Sexual Drive

[shorty20]

Just a quick thought here. I was with my bf last night. For those of you that have read any of my threads you know he's leaving for the Army next thursday. Last night I went to his house, and he cooked up some steaks. He invited some friends over so we all ate and hung out, went to a bar for a few hours, and they all left and I went home with him to hang out for a little while loger. We hadn't had sex since Sunday... but this isn't a normal occurrence. Monday he was in a mood and just wanted to hang with his friends, tuesday he stayed over but spent most of the night talking to my roommate (they hadn't been getting along so he decided to just sit down and talk with her) and I didn't see him wednesday. Well, by the time we got back to his house I really just wasn't in the mood. I was tired and wanted to just lay with him. On top of that, I have some stomach problems latley where I get lots of cramps in my lower stomach but it's not PMS because it's not just a certain time of the month. It's very uncomfortable and sometimes even painful to have sex when I'm having these cramps. I don't really tell him about my cramps because I don't want him to think there's anything wrong with me, but I just tell him I don't want to have sex or whatever.

 

Well, when I said that last night, that I wasn't in the mood and didn't feel well, it seemed like he got a little mad. I think I was a little sensative about it, because I really want to please him, but you can't really help how you feel or when your body wants sex. So I got a little irrated... and then we were both irritated. We talked it over, and it wasn't really a fight or anything.. he was just frusterated and I was frusterated because he was...

 

My question is, has anyone else ever had problems with clashes in sex drive with their SO. If so, was it a huge issue or did one person or the other just learn to deal with it? I don't know why, but latley my sex drive has been at an ultimate low and I'm scared it's going to be something permanent. I promised him a good night tonight... I also wonder why guys get so crazy when they don't get laid... i mean, it was 4 days and he was about ready to freak out... any insight on this guys, I'd love to hear...

[kellbell]

Shorty,

 

If I remember right, are you not on Depo? One of the top 3 side effects of Depo is decreased sex drive.

 

I am not saying that is what is causing this but it is something to keep in mind. The cramping, hmmmm...could be something you ate or a little indigestion?

 

I have had in the past, clashing sex drives with people I dated. I guess it happens from time to time. Stress, life changes, routine, hormones can cause that. I always felt keeping the lines of communication open is key.

[Beyondthesea]

Just a note: don't ignore stomach problems if they persist. I did, and found out later I was mildly lactose intolerant...yeah, mildly to the point where after I ate I always had stomach cramps. Yuck.

 

In any case, don't worry too much about clashing sex drives.

[Day_Walker]

Clashes over sex drive are normal, perhaps he would be more understanding if he knew that you had cramps and that you dont like having sex while you are having these cramps.

[nottoogreen]

Hi shorty,

 

You got a cute handle

 

About your stomach pains please google for "heliobacter pylori" and see you may be affected.

 

As to your bf, it is not a really a problem about sex drive. You just were tired. I understand you and him, 20 years ago I would have been like him and now if my gf is tired we wait until the morning.

 

Editied: And as about improving your sex drive, he surely can do a better job, as IME birth control like pill or depo does not affect good sex.

 

Young boy, tired girl, LOL/cry/ Dont worry, be patient with him and really if you do not feel like it, have a nap . He'll grow up.

[doyathink]

Do you cramp when you are ovulating? This may be what it is and it is painful to have sex with cramps. Are you depressed about you bf leaving, could this be a reason for the decrease in sex drive?

 

If you are on Depo this could be a major factor with your sex drive. I was on it for several years and I hated the side effects.

 

Yes, 4 days is a long time for some ppl!

[shorty20]

yes I'm on depo, yes I"m depressed about him leaving, BUT my sex drive has been on an decline for about a year or so now... he knows this because I had a discussion with him after the first night we had sex... something happened about a year ago with one of my "boyfriends" that just has made me uncomfortable with sex at times... he says he understands due to what happened ot me, but I guess sometimes his hormones just get the best of him. As for the cramps... they've been going on for about a year now too.. not just when it's supposed to be my time of the month (depo makes it so I don't have my period but I still get the PMS and cramps) but all month long... not constant but pretty consistantly.

[redrose85]

My bf and I have differences in sex drive. He wants it everyday, and we tried that, but after a point, my body said no more lol. It seriously wouldn't have any of it. We haven't had sex in 3 days now, and I know he's going crazy, but I am just not in the mood these last couple days, my stomach's been weird too, and I dunno, I just don't want to particularly when I don't feel too great

[helpme2]

my husband and I have very different sex drives, I want it a few times a day, he is okay with a few times a week (or less) after I figured out that I wasn't being rejected, I learned to deal with it.... other ways.

 

He might feel like you don't like him anymore, it's best to be honest with him and tell him you do like him and want to be with him, but you just aren't physically up for it right now.

[Cardinal]

It is usually not the person with the lower sex drive that seeks to improve. I applaud your desire to make your sex lives better and reach an amicable conclusion.

 

For those females whose bodies say 'no more', would different forms of sexual intimacy get around that issue. Or is it mostly a mental thing. (I am thinking more oral sex particulary more cunnilingus on his part rather than actual vaginal intercourse).

 

Or to put it another way, is it the actual sex that you aren't in the mood for or pretty much all forms of sexual intimacy?

 

If I had bad cramps and sex made em worse, I know I'd want to try something different.