Here WE GO!

[Sobo]

ok you can check any of my other posts for background but it's not really needed for this, heres the scoop.

 

I recently did the whole total NC thing, after about a week of her calling me and begging me to talk we did, we got a bunch of stuff out of the way, she basically said she loves me, and that she will never stop.

 

then on friday night, I get 2 phone calls, which I didn't pick up from her, and in the morning I found out I also got a text, which read "want you back, this will never stop" i assumed she had been drinking, didn't take it too seriously,

 

then go onto the next day, me and a couple of pals went skydiving, at around 11 am, i get a long text "opps, sorry for texting you, i know you don't want me to, but just in case your chute doesn't open, don't bother thinking of me, b/c you threw me away. U" i was like ???? you broke up with me, and now your trying to blame it on me?? anyway, after a great night of partying, we come back on sunday and my friends come over for a little bbq, when they leave at around 7 i go in take a shower, I get out my mom comes over and tells me XXXXXX is in your room right now, and she is crying, i go down she is sitting on my bed, i sit next to her, i dont really know what to do, I hug her i guess it was just reaction at this point, she looks at me and tells me she is totally serious about this, and says "Will you marry me?" i was shocked, I didn't take it seriously, we had a long talk she said she misses me and regrets doing all this, that she had to lose me to realize how great I was etc. all that, so in the end she wants to get back togehter, if this happened like 10-20 days ago I would jump on it, but i am confused now,

 

I don't know what I want, my heart is telling me yes, but my brain is saying, wait a second, i still love her, and i do think i would like to spend the rest of ym life with her, but i don't know if I want that now, I mean this whole single thing, although it was short, it wasn't that bad, I know I wasn't taking it as bad as she was, and i kinda maybe want to see what other girls are like, like i am in a struggle between having something new and different versus having that comfort of someone being there for you, we talked and i told her that we could start "dating" each other like see how that goes, so i figure maybe sometime this week we'll go out and talk or somethign,

 

What are your thoughts????

 

Going back v staying away

[baller_baby21]

yo to tell you the truth i wouldnt know what to think either, the girl broke up with you, you know what im sayin... but if she really loves you that much she needs 2 let you go. And also what if she does the samething to you again... wouldnt you feel embarrased and stupid and regret the whole thing. man there many girls out there once you get burn time after time you will learn to just... dust your self off and try again but with something new. well i hope you choose wisely cause this is kinda big who breaks up then after a few weeks come crying back asking to marry you she moving to fast my friend. well good luck with your situation

[DN]

I can understand wanting you back having realised she made a mistake but saying "will you marry me" seems over the top. To be honest my first thought was "Is she pregnant?"

 

But the decision as to whether to take her back rests with you alone. Only you can know if you love her enough to do that or if you prefer to let he go. But the chances are that if you let her go that will be the end of the relationship so make sure you think very carefully before making a final decision.

[heloladies21]

Don't feel pressured into making any kind of decision. You have the right to be confused about her behavior and you don't want to get caught up in her enotional rollercoaster.

 

Guard your heart and see if she's for real. The only way to do that is to see how she feels over time. Once your convinced either way, then you can make a decision.

[Relationship Coach]

NC served it's purpose! It has made you stop and think before jumping back in to a relationship without a chute! Go slow and control the pace, do what you want and if that isn't enough for her, geronimo!

 

RC

[randiandriien]

If you even have to ask yourself, then you're definitely not ready for marriage with her. But it's a good thing your brain stepped in to say hold on. You don't want to dive right in 100% this time. Slow and easy. As the other said, only you know if you love her. Good luck!

[brando]

well what an interesting scenario. You are faced with a decison that many here think they would love to have. I agree with the others, take your time deciding. Start slowly maybe by dating...hmmm i dont know.

 

It all comes down to what you truly want. And you are the only one (of course) who knows what that is. think it over carefully.

[mamy123]

Hey man. You're only 19, way to young to think about getting married. You may think it's a good idea now, but what about 5 years from now? What I wanted when I was 18-19 was completely different from what I want now! If you want to get back together, then do that, but don't let her pressure you into a marriage you're probably not ready for. Some of the worst reasons for proposing marriage are: 1. pregnancy, and 2. to get someone back.

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

You know.....People do break up, change their minds, and get back together.....it happens....alot......

 

Don't quite understand why you're being such a bleep to her......Exactly how is it that you're justifying that? Ego boost for ya?

[Relationship Coach]

Ego boost? Have you read through the history of these two? He's been very kind to her and tolerant of her behavior. This guy deserves a gold star for not teeing off on her. Her on again off again routine is nothing more than her trying to keep tabs on him. He's gained some great strength and insight by creating some needed space through NC, she can't handle the fact that he can move on and she has lost control. Reverse the roles here and who would you be cheering?

 

RC

[Aurian]

I don't know why she broke up with you in the first place, but before even considering getting back together with her, I'd ask myself if she has changed. I'd hate for you to give away your heart again only for the problem to show up again!

 

That said, don't marry!!!! Its a pretty big decision and it should never be spur of the moment or entered into haste. It would be a big decision just to get back to dating her.

[randiandriien]

Ok, I finally read the rest of the posts from the previous threads. She is TOOOOOO wishy washy! She keeps changing her mind. She wants you, she doesn't, she wants you, she doesn't. You're not a flower with petals to pick off on different days! I agree with RC. She wants to keep tabs on you. You've always been there when she needed you and she wants to make sure she's never "alone," that you'll always be there. You're very strong to be able to stand up and walk away from her like that. It does give you time to think about what is best for you and not let her drag you around.

 

Bottom line, you sound like a good guy. Good guys tend to get run over...unfortunately. Once you show her that you're not a doormat, she'll get the hint. The NC was definitely a good idea, I think. There will be the hard days and there will be the easier ones. With each passing day, you get stronger.

 

How old is she anyway?

[Sobo]

the whole marriage thing wasn't/isn't an issue here,

 

but EVERYTHING GOT FLIPPED TONIGHT

 

I called her just liek I said I would, we talked a bit, I said I was still confused etc. near the end of the talk she asked is there anything else, I said yes, there was a picture of her on facebook kissing some guy, (i never knew b/c I was smart and never looked at her facebook pics) when she was over at my house the other night, she said don't look at my facebook, I said well now I am going to, so it's better that you are here, so we did I was ok with it, but again back to tonight, I said it was bothering me,

 

I asked her is it was a kiss on the lips or cheek, (i could't tell it was at a funny angle) she didn't reply to it, then I asked if it stopped at kissing, she didn't reply to that either, so then i was like ok we should get off the phone nothing you say now will help, but a few minutes later i asked "did you have sex with him" she said yes, and with that I said, "ok im going to hang up now, and don't try and call me" i hung up and went to do the garbage, when i came back i saw she called 5x then i went to walk my dog, as i was coming back I noticed her car was in front of my house, she was walking towards me, I said I don't want to talk to her, she grabbed me and poushed me, at one point she was on her knees begging me, i told her nothgin she said would change anythign, that I don't want anythign to do with her now, i eventually struggled past her, and grabed my car keys, she asked if tere was anything she could do, I said nope, and she ran off down the street, i just got in my car and took off, went to my firneds house talked with him, she shares my tohugts, of not taking her back, too much to deal with. I came back home, and my mom starts telling me that she came in and explained the whole thing to her, and that she regrets it and everything, my mom asked if i can fogive her, i said no I can't and wont,

 

Now here I am,

 

I mean yes we were not "together" at the time, but still, come on we were apart for 2 MONTHS

 

quite a scenario, eh

[Sobo]

she is a year younger than me, shes 19 now, im going on 20 soon

[randiandriien]

This could make Days of Our Lives look like childsplay. It sounds like she is now becoming a little obsessive!! Ok, a lot!! Getting on her knees begging? She lost a good guy and now she's feeling it. Her loss!

[Relationship Coach]

Sobo,

You're a great guy and I really feel for you but this girl is getting real close to being psycho. She's trying to get through to you by getting your own mom to side with her! And it's working! She wanted you to look at her facebook, why would she bring it up and say not to look at it? She's pulling out all the stops, what's next a failed suicide attempt? Look you need to back to NC and stick to it, tell her if you want so she wont think it's a game. She wont let up until you make it clear that it is 100% over and done with. If she still persists and turns stalker on you, call the police and get a restraining order. She needs to understand the word NO!

 

RC

[Aurian]

Agreed! This girl is flip-flopping all over the place. She not only had sex with someone else when she was begging to get back with you, but she practically threw it in your face by posting a picture of them kissing somewhere "public."

 

I am also appalled by the way she CLINGS to you and then pushes you away. Wanting to marry you after an NC? Begging in the driveway, clinging to you, dragging your parents into this? Block off all contact, get a restraining order even! She sounds psycho!

[mikeca]

Well first off dont listen to anyone here, haha. Your going to be making a BIG decision in the coming days, all we can do is give advice, not tell you what to do. NC seemed to give you a calm and rational head, so use it, take as much time as you need, hell go on a few dates again to see if theres spark, atleast then you can be honest with yourself and in your decision.

[brando]

Despite everything you found out, you are still the one who knows what it is you want. The sex thing, not a big deal. You two were broken up, and just because you may not have been with another woman, doesn't mean she had to do the same and not be with other guys.

 

Now the don't look at whatever account she mentioned because she knew you would see the picture, RC ma be right, or she did not have time to take the picture down. No one knows for sure what this was about. Deliberate, spiteful, or bad timing.

 

Again, you know what you want from her. If you cant live with what has happened over the two months or more, than id say send her packing for good.

 

best of luck.

[Sobo]

any one else think the sex thing is no big deal???

cuz i have a feeling that it will keep coming back to bug me all the time, whether or not we are back together

[Relationship Coach]

Call me old fashion or old school but to me the sex thing is a big deal, visualizing your x doing the nasty with Mr. Facebook is an image that wont fade for a long time. What bothers me is I really think she wanted you to know about this and she flaunted it. Yes, the two of you were broken up but what does this say for her morals? You know the kind of advice you would give a buddy if they were in your shoes, right? One minute she is bumping uglies with a nobody and the next moment she is boo-hooing to you and asking you to marry her? This is not the kind of woman I would want to build a life with!

 

RC

[randiandriien]

I agree with RC. The whole time she's begging to get you back while she's playing with him? That, alone, should prove the feelings she DOES NOT have for you....sadly to say.

I do think the sex is a big thing, because if 2 people were "split" and trying to work things out...even though you were officially split...they still had the audacity to sleep with someone else while trying to work things out with you? Nah, that's not gonna work.

She sounds scary to me actually. If she's working on your mom and showing up at your place getting on her knees begging...where ANYONE could see...who knows what her next move is?

I'd say cut her off...NC for real!! Easier said than done, but look at how much you "regrouped" when you were in NC with her...

[Belle]

Oh boy. That was one interesting thread. I agree with RC. This girl is emotionally unstable. You can't build a relationship with her. Sex aside, I doubt if you knew what she was like now when you met her that you would want to date her. She's not exactly relationship material.

 

As for the sex, it depends on how you feel. If you know it would bother you, then it doesn't matter what the rest of us think. I know I would have issues if someone jumped into bed with someone else after a breakup and then tried to come back as if nothing happened. I would think they were emotionally unstable. I guess your ex proves that. I've seen this happen a lot and usually the person who does it is out to prove something or get revenge and it's all head games. Let them win. You really don't need the drama.

[Sobo]

She said the sex thing didn't mean anything, and that she stopped him after a few seconds, saying she couldn't do it, and that she was crying, It still bugs me, at the same time we weren't together, i have full opportunity to do the same i guess,

 

anywho, heres some more stuff that has gone on,

 

The next day, (Tuesday) i was at home, clearly didn't feel like going to work, so I didn't I stayed at home with the little brother, the whole time i was thinking about the situation, then my buddy calls, he works near me, so we usually hang out at lunches and stuff, he tells me that she called him and talked with him, saying she was sorry etc. my buddy told me that like she really cares for me, etc. and that she is really sorry, he kinda feels bad for her, THEN he tells me that she told him that after she left my house, she pulled over on the street and tried to jump out in front of a car, and then sreamed at the lady b/c she didn't hit her, (theres the crazy unstable part)

 

then i continued to think about stuff, i went down to the lake to think about things, i came back she called, i picked up, she talked, said a lot of things, shes never gonna give up, she's sorry, she is sure now, etc. i just told her i needed some time to think about it, and that I would call her when I am ready to talk, she tried to weasel out of me when that would be, i said I didn't know... that was the end of the convo

 

 

now today...

 

I get to my car to get to work there is an envalope under my wiper, i drive to work, and read it, it's here telling me that she understands I need space, and that she will try her best, but every so often she will leave reminders of the good times we had, and that all those good times are not worth thrwoing away over some bad times, b/c what we had was perfect,

 

there is a picture of her with 2 stuffed teddies I got here, and the stories along with them, it made me smile, i was happy, and I am glad he did this, i know I tell her I dont want her to do anything, but this shows that she cares, and I like it,

 

I know that if she keeps doing these things, like little notes and stuff it will help me go back to her, what we had was great,

 

(on a side not, her facebook profile is nuts now, she has under he what's shes doing "on a mission for XXXXX" and than under about me she wrote a whole thing about us and the situation, like i broke up with XXXX it's not worth throwing away, etc. you guys (in ref. to friends) know we were happier with each other, any bit helps, i found it nice again, like she is doing somethign, but like EVERYONE can see this, i dunno)

 

I just want to fully be into this, i dont want to "tricked" into getting back with her, or do it out of pity

 

Thoughts?

[randiandriien]

I have to be honest...she is as confusing as HELL! Ok, so she jumped in front of a car and yelled because the woman wouldn't run over her! That calls for the pretty white jacket soon! Also, not only has she gone to your mother, but now she's going after your friends...I'd definitely inform them NOT to take calls from her! The VERY last thing you want is everyone thinking it's your fault on top of her being a complete lunatic!

If she really was wanting to get back with you, she wouldn't have even began anything with that guy. Just because she told him to stop (in my opinion) doesn't mean A THING! It shouldn't have reached a point where she had to say stop.

As for you, you sound like you're actually handling this well...how, I dont know!...but truly I think NC is the best answer right now!