Not Sure How to Feel

[Zerojumpsforyou]

My girlfriend and I broke up for 1 month several months ago, and I just found out now (from her) that she slept with 3 other guys during that period. I can't get mad at her for doing that and feel justified in my anger, as we weren't together and I certainly don't own her, but at the same time time, I am. I also feel sick to my stomach, stupid and sad.

 

I don't like that she didn't tell me (Although it makes me happy she didn't lie when I asked her).

 

She is a most amazing person, and she makes me extremely happy. I'm not worried at all about her cheating on me in the future.

 

I guess what I would like help with is getting out of this tangled mess of emotions I'm feeling before I make an * * * out of myself and lose something that's incredibly valuable to me.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

How long were you two going out before you broke up for a month? I think your feelings are perfectly understandable. You two were only broken up for one month and she slept with 3 different people....either she was majorly hurting and trying to forget you, or her feelings for you weren't deep enough so she got over you quickly and moved on to others. But 3 people in the space of a month....that, to me, is a red flag about her character. Yes, she may be nice person and you get along really well, but sleeping with not just one, but three people in a month right after a breakup (okay, even if she had been single for a long time, sleeping with three people in one month is not very wise) is pretty excessive. Did she use protection? Are you using protection with her? I would say she should get tested so that she doesn't pass anything on to you. If I was broken up with someone for a month and found out they slept with even one person, I would have serious reservations about the depth of that person's feelings for me. As far as I am concerned, if you really care about someone, you can't move on that quickly.

[Zerojumpsforyou]

We were going out for almost a year. She says she was really hurting, and I guess I can understand that, but 3 people in one month seems like quite a bit. She also said she used protection, and has also agreed with no fuss to get herself tested.

 

And the last line of your post if what I think is bothering me the most. While I can understand that different people have different ways of dealing with things, I personally was such a wreck after we broke up that hooking up with someone or dating was completely out of the question.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Where do you go from here? What do you want? If you want to continue being with her, you have to find a way to put this behind you as hard as it may be. Do you know about her previous history? Has she had many casual partners? Was she sexually molested growing up (often women who have been sexually molested as a child are more promiscuous as adults because they feel that is the way to get affection). There could be some underlying emotional issues. Who did the break-up, you or her? Why did you two break up? Have you talked about why you broke up and how things can be fixed?

If she runs and sleeps with several men to deal with a break-up, how would she deal with things if she was in a long-term relationship (several years) and there was a really rough patch? When people are together for many years, problems come up. Sometimes there could be times when a couple drifts apart for awhile even though they are still together. It takes a lot of strength on both sides to make things work. If things don't work, both parties need time to think, reflect and heal. Running out with other partners right away is an escape from reality to prevent the person from thinking and dealing. How would she face those trials if she was in a long-term relationship? These are things you must think about, not only for your emotional well-being but your physical well-being as well. Her actions were very reckless. Does she regret what she has done or understand that it was not wise?