It's Never Far From My Mind

[Confessoress]

I've tried so many times to get my life on track. But I've failed time after time. I just lost another job, I'm a wreck. My relationship with my boyfriend is heartbreaking. I have no emotional support. My Dad just gets angry and shouts when I'm upset. I've been wandering around all day with tears streaming down my face, shaking, making myself sick, with so so SO much pain, so much loneliness and no idea how to deal with my problems anymore and no one to help me. I've hit my arms in frustation, scratched at them. I'm just sitting here rocking crying. I'm so so scared of myself. I don't know what to do. I keep thinking about taking pills, I can't do this anymore. I can't keep... I don't want to be here anymore. I don't want to be here. God help me.

[sumguy]

I can only tell you how I would deal with something like that, unfortunately, I'm the exception, not the norm, my advice is next to useless.

 

Just hang on, hurting yourself wont do anything but make you bleed, and killing yourself wont make you anything except dead. There are better ways to solve these problems.

 

Someone with significantly better advice will be along in a soon, just take a step back from yourself until then and try to smile, even if it's at an old memory.

 

Do anything to make yourself feel better for the now, you're only 22, there will be other jobs, other chances, other opportunities, you just need to get through this rough patch.

 

And if it means anything, you have a Teenager in Australia rooting for you to succeed =)

[Confessoress]

Thank you both.

 

I would try and tell you, but I don't think I can right now. I just need to go and lay down or something. I'm shaking so much. I need to... I don't know.

[nottoogreen]

No problem, a good rest now will do you good.

 

We always will be here for you.

[itsallgrand]

Confessoress,

 

Hang in there. Let us know how you are.

Remember: This Too Shall Pass.

[Daddy Bear]

it sounds like a terrible time that you're going through right now. i don't recall seeing any of your threads in Suicide before. i hope you're getting a good rest.

 

tell us, what would you have to do to get your life the way you wanted it?

[Spugly Fuglet]

as has been said, food and rest will make you body feel better, as for your state of mind that is as so in need of sustanance. You need to be kind to your self, the you have to see that the way your dad and BF act has no real maining until you give it a maining. You are 100% incontrol if how you react to the things the world throws at you. Loseing a job mean the road is open to find a new one. Its all about looking at the world throw an half full cup. Once you start to see you life as not an big bunch of bad stuff but as a day by day walk throw the joys and pains that make up our life, it becomes a lot more doabull.

 

Lifes a big thing to do all at the same time, don't try. Do it one day at a time, eat sleep and look around at the simple things going on. Your part of all the richness that makes up our world, you are loved by meany you doing even know love you and would miss you with grate pain should you end your life. Lifes not just about being what others won't us to be its about us finding out what our lifes are about.

one lost job can make us feel bad but why should it when opens the way to a new and better one. All we need do is go out into the world and find it.

 

See living life wile looking throw the class half empty, saps our will, makes us endlessy see the WHAT WILL GO WRONG mind set. What is the point to that kind of thinking? its to some how if we think of what's the worst thing that could happon then it will protect ups from that it. But that's negative thinking soon every thing we do is tainted with WHEN IT ALL GOS WRONG belife. even when it never dos. See if you live with that all you will ever get is the times it DID all go wrong, and miss the 1000s of things in our lifes that went right.

 

so why not through that away and go with IT ALL HAPPONS FOR A RESION

 

believe that the world has your best intarests at hart and is just waiting to give you what you won't if only you would seek and take the opetuitys it has.

 

But who do I fibd them you as?

we like any thing with knolage,

infoamtion a mind map if you will. The are 100 of 1000 of humanbeing who would give you infoamtion if you asked.

 

coming here shows me you know that, so here we are, now is not the time to say I can not talk about this, the world is here waiting to help you, now is the time to start working to that new life

 

where all the cups are half full

 

 

 

even if we can not help, around where you live the NHS has councilers and doctors who have made it there lifes work to help outhers like yourself seek the for what you need to know.

 

fuglet out.

[Confessoress]

it sounds like a terrible time that you're going through right now. i don't recall seeing any of your threads in Suicide before. i hope you're getting a good rest.

 

tell us, what would you have to do to get your life the way you wanted it?

 

Thank you all for your replies. You haven't seen any posts of mine in here before, because I've never felt this bad.

 

I don't just give up I keep trying, trying to be positive, trying new things.

 

I had a job with an agency answering phones, I was there a Month. Within that time I got an interview elsewhere for a permanant position as an Administrator. I shockingly got the job. I handed in my notice for the other job. I started the new job and I just couldn't handle it. I had a really hard time understanding sales reports etc, and the managers were never there. It was quite a pressured job and one that I was really equipped to handle at this point in my life. And in total honesty I took the job mostly because it was a career type job and I thought it would help progress in my LDR with my boyfriend for several reasons. Because I'd have stable money to go and see him and because it would help towards telling his parents about me. Which means I have a confession to make...

 

Any of you that read my past thread when I said my BF had told his parents, I lied. I don't know why I did it. Maybe I just needed... I don't know. I'm very sorry for doing that, really

 

While I started this new job me and my boyfriend had a talk and agreed things hadn't been going well lately. He had his brother's arranged marriage coming up, there was a lot involved in that. So for a few days we should just chill out for a while. I agreed. Meanwhile I thought he had ignored me for 4 days, turns up I'd accidently blocked all incoming calls on my cellphone and NO ONE could get hold of me.

 

I'd left my job in tears. The strain of the relationship, the job, my problems at home and money worries just all collapsed on top of me.

 

Now come to the now. I needed to get away, and frankly I needed to see my boyfriend. On Friday I travelled 7 hours up the country to go and see him and go to this film thing with him. He picked me up and we drove to were it was and we stayed in a hotel overnight there. We halved all expenses. Problem was with everything that had happened lately I wasn't feeling myself and probably not him either, we talked of course but it wasn't like before. I had all these emotions bottled up inside and we didn't really get a chance to talk about it. I left the following day. We didn't come in til 3am that night and I was so very tired. I did before I left finally tell him to his face I loved him. I didn't want anything from him. He smiled at me, he didn't say anything.

 

Now I'm back home. Missing him so much wondering what went wrong. Feeling so utterly confused what to do with my life. Knowing I don't want to be living here anymore. Knowing I have a possibility of going back to my old job answering the phones, but feeling reluctant to make that phone call from feeling so emotionally unstable right now.

 

I want a future with my boyfriend, but as it stands unless things change it's going nowhere. He's the only thing I know exactly what I wanted. I feel like I've lost him already. I don't know when I'll see him again. Our conversations are dried out because I just can't cope with it anymore.

 

I miss my Mum terribley. I crave affection and I feel so utterly alone and distressed.

[spider007]

You have to decide what your problems really are. Because after reading your thread here, i'm not sure i get it.

 

sit down and figure out what is causing you to feel this way. write it down then come on here and tell us. eg; what frustrates you about your life, what is it about people in your life that makes you mad....etc....

 

in the mean time eat well, and excersize (go take a walk, and leave the bag of self pitty behind)

 

here are couple of thigs to say to your self offten

 

"There is NOTTING i can't handle"

 

I hated every minute of training, but I said, ''Don't quit. Suffer now and live the rest of your life as a champion.''

Muhammad Ali

 

I know where I'm going and I know the truth, and I don't have to be what you want me to be. I'm free to be what I want.

Muhammad Ali

 

It isn't the mountains ahead to climb that wear you out; it's the pebble in your shoe.

Muhammad Ali

 

Only a man who knows what it is like to be defeated can reach down to the bottom of his soul and come up with the extra ounce of power it takes to win when the match is even.

Muhammad Ali

[nottoogreen]

Hi Confessoress,

 

About your job, you got it is very good, it demonstrates that you can impress people, that you folded is not so good. It's an admin job, it's like a assistant to the boss of the company, it's not as easy as the past job. I suggest you take the time to learn all you did not understand.

 

Please go back to your old job. Unemployment does not help in finding jobs and hurts your self esteem and freedom.

 

About you bf, I remember the story, but the last thread stopped after you talked to his mom.

 

Right now, take back your job and stabilize, we see about your bf.

 

Please tell what happened with your bf since - also about the lies.

 

Talk to you tomorrow.