previous friends.

she moved towns and that was that. i havent seen her in 3.5years.

even though she only lives 15 minutes away.

unfortuantly theres is so much ive always wanted to say to her.

she is still with the same guy as far as i know and i beleieve they have lived together for some time now. im not sure what her motive is?

[tylercdurden2004]

She doesnt sound very loyal to me. I dunno though.

[hoppy27]

tyler..........i think you may be right.

 

loosing this girl screwed me up pretty bad at the time. there may have been things i could have done to prevent her leaving. maybe there wasnt.

to this day the only reason that was forced upon me was the other guy.

im sure he was a big factor. she never looked back. it was actually pretty devistating since i was also in the process of trying to start my new business. when i let that fail............i was a complete mess. i felt like the biggest loser in so many differant ways. i had to force myself to get over her, and in some ways i dont believe i am. like ive said ive gone on two dates in those 3.5 years. i was left with a fear of getting close again.

its something i want so bad in my life..........yet i dont do anything for myself to experience it again. ive become a "bachelor".

 

relationships and the dimise of them can be so very painfull to oneself.

if your like me................the torture you can put yourself through is tough. i hope i never have to experience a time in my life like that again.

and i wouldnt wish it on anyone.

its pretty amazing how it differs from one person to the other. some prople get right back up and move on. i wish i was like that.

[tylercdurden2004]

Its all practice man. You start to learn that what others do shouldnt really affect you unless it directly affects you. And after a period of time what someone did should take less of an effect. Dating is much like this. Try not to take things too personally and if someone shwos you disrespect, you show them the door.

[hoppy27]

i appreciate the words tyler. the one thing im ebarresed to say is my weakness is woman. im not a doormat. i treat people the way i expect to be treated. ohwell.........live and learn right.

 

what you said about respect is so true. i am a huge fan of respect and feel often im not given it.

[tylercdurden2004]

Ha ha ha ha, heres a secret: women are many mens weakness. There are quite a few famous saying regarding this. Problem is many men dont take into account the womans interest in them and let their ego tell them "hey you're interested all you have to do is show her how interested you are and she will love you." Life dont work this way. Do your friends like you just because you like them?

[Pippa]

Hey Hoppy! Any news from the ex from 3.5 years ago? Where you at my friend?