am i overanalyzing?

[lara78]

Some of you might remember my post from last week, i was worried about this guy i met the weekend before not calling. Well he did call, and we ended up going out thursday night, friday night, then spent all day together saturday and saturday night. So it seems he would be interested right? We just went out to dinner thursday and friday night, then saturday we went to my family's beach house. It was a very romantic date that day. We have slept in the same bed, made out, but nothing really sexual has happened, which i guess is a good thing. On Sunday morning we drove back home because he was going away with friends for two days. On saturday night he was saying things like, i think you're great, I'm glad we did this, I really like you. At this point I'd known him just a week so i thought it seemed sorta fast to say things like that, but we had spent a lot of time together. He was also asking lots of questions about my past relationships, would i marry a guy like this, blah, blah. He did however say at one point that we are not dating. I knew after a week werent dating, just getting to know each other, but if a guy feels the need to say that...does it mean he would never want to date the person they're saying it to?

 

So when he left sunday he said Ill talk to you when I get back. He was coming home tuesday night. I didnt hear from him tues night, but didnt think much of it, firgured he was tired. I got into work wednesday and had an e-mail from him. He was saying how he had fun when he was away, how was the rest of my weekend, etc, then he said, talk soon at the end. I wrote back to him, but never heard back from him for the rest of the day.

 

So last night comes, i dont hear from him. I did think it seemed sort of of weird, and i hate wondering what is up, so i sent him a text message. I said, hi, how's it going, are you still awake? He wrote back right away saying, just getting in the shower what's up, call me in 15 min if you want. So i called. He just didnt seem all that friendly on the phone. He wasnt saying a heck of a lot. I even said something about it jokingly. He said that he is talking and i shouldnt overanalyze everything. Last week he just seemed more happy to talk to me...last night he didnt. We talked for about a half hour. He asked, so are we going to hang out again? I said, yes were you going to call me again? He said he had planned to. It just seemed odd in terms of making plans, he said, maybe we can do something friday, i said, ok we'll do something friday then, then he said, well that's a possibility. Then he said, well maybe you can show me around the city on saturday. He said he really had nothing planned so he couldnt ask me out right then and there. So when we were hanging up he said, well let me know if you want to do something sometime. I was like, huh? when you put it like that it sounds like you dont even know me. he just sighed and said i was difficult.

 

Am i??? I just think it's weird that we spent lots of time together last week, then this week he seemed distant, on the phone anyways. It irritated me. I hate it when guys are inconsitant, especially when you're trying to get to know them. I truly felt like he didnt really want to be talking to me on the phone last night...but last week it seemed fine for him to call me when he felt like it. At one point on friday i had been in the shower, came out and had 4 missed calls from him, and 2 voicemails. He was trying to be funny i think...but then i feel like i annoyed him calling him once after not talking to him for almost 3 days. Why can men be so fickle? When we were hanging up he made some comment about us going out again and i just ok, well give me a call. I really feel turned off from calling him again.

[chai714]

Lara,

 

If you're calling him once after 3 days of not talking to him, why would that be annoying? Be more sure of yourself! Don't walk on eggshells for some half-a55 guy who treats you poorly. He will spend a weekend with you, tell you that he likes you but then tell you "we're not dating?" He can fantasize about NOT dating you all he wants. Bottom line is you two are talking, hanging out overnight, and acting like a couple at times.

 

For purpose of dating, it's always safe to assume that the person you're "seeing" is also "seeing" 6 other people.

 

For your situation, I'd add some sarcasm. Next time you go out with him, tell him, "Look, I don't want you to think we're dating, ok? I mean, we can go away on weekends, go to dinner, and talk on the phone, but I don't want anyone to know about it."

[Scotcha]

He said he really had nothing planned so he couldnt ask me out right then and there.

 

This is what would bother me. If someone doesn't want to make definate plans with me because they don't know what other options are open to them yet, well, I move on to someone who doesn't use me as their better-than-nothing date.

 

I don't think you are being difficult or over-analyzing. I think you are picking up little clues about his behavior.

[lara78]

'I move on to someone who doesn't use me as their better-than-nothing date.'

 

I guess i didnt word what i said correctly. He didnt mean that he was waiting for something better to come along. He jsut meant that he was not asking me to do something then and there because he had nothing for the 2 of us to do in mind. I still think we could have made plans...but whatever. He is actually new to the city so i dont think he has a lot of other options in terms of hanging out with people down here

 

And he might be seeing someone else...he said he's not but who knows. If he is, i'm not sure why he spent as much time with me as he did last weekend...who knows. But i would say we are dating. Doesnt mean we are dating seriously or exclusively but when you've been out on a few dates with someone, made out with them, slept next to them in a bed...that's dating, even if you've only known them a week.

 

so what do you think he is really thinking?

[lara78]

so i need more advice. He did end up calling me on thursday and left a voicemail asking me out to the movies for friday night. i didnt get a chance to call back that night. So we went attempted to go to the movies, but it was sold out. He seemed bummed...i didnt see the huge deal, but he got over it. We went out to eat, then walked around the city a bit. He asked if i wanted to go back to his place...i went. We hooked up and while we were making out he said, i like you. He kept saying how nice it felt to be with me, he really wants to have sex with me, etc. I asked him are you just looking to get laid? He looked at me like i was crazy and said, i dont think i'm pushing that hard am i? he wasnt, but i guess i wanted to get a feel for things

 

At dinner he mentioned that he had been discussing with people, dating stages. Like what are two people after a couple of dates, etc. He asked me what i thought we were. I said well i guess after a few dates, i'd call it dating. He didnt say much as to what he thought we were, i didnt ask. I guess i am nervous to ask. When i left his place the next morning, he said, call me. I said, today? He said, whenever. SO the ball was in my court and i didnt really know what to do with it. I would have been happy to have hung out with him again the next night, but didnt know if that was too much for him? It's confusing since last weekend we hung out 3 days in a row. I went out with friends that night, then texted him at 11 asking if he was still up. He said he was and to call him if i wanted. I did. I mentioned that i was going into the city the next day to watch the world cup, he said that sounded fun, i asked if he wanted to come, he said he maybe would and to call him in the AM. to make it short he did not end up joining my friends and I. no big deal. I missed his call, but he left a vm telling me he wouldnt be making it

 

I called him back last night, and we talked for about 10 min. He is SO different on the phone than in person, he's quiet. He told me he hates the phone..ok fine. He said last night that he wants to be able to do it, but he just isnt good at talking on the phone. so i let him go. He said, i guess i'll talk to you later. So i dont know...i wish i had a better read as to what he feels about me...when we are making out in his bed, yes he seems into me, he holds my hand when we're out, he asked what i think we are...but then i get confused on the phone..or when we'll be hanging out again...i just like to know these things...

[Lansing]

Do you think he is inexperienced with "dating" girls in general? Maybe all he knows is the physical stuff but doesn't know how to communicate besides that.

 

I might have missed it in the last post (where he said he wanted to have sex with you), but, if you haven't had sex yet, I would wait off a while to make sure he isn't just doing all of these to "get some" (regardless of what he said to you verbally)..

 

And, if you want to know if he is really "into" you, I would back off a bit too.. Let him call you the next time or suggest getting together.

[lara78]

no we havent had sex yet...i dont think he is inexperienced with girls and dating. I'm definitely not contacting him again...he can call me...